--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We thought we were being mature when we…" description: "\"We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. What we called realis..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc4/julian-barnes-522_avoiding_we-thought-we-were-being-mature-when-we_2061012.png" --- # We thought we were being mature when we were only being… ![“We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. What we called realism turned out to be a way of avoiding things rather than facing them.” quote by Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc4/julian-barnes-522_avoiding_we-thought-we-were-being-mature-when-we_2061012.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc4/julian-barnes-522_avoiding_we-thought-we-were-being-mature-when-we_2061012.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc4/julian-barnes-522_avoiding_we-thought-we-were-being-mature-when-we_2061012.png) > “We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. What we called realism turned out to be a way of avoiding things rather than facing them.” [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People mistake safety and responsibility for maturity, using realism as an excuse to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths. **In simple terms:** We think we’re mature by being safe, but it’s avoidance. Key Takeaway Embrace discomfort to grow authentically. Themes maturity responsibility avoidance realism growth Mood thoughtful challenging inquisitive Type philosophical motivational When to use this quote - personal development - ethical decision‑making - creative writing Key Concepts philosophy self‑deception courage Questions to Reflect On - What does true responsibility look like? - When does realism become avoidance? A Different Perspective Overemphasis on safety can stifle innovation and honesty. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Avoiding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/avoiding/) [Being responsible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/being-responsible/) [Called Realism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/called-realism-1820414/) [Mature](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mature/) [Realism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/realism/) [Realism Turned](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/realism-turned-2338550/) [Responsible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responsible/) [Responsible Cowardly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responsible-cowardly-2787752/) [Safe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/safe/) [Thought Mature](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thought-mature-1273251/) [Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/) ## Related quotes > [“But time … how time first grounds us and then confounds us. We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/but-time-how-time-first-grounds-us-and-then-confounds-us-we-thought/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“I remember a period in late adolescence when my mind would make itself drunk with images of adventurousness. This is how it will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/i-remember-a-period-in-late-adolescence-when-my-mind-would-make/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [Make no mistake: The United States will hunt down and punish those responsible for these cowardly acts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-w-bush-2/make-no-mistake-the-united-states-will-hunt-down-and-punish-those/) [George W Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-w-bush-2/) > [Will America be the death of English? I'm glad I asked me that. My well-thought-out mature judgment is that it will.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edwin-newman/will-america-be-the-death-of-english-i-m-glad-i-asked-me-that-my-well/) [Edwin Newman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edwin-newman/) > [“She was irritated, briefly, by the thought that she might be becoming more mature. Why should she become a better person when no one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophie-hannah/she-was-irritated-briefly-by-the-thought-that-she-might-be-becoming/) [Sophie Hannah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophie-hannah/) > [I'm definitely a big believer in the notion that a heightened style can get you closer to an authentic human experience than so-called realism…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rian-johnson/i-m-definitely-a-big-believer-in-the-notion-that-a-heightened-style/) [Rian Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rian-johnson/) > [Art is beauty, and every exposition of art, whether it be music, painting, or the drama, should be subservient to that one great end.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-marlowe/art-is-beauty-and-every-exposition-of-art-whether-it-be-music/) [Julia Marlowe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-marlowe/) > [Ideologically, I have a lot of problems with that, especially when people toss around that form of story as realism. What's called "realism" is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucy-corin/ideologically-i-have-a-lot-of-problems-with-that-especially-when/) [Lucy Corin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lucy-corin/) > [Clean your freakin' fryer. Be responsible for Christ's sake!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-taffer/clean-your-freakin-fryer-be-responsible-for-christ-s-sake/) [Jon Taffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-taffer/) > [I think labels for the most part want to sign new discoveries so that that label alone is seen to be responsible for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-morrissey/i-think-labels-for-the-most-part-want-to-sign-new-discoveries-so-that/) [Steven Morrissey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-morrissey/) > [This is a difference between being a governor and being in a legislature. Because when something doesn't work in New Jersey, they look at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-christie/this-is-a-difference-between-being-a-governor-and-being-in-a/) [Chris Christie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-christie/) > [I don't really think in terms of the future of literature. I think literature will be around "forever" - but in a relatively niche…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-antosca/i-don-t-really-think-in-terms-of-the-future-of-literature-i-think/) [Nick Antosca](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-antosca/) > [Taxpayers would likely be responsible for treating addicts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-warren-kindt/taxpayers-would-likely-be-responsible-for-treating-addicts/) [John Warren Kindt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-warren-kindt/) > [I tried to just do things like make some money, be responsible, help out other artists who I see have had a similar path.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ariel-pink/i-tried-to-just-do-things-like-make-some-money-be-responsible-help/) [Ariel Pink](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ariel-pink/) > [We can only be responsible for what we ourselves do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diana-peterfreund/we-can-only-be-responsible-for-what-we-ourselves-do/) [Diana Peterfreund](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diana-peterfreund/) ## More by Julian Barnes > [“You put together two things that have not been put together before. And the world is changed. People may not notice at the time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/you-put-together-two-things-that-have-not-been-put-together-before/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“I settled into a contented routine of working, spending my free time with Veronica and, back in my student room, wanking explosively to fantasies…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/i-settled-into-a-contented-routine-of-working-spending-my-free-time/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [The greatest patriotism is to tell your country when it is behaving dishonorably, foolishly, viciously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/the-greatest-patriotism-is-to-tell-your-country-when-it-is-behaving/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“There is only good vodka and very good vodka—there is no such thing as bad vodka.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/there-is-only-good-vodka-and-very-good-vodka-there-is-no-such-thing/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [Alice Munro can move characters through time in a way that no other writer can.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/alice-munro-can-move-characters-through-time-in-a-way-that-no-other/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [How rarely do our emotions meet the object they seem to deserve? How hopelessly we signal; how dark the sky; how big the waves.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/how-rarely-do-our-emotions-meet-the-object-they-seem-to-deserve-how/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [You put together two people who have not been put together before. Sometimes it is like that first attempt to harness a hydrogen balloon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/you-put-together-two-people-who-have-not-been-put-together-before/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Also, when you are young, you think you can predict the likely pains and bleaknesses that age might bring. You imagine yourself being lonely,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/also-when-you-are-young-you-think-you-can-predict-the-likely-pains/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Why slum it where people were burdened by yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that? By history? Here, on the Island,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/why-slum-it-where-people-were-burdened-by-yesterday-and-the-day/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“In those years before mobile phones, email and Skype, travelers depended on the rudimentary communications system known as the postcard. Other methods--the long-distance phone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/in-those-years-before-mobile-phones-email-and-skype-travelers/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“My train was late, slowed by the usual Sunday engineering work. I got home in the early evening. I remember that I had a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/my-train-was-late-slowed-by-the-usual-sunday-engineering-work-i-got/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [In life, every ending is just the start of another story.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/in-life-every-ending-is-just-the-start-of-another-story/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Indeed, isn’t the whole business of ascribing responsibility kind of a cop-out? We want to blame an individual so that everyone else is exculpated.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/indeed-isn-t-the-whole-business-of-ascribing-responsibility-kind-of-a/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [Some of the freckles I once loved are now closer to liver spots. But it’s still the eyes we look at, isn’t it? That’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/some-of-the-freckles-i-once-loved-are-now-closer-to-liver-spots-but/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“And what percentage of people take up the option to die off?’ She looked at me, her glance telling me to be calm. ‘Oh,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/and-what-percentage-of-people-take-up-the-option-to-die-off-she/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) [Explore all 454 Julian Barnes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) ## More Avoiding quotes > [Because after you've crossed some lines, you just keep crossing them. And there's no escaping from constant escape. Distracting ourselves. Avoiding confrontation. Getting past…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/because-after-you-ve-crossed-some-lines-you-just-keep-crossing-them/) [Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/) > [“Exactly. So, what can't you take? Decide which of the two options is harder, and do the other. That way, no matter how hard…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josephine-angelini/exactly-so-what-can-t-you-take-decide-which-of-the-two-options-is/) [Josephine Angelini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josephine-angelini/) > [I've always been a very restless person. I work hard, spend too much time looking after my son, I dance like a mad thing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/i-ve-always-been-a-very-restless-person-i-work-hard-spend-too-much/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“What I'm trying to say is that I spent the last four months learning to be alone, avoiding the world, hating pretty much anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrea-cremer/what-i-m-trying-to-say-is-that-i-spent-the-last-four-months-learning/) [Andrea Cremer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrea-cremer/) > [ I can hardly believe what these 12 caricatures \[about Prophet Muhammad\] have caused in the world. We Danes feel like we have been placed… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anders-fogh-rasmussen/i-can-hardly-believe-what-these-12-caricatures-about-prophet-muhammad/) [Anders Fogh Rasmussen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anders-fogh-rasmussen/) > [I know a bit about taxation and the remarkable effort that goes in to avoiding it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-rinder/i-know-a-bit-about-taxation-and-the-remarkable-effort-that-goes-in-to/) [Robert Rinder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-rinder/) > [When you are in hard labor, remember that the length of labor is usually proportional to the number of people around. Avoid the presence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michel-odent/when-you-are-in-hard-labor-remember-that-the-length-of-labor-is/) [Michel Odent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michel-odent/) > [I don't believe in happy endings. Children have got to face death sooner or later. Granny and Grandpa die, dogs die, cats die, gerbils…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raymond-briggs/i-don-t-believe-in-happy-endings-children-have-got-to-face-death/) [Raymond Briggs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raymond-briggs/) > [Resisting and avoiding pain sucks energy-and time. The more you let yourself feel those minute-and-a-half hells, the quicker you'll start feeling those minute-and-a-half happinesses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leigh-newman/resisting-and-avoiding-pain-sucks-energy-and-time-the-more-you-let/) [Leigh Newman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leigh-newman/) > [Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-helps/reading-is-sometimes-an-ingenious-device-for-avoiding-thought/) [Arthur Helps](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-helps/) > [A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-watterson/a-day-can-really-slip-by-when-you-re-deliberately-avoiding-what-you/) [Bill Watterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-watterson/) > [When someone starts Ignoring you, just back off without staying there with them Just to know the reason for avoiding..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vishak/when-someone-starts-ignoring-you-just-back-off-without-staying-there/) [Vishak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vishak/) > [You know what takes effort? 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I've been married to the same person for nearly 50 years, I'm scrupulous about paying bills, avoiding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-walken/in-my-personal-life-i-m-very-conservative-i-ve-been-married-to-the/) [Christopher Walken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-walken/) [Browse all 713 Avoiding quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/avoiding/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We thought we were being mature when we were only being safe. We imagined we were being responsible but were only being cowardly. 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