--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we fall in love, we hope - both…" description: "\"When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and altruistically - that we shall be finally, truly seen: judged and approved. Of course, love does..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/julian-barnes-522_approval_when-we-fall-in-love-we-hope-both-egotis_228420.png" --- # When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and… ![“When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and altruistically - that we shall be finally, truly seen: judged and approved. Of course, love does not always bring approval: being seen may just as well lead to a thumbs-down and a season in hell.” quote by Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/julian-barnes-522_approval_when-we-fall-in-love-we-hope-both-egotis_228420.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/julian-barnes-522_approval_when-we-fall-in-love-we-hope-both-egotis_228420.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6a/julian-barnes-522_approval_when-we-fall-in-love-we-hope-both-egotis_228420.png) > “When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and altruistically - that we shall be finally, truly seen: judged and approved. Of course, love does not always bring approval: being seen may just as well lead to a thumbs-down and a season in hell.” [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Love seeks deep recognition, yet that recognition can bring both affirmation and painful rejection. **In simple terms:** Love wants to be truly seen, but that can lead to acceptance or rejection. Key Takeaway Seek authentic connection, accept possible outcomes. Themes love vulnerability acceptance Mood hopeful cautious Type philosophical reflective When to use this quote - dating - marriage - friendship - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology relationship dynamics self‑esteem Questions to Reflect On - Do you fear being truly seen? - How do you handle love’s possible rejection? A Different Perspective Idealizing love may ignore the reality of differing expectations. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Approval](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/approval/) [Approval Seen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/approval-seen-2318043/) [Bring Approval](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bring-approval-2318046/) [Doe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doe/) [Down and](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/down-and/) [Fall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fall/) [Fall in love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fall-in-love/) [Fall Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fall-love/) [Falling in love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/falling-in-love/) [Hell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hell/) [Judged](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/judged/) [Judged Approved](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/judged-approved-2318044/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love Does](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-does-231468/) [May](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/may/) [Seen Judged](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/seen-judged-2318045/) [Thumbs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thumbs/) [Wells](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wells/) ## Related quotes > [From Augustine down, theologians have tried to compel people to accept their special interpretation of the Scripture, and the tortures of the inquisition, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matilda-joslyn-gage/from-augustine-down-theologians-have-tried-to-compel-people-to-accept/) [Matilda Joslyn Gage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matilda-joslyn-gage/) > [You've got a lot pulling at your time already - which may be the best reason to start cultivating your green thumb.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wilson/you-ve-got-a-lot-pulling-at-your-time-already-which-may-be-the-best/) [Steven Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wilson/) > [Human behavior is so intriguing. I find myself giving thumbs up signs all the time. I know I look like an absolute dork, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-heche/human-behavior-is-so-intriguing-i-find-myself-giving-thumbs-up-signs/) [Anne Heche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-heche/) > [Oh thumb, I want a drink it is dark, where are the big people, when will I get there...?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-sexton/oh-thumb-i-want-a-drink-it-is-dark-where-are-the-big-people-when-will/) [Anne Sexton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-sexton/) > [By a man's finger-nails, by his coat-sleeve, by his boots, by his trouser-knees, by the callosities of his forefinger and thumb, by his expression,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-conan-doyle/by-a-man-s-finger-nails-by-his-coat-sleeve-by-his-boots-by-his/) [Arthur Conan Doyle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-conan-doyle/) > [A good rule of thumb for many things in life holds that things take longer to happen than you think they will, and then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lawrence-summers/a-good-rule-of-thumb-for-many-things-in-life-holds-that-things-take/) [Lawrence Summers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lawrence-summers/) > [I’m neither ‘pro-women’ nor ‘anti-men’. I’m just ‘Thumbs up for the six billion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caitlin-moran/i-m-neither-pro-women-nor-anti-men-i-m-just-thumbs-up-for-the-six/) [Caitlin Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caitlin-moran/) > [As a rule of thumb, I would submit that if you need to call your floss provider, for any reason, you are probably not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-bryson/as-a-rule-of-thumb-i-would-submit-that-if-you-need-to-call-your-floss/) [Bill Bryson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-bryson/) > [But to admire a strong person and to live under that strong person’s thumb are two different things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-bernard-shaw/but-to-admire-a-strong-person-and-to-live-under-that-strong-person-s/) [George Bernard Shaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-bernard-shaw/) > [There's a good case to be made that having fun is a key evolutionary advantage right next to opposable thumbs in terms of importance.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raph-koster/there-s-a-good-case-to-be-made-that-having-fun-is-a-key-evolutionary/) [Raph Koster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raph-koster/) > [Tell them you came, and saw, and looked into my eyes and saw the shadow of the guard receding. Thoughts in time and out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-morrison/tell-them-you-came-and-saw-and-looked-into-my-eyes-and-saw-the-shadow/) [Jim Morrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-morrison/) > [Too much under the thumb of the Iranians.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-schiff/too-much-under-the-thumb-of-the-iranians/) [Adam Schiff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-schiff/) > [Hang on, did you just call me Angel?” I asked. “If I did?” “I don’t like it.” He grinned. “It stays. Angel.” He leaned…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/becca-fitzpatrick/hang-on-did-you-just-call-me-angel-i-asked-if-i-did-i-don-t-like-it/) [Becca Fitzpatrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/becca-fitzpatrick/) > [I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-orben/i-always-wondered-why-babies-spend-so-much-time-sucking-their-thumbs/) [Robert Orben](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-orben/) > [If the search is for examples that contradict the predictions of standard economic models, a good rule of thumb is to start in France.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-h-frank/if-the-search-is-for-examples-that-contradict-the-predictions-of/) [Robert H. Frank](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-h-frank/) ## More by Julian Barnes > [“You put together two things that have not been put together before. And the world is changed. People may not notice at the time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/you-put-together-two-things-that-have-not-been-put-together-before/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“I settled into a contented routine of working, spending my free time with Veronica and, back in my student room, wanking explosively to fantasies…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/i-settled-into-a-contented-routine-of-working-spending-my-free-time/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [The greatest patriotism is to tell your country when it is behaving dishonorably, foolishly, viciously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/the-greatest-patriotism-is-to-tell-your-country-when-it-is-behaving/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“There is only good vodka and very good vodka—there is no such thing as bad vodka.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/there-is-only-good-vodka-and-very-good-vodka-there-is-no-such-thing/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [Alice Munro can move characters through time in a way that no other writer can.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/alice-munro-can-move-characters-through-time-in-a-way-that-no-other/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [How rarely do our emotions meet the object they seem to deserve? How hopelessly we signal; how dark the sky; how big the waves.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/how-rarely-do-our-emotions-meet-the-object-they-seem-to-deserve-how/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [You put together two people who have not been put together before. Sometimes it is like that first attempt to harness a hydrogen balloon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/you-put-together-two-people-who-have-not-been-put-together-before/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Also, when you are young, you think you can predict the likely pains and bleaknesses that age might bring. You imagine yourself being lonely,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/also-when-you-are-young-you-think-you-can-predict-the-likely-pains/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Why slum it where people were burdened by yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that? By history? Here, on the Island,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/why-slum-it-where-people-were-burdened-by-yesterday-and-the-day/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“In those years before mobile phones, email and Skype, travelers depended on the rudimentary communications system known as the postcard. Other methods--the long-distance phone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/in-those-years-before-mobile-phones-email-and-skype-travelers/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“My train was late, slowed by the usual Sunday engineering work. I got home in the early evening. I remember that I had a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/my-train-was-late-slowed-by-the-usual-sunday-engineering-work-i-got/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [In life, every ending is just the start of another story.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/in-life-every-ending-is-just-the-start-of-another-story/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Indeed, isn’t the whole business of ascribing responsibility kind of a cop-out? We want to blame an individual so that everyone else is exculpated.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/indeed-isn-t-the-whole-business-of-ascribing-responsibility-kind-of-a/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [Some of the freckles I once loved are now closer to liver spots. But it’s still the eyes we look at, isn’t it? That’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/some-of-the-freckles-i-once-loved-are-now-closer-to-liver-spots-but/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“And what percentage of people take up the option to die off?’ She looked at me, her glance telling me to be calm. ‘Oh,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/and-what-percentage-of-people-take-up-the-option-to-die-off-she/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) [Explore all 454 Julian Barnes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) ## More Approval quotes > [Anyone who's read my 'Terror in the Skies' series knows that I have not been writing with an eye toward approval from any government…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annie-jacobsen/anyone-who-s-read-my-terror-in-the-skies-series-knows-that-i-have-not/) [Annie Jacobsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annie-jacobsen/) > [we need not avoid our active lives, but simply bring to them a new vision and shift of gravity. for in the center we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/we-need-not-avoid-our-active-lives-but-simply-bring-to-them-a-new/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [Lean too much on the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of thorns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tehyi-hsieh/lean-too-much-on-the-approval-of-people-and-it-becomes-a-bed-of-thorns/) [Tehyi Hsieh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tehyi-hsieh/) > [But I always reassure them that as far as my contractual rights can go, I will protect them and make sure that they have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-roach/but-i-always-reassure-them-that-as-far-as-my-contractual-rights-can/) [Jay Roach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-roach/) > [Growing up in that fashion is a breeding ground for insecurity and doubt; it also leaves you questioning motives. 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That's not morality, that's just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-dawkins/do-you-really-mean-the-only-reason-you-try-to-be-good-is-to-gain-god/) [Richard Dawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-dawkins/) [Browse all 904 Approval quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/approval/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and altruistically - that we shall be finally, truly seen: judged and approved. 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