--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I have ever had the conviction, resistant…" description: "\"“I have ever had the conviction, resistant to all rational considerations, that at some unspecified future moment the continuous rehearsal which is my ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e25/john-banville-2532_delusion_i-have-ever-had-the-conviction-resistant_125776.jpg" --- # I have ever had the conviction, resistant to all rational… ![“I have ever had the conviction, resistant to all rational considerations, that at some unspecified future moment the continuous rehearsal which is my life, with its so many misreadings, is slips and fluffs, will be done with and that the real drama for which I have ever and with earnestness been…” quote by John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e25/john-banville-2532_delusion_i-have-ever-had-the-conviction-resistant_125776.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e25/john-banville-2532_delusion_i-have-ever-had-the-conviction-resistant_125776.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e25/john-banville-2532_delusion_i-have-ever-had-the-conviction-resistant_125776.jpg) > ““I have ever had the conviction, resistant to all rational considerations, that at some unspecified future moment the continuous rehearsal which is my life, with its so many misreadings, is slips and fluffs, will be done with and that the real drama for which I have ever and with earnestness been preparing will at last begin. It is a common delusion... Yet I anticipate an apotheosis of some kind, some grand climacteric. I am not speaking here of a posthumous transfiguration. I do not entertain the possibility of an afterlife, or any deity capable of offering it. Given the world that he created, it would be an impiety against God to believe in him.”” [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The author confesses a lifelong anticipation of a climactic moment, rejecting afterlife or divine promise, and sees belief in a creator as impious given the world’s existence. **In simple terms:** Awaiting a personal climax, rejecting afterlife. Key Takeaway Existential yearning can coexist with atheistic doubt. Themes existentialism anticipation atheism Mood melancholic thoughtful Type philosophical existential When to use this quote - creative writing - personal crisis - spiritual questioning Key Concepts philosophical tension between hope and nihilism Practical Applications - channel anticipation into purposeful work - explore secular meaning Questions to Reflect On - How do you reconcile hope with uncertainty? - What gives your life meaning without a divine framework? A Different Perspective The notion of a singular climactic event may be unrealistic for most lives. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anticipate Apotheosis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anticipate-apotheosis-1455174/) [Delusion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/delusion/) [Delusion Anticipate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/delusion-anticipate-1455173/) [Faith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/faith/) [Possibility Afterlife](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/possibility-afterlife-1455175/) [Posthumous Transfiguration](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/posthumous-transfiguration-1455176/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [The Science Delusion is the belief that science already understands the nature of reality in principle leaving only the details to be filled in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rupert-sheldrake/the-science-delusion-is-the-belief-that-science-already-understands/) [Rupert Sheldrake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rupert-sheldrake/) > [Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-borne/getting-rid-of-a-delusion-makes-us-wiser-than-getting-hold-of-a-truth/) [Ludwig Borne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-borne/) > [Women are women, and so are men, and the delusion that we are spiritually separate from or are about to spiritually separate from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anohni/women-are-women-and-so-are-men-and-the-delusion-that-we-are/) [Anohni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anohni/) > [Paranoia is a state of heightened awareness. Most people are persecuted beyond their wildest delusions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claude-steiner/paranoia-is-a-state-of-heightened-awareness-most-people-are/) [Claude Steiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claude-steiner/) > [“Someone who has the delusion Glass, is made of, does not literally believe herself to be made of glass but rather feels fragile and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scarlett-thomas/someone-who-has-the-delusion-glass-is-made-of-does-not-literally/) [Scarlett Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scarlett-thomas/) > [I have a theory about marriage, Monsieur Boustouler. And it's that nearly always you will know within two weeks if it's going to work.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khaled-hosseini/i-have-a-theory-about-marriage-monsieur-boustouler-and-it-s-that/) [Khaled Hosseini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khaled-hosseini/) > [I suffer from the delusion that every product of my imagination is not only possible, but always on the cusp of becoming real.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-parker/i-suffer-from-the-delusion-that-every-product-of-my-imagination-is/) [Sean Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-parker/) > [The religions of mankind must be classed among the mass-delusions of this kind. No one, needless to say, who shares a delusion ever recognizes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sigmund-freud/the-religions-of-mankind-must-be-classed-among-the-mass-delusions-of/) [Sigmund Freud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sigmund-freud/) > [It is a great delusion to suppose that flesh-meat of any kind is essential to health. Considerably more than three parts of the work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-booth/it-is-a-great-delusion-to-suppose-that-flesh-meat-of-any-kind-is/) [Catherine Booth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-booth/) > [Atheism Explained is a gem. It is clear, informative, well-argued, provocative, often witty, and unfailingly interesting. David Ramsay Steele ranges over so many issues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-shearmur/atheism-explained-is-a-gem-it-is-clear-informative-well-argued/) [Jeremy Shearmur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-shearmur/) > [“we shouldn’t surrender our real world perception to a false reality too much or we may suffer the inevitable consequences of deluded thinking. Technology…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-p-neary/we-shouldn-t-surrender-our-real-world-perception-to-a-false-reality/) [M.P. Neary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-p-neary/) > [The world is a wonderfully weird place, consensual reality is significantly flawed, no institution can be trusted, certainty is a mirage, security a delusion,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-robbins/the-world-is-a-wonderfully-weird-place-consensual-reality-is/) [Tom Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-robbins/) > [ It's \[Los Angeles\] mostly full of nonsense and delusion and egomania. They think they'll be young and beautiful forever, even though most of them… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-hitchens/it-s-los-angeles-mostly-full-of-nonsense-and-delusion-and-egomania/) [Christopher Hitchens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-hitchens/) > [If the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labour, entertainment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-rohn/if-the-idea-of-having-to-change-ourselves-makes-us-uncomfortable-we/) [Jim Rohn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-rohn/) > [I'd actually love to think that I could trust Kerry on national security. But the only way I could do that, at this point,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-reynolds/i-d-actually-love-to-think-that-i-could-trust-kerry-on-national/) [Glenn Reynolds](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glenn-reynolds/) ## More by John Banville > [I've always been fascinated by physics and cosmology. It gets more and more scary the older you get.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/i-ve-always-been-fascinated-by-physics-and-cosmology-it-gets-more-and/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“What did I brood on, sitting there in the classic pose with my elbows on my knees and my chin on my hands? We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/what-did-i-brood-on-sitting-there-in-the-classic-pose-with-my-elbows/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“Her own mother had died when Anna was twelve and since then father and daughter had faced the world like a pair of nineteenth-century…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/her-own-mother-had-died-when-anna-was-twelve-and-since-then-father/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [The effect of prizes on one's career - if that is what to call it - is considerable, since they give one more clout…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/the-effect-of-prizes-on-one-s-career-if-that-is-what-to-call-it-is/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“Of all the things we fashioned for them that they might be comforted, dawn is the one that works. When darkness sifts from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/of-all-the-things-we-fashioned-for-them-that-they-might-be-comforted/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [I am the worst judge of my books.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/i-am-the-worst-judge-of-my-books/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“Yet even without saying, each knew what the other was thinking, and, more acutely, what the other was feeling -- this is a further…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/yet-even-without-saying-each-knew-what-the-other-was-thinking-and/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“The novel is a kind of elephant. But I like to make that elephant dance on a quarter.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/the-novel-is-a-kind-of-elephant-but-i-like-to-make-that-elephant/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“Whom now would I love, and who would love me?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/whom-now-would-i-love-and-who-would-love-me/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [Art is amoral, whether we accept this or not; it does not take sides. The finest fictions are cold at heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/art-is-amoral-whether-we-accept-this-or-not-it-does-not-take-sides/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“At thee seaside all is narrow horizontals, the world reduced to a few long straight lines pressed between earth and sky.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/at-thee-seaside-all-is-narrow-horizontals-the-world-reduced-to-a-few/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“It seems to me a work of art is the evidence offered by a fantastically observant witness”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/it-seems-to-me-a-work-of-art-is-the-evidence-offered-by-a/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [Everything we do is tinged with the knowledge that this may be the last time that we will do this, and that makes what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/everything-we-do-is-tinged-with-the-knowledge-that-this-may-be-the/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [I like ideas. I find them more exciting than human behavior for the most part.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/i-like-ideas-i-find-them-more-exciting-than-human-behavior-for-the/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) > [“And incredulity, that too was a large part of being happy. I mean that euphoric inability fully to believe in one’s own simple luck.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-banville/and-incredulity-that-too-was-a-large-part-of-being-happy-i-mean-that/) [John Banville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) [Explore all 158 John Banville quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-banville/) ## More Delusion quotes > [Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-borne/getting-rid-of-a-delusion-makes-us-wiser-than-getting-hold-of-a-truth/) [Ludwig Borne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-borne/) > [If the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labour, entertainment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-rohn/if-the-idea-of-having-to-change-ourselves-makes-us-uncomfortable-we/) [Jim Rohn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-rohn/) > [ It's \[Los Angeles\] mostly full of nonsense and delusion and egomania. They think they'll be young and beautiful forever, even though most of them… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-hitchens/it-s-los-angeles-mostly-full-of-nonsense-and-delusion-and-egomania/) [Christopher Hitchens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-hitchens/) > [The Science Delusion is the belief that science already understands the nature of reality in principle leaving only the details to be filled in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rupert-sheldrake/the-science-delusion-is-the-belief-that-science-already-understands/) [Rupert Sheldrake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rupert-sheldrake/) > [The world is a wonderfully weird place, consensual reality is significantly flawed, no institution can be trusted, certainty is a mirage, security a delusion,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-robbins/the-world-is-a-wonderfully-weird-place-consensual-reality-is/) [Tom Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-robbins/) > [“we shouldn’t surrender our real world perception to a false reality too much or we may suffer the inevitable consequences of deluded thinking. Technology…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-p-neary/we-shouldn-t-surrender-our-real-world-perception-to-a-false-reality/) [M.P. Neary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-p-neary/) > [Atheism Explained is a gem. It is clear, informative, well-argued, provocative, often witty, and unfailingly interesting. David Ramsay Steele ranges over so many issues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-shearmur/atheism-explained-is-a-gem-it-is-clear-informative-well-argued/) [Jeremy Shearmur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-shearmur/) > [It is a great delusion to suppose that flesh-meat of any kind is essential to health. Considerably more than three parts of the work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-booth/it-is-a-great-delusion-to-suppose-that-flesh-meat-of-any-kind-is/) [Catherine Booth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-booth/) > [The religions of mankind must be classed among the mass-delusions of this kind. No one, needless to say, who shares a delusion ever recognizes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sigmund-freud/the-religions-of-mankind-must-be-classed-among-the-mass-delusions-of/) [Sigmund Freud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sigmund-freud/) > [I suffer from the delusion that every product of my imagination is not only possible, but always on the cusp of becoming real.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-parker/i-suffer-from-the-delusion-that-every-product-of-my-imagination-is/) [Sean Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-parker/) > [I have a theory about marriage, Monsieur Boustouler. And it's that nearly always you will know within two weeks if it's going to work.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khaled-hosseini/i-have-a-theory-about-marriage-monsieur-boustouler-and-it-s-that/) [Khaled Hosseini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khaled-hosseini/) > [“Someone who has the delusion Glass, is made of, does not literally believe herself to be made of glass but rather feels fragile and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scarlett-thomas/someone-who-has-the-delusion-glass-is-made-of-does-not-literally/) [Scarlett Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scarlett-thomas/) > [Paranoia is a state of heightened awareness. Most people are persecuted beyond their wildest delusions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claude-steiner/paranoia-is-a-state-of-heightened-awareness-most-people-are/) [Claude Steiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claude-steiner/) > [Women are women, and so are men, and the delusion that we are spiritually separate from or are about to spiritually separate from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anohni/women-are-women-and-so-are-men-and-the-delusion-that-we-are/) [Anohni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anohni/) > [I'd actually love to think that I could trust Kerry on national security. But the only way I could do that, at this point,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-reynolds/i-d-actually-love-to-think-that-i-could-trust-kerry-on-national/) [Glenn Reynolds](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glenn-reynolds/) [Browse all 1,172 Delusion quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/delusion/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I have ever had the conviction, resistant to all rational considerations, that at some unspecified future moment the continuous rehearsal which is my life, with its so many misreadings, is slips and fluffs, will be done with and that the real drama for which I have ever and with earnestness been preparing will at last begin. It is a common delusion... Yet I anticipate an apotheosis of some kind, some grand climacteric. I am not speaking here of a posthumous transfiguration. I do not entertain the possibility of an afterlife, or any deity capable of offering it. 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