---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The agony of this chronic stage of being…"
description: "\"“The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame triggers our basic automatic defensive cover-up..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg"
---

#  The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured…

![“The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame triggers our basic automatic defensive cover-ups. Freud called these automatic cover-ups our primary ego defenses. Once these defenses are in place they function automatically and unconsciously…” quote by John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg)

> ““The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame triggers our basic automatic defensive cover-ups. Freud called these automatic cover-ups our primary ego defenses. Once these defenses are in place they function automatically and unconsciously, sending our true and authentic selves into hiding. We develop a false identity out of this basic core. We become master impersonators. We avoid our core agony and pain and over a period of years, we avoid our avoidance.””

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Chronic shame forces unconscious defenses that hide our true self, creating a false identity and prolonged avoidance of pain.

**In simple terms:** Shame creates hidden defenses and false selves.

Key Takeaway

Recognize and confront shame to reveal authentic self.

Themes

psychology self-awareness healing identity

Mood

reflective introspective cautious

Type

advice psychological self-help

When to use this quote

- therapy sessions
- personal journaling
- support groups
- mindfulness practice
- coach guidance

Key Concepts

ego defenses toxic shame authenticity self-concept

Questions to Reflect On

- What defenses are you using to hide your true self?
- How can you safely explore the pain beneath your shame?

A Different Perspective

Addressing shame may trigger intense emotional distress and resistance.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[False Identity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/false-identity/) [Guilt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/) [Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame/)

## Related quotes

> [“One of the most powerful ways that our shame triggers get reinforced is when we enter into a social contract based on these gender…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/one-of-the-most-powerful-ways-that-our-shame-triggers-get-reinforced/)

[Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/)

> [“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-our-primary-caregivers-are-shame-based-they-will-act-shameless-and/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“A person with internalized shame believes he is inherently flawed, inferior and defective.Such a feeling is so painful that defending scripts (or strategies) are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-person-with-internalized-shame-believes-he-is-inherently-flawed/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Toxic shame, with its more-than-human, less-than-human polarization, is either inhuman or dehumanizing. The demand for a false self to cover and hide the authentic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/toxic-shame-with-its-more-than-human-less-than-human-polarization-is/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Toxic shame results from the unexpected exposure of vulnerable aspects of a child’s self. This exposure takes place before the child has any ego…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/toxic-shame-results-from-the-unexpected-exposure-of-vulnerable/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“The major problem in our lives is to decide and clarify our responsibilities. To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-major-problem-in-our-lives-is-to-decide-and-clarify-our/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Arnold was scapegoated from the moment he set foot in the school. He was laughed at, made fun of and ridiculed by one group…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/arnold-was-scapegoated-from-the-moment-he-set-foot-in-the-school-he/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Where are you, Adam? According to the book of Genesis, Adam went into hiding after the fall. By trying to be more than human,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/where-are-you-adam-according-to-the-book-of-genesis-adam-went-into/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Shyness can become a serious problem when it is rooted in toxic shame.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/shyness-can-become-a-serious-problem-when-it-is-rooted-in-toxic-shame/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Unfortunately, accomplishments do not reduce internalized shame. In fact, the more one achieves, the more one has to achieve. Toxic shame is about being;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/unfortunately-accomplishments-do-not-reduce-internalized-shame-in/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Crushing the toddler’s autonomy and purposeful will is the most damaging form of shaming that can be done. When autonomy is crushed, toxic shame…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/crushing-the-toddler-s-autonomy-and-purposeful-will-is-the-most/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Toxic shame, the shame that binds us, is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that “I am flawed and defective as a human being.” Toxic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/toxic-shame-the-shame-that-binds-us-is-experienced-as-the-all/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“High achievement is often the result of being driven by toxic shame. Feeling flawed and defective on the inside, I had to prove I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/high-achievement-is-often-the-result-of-being-driven-by-toxic-shame/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“SHAME-BASED FAMILIES AND MULTIGENERATIONAL ILLNESS One of the devastating aspects of toxic shame is that it is multigenerational. The secret and hidden aspects of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/shame-based-families-and-multigenerational-illness-one-of-the/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“What a perfectionistic system creates is a “how to get it right” behavioral script. In such a script one is taught how to act…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/what-a-perfectionistic-system-creates-is-a-how-to-get-it-right/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

## More by John Bradshaw

> [Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/recovery-begins-with-embracing-our-pain-and-taking-the-risk-to-share/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/generally-speaking-most-of-our-vital-spontaneous-instinctual-life/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-covert-kind-of-sexual-abuse-occurs-when-dad-or-mom-talk-about-sex/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-know-from-my-own-clinical-work-that-when-people-are-beaten-and-hurt/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/love-that-which-biologists-nervous-about-being-misunderstood-call/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/b-boundary-violation-this-involves-children-witnessing-parents-in/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/a-toxically-shamed-person-is-divided-within-himself-and-must-create-a/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/i-define-a-good-person-as-somebody-who-is-fully-conscious-of-their/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-ego-defense-of-conversion-transforms-developmental-needs-into-the/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-fact-the-most-paradoxical-aspect-of-neurotic-shame-is-that-it-is/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-our-primary-caregivers-are-shame-based-they-will-act-shameless-and/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/ego-is-to-the-true-self-what-a-flashlight-is-to-a-spotlight/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/if-a-cat-falls-out-of-a-high-rise-building-or-a-tall-tree-it-has/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/in-the-past-when-dogs-functions-were-mostly-rural-it-was-accepted/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

> [“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/identification-when-victimization-takes-place-the-victim-often/)

[John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

[Explore all 178 John Bradshaw quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/)

## More Guilt quotes

> [Never fight on the wrong side; you might win but the burden of guilt is more than a loss.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lilian-salan/never-fight-on-the-wrong-side-you-might-win-but-the-burden-of-guilt/)

[Lilian Salan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lilian-salan/)

> [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/)

[Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/)

> [When the Lord Jesus Christ became my surety . . . He went to Calvary's cross, and all my guilt was charged against Him.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-allen-ironside/when-the-lord-jesus-christ-became-my-surety-he-went-to-calvary-s/)

[Henry Allen Ironside](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-allen-ironside/)

> [“Even in the miserable guilt we feel over our beastlike insensitivity, the glory of God shines. If God were not gloriously desirable, why would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-piper/even-in-the-miserable-guilt-we-feel-over-our-beastlike-insensitivity/)

[John Piper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-piper/)

> [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/)

[Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/)

> [But victimhood was seductive, a release from responsibility and caring. Fear would be transmuted into weary resignation; failure would no longer generate guilt but,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dean-koontz/but-victimhood-was-seductive-a-release-from-responsibility-and-caring/)

[Dean Koontz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dean-koontz/)

> [Regrets are just a way for the foolish and the guilty to pass the time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gensoumaden-saiyuki/regrets-are-just-a-way-for-the-foolish-and-the-guilty-to-pass-the-time/)

Gensoumaden Saiyuki

> [(I)f we are going to be kind, let it be out of simple generosity, not because we fear guilt or retribution.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-f-we-are-going-to-be-kind-let-it-be-out-of-simple-generosity-not/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Money should not be in the hands of individuals; otherwise it will create this problem of being burdened with guilt. And money can make…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rajneesh/money-should-not-be-in-the-hands-of-individuals-otherwise-it-will/)

[Rajneesh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rajneesh/)

> [Food ... love ... mother ... career ... Live every day to the fullest. Partake of the four basic guilt groups.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cathy-guisewite/food-love-mother-career-live-every-day-to-the-fullest-partake-of-the/)

[Cathy Guisewite](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cathy-guisewite/)

> [Anger was better than tears, better than grief, better than guilt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/anger-was-better-than-tears-better-than-grief-better-than-guilt/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [“Phil and Hannah had decided that Christian guilt was better than bad math”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhoda-janzen/phil-and-hannah-had-decided-that-christian-guilt-was-better-than-bad/)

[rhoda janzen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhoda-janzen/)

> [No amount of guilt can solve the past &amp; No amount of anxiety can change the future](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ananymous/no-amount-of-guilt-can-solve-the-past-no-amount-of-anxiety-can-change/)

[Ananymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ananymous/)

> [The essence of having fun is enjoying without guilt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-essence-of-having-fun-is-enjoying-without-guilt/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [If all the world hated you and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved of you and absolved you from guilt, you would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-bronte/if-all-the-world-hated-you-and-believed-you-wicked-while-your-own/)

[Charlotte Bronte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-bronte/)

[Browse all 2,943 Guilt quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame triggers our basic automatic defensive cover-ups. Freud called these automatic cover-ups our primary ego defenses. Once these defenses are in place they function automatically and unconsciously, sending our true and authentic selves into hiding. We develop a false identity out of this basic core. We become master impersonators. We avoid our core agony and pain and over a period of years, we avoid our avoidance.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "John Bradshaw"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being-cannot-be-endured-for-long/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Guilt"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being-cannot-be-endured-for-long/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d4/john-bradshaw-2227_shame_the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being_2193670.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“The agony of this chronic stage of being cannot be endured for long. At the deepest level, toxic shame…” — John Bradshaw",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "John Bradshaw",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“The agony of this chronic stage...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being-cannot-be-endured-for-long/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/the-agony-of-this-chronic-stage-of-being-cannot-be-endured-for-long/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
