--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Before I got here, I thought for a long…" description: "\"“Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/658/john-green-12_colonel_before-i-got-here-i-thought-for-a-long-t_2188473.jpg" --- # Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way… ![“Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in a back corner of, the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied only by…” quote by John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/658/john-green-12_colonel_before-i-got-here-i-thought-for-a-long-t_2188473.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/658/john-green-12_colonel_before-i-got-here-i-thought-for-a-long-t_2188473.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/658/john-green-12_colonel_before-i-got-here-i-thought-for-a-long-t_2188473.jpg) > ““Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in a back corner of, the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied only by the last words of the looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends, and a more-than minor life. And then i screwed up and the Colonel screwed up and Takumi screwed up and she slipped through our fingers. And there's no sugar-coating it: She deserved better friends. When she fucked up, all those years ago, just a little girl terrified. into paralysis, she collapsed into the enigma of herself. And I could have done that, but I saw where it led for her. So I still believe in the Great Perhaps, and I can believe in it spite of having lost her. Beacause I will forget her, yes. That which came together will fall apart imperceptibly slowly, and I will forget, but she will forgive my forgetting, just as I forgive her for forgetting me and the Colonel and everyone but herself and her mom in those last moments she spent as a person. I know that she forgives me for being dumb and sacred and doing the dumb and scared thing. I know she forgives me, just as her mother forgives her. And here's how I know: I thought at first she was just dead. Just darkness. Just a body being eaten by bugs. I thought about her a lot like that, as something's meal. What was her-green eyes, half a smirk, the soft curves of her legs-would soon be nothing, just the bones I never saw. I thought about the slow process of becoming bone and then fossil and then coal that will, in millions of years, be mined by humans of the future, and how they would their homes with her, and then she would be smoke billowing out of a smokestack, coating the atmosphere. I still think that, sometimes. I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe "the afterlife" is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just a matter, and matter gets recycled. But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take Alaska's genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. There is something else entirety. There is a part of her knowable parts. And that parts has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed. Although no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, One thing I learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. And if Alaska took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself -those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. Those awful things are survivable because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail. So I know she forgives me, just as I forgive her. Thomas Eidson's last words were: "It's very beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.”” [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A narrator reflects on avoiding reality, loss, and the hope that persists despite grief. **In simple terms:** Avoiding pain leads to loneliness; hope endures. Key Takeaway Embrace reality and keep hope alive. Themes loss hope loneliness acceptance Mood melancholic reflective Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - relationships - personal loss - self‑discovery Key Concepts existential meaning grief processing Questions to Reflect On - What does “the Great Perhaps” mean to you? - How can you honor lost loved ones while moving forward? 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I smoke to die." -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/she-smiled-with-all-the-delight-of-a-kid-on-christmas-morning-and/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [A Margo for each of us--and each more mirror than window.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/a-margo-for-each-of-us-and-each-more-mirror-than-window/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [“No one ever says good-bye unless they want to see you again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/no-one-ever-says-good-bye-unless-they-want-to-see-you-again/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [Neither novels or their readers benefit from any attempts to divine whether any facts hide inside a story. 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I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/so-i-was-ugly-i-was-never-fat-really-and-i-never-wore-headgear-or-had/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [Nothing has ever looked like that ever in all of human history.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/nothing-has-ever-looked-like-that-ever-in-all-of-human-history/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [“said to him quietly, as if I couldn’t hear or something. Dad was about to respond but I interrupted.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/said-to-him-quietly-as-if-i-couldn-t-hear-or-something-dad-was-about/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [I believe humans have souls, and I believe in the conservation of souls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-believe-humans-have-souls-and-i-believe-in-the-conservation-of-souls/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [“He was hot. A nonhotboy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/he-was-hot-a-nonhotboy-stares-at-you-relentlessly-and-it-is-at-best/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [I think if you keep the box closed long enough you do kill the cat, actually.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-think-if-you-keep-the-box-closed-long-enough-you-do-kill-the-cat/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/imagining-the-future-is-a-kind-of-nostalgia-you-spend-your-whole-life/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) [Explore all 3,614 John Green quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) ## More Colonel quotes > [Does it say 'Colonel' anywhere on my uniform?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-o-neill/does-it-say-colonel-anywhere-on-my-uniform/) [Jack O'Neill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-o-neill/) > [Great God of the Ants, thou hast granted victory to thy servants. I appoint thee honorary Colonel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karel-capek/great-god-of-the-ants-thou-hast-granted-victory-to-thy-servants-i/) [Karel Capek](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karel-capek/) > [“She could not be said to dislike Colonel Trumpet so much as not to notice he was there.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stella-gibbons/she-could-not-be-said-to-dislike-colonel-trumpet-so-much-as-not-to/) [Stella Gibbons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stella-gibbons/) > [“Martha Raye slipped up to the colonel and she said, 'Sir, where do we eat?' He said, 'You mess with the men.' 'I know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-berg/martha-raye-slipped-up-to-the-colonel-and-she-said-sir-where-do-we/) [Elizabeth Berg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-berg/) > [The greatest story of all is Colonel Sanders. He didn't start until he was sixty-six on a freeway bypass for his chicken shop. Anything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-kiyosaki/the-greatest-story-of-all-is-colonel-sanders-he-didn-t-start-until-he/) [Robert Kiyosaki](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-kiyosaki/) > [Colonel, I do not care to die, but I pray to God I may never leave this field.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winfield-scott-hancock/colonel-i-do-not-care-to-die-but-i-pray-to-god-i-may-never-leave-this/) [Winfield Scott Hancock](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winfield-scott-hancock/) > [You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irvin-s-cobb/you-had-to-hate-the-colonel-a-whole-lot-to-keep-from-loving-him/) [Irvin S. Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/irvin-s-cobb/) > [Business is not a spiritual matter, and my business decisions are not based on spiritual considerations. When I founded the Essence of Life, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shari-arison/business-is-not-a-spiritual-matter-and-my-business-decisions-are-not/) [Shari Arison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shari-arison/) > [“The colonel breakfasted with the leisure of a fighter who has been clipped badly, hears four, and knows how to relax truly for five…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ernest-hemingway/the-colonel-breakfasted-with-the-leisure-of-a-fighter-who-has-been/) [Ernest Hemingway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ernest-hemingway/) > [Lightened body armor, which the military has made progress on, would mean increased safety and reduced risk for soldiers like the sergeant and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/niki-tsongas/lightened-body-armor-which-the-military-has-made-progress-on-would/) [Niki Tsongas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/niki-tsongas/) > [“Some lasting terms of military organization owe their origin to Spain: colonel comes from cabo de colunela, or head of a column; infantry most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-boot/some-lasting-terms-of-military-organization-owe-their-origin-to-spain/) [Max Boot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-boot/) > [I just did some calculations and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-just-did-some-calculations-and-i-ve-been-able-to-determine-that-you/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [My father is a retired army colonel, and my family is into hunting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kemp-muhl/my-father-is-a-retired-army-colonel-and-my-family-is-into-hunting/) [Kemp Muhl](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kemp-muhl/) > [“You are the colonel of your life. Full stop. But your feeling of inadequacy isn’t a high enough frequency to make the thought pop.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-tyrone-jones/you-are-the-colonel-of-your-life-full-stop-but-your-feeling-of/) [Curtis Tyrone Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-tyrone-jones/) > [Had I been pushed like Colonel Parker pushed Elvis, had I been a white boy like Elvis, sure, it would have been different.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-berry/had-i-been-pushed-like-colonel-parker-pushed-elvis-had-i-been-a-white/) [Chuck Berry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-berry/) [Browse all 71 Colonel quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/colonel/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Before I got here, I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in a back corner of, the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied only by the last words of the looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends, and a more-than minor life. And then i screwed up and the Colonel screwed up and Takumi screwed up and she slipped through our fingers. And there's no sugar-coating it: She deserved better friends. When she fucked up, all those years ago, just a little girl terrified. into paralysis, she collapsed into the enigma of herself. And I could have done that, but I saw where it led for her. So I still believe in the Great Perhaps, and I can believe in it spite of having lost her. Beacause I will forget her, yes. That which came together will fall apart imperceptibly slowly, and I will forget, but she will forgive my forgetting, just as I forgive her for forgetting me and the Colonel and everyone but herself and her mom in those last moments she spent as a person. I know that she forgives me for being dumb and sacred and doing the dumb and scared thing. I know she forgives me, just as her mother forgives her. And here's how I know: I thought at first she was just dead. Just darkness. Just a body being eaten by bugs. I thought about her a lot like that, as something's meal. What was her-green eyes, half a smirk, the soft curves of her legs-would soon be nothing, just the bones I never saw. I thought about the slow process of becoming bone and then fossil and then coal that will, in millions of years, be mined by humans of the future, and how they would their homes with her, and then she would be smoke billowing out of a smokestack, coating the atmosphere. I still think that, sometimes. I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe \"the afterlife\" is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just a matter, and matter gets recycled. But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take Alaska's genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. There is something else entirety. There is a part of her knowable parts. And that parts has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed. Although no one will ever accuse me of being much of a science student, One thing I learned from science classes is that energy is never created and never destroyed. And if Alaska took her own life, that is the hope I wish I could have given her. Forgetting her mother, failing her mother and her friends and herself -those are awful things, but she did not need to fold into herself and self-destruct. Those awful things are survivable because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say \"Teenagers think they are invincible\" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail. So I know she forgives me, just as I forgive her. 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