--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: People who have recently lost someone…" description: "\"“People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg" --- # People who have recently lost someone have a certain look… ![“People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks…” quote by Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg) > ““People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks from the ophthalmologist's office into the bright daylight with dilated eyes, or of someone who wears glasses and is suddenly made to take them off. These people who have lost someone look naked because they think themselves invisible. I myself felt invisible for a period of time, incorporeal. I seemed to have crossed one of those legendary rivers that divide the living from the dead, entered a place in which I could be seen only by those who were themselves recently bereaved. I understood for the first time the power in the image of the rivers, the Styx, the Lethe, the cloaked ferryman with his pole. I understood for the first time the meaning in the practice of suttee. Widows did not throw themselves on the burning raft out of grief. The burning raft was instead an accurate representation of the place to which their grief (not their families, not the community, not custom, their grief) had taken them.”” [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Grief makes people feel exposed, invisible, and only understood by those who share the loss. **In simple terms:** Grief creates a feeling of naked vulnerability seen only by others who have also lost someone. Key Takeaway Recognize and honor shared vulnerability in mourning. Themes grief vulnerability visibility shared experience Mood somber reflective Type literary personal When to use this quote - funeral services - support groups - counseling sessions - personal reflection - memorial events Key Concepts existential isolation psychological exposure collective mourning Questions to Reflect On - How does shared loss change interpersonal connections? - What rituals help transform feeling invisible into visible support? A Different Perspective The intensity of vulnerability can vary and may not be universally recognized. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bereaved Understood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bereaved-understood-3090727/) [First time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-time/) [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [Loss of faith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loss-of-faith/) [Lost Look](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lost-look-1482713/) [Raft Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/raft-grief-3090726/) [Think Invisible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/think-invisible-1043047/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Vulnerability Nakedness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vulnerability-nakedness-3090728/) ## Related quotes > [“I think of how many invisible injuries are possible. Ones scored on your heart, your brain, your bones. How do we all stand? I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ally-condie/i-think-of-how-many-invisible-injuries-are-possible-ones-scored-on/) [Ally Condie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ally-condie/) > [I think 'Invisible' is a great song, but I don't know how accessible it is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bono/i-think-invisible-is-a-great-song-but-i-don-t-know-how-accessible-it/) [Bono](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bono/) > [It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-handey/it-s-fascinating-to-think-that-all-around-us-there-s-an-invisible/) [Jack Handey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-handey/) > [“In the movie where somebody is invisible all the sudden—you know, a nuclear radiation fluke or a mad scientist recipe—and you think, what would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/in-the-movie-where-somebody-is-invisible-all-the-sudden-you-know-a/) [Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/) > [“Most of the time, I think of myself as being invisible. Not invisible like a ghost, but like a souvenir plate from last year's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-epperson/most-of-the-time-i-think-of-myself-as-being-invisible-not-invisible/) [Deborah Epperson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-epperson/) > [“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it - keep going, keep going come…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vincent-van-gogh/if-i-cease-searching-then-woe-is-me-i-am-lost-that-is-how-i-look-at/) [Vincent van Gogh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vincent-van-gogh/) > [The best Thing we can do is to make wherever we're lost in Look as much like home as we can.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-fry/the-best-thing-we-can-do-is-to-make-wherever-we-re-lost-in-look-as/) [Christopher Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-fry/) > [I got lost but look what I found.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irving-berlin/i-got-lost-but-look-what-i-found/) [Irving Berlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/irving-berlin/) > [If you are lost, you can look and you will find me. If you fall I'll catch you and I'll be with you. Time…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracy-chapman/if-you-are-lost-you-can-look-and-you-will-find-me-if-you-fall-i-ll/) [Tracy Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracy-chapman/) > [If you're lost you can look and you will find me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alyssa/if-you-re-lost-you-can-look-and-you-will-find-me/) [ALYSSA](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alyssa/) > [Her eyes always had a frantic, lost look. He could never cure her eyes of that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-bukowski/her-eyes-always-had-a-frantic-lost-look-he-could-never-cure-her-eyes/) [Charles Bukowski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-bukowski/) > [In this world, it is too common for people to search for someone to lose themselves in. But I am already lost. I will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-joybell-c/in-this-world-it-is-too-common-for-people-to-search-for-someone-to/) [C. JoyBell C](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-joybell-c/) > [“Some people know the exact moment when they've lost everything. They can look back and see it plain as day and for the life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/some-people-know-the-exact-moment-when-they-ve-lost-everything-they/) [Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/) > [Never look at what you lost, Look at what you have left.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/never-look-at-what-you-lost-look-at-what-you-have-left/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“His lost look of a man who realized that all this dying was going to be the only life he ever had.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/his-lost-look-of-a-man-who-realized-that-all-this-dying-was-going-to/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) ## More by Joan Didion > [To shift the structure of a sentence alters the meaning of that sentence, as definitely and inflexibly as the position of a camera alters…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/to-shift-the-structure-of-a-sentence-alters-the-meaning-of-that/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [I work every day. Sometimes I don't accomplish anything every day, but if I don't work every day, I get depressed and get afraid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-work-every-day-sometimes-i-don-t-accomplish-anything-every-day-but/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [Style is character.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/style-is-character/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [California is a place in which a boom mentality and a sense of Chekhovian loss meet in uneasy suspension.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/california-is-a-place-in-which-a-boom-mentality-and-a-sense-of/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“I went because I was interested in the alchemy of issues.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-went-because-i-was-interested-in-the-alchemy-of-issues/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“Why did I write it down? In order to remember, of course, but exactly what was it I wanted to remember? How much of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/why-did-i-write-it-down-in-order-to-remember-of-course-but-exactly/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [I no longer want reminders of what was, what got broken, what got lost, what got wasted.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-no-longer-want-reminders-of-what-was-what-got-broken-what-got-lost/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [My mother 'gave teas' the way other mothers breathed. Her own mother 'gave teas.' All of their friends 'gave teas,' each involving butter cookies…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/my-mother-gave-teas-the-way-other-mothers-breathed-her-own-mother/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [I'm not very interested in people. I recognize it in myself - there is a basic indifference toward people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-m-not-very-interested-in-people-i-recognize-it-in-myself-there-is-a/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“Was there ever in anyone's life span a point free in time, devoid of memory, a point when choice was any more than sum…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/was-there-ever-in-anyone-s-life-span-a-point-free-in-time-devoid-of/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“Research to date has shown that, like many other stressors, grief frequently leads to changes in the endocrine, immune, autonomic nervous, and cardiovascular systems;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/research-to-date-has-shown-that-like-many-other-stressors-grief/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“By the end of the week she was thinking constantly about where her body stopped and the air began about the exact point in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/by-the-end-of-the-week-she-was-thinking-constantly-about-where-her/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [“I just can't see the upside in this," I heard myself say by way of explanation. Later he said that if John had been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-just-can-t-see-the-upside-in-this-i-heard-myself-say-by-way-of/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [ I read so ravenously that I would read through whole categories. I was crazy about reading biographies. \[...\] I think biographies are very urgent… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-read-so-ravenously-that-i-would-read-through-whole-categories-i-was/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) > [To those of us who remained committed mainly to the exploration of moral distinctions and ambiguities, the feminist analysis may have seemed a particularly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/to-those-of-us-who-remained-committed-mainly-to-the-exploration-of/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) [Explore all 515 Joan Didion quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) ## More First time quotes > [A man walks down the street. It's a street in a strange world. Maybe it's the third world. Maybe it's his first time around.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-simon/a-man-walks-down-the-street-it-s-a-street-in-a-strange-world-maybe-it/) [Paul Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-simon/) > [“I’m so stressed that a weird Olympic-style commentary starts up in my head. And here we have Zelah Green, the fourteen-year-old champion of rituals,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vanessa-curtis/i-m-so-stressed-that-a-weird-olympic-style-commentary-starts-up-in-my/) [Vanessa Curtis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vanessa-curtis/) > [I'm very used to working with first time actors - you can just look back at 'E.T.' with Drew Barrymore, and Christian Bale from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-spielberg/i-m-very-used-to-working-with-first-time-actors-you-can-just-look/) [Steven Spielberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-spielberg/) > [“I’m waiting for you,” he murmured, smiling a slow, familiar grin that seemed to hint at a secret between them. And for the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-monir/i-m-waiting-for-you-he-murmured-smiling-a-slow-familiar-grin-that/) [Alexandra Monir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-monir/) > [“Treat every natural beauty you met as if you see them for the first and last time!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mehmet-murat-ildan/treat-every-natural-beauty-you-met-as-if-you-see-them-for-the-first/) [Mehmet Murat ildan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mehmet-murat-ildan/) > [“I won’t break your heart. For the first time in my life, I’ve found something worth fighting for, someone more important than me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chelle-bliss/i-won-t-break-your-heart-for-the-first-time-in-my-life-i-ve-found/) [Chelle Bliss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chelle-bliss/) > [Life is like a parachute jump: you have to get it right the first time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/life-is-like-a-parachute-jump-you-have-to-get-it-right-the-first-time/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [When I was in my twenties and just so sexually prolific, the first time I went to Machu Picchu, this guy, a spiritual teacher,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/woody-harrelson/when-i-was-in-my-twenties-and-just-so-sexually-prolific-the-first/) [Woody Harrelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/woody-harrelson/) > [When my kids were in the school play for the first time, I decided I had to make the costumes from scratch and bought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-alexander/when-my-kids-were-in-the-school-play-for-the-first-time-i-decided-i/) [Sarah Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-alexander/) > [“I will run every mile, i will save every line, i will say i reached the top and i will fall back down standing.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mennah-al-refaey/i-will-run-every-mile-i-will-save-every-line-i-will-say-i-reached-the/) [Mennah al refaey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mennah-al-refaey/) > [“Or maybe your magic isn't that destructive after all. The rain of Doritos, the bed thing,this...Maybe it's just that you create too big, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawkins/or-maybe-your-magic-isn-t-that-destructive-after-all-the-rain-of/) [Rachel Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawkins/) > [There is no pain like the first time you get your heart broken.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ne-yo/there-is-no-pain-like-the-first-time-you-get-your-heart-broken/) [Ne-Yo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ne-yo/) > [I don't know why, but everybody thinks that I'm short. When they see me for the first time, women are always surprised to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mariah-carey/i-don-t-know-why-but-everybody-thinks-that-i-m-short-when-they-see-me/) [Mariah Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mariah-carey/) > [“I met Suffering on a quiet road, just as the sun was setting behind me. Its presence was heavy, like an old coat I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sanjo-jendayi/i-met-suffering-on-a-quiet-road-just-as-the-sun-was-setting-behind-me/) [Sanjo Jendayi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sanjo-jendayi/) > [“You never talk to the pitcher when…” He shook his head. “You just never talk to the pitcher when--” “I just wanted to congratulate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-hawthorne/you-never-talk-to-the-pitcher-when-he-shook-his-head-you-just-never/) [Rachel Hawthorne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-hawthorne/) [Browse all 9,309 First time quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-time/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness. It is the look of someone who walks from the ophthalmologist's office into the bright daylight with dilated eyes, or of someone who wears glasses and is suddenly made to take them off. These people who have lost someone look naked because they think themselves invisible. I myself felt invisible for a period of time, incorporeal. I seemed to have crossed one of those legendary rivers that divide the living from the dead, entered a place in which I could be seen only by those who were themselves recently bereaved. I understood for the first time the power in the image of the rivers, the Styx, the Lethe, the cloaked ferryman with his pole. I understood for the first time the meaning in the practice of suttee. Widows did not throw themselves on the burning raft out of grief. The burning raft was instead an accurate representation of the place to which their grief (not their families, not the community, not custom, their grief) had taken them.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Joan Didion" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-have-a-certain-look/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "First time" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-have-a-certain-look/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bb/joan-didion-497_first-time_people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-ha_330198.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“People who have recently lost someone have a certain look, recognizable maybe only to those who have seen…” — Joan Didion", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Joan Didion", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“People who have recently lost someone...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-have-a-certain-look/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/people-who-have-recently-lost-someone-have-a-certain-look/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```