---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she…"
description: "\"“Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn’t have to handle it. And you do.”\" — John Green"
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg"
---

#  Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t…

![“Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn’t have to handle it. And you do.” quote by John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg)

> ““Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn’t have to handle it. And you do.””

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

He acknowledges that some people cannot handle certain burdens, but responsibility still lies with them.

**In simple terms:** People may struggle, yet they must face their challenges.

Key Takeaway

Accept limits, take responsibility.

Themes

responsibility empathy challenge self‑awareness

Mood

thoughtful empathetic

Type

literary philosophical

When to use this quote

- counseling sessions
- personal decision making
- support groups

Key Concepts

psychology ethical duty personal growth

Questions to Reflect On

- How do you support someone while respecting their limits?
- When is it okay to step back?

A Different Perspective

May underestimate others' capacity to cope.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

## Related quotes

> [It’s not fair,” I said. “It’s just so goddamned unfair.” “The world,” he said, “is not a wishgranting factory,](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/it-s-not-fair-i-said-it-s-just-so-goddamned-unfair-the-world-he-said-2/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“God doesn't give us anything we can't handle,so if you feel like the world is on your soldiers, you can handle it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kayla-davis/god-doesn-t-give-us-anything-we-can-t-handle-so-if-you-feel-like-the/)

[Kayla Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kayla-davis/)

> [God doesn't give you more than you can handle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leanne-caret/god-doesn-t-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle/)

[Leanne Caret](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leanne-caret/)

> [God doesn't give you anything you can't handle you just have to except it and make the best of it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikki/god-doesn-t-give-you-anything-you-can-t-handle-you-just-have-to/)

[Nikki](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikki/)

> [I mean it. Like, people always talk about how God doesn’t ever give you more than you can handle, but I’m telling you right…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-cabot/i-mean-it-like-people-always-talk-about-how-god-doesn-t-ever-give-you/)

[Meg Cabot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meg-cabot/)

> [“But, it’s not what they think of you that matters, it’s what you think of yourself. If I’d said something mean to them, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-latimer-ridley/but-it-s-not-what-they-think-of-you-that-matters-it-s-what-you-think/)

M. Latimer-Ridley

> [“And what does… whatever you said mean?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirkus-macgowan/and-what-does-whatever-you-said-mean/)

[Kirkus MacGowan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirkus-macgowan/)

> [“What about me?” I asked. “Am I mean?” “You aren’t mean to me with words,” she said. “You’re mean to me with your silences.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherman-alexie/what-about-me-i-asked-am-i-mean-you-aren-t-mean-to-me-with-words-she/)

[Sherman Alexie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherman-alexie/)

> [It is hard to keep track of how many times you said something mean, but it is easy to keep track of how many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria/it-is-hard-to-keep-track-of-how-many-times-you-said-something-mean/)

[Maria](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria/)

> [If I remembered when people said mean things about me, I would never speak to the media again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hillary-clinton/if-i-remembered-when-people-said-mean-things-about-me-i-would-never/)

[Hillary Clinton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hillary-clinton/)

> [“I'll get it if you need it, I'll search if you don't see it, You're thirsty, I'll be rain, You get hurt, I'll take…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gavin-degraw/i-ll-get-it-if-you-need-it-i-ll-search-if-you-don-t-see-it-you-re/)

[Gavin DeGraw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gavin-degraw/)

> [Who has a right to tell me I have no gift, no talent, no passion ...' he murmured. 'Why do people say those things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rice/who-has-a-right-to-tell-me-i-have-no-gift-no-talent-no-passion-he/)

[Anne Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rice/)

> [“It’s just not fair,” Jude said. “None of this is fair.” “Life isn’t fair,” I said. “It’s taken me a while to get that.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-bracken/it-s-just-not-fair-jude-said-none-of-this-is-fair-life-isn-t-fair-i/)

[Alexandra Bracken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-bracken/)

> [“It’s not fair,” I said. “It’s just so goddamned unfair.” “The world,” he said, “is not a wish-granting factory,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-s-not-fair-i-said-it-s-just-so-goddamned-unfair-the-world-he-said/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [They say life isnt fair but they never said love had too be that way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/they-say-life-isnt-fair-but-they-never-said-love-had-too-be-that-way/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

## More by John Green

> [Issac:"I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters." Computer: "I don't understand-" Issac: "Me neither. Pause](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/issac-i-dislike-living-in-a-world-without-augustus-waters-computer-i/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“I just want to stay away from people and read books and think”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-just-want-to-stay-away-from-people-and-read-books-and-think/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [She smiled with all the delight of a kid on Christmas morning and said, "Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die." -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/she-smiled-with-all-the-delight-of-a-kid-on-christmas-morning-and/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [A Margo for each of us--and each more mirror than window.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/a-margo-for-each-of-us-and-each-more-mirror-than-window/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“No one ever says good-bye unless they want to see you again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/no-one-ever-says-good-bye-unless-they-want-to-see-you-again/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [Neither novels or their readers benefit from any attempts to divine whether any facts hide inside a story. Such efforts attack the very idea…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/neither-novels-or-their-readers-benefit-from-any-attempts-to-divine/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“Traffic's not too bad on Sheridan, and I'm cornering the car like it's the Indy 500, and we're listening to my favorite NMH song,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/traffic-s-not-too-bad-on-sheridan-and-i-m-cornering-the-car-like-it-s/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“Praise God for good nurses.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/praise-god-for-good-nurses/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [So I was ugly. I was never fat, really, and I never wore headgear or had zits or anything. But I was ugly. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/so-i-was-ugly-i-was-never-fat-really-and-i-never-wore-headgear-or-had/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [Nothing has ever looked like that ever in all of human history.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/nothing-has-ever-looked-like-that-ever-in-all-of-human-history/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“said to him quietly, as if I couldn’t hear or something. Dad was about to respond but I interrupted.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/said-to-him-quietly-as-if-i-couldn-t-hear-or-something-dad-was-about/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [I believe humans have souls, and I believe in the conservation of souls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-believe-humans-have-souls-and-i-believe-in-the-conservation-of-souls/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [“He was hot. A nonhotboy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/he-was-hot-a-nonhotboy-stares-at-you-relentlessly-and-it-is-at-best/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [I think if you keep the box closed long enough you do kill the cat, actually.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-think-if-you-keep-the-box-closed-long-enough-you-do-kill-the-cat/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

> [Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/imagining-the-future-is-a-kind-of-nostalgia-you-spend-your-whole-life/)

[John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

[Explore all 3,614 John Green quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/)

## More Said quotes

> [High school sucked. It was a universal truth, and whoever said these were supposed to be the best years of your life was probably…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kami-garcia/high-school-sucked-it-was-a-universal-truth-and-whoever-said-these/)

[Kami Garcia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kami-garcia/)

> [I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/darynda-jones/i-have-three-words-for-you-emt-guy-said-possible-internal-bleeding-i/)

[Darynda Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/darynda-jones/)

> [It is said that history turns on small hinges. A human career, too, results from an accumulating series of decisions about large and small…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norman-vincent-peale/it-is-said-that-history-turns-on-small-hinges-a-human-career-too/)

[Norman Vincent Peale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norman-vincent-peale/)

> [Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/bush-reiterated-his-stand-to-conservatives-opposing-his-decision-on/)

[Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/)

> [In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-buechner/in-the-entire-history-of-the-universe-let-alone-in-your-own-history/)

[Frederick Buechner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-buechner/)

> [I don't want to go into space because of war. I think we would if it was triggered. If China said they want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-degrasse-tyson/i-don-t-want-to-go-into-space-because-of-war-i-think-we-would-if-it/)

[Neil deGrasse Tyson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-degrasse-tyson/)

> [I remember that the bass was turned up slightly more on the mix from last week, and I thought that was good - or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-ronson/i-remember-that-the-bass-was-turned-up-slightly-more-on-the-mix-from/)

[Mark Ronson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-ronson/)

> [If you are well-mannered towards those whose views are similar to yours, you may be said to exhibit a fairly good character. But, if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-are-well-mannered-towards-those-whose-views-are-similar-to/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Nobody has a crystal ball, and part of evolving a business plan is to say, 'I might have said we're going left, but I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryan-kavanaugh/nobody-has-a-crystal-ball-and-part-of-evolving-a-business-plan-is-to/)

[Ryan Kavanaugh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryan-kavanaugh/)

> [For many, the call to be a Christian can seem demanding, even overwhelming. But we need not be afraid or feel inadequate. The Savior…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-d-hales/for-many-the-call-to-be-a-christian-can-seem-demanding-even/)

[Robert D. Hales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-d-hales/)

> [I'm proud to say I had a bet with a guy from Chicago who said Chicago is windier and colder than Wyoming. Wyoming dominated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-leach/i-m-proud-to-say-i-had-a-bet-with-a-guy-from-chicago-who-said-chicago/)

[Mike Leach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-leach/)

> [Clarissa," he said, "here with the vampire, I see. When things have settled a bit, we really must discuss you choice in pets..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/clarissa-he-said-here-with-the-vampire-i-see-when-things-have-settled/)

[Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/)

> [If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl,' I'm going to kill you." "Who's Magnus?" Max inquired. "He's a warlock," said…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/if-you-re-texting-magnus-to-say-i-think-u-r-kewl-i-m-going-to-kill/)

[Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/)

> [I've said it before, good people are forced to do bad things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angus-cloud/i-ve-said-it-before-good-people-are-forced-to-do-bad-things/)

[Angus Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angus-cloud/)

> [Comfort food is really anything you want at that time. That said, I really love Naple-style pizza.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geoffrey-zakarian/comfort-food-is-really-anything-you-want-at-that-time-that-said-i/)

[Geoffrey Zakarian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geoffrey-zakarian/)

Browse all 30,273 Said quotes

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn’t have to handle it. And you do.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "John Green"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probably-can-t-handle-it-neither/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Said"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probably-can-t-handle-it-neither/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/596/john-green-12_said_well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probab_698553.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“Well, to be fair,” I said, “I mean, she probably can’t handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn’t have to…” — John Green",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "John Green",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“Well, to be fair,” I said,...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probably-can-t-handle-it-neither/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/well-to-be-fair-i-said-i-mean-she-probably-can-t-handle-it-neither/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
