---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is easy to see in retrospect that what…"
description: "\"“It is easy to see in retrospect that what I longed for was not a boyfriend but a version of me without my defects --- a man in whom I could see myself..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/joel-derfner-43647_quote_it-is-easy-to-see-in-retrospect-that-wha_1279754.jpg"
---

#  It is easy to see in retrospect that what I longed for was…

![“It is easy to see in retrospect that what I longed for was not a boyfriend but a version of me without my defects --- a man in whom I could see myself as flawless, a man whose jokes always caused riotous laughter instead of sometimes falling flat, whose German was fluent instead of passable, who…” quote by Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/joel-derfner-43647_quote_it-is-easy-to-see-in-retrospect-that-wha_1279754.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/joel-derfner-43647_quote_it-is-easy-to-see-in-retrospect-that-wha_1279754.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/joel-derfner-43647_quote_it-is-easy-to-see-in-retrospect-that-wha_1279754.jpg)

> ““It is easy to see in retrospect that what I longed for was not a boyfriend but a version of me without my defects --- a man in whom I could see myself as flawless, a man whose jokes always caused riotous laughter instead of sometimes falling flat, whose German was fluent instead of passable, who actually knew everything instead of pretending to and then Googling it when he got home.””

[Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-derfner/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The narrator seeks an ideal partner who mirrors a flawless self, revealing insecurity and the desire for validation.

**In simple terms:** Seeking a perfect partner reflects personal insecurities.

Key Takeaway

Focus on self‑acceptance rather than idealized others.

Themes

self‑image relationships insecurity idealization

Mood

introspective empathetic

Type

personal relationship

When to use this quote

- dating
- self‑growth
- therapy
- communication

Key Concepts

psychology identity

Questions to Reflect On

- What does this reveal about self‑worth?
- How can one cultivate authentic connections?

A Different Perspective

Idealizing partners can lead to disappointment.

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[Boyfriend Version](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boyfriend-version-4131590/) [Defects Man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/defects-man-4131593/) [Flawless Man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/flawless-man-3972016/) [Longed Boyfriend](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/longed-boyfriend-4131592/) [Man Flawless](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/man-flawless-4131591/)

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## More by Joel Derfner

> [“There are two differences between an orgy and a sex club. First, at a sex club it's considered bad form to introduce yourself to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/there-are-two-differences-between-an-orgy-and-a-sex-club-first-at-a/)

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> [“For the most part I felt nothing but scorn for an art form that required the pretense that it was natural for people to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/for-the-most-part-i-felt-nothing-but-scorn-for-an-art-form-that/)

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> [“...everybody alive is a lost and disastrous mess...the scattered moments of kinship we feel with others are, when reduced to their most basic elements,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/everybody-alive-is-a-lost-and-disastrous-mess-the-scattered-moments/)

[Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-derfner/)

> [“People aren't tidy creations to be stacked neatly in the Tupperware or poured in premeasured quantities from a box into the Cuisinart with no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/people-aren-t-tidy-creations-to-be-stacked-neatly-in-the-tupperware/)

[Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-derfner/)

> [“Yes, being gay is just one of a thousand traits that make up my character, no more remarkable than my love of M&M's or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/yes-being-gay-is-just-one-of-a-thousand-traits-that-make-up-my/)

[Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-derfner/)

> [“There are two differences between an orgy and a sex club. First, at a sex club it's considered bad form to introduce yourself to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/there-are-two-differences-between-an-orgy-and-a-sex-club-first-at-a-2/)

[Joel Derfner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-derfner/)

> [“Did you just say you Think Mansfield Park is boring? Get out of my house.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/did-you-just-say-you-think-mansfield-park-is-boring-get-out-of-my/)

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> [“This is what drives me crazy whenever I hear people say things like, "Ask the universe for what you want, and you'll get it,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-derfner/this-is-what-drives-me-crazy-whenever-i-hear-people-say-things-like/)

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## More Flawless Man quotes

> [“The same thing happened over and over: I would catch sight of some flawless man in the distance, but as soon as he moved…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvia-plath/the-same-thing-happened-over-and-over-i-would-catch-sight-of-some/)

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[Browse all 3 Flawless Man quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/flawless-man-3972016/)

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