--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: There is no way you can share your inner…" description: "\"“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no lon..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg" --- # There is no way you can share your inner self because you… ![“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel exposed in a diminished way. When you’re an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and…” quote by John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg) > ““There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel exposed in a diminished way. When you’re an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and scrutinizing every minute detail of behavior. This internal critical observation is excruciating. It generates a tormenting self-consciousness that Kaufman describes as “creating a binding and paralyzing effect upon the self.” This paralyzing internal monitoring causes withdrawal, passivity and inaction. The severed parts of the self are projected in relationships.”” [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. It describes how self-contempt leads to intense self-scrutiny, shame, and paralysis, causing withdrawal and affecting relationships. **In simple terms:** Self-hatred creates painful self-monitoring and inaction. Key Takeaway Address self-criticism to improve wellbeing. Themes self-esteem shame psychology relationships Mood reflective somber Type psychological self-help When to use this quote - therapy - personal journaling - relationship counseling Key Concepts self-awareness mental health boundaries Questions to Reflect On - What triggers your self-judgment? - How can you practice self-compassion? A Different Perspective Self-criticism can sometimes motivate growth; not always harmful. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Every Minute](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/every-minute/) [Feel Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-shame/) [Identity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) [Inner self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/inner-self/) [Self consciousness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-consciousness/) [Self Paralyzing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-paralyzing-5402999/) [Shame Feel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame-feel-924657/) [Ur Eyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ur-eyes/) ## Related quotes > [I want find a part of myself that I feel shame about, or that I feel really scared of exposing to the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-semple/i-want-find-a-part-of-myself-that-i-feel-shame-about-or-that-i-feel/) [Maria Semple](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-semple/) > [I can still see her face -- The sorrow in her eyes, her voice, as she condemns me. I didn't know it was possible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-claremont/i-can-still-see-her-face-the-sorrow-in-her-eyes-her-voice-as-she/) [Chris Claremont](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-claremont/) > [Patriotism demands the ability to feel shame as much as to feel pride.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-marie-slaughter/patriotism-demands-the-ability-to-feel-shame-as-much-as-to-feel-pride/) [Anne-Marie Slaughter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-marie-slaughter/) > [“It's wrong to be ashamed of yourself. Presumptuous and stupid. I've made myself sick with shame, because I could feel so strongly about another…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ebba-haslund/it-s-wrong-to-be-ashamed-of-yourself-presumptuous-and-stupid-i-ve/) [Ebba Haslund](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ebba-haslund/) > [“But it was a terrible humiliation. The worst things that people do to us always make us feel ashamed. The worst things that people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/but-it-was-a-terrible-humiliation-the-worst-things-that-people-do-to/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [In the early days - especially in a male-dominated industry like comedy - I felt a lot of shame. We're made to feel less…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-povitsky/in-the-early-days-especially-in-a-male-dominated-industry-like-comedy/) [Esther Povitsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-povitsky/) > [There is something embarrassing in... the way in which, ... turning suffering into images, harsh and uncompromising though they are, ... wounds the shame…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/theodor-adorno/there-is-something-embarrassing-in-the-way-in-which-turning-suffering/) [Theodor Adorno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/theodor-adorno/) > [“There is no shame in feeling broken. In seeking help. In searching for healing. Sometimes it is the breaking that leads us to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-leblanc/there-is-no-shame-in-feeling-broken-in-seeking-help-in-searching-for/) [Jeanette LeBlanc](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-leblanc/) > [“Money can make shame feel like a luxury.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-scott-blaustein/money-can-make-shame-feel-like-a-luxury/) [Jeremy Scott Blaustein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-scott-blaustein/) > [I know something of shame...How can we not all feel it? We are all small-minded people, creeping about the earth grubbing for our own…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helen-simonson/i-know-something-of-shame-how-can-we-not-all-feel-it-we-are-all-small/) [Helen Simonson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helen-simonson/) > [The contempt which men feel for the prostitute, and the fact that they have always regarded themselves as far superior to her, even when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-roberta-noble-neilans/the-contempt-which-men-feel-for-the-prostitute-and-the-fact-that-they/) [Alison Roberta Noble Neilans](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-roberta-noble-neilans/) > [“Shame I do feel. And I know there is something all wrong about me—believe me. Sometimes I shock myself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophocles/shame-i-do-feel-and-i-know-there-is-something-all-wrong-about-me/) [Sophocles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophocles/) > [“Toxic shame, the shame that binds us, is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that “I am flawed and defective as a human being.” Toxic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/toxic-shame-the-shame-that-binds-us-is-experienced-as-the-all/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [I feel no shame getting in bed at nine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/su-chin-pak/i-feel-no-shame-getting-in-bed-at-nine/) [Su-chin Pak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/su-chin-pak/) > [Why do we smile? Why do we laugh? Why do we feel alone? Why are we sad and confused? Why do we read poetry?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-alire-s-enz/why-do-we-smile-why-do-we-laugh-why-do-we-feel-alone-why-are-we-sad/) [Benjamin Alire Saenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-alire-s-enz/) ## More by John Bradshaw > [Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/recovery-begins-with-embracing-our-pain-and-taking-the-risk-to-share/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/generally-speaking-most-of-our-vital-spontaneous-instinctual-life/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-covert-kind-of-sexual-abuse-occurs-when-dad-or-mom-talk-about-sex/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-know-from-my-own-clinical-work-that-when-people-are-beaten-and-hurt/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/love-that-which-biologists-nervous-about-being-misunderstood-call/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/b-boundary-violation-this-involves-children-witnessing-parents-in/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-toxically-shamed-person-is-divided-within-himself-and-must-create-a/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-define-a-good-person-as-somebody-who-is-fully-conscious-of-their/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-ego-defense-of-conversion-transforms-developmental-needs-into-the/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-fact-the-most-paradoxical-aspect-of-neurotic-shame-is-that-it-is/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-our-primary-caregivers-are-shame-based-they-will-act-shameless-and/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/ego-is-to-the-true-self-what-a-flashlight-is-to-a-spotlight/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-a-cat-falls-out-of-a-high-rise-building-or-a-tall-tree-it-has/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-the-past-when-dogs-functions-were-mostly-rural-it-was-accepted/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/identification-when-victimization-takes-place-the-victim-often/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) [Explore all 178 John Bradshaw quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) ## More Identity quotes > [I don't doubt that straight white men have identity issues and identity complexes and struggle with defining themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-simien/i-don-t-doubt-that-straight-white-men-have-identity-issues-and/) [Justin Simien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-simien/) > [In the hearing world, I'm constantly having to lip-read and trying to understand what's going on. Sign language is so beautiful. It gives you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rose-ayling-ellis/in-the-hearing-world-i-m-constantly-having-to-lip-read-and-trying-to/) [Rose Ayling-Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rose-ayling-ellis/) > [I think the next 50 years are going to present the human race with challenges that so far exceed the limitations of geopolitical boundaries…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zachary-quinto/i-think-the-next-50-years-are-going-to-present-the-human-race-with/) [Zachary Quinto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zachary-quinto/) > [You have expressive nationalism, I mean very identity driven, which shaped each other a lot of that in the Middle East.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/subrahmanyam-jaishankar/you-have-expressive-nationalism-i-mean-very-identity-driven-which/) [Subrahmanyam Jaishankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/subrahmanyam-jaishankar/) > [Family over friends, because real friends are family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/family-over-friends-because-real-friends-are-family/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I think everybody, or the great majority of human beings, have this aspiration to become other: to live a different identity, at least for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mario-vargas-llosa/i-think-everybody-or-the-great-majority-of-human-beings-have-this/) [Mario Vargas Llosa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mario-vargas-llosa/) > [The language we share is at the core of our identity as citizens, and our ticket to full participation in American political life. We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-i-hayakawa/the-language-we-share-is-at-the-core-of-our-identity-as-citizens-and/) [S. I. Hayakawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-i-hayakawa/) > [Tell me how much a nation knows about its own language, and I will tell you how much that nation knows about its own…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-ciardi/tell-me-how-much-a-nation-knows-about-its-own-language-and-i-will/) [John Ciardi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-ciardi/) > [I think that most of us, anyway, read these stories that we know are not "true" because we're hungry for another kind of truth:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-think-that-most-of-us-anyway-read-these-stories-that-we-know-are/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“In the worldly life, due to maadakta (intoxication of the ego of ‘I am Chandubhai’), one has completely lost awareness of everything about one’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dada-bhagwan/in-the-worldly-life-due-to-maadakta-intoxication-of-the-ego-of-i-am/) [Dada Bhagwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dada-bhagwan/) > [“At the moment, then, of Man’s victory over Nature, we find the whole human race subjected to some individual men, and those individuals subjected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-s-lewis-2/at-the-moment-then-of-man-s-victory-over-nature-we-find-the-whole/) [C.S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-s-lewis-2/) > [She might be without country, without nation, but inside her there was still a being that could exist and be free, that could simply…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-maas/she-might-be-without-country-without-nation-but-inside-her-there-was/) [Sharon Maas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-maas/) > [“Self-realization or self-knowing or awakening is about knowing/ becoming conscious of our true nature and living in harmony with the universe in an ever…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-vazhakunnathu/self-realization-or-self-knowing-or-awakening-is-about-knowing/) [Thomas Vazhakunnathu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-vazhakunnathu/) > [“There are some things that one individual can do for another, and there are some things that one race can do for another. But,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/booker-t-washington/there-are-some-things-that-one-individual-can-do-for-another-and/) [Booker T. Washington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/booker-t-washington/) > [“Why were there no words that spoke positively about being concerned about the self? Why was there only negative connotation in terms like "selfish",…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-j-dalton/why-were-there-no-words-that-spoke-positively-about-being-concerned/) [A.J. Dalton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-j-dalton/) [Browse all 11,949 Identity quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you are contemptible to yourself, you are no longer in you. To feel shame is to feel exposed in a diminished way. When you’re an object to yourself, you turn your eyes inward, watching and scrutinizing every minute detail of behavior. This internal critical observation is excruciating. It generates a tormenting self-consciousness that Kaufman describes as “creating a binding and paralyzing effect upon the self.” This paralyzing internal monitoring causes withdrawal, passivity and inaction. The severed parts of the self are projected in relationships.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "John Bradshaw" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner-self-because-you-are-an/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Identity" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner-self-because-you-are-an/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aeb/john-bradshaw-2227_identity_there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner_3105753.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There is no way you can share your inner self because you are an object of contempt to yourself. When you…” — John Bradshaw", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "John Bradshaw", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“There is no way you can...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner-self-because-you-are-an/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/there-is-no-way-you-can-share-your-inner-self-because-you-are-an/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```