---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When emotionally abandoned people…"
description: "\"“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories w..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg"
---

#  When emotionally abandoned people describe their…

![“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any sympathy for the child they once were. Very often they show disdain and irony, even derision and cynicism. In general, there is a…” quote by John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg)

> ““When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any sympathy for the child they once were. Very often they show disdain and irony, even derision and cynicism. In general, there is a complete absence of real emotional understanding or serious appreciation of their own childhood vicissitudes and no conception of their true need—beyond the need for achievement. The internalization of the original drama has been so complete that the illusion of a good childhood can be maintained.””

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

People who felt emotionally abandoned often recount childhood with detachment, lacking empathy for their younger selves, leading to cynicism and a focus on achievement over genuine need.

**In simple terms:** Emotional neglect leads to detached, achievement‑driven narratives.

Key Takeaway

Recognize and nurture your inner child.

Themes

trauma self‑esteem achievement cynicism

Mood

somber introspective

Type

psychological therapeutic

When to use this quote

- therapy
- parenting
- self‑help
- personal growth

Key Concepts

psychology memory self‑compassion

Questions to Reflect On

- What unmet needs lie beneath your drive?
- How can you cultivate empathy for your younger self?

A Different Perspective

Focusing solely on achievement can mask deeper wounds.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Childhood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childhood/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

## Related quotes

> [I think there are some people who have those childhoods that are really bad and so what happens is that they find an escape…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lesley-sharp/i-think-there-are-some-people-who-have-those-childhoods-that-are/)

[Lesley Sharp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lesley-sharp/)

> [I feel like there are stages in many, many people's childhoods when you don't have one good friend. It can happen a lot in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-stead/i-feel-like-there-are-stages-in-many-many-people-s-childhoods-when/)

[Rebecca Stead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-stead/)

> [Persona-wise, I represent a lot of people's childhoods.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-macchio/persona-wise-i-represent-a-lot-of-people-s-childhoods/)

[Ralph Macchio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-macchio/)

> [Part of my evolution has been to learn how painful most people's childhoods are. They grow up not liking themselves, not loving themselves. Ask…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bernie-siegel/part-of-my-evolution-has-been-to-learn-how-painful-most-people-s/)

[Bernie Siegel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bernie-siegel/)

> [On paper, it looks rough, but I had a great childhood.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samantha-morton/on-paper-it-looks-rough-but-i-had-a-great-childhood/)

[Samantha Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samantha-morton/)

> [Childhood is Last Chance Gulch for happiness. After that, you know too much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-stoppard/childhood-is-last-chance-gulch-for-happiness-after-that-you-know-too/)

[Tom Stoppard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-stoppard/)

> [Downstairs in my house, I have a museum room. I keep all of my awards down there, and childhood photos, and even all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-kelly/downstairs-in-my-house-i-have-a-museum-room-i-keep-all-of-my-awards/)

[R. Kelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-kelly/)

> [Ideal for the child and society in the best of times, Rudolf Steiner's brilliant process of education is critically needed and profoundly relevant now…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-chilton-pearce/ideal-for-the-child-and-society-in-the-best-of-times-rudolf-steiner-s/)

[Joseph Chilton Pearce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-chilton-pearce/)

> [It's a very familiar type of place where people either go to their house on the lake or they get together in different places.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-carell/it-s-a-very-familiar-type-of-place-where-people-either-go-to-their/)

[Steve Carell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-carell/)

> [Every man remembers his childhood as a kind of mythical age, just as every nation's childhood is its mythical age.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giacomo-leopardi/every-man-remembers-his-childhood-as-a-kind-of-mythical-age-just-as/)

[Giacomo Leopardi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giacomo-leopardi/)

> [When I talk about my childhood I used to say it as if it was scripted and I'd make jokes because it was a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-katona/when-i-talk-about-my-childhood-i-used-to-say-it-as-if-it-was-scripted/)

[Kerry Katona](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-katona/)

> [I had a rough upbringing. Group homes. Foster homes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-shamrock/i-had-a-rough-upbringing-group-homes-foster-homes/)

[Frank Shamrock](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-shamrock/)

> [We were so poor as kids. I didn't even see a bathtub, running water, hot water, commode - we didn't have any of that.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-robertson/we-were-so-poor-as-kids-i-didn-t-even-see-a-bathtub-running-water-hot/)

[Phil Robertson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phil-robertson/)

> [“From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a common…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edgar-allan-poe/from-childhood-s-hour-i-have-not-been-as-others-were-i-have-not-seen/)

[Edgar Allan Poe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edgar-allan-poe/)

> [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/)

[Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/)

## More by John Bradshaw

> [Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/recovery-begins-with-embracing-our-pain-and-taking-the-risk-to-share/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/generally-speaking-most-of-our-vital-spontaneous-instinctual-life/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-covert-kind-of-sexual-abuse-occurs-when-dad-or-mom-talk-about-sex/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-know-from-my-own-clinical-work-that-when-people-are-beaten-and-hurt/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/love-that-which-biologists-nervous-about-being-misunderstood-call/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/b-boundary-violation-this-involves-children-witnessing-parents-in/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-toxically-shamed-person-is-divided-within-himself-and-must-create-a/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-define-a-good-person-as-somebody-who-is-fully-conscious-of-their/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-ego-defense-of-conversion-transforms-developmental-needs-into-the/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-fact-the-most-paradoxical-aspect-of-neurotic-shame-is-that-it-is/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-our-primary-caregivers-are-shame-based-they-will-act-shameless-and/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/ego-is-to-the-true-self-what-a-flashlight-is-to-a-spotlight/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-a-cat-falls-out-of-a-high-rise-building-or-a-tall-tree-it-has/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-the-past-when-dogs-functions-were-mostly-rural-it-was-accepted/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/identification-when-victimization-takes-place-the-victim-often/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

[Explore all 178 John Bradshaw quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

## More Childhood quotes

> [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/)

[Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/)

> [“From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a common…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edgar-allan-poe/from-childhood-s-hour-i-have-not-been-as-others-were-i-have-not-seen/)

[Edgar Allan Poe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edgar-allan-poe/)

> [We were so poor as kids. I didn't even see a bathtub, running water, hot water, commode - we didn't have any of that.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-robertson/we-were-so-poor-as-kids-i-didn-t-even-see-a-bathtub-running-water-hot/)

[Phil Robertson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phil-robertson/)

> [I had a rough upbringing. Group homes. Foster homes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-shamrock/i-had-a-rough-upbringing-group-homes-foster-homes/)

[Frank Shamrock](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-shamrock/)

> [When I talk about my childhood I used to say it as if it was scripted and I'd make jokes because it was a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-katona/when-i-talk-about-my-childhood-i-used-to-say-it-as-if-it-was-scripted/)

[Kerry Katona](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-katona/)

> [Every man remembers his childhood as a kind of mythical age, just as every nation's childhood is its mythical age.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giacomo-leopardi/every-man-remembers-his-childhood-as-a-kind-of-mythical-age-just-as/)

[Giacomo Leopardi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giacomo-leopardi/)

> [It's a very familiar type of place where people either go to their house on the lake or they get together in different places.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-carell/it-s-a-very-familiar-type-of-place-where-people-either-go-to-their/)

[Steve Carell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-carell/)

> [Ideal for the child and society in the best of times, Rudolf Steiner's brilliant process of education is critically needed and profoundly relevant now…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-chilton-pearce/ideal-for-the-child-and-society-in-the-best-of-times-rudolf-steiner-s/)

[Joseph Chilton Pearce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-chilton-pearce/)

> [Downstairs in my house, I have a museum room. I keep all of my awards down there, and childhood photos, and even all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-kelly/downstairs-in-my-house-i-have-a-museum-room-i-keep-all-of-my-awards/)

[R. Kelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-kelly/)

> [Childhood is Last Chance Gulch for happiness. After that, you know too much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-stoppard/childhood-is-last-chance-gulch-for-happiness-after-that-you-know-too/)

[Tom Stoppard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-stoppard/)

> [On paper, it looks rough, but I had a great childhood.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samantha-morton/on-paper-it-looks-rough-but-i-had-a-great-childhood/)

[Samantha Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samantha-morton/)

> [Let positive, strong, helpful thoughts enter into your brains from very childhood. Lay yourselves open to these thoughts, and not to weakening and paralysing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/swami-vivekananda/let-positive-strong-helpful-thoughts-enter-into-your-brains-from-very/)

[Swami Vivekananda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/swami-vivekananda/)

> [I always knew that I was kind of bored; the regular life of a child didn't fit me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-ricci/i-always-knew-that-i-was-kind-of-bored-the-regular-life-of-a-child/)

[Christina Ricci](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-ricci/)

> [Children are not a zoo of entertainingly exotic creatures, but an array of mirrors in which the human predicament leaps out at us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-updike/children-are-not-a-zoo-of-entertainingly-exotic-creatures-but-an/)

[John Updike](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-updike/)

> [I'm not sure I would have ever started to draw, let alone write, if my childhood hadn't been so happy. It was a mixture…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tove-jansson/i-m-not-sure-i-would-have-ever-started-to-draw-let-alone-write-if-my/)

[Tove Jansson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tove-jansson/)

[Browse all 5,837 Childhood quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childhood/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any sympathy for the child they once were. Very often they show disdain and irony, even derision and cynicism. In general, there is a complete absence of real emotional understanding or serious appreciation of their own childhood vicissitudes and no conception of their true need—beyond the need for achievement. The internalization of the original drama has been so complete that the illusion of a good childhood can be maintained.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "John Bradshaw"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/when-emotionally-abandoned-people-describe-their-childhoods-it-is/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Childhood"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/when-emotionally-abandoned-people-describe-their-childhoods-it-is/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50c/john-bradshaw-2227_childhood_when-emotionally-abandoned-people-descri_2479929.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller…” — John Bradshaw",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "John Bradshaw",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“When emotionally abandoned people describe their...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/when-emotionally-abandoned-people-describe-their-childhoods-it-is/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/when-emotionally-abandoned-people-describe-their-childhoods-it-is/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
