--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: She felt detached from her family, and…" description: "\"She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange how they had lavished so much attention on her, as a child, and then at some appointed, prear..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png" --- # She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange… ![“She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange how they had lavished so much attention on her, as a child, and then at some appointed, prearranged time they seemed to stop the flow of affection and being the expectations - as if, for a brief phrase, you were expected to absorb love (and…” quote by John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png) > “She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange how they had lavished so much attention on her, as a child, and then at some appointed, prearranged time they seemed to stop the flow of affection and being the expectations - as if, for a brief phrase, you were expected to absorb love (and get enough), and then, for a much longer and more serious phase, you were expected to fulfill certain obligations.” [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Children may receive abundant affection early, but later life often shifts expectations toward responsibilities, creating emotional tension. **In simple terms:** Love gives way to duty. Key Takeaway Affection evolves into obligation. Themes family dynamics psychology growth expectations emotional development Mood reflective melancholic Type personal insight philosophical When to use this quote - parent‑child relationships - caregiver burnout - career‑family balance Key Concepts attachment theory role transition Practical Applications - set clear boundaries early - communicate evolving expectations Questions to Reflect On - How do we recognize when affection turns into pressure? - What strategies help balance love and duty? A Different Perspective Not all families follow this pattern; some maintain consistent emotional support. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Affection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affection/) [Attention](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/attention/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Expectations](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/expectations/) [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Flow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/flow/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Obligation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/obligation/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [“I was occupied so entirely by each day, I felt detached from anything so large as a month or a year. History didn't cross…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barbara-kingsolver/i-was-occupied-so-entirely-by-each-day-i-felt-detached-from-anything/) [Barbara Kingsolver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barbara-kingsolver/) > [“Moreover, as usual, she wasn't able to live in the moment. Maybe that's what grief is: a permanent disconnect from here and now. She…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-foenkinos/moreover-as-usual-she-wasn-t-able-to-live-in-the-moment-maybe-that-s/) [David Foenkinos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-foenkinos/) > [“You're always begging things to love you as if you were a beggar for love. Even the flowers, you have to fawn on them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/d-h-lawrence-2/you-re-always-begging-things-to-love-you-as-if-you-were-a-beggar-for/) [D.H. Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/d-h-lawrence-2/) > [“We were set up to love. To absorb the love of God into our bloodstream and then to share it with another human being.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-mark-comer/we-were-set-up-to-love-to-absorb-the-love-of-god-into-our-bloodstream/) [John Mark Comer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-mark-comer/) > [You don't want to love - your eternal and abnormal craving is to be loved. You aren't positive, you're negative. You absorb, absorb, as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-don-t-want-to-love-your-eternal-and-abnormal-craving-is-to-be/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [We can never at any time absorb more love than we're ready for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mignon-mclaughlin/we-can-never-at-any-time-absorb-more-love-than-we-re-ready-for/) [Mignon McLaughlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mignon-mclaughlin/) > [Dan suggested to Owen and me that we were better off to not involve ourselves with Hester. How true! But how we wanted to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/dan-suggested-to-owen-and-me-that-we-were-better-off-to-not-involve/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [Most poetry is the utterance of a man in some state of passion, love, joy, grief, rage, etc., and no doubt this is as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-h-auden/most-poetry-is-the-utterance-of-a-man-in-some-state-of-passion-love/) [W. H. Auden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-h-auden/) > [At last I feel identified with the mountains, clean, cold, hard, detached.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-kavan/at-last-i-feel-identified-with-the-mountains-clean-cold-hard-detached/) [Anna Kavan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-kavan/) > [To have the detached eye of the occultist, to look outward, to not be so self-reflective and to learn to step through the various…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/to-have-the-detached-eye-of-the-occultist-to-look-outward-to-not-be/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [Post-minimalism implies music that's genre-less. Minimalism was very important because it came at a time when contemporary music had become so complex, so experimental…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-beiser/post-minimalism-implies-music-that-s-genre-less-minimalism-was-very/) [Maya Beiser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-beiser/) > [Wait on God and He will work, but don't wait in spiritual sulks because you cannot see an inch in front of you! Are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oswald-chambers/wait-on-god-and-he-will-work-but-don-t-wait-in-spiritual-sulks/) [Oswald Chambers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oswald-chambers/) > [“It's amusing to me that we refer to people who live in their heads as detached, disturbed, or mad, when reality for anyone is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richelle-e-goodrich/it-s-amusing-to-me-that-we-refer-to-people-who-live-in-their-heads-as/) [Richelle E. Goodrich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richelle-e-goodrich/) > [Marriages are always moving from one season to another. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter--discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/marriages-are-always-moving-from-one-season-to-another-sometimes-we/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“The rich eat life, the poor eat death; so what is the problem they ask?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-liccione/the-rich-eat-life-the-poor-eat-death-so-what-is-the-problem-they-ask/) [Anthony Liccione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-liccione/) ## More by John Irving > [Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/your-memory-is-a-monster-you-forget-it-doesn-t-it-simply-files-things/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [Our memory is a monster; you forget it - it does not.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/our-memory-is-a-monster-you-forget-it-it-does-not/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [… and so he tried to accept the ache in his heart as what Dr. Larch would call the common symptoms of normal life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/and-so-he-tried-to-accept-the-ache-in-his-heart-as-what-dr-larch/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [Watch out for people who call themselves religious; make sure you know what they mean––make sure they know what they mean!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/watch-out-for-people-who-call-themselves-religious-make-sure-you-know/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [The desire to never leave your side, the desire to never see you again. The desire to see your face asleep on the pillow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/the-desire-to-never-leave-your-side-the-desire-to-never-see-you-again/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [I had been a student in Vienna, and one of the neat little things I had found out was about that zoo. It was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/i-had-been-a-student-in-vienna-and-one-of-the-neat-little-things-i/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“God, I think I just hit a high E-flat - and I really held it!" Esmeralda said, after one of her more prolonged orgasms,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/god-i-think-i-just-hit-a-high-e-flat-and-i-really-held-it-esmeralda/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“Nostalgia!" Miss Frost cried. "You´re nostalgic!" She repeated. "Just how old are you, William?" She asked. "Seventeen, " I told her. "Seventeen!" Miss Frost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/nostalgia-miss-frost-cried-you-re-nostalgic-she-repeated-just-how-old/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [ “JUST BECAUSE A BUNCH OF ATHEISTS ARE BETTER WRITERS THAN THE GUYS WHO WROTE THE BIBLE DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM RIGHT!" \[Owen Meany\] said… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/just-because-a-bunch-of-atheists-are-better-writers-than-the-guys-who/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [It is much easier to be flexible about where a story begins than it ever was for me to change my mind about where…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/it-is-much-easier-to-be-flexible-about-where-a-story-begins-than-it/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“Only the chicken-lover will understand me. He will give me a kindly look, maybe mildly desirous. His eyes will tell me: You might look…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/only-the-chicken-lover-will-understand-me-he-will-give-me-a-kindly/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [You're nice,' Cushie told him, squeezing his hand. 'And you're my oldest friend.' But they both must have known that you can know someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/you-re-nice-cushie-told-him-squeezing-his-hand-and-you-re-my-oldest/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“Because of A Prayer for Owen Meany, many of my readers assume I am “religious.” I go to church only occasionally—like a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/because-of-a-prayer-for-owen-meany-many-of-my-readers-assume-i-am/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“Did anyone who was in love and was unsatisfied with how he was loved in return ever feel saved?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/did-anyone-who-was-in-love-and-was-unsatisfied-with-how-he-was-loved/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) > [“I TRUST THAT GOD WILL HELP ME, BECAUSE WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO LOOKS VERY HARD.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/i-trust-that-god-will-help-me-because-what-i-m-supposed-to-do-looks/) [John Irving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) [Explore all 641 John Irving quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/) ## More Affection quotes > [My team and I have reunited two elements that coexist with diffiulty: respect and affection, because when they love you they don't respect you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shakira/my-team-and-i-have-reunited-two-elements-that-coexist-with-diffiulty/) [Shakira](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shakira/) > [Needs cause motivation. Deep-rooted desires for esteem, affection, belonging, achievement, self-actualization, power, and control motivate us to push for what we want and need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lorii-myers/needs-cause-motivation-deep-rooted-desires-for-esteem-affection/) [Lorii Myers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lorii-myers/) > [“It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kahlil-gibran/it-is-to-build-a-house-with-affection-even-as-if-your-beloved-were-to/) [Kahlil Gibran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kahlil-gibran/) > [In this choice of inheritance we have given to our frame of polity the image of a relation in blood; binding up the constitution…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-burke/in-this-choice-of-inheritance-we-have-given-to-our-frame-of-polity/) [Edmund Burke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-burke/) > [I, measuring his affections by my own, Which then most sought where most might not be found, Being one too many by my weary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-shakespeare/i-measuring-his-affections-by-my-own-which-then-most-sought-where/) [William Shakespeare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-shakespeare/) > [There are a number of qualities which are important for mental peace, but from the little experience I have, I believe that one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/there-are-a-number-of-qualities-which-are-important-for-mental-peace/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [A lost love. Deny it who will, ridicule it, treat it as mere imagination and sentiment, the thing is and will be; and women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dinah-maria-murlock-craik/a-lost-love-deny-it-who-will-ridicule-it-treat-it-as-mere-imagination/) [Dinah Maria Murlock Craik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dinah-maria-murlock-craik/) > [Affection! Affection is false.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-i/affection-affection-is-false/) [Elizabeth I](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-i/) > [We are a spectacular, splendid manifestation of life. We have language. . . . We have affection. We have genes for usefulness, and usefulness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-thomas/we-are-a-spectacular-splendid-manifestation-of-life-we-have-language/) [Lewis Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-thomas/) > [Listen, I have a great affection and respect for Joe Biden. I think he's been a great vice president. He's taken on a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-axelrod/listen-i-have-a-great-affection-and-respect-for-joe-biden-i-think-he/) [David Axelrod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-axelrod/) > [The still affection of the heart Became an outward breathing type, That into stillness past again, And left a want unknown before; Although the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-lord-tennyson/the-still-affection-of-the-heart-became-an-outward-breathing-type/) [Alfred Lord Tennyson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-lord-tennyson/) > [I am persuaded that there is no affection of the human heart more exquisitely pure, than that which is felt by a grateful son…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hannah-more/i-am-persuaded-that-there-is-no-affection-of-the-human-heart-more/) [Hannah More](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hannah-more/) > [If you live in a material universe where acquiring things is very important to you, then family is an absolute deterrent to maintaining that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-taylor-gatto/if-you-live-in-a-material-universe-where-acquiring-things-is-very/) [John Taylor Gatto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-taylor-gatto/) > [Our sweetest experiences of affection are meant to be suggestions of that realm which is the home of the heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-ward-beecher/our-sweetest-experiences-of-affection-are-meant-to-be-suggestions-of/) [Henry Ward Beecher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-ward-beecher/) > [“Georgia O’Keeffe moved to rural New Mexico, from which she would sign her letters to the people she loved, “from the faraway nearby.” It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-solnit/georgia-o-keeffe-moved-to-rural-new-mexico-from-which-she-would-sign/) [Rebecca Solnit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-solnit/) [Browse all 2,465 Affection quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affection/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange how they had lavished so much attention on her, as a child, and then at some appointed, prearranged time they seemed to stop the flow of affection and being the expectations - as if, for a brief phrase, you were expected to absorb love (and get enough), and then, for a much longer and more serious phase, you were expected to fulfill certain obligations.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "John Irving" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-thought-it-strange-how-they-had/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Affection" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-thought-it-strange-how-they-had/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c3/john-irving-337_affection_she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-th_109632.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“She felt detached from her family, and thought it strange how they had lavished so much attention on her, as…” — John Irving", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "John Irving", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-irving/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "She felt detached from her family,...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-thought-it-strange-how-they-had/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-irving/she-felt-detached-from-her-family-and-thought-it-strange-how-they-had/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```