--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When a couple gets to the last stage, one…" description: "\"When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. T..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/john-m-gottman-29632_adultery_when-a-couple-gets-to-the-last-stage-one_251185.jpg" --- # When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners… ![“When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed.” quote by John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/john-m-gottman-29632_adultery_when-a-couple-gets-to-the-last-stage-one_251185.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/john-m-gottman-29632_adultery_when-a-couple-gets-to-the-last-stage-one_251185.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/891/john-m-gottman-29632_adultery_when-a-couple-gets-to-the-last-stage-one_251185.jpg) > “When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed.” [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Affairs often signal deeper marital decay rather than causing it; underlying issues precede infidelity. **In simple terms:** Affairs are symptoms, not causes, of a failing marriage. Key Takeaway Address core relationship issues early. Themes marriage infidelity communication prevention Mood concerned hopeful Type advice relationship When to use this quote - marriage counseling - pre‑marital workshops - relationship check‑ins Key Concepts relationship dynamics psychology conflict resolution Questions to Reflect On - What early signs indicated the marriage was failing? - How can couples strengthen connection before crises? A Different Perspective Focusing solely on affairs may overlook other factors like external stress. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Adultery](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adultery/) [Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair/) [Affair Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair-affair-2497775/) [Affair Usually](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair-usually-2497773/) [Causes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/causes/) [Could have been](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/could-have-been/) [Couple](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couple/) [Dying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dying/) [Dying Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dying-marriage-2497776/) [Ends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ends/) [Has beens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/has-beens/) [Lasts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lasts/) [Long](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [May](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/may/) [Partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/partners/) [Partners Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/partners-affair-2497774/) [Spouse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/spouse/) [Stage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stage/) [Symptoms](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/symptoms/) ## Related quotes > [“Success in relationships takes death to the flesh. Singles stop begging for what you won't die for and couples start dying so your marriage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hope-d-blackwell/success-in-relationships-takes-death-to-the-flesh-singles-stop/) [Hope D. Blackwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hope-d-blackwell/) > [I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/i-liken-an-affair-to-the-shattering-of-a-waterford-crystal-vase-you/) [John M. 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For…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arundhati-roy/thousands-of-years-of-ideological-philosophical-and-practical/) [Arundhati Roy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arundhati-roy/) > [It has been suggested that Tiptree is female, a theory that I find absurd, for there is to me something ineluctably masculine about Tiptree’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-silverberg/it-has-been-suggested-that-tiptree-is-female-a-theory-that-i-find/) [Robert Silverberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-silverberg/) > [There's always male roles I want to play. I'm so annoyed when I watch movies and go, "That could have been played by a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-lawrence/there-s-always-male-roles-i-want-to-play-i-m-so-annoyed-when-i-watch/) [Jennifer Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-lawrence/) > [From '86 until the summer of last year, wherever I went, people would say, You would have made a great James Bond! Weren't you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pierce-brosnan/from-86-until-the-summer-of-last-year-wherever-i-went-people-would/) [Pierce Brosnan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pierce-brosnan/) > [Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mickey-rooney/had-i-been-brighter-the-ladies-been-gentler-the-scotch-been-weaker/) [Mickey Rooney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mickey-rooney/) > [Funerals and weddings were commonplace, and nothing could have been so interesting to them as the coming of the end of the world ...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-eggleston/funerals-and-weddings-were-commonplace-and-nothing-could-have-been-so/) [Edward Eggleston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-eggleston/) > [I'm happy with my career but I could have been happier if I could have been treated like a champion should have been treated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/larry-holmes/i-m-happy-with-my-career-but-i-could-have-been-happier-if-i-could/) [Larry Holmes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/larry-holmes/) > [My folks tried to make a preacher of me and missed by a narrow margin… I would have made a good one if I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-a-heinlein/my-folks-tried-to-make-a-preacher-of-me-and-missed-by-a-narrow-margin/) [Robert A. Heinlein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-a-heinlein/) ## More by John M. Gottman > [The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/the-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse-predict-an-ailing-marriage/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/i-believe-we-re-going-to-find-that-respect-and-affection-are/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/you-don-t-have-to-be-interesting-you-have-to-be-interested/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“Carnegie was right when he wrote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/carnegie-was-right-when-he-wrote-you-can-make-more-friends-in-two/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/in-order-to-get-to-a-healthier-and-more-productive-place-we-need-to/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“Like the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which says that in closed energy systems things tend to run down and get less orderly, the same…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/like-the-second-law-of-thermodynamics-which-says-that-in-closed/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/gay-and-lesbian-relationships-operate-on-essentially-the-same/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/marriages-are-much-more-likely-to-succeed-when-the-couple-experiences/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/but-in-their-day-to-day-lives-they-have-hit-upon-a-dynamic-that-keeps/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/some-people-leave-a-marriage-literally-by-divorcing-others-do-so-by/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/in-a-good-relationship-people-get-angry-but-in-a-very-different-way/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“In the midst of a bitter dispute, the husband or wife picks up a ringing telephone and is suddenly all smiles: “Oh, hi. Yes,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/in-the-midst-of-a-bitter-dispute-the-husband-or-wife-picks-up-a/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/bid-for-connection-each-of-our-daily-interactions-with-another-person/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/i-liken-an-affair-to-the-shattering-of-a-waterford-crystal-vase-you/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) > [“Women find a man’s willingness to do housework extremely erotic.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-m-gottman/women-find-a-man-s-willingness-to-do-housework-extremely-erotic/) [John M. Gottman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) [Explore all 16 John M. Gottman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-m-gottman/) ## More Adultery quotes > [A hundred years ago Hester Prynne of The Scarlet Letter was given an A for adultery; today she would rate no better than a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-de-vries/a-hundred-years-ago-hester-prynne-of-the-scarlet-letter-was-given-an/) [Peter De Vries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-de-vries/) > [“Reality has a way of bursting the bubble of illusion, and an affair is one of the biggest illusions that anyone can experience in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/reality-has-a-way-of-bursting-the-bubble-of-illusion-and-an-affair-is/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Once a cheater always remain's a cheater, if you love your partner, why cheat? That dosent makes any sense, that can tell that you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brittannia-calder/once-a-cheater-always-remain-s-a-cheater-if-you-love-your-partner-why/) [Brittannia Calder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brittannia-calder/) > [Marriage is honourable, as you say; and if so, wherefore should Cuckoldom be a Discredit, being deriv'd from so honourable a Root?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-congreve/marriage-is-honourable-as-you-say-and-if-so-wherefore-should/) [William Congreve](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-congreve/) > [L'adulte' re introduit l'esprit dans la lettre quebien souvent le mariage e u" t laisse e morte. Adultery breathes new life into marriages which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcel-proust/l-adulte-re-introduit-l-esprit-dans-la-lettre-quebien-souvent-le/) [Marcel Proust](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcel-proust/) > [“I shan't make a fuss over the babe's father.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-e-pearson/i-shan-t-make-a-fuss-over-the-babe-s-father/) [Mary E. Pearson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-e-pearson/) > [When adultery walks in, everything worth having walks out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/woodrow-m-kroll/when-adultery-walks-in-everything-worth-having-walks-out/) [Woodrow M. Kroll](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/woodrow-m-kroll/) > [Splendid couple - slept with both of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maurice-bowra/splendid-couple-slept-with-both-of-them/) [Maurice Bowra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maurice-bowra/) > [“I was thinking of murder, mutilation and dessert like Ignacia Sandoval’s instructions for delectable empanadas made of minced mother-in-law’s tongue (said to induce peace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sandra-ramos-o-briant/i-was-thinking-of-murder-mutilation-and-dessert-like-ignacia-sandoval/) [Sandra Ramos O'Briant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sandra-ramos-o-briant/) > [Adultery is an image of hell.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emanuel-swedenborg/adultery-is-an-image-of-hell/) [Emanuel Swedenborg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emanuel-swedenborg/) > [Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ambrose-bierce/adolescence-a-stage-between-infancy-and-adultery/) [Ambrose Bierce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ambrose-bierce/) > [Sin aims always at the utmost; every time it rises up to tempt or entice, if it has its own way it will go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-owen/sin-aims-always-at-the-utmost-every-time-it-rises-up-to-tempt-or/) [John Owen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-owen/) > [“Next to Joel on the beach was Martha. Two years back in time she had been Joel’s bimbo. That’s because Joel was still married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-deck/next-to-joel-on-the-beach-was-martha-two-years-back-in-time-she-had/) [Stephen Deck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-deck/) > [Homer and Hesiod attributed to the gods all things which are disreputable and worthy of blame when done by men; and they told of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/xenophanes/homer-and-hesiod-attributed-to-the-gods-all-things-which-are/) [Xenophanes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/xenophanes/) > [I was growing tired of all the fussing and prevaricating, of the stolen hours and the secret rendez-vous; of the small indignities and broad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vicki-baum/i-was-growing-tired-of-all-the-fussing-and-prevaricating-of-the/) [Vicki Baum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vicki-baum/) [Browse all 426 Adultery quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adultery/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. 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