--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We inevitably doom our children to…" description: "\"We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration when we try to set their goals for them.\" — Jess Lair" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg" --- # We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration… ![“We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration when we try to set their goals for them.” quote by Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg) > “We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration when we try to set their goals for them.” [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Setting goals for children can cause them to fail and feel frustrated because it removes their agency and motivation. **In simple terms:** Imposing goals harms children. Key Takeaway Allow children to set their own goals. Themes parenting motivation autonomy Mood supportive inspirational Type advice educational When to use this quote - education - sports coaching - career planning Key Concepts self‑determination theory goal setting Questions to Reflect On - How can parents balance guidance with autonomy? - What strategies help children discover personal aspirations? A Different Perspective Children may still need guidance to set realistic goals. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Doom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doom/) [Failure](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failure/) [Frustration](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/frustration/) [Goal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/goal/) [Goals](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/goals/) ## Related quotes > [Great success is built on failure, frustration, even catastrophy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sumner-redstone/great-success-is-built-on-failure-frustration-even-catastrophy/) [Sumner Redstone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sumner-redstone/) > [Golf is a game of endless failure and frustration.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-greenberg/golf-is-a-game-of-endless-failure-and-frustration/) [Mike Greenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-greenberg/) > [When it comes to the education of our children... failure is not an option.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-w-bush/when-it-comes-to-the-education-of-our-children-failure-is-not-an/) [George W. Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-w-bush/) > [“Protect our children from failure, is impossible; Teach them how to get up can make the difference”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mayra-a-diaz/protect-our-children-from-failure-is-impossible-teach-them-how-to-get/) Mayra A. Diaz > [Success is built on failure, on frustration, on catastrophe, it is your determination and spirit which culminates into success.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anil-sinha/success-is-built-on-failure-on-frustration-on-catastrophe-it-is-your/) [Anil Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anil-sinha/) > [Protecting children from failure does NOT boost self esteem.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/protecting-children-from-failure-does-not-boost-self-esteem/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Great success is built on failure, frustration, even catastrophe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sumner-redstone/great-success-is-built-on-failure-frustration-even-catastrophe/) [Sumner Redstone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sumner-redstone/) > [“As a good parent or teacher, we should teach our children that failure is an opportunity for improvement and growth, rather than a blockade…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/asa-don-brown/as-a-good-parent-or-teacher-we-should-teach-our-children-that-failure/) [Asa Don Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/asa-don-brown/) > [To focus on matters beyond our control is to misdirect energy, waste time, and doom us to frustration and failure.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvey-dorfman/to-focus-on-matters-beyond-our-control-is-to-misdirect-energy-waste/) Harvey Dorfman > [This is the problem with the way you educate your children. You don't want your young ones drawing their own conclusions. You want them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neale-donald-walsch/this-is-the-problem-with-the-way-you-educate-your-children-you-don-t/) [Neale Donald Walsch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neale-donald-walsch/) > [Now, China, India have set goals. We're going to be able to review what they're doing. We're going to be able to challenge them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-axelrod/now-china-india-have-set-goals-we-re-going-to-be-able-to-review-what/) [David Axelrod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-axelrod/) > [I believe in the saying, 'If you aim at nothing, you're going to hit nothing.' So if you don't set goals, then you have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/taylor-lautner/i-believe-in-the-saying-if-you-aim-at-nothing-you-re-going-to-hit/) [Taylor Lautner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/taylor-lautner/) > [What Fred Lebow went through was an inspiration for me. You have to set goals for yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grete-waitz/what-fred-lebow-went-through-was-an-inspiration-for-me-you-have-to/) [Grete Waitz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grete-waitz/) > [Set goals - high goals for you and your organization. When your organization has a goal to shoot for, you create teamwork, people working…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bear-bryant/set-goals-high-goals-for-you-and-your-organization-when-your/) [Bear Bryant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bear-bryant/) > [I always say there are two things to be successful. The first is decide exactly what you want - set your goals - and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-tracy/i-always-say-there-are-two-things-to-be-successful-the-first-is/) [Brian Tracy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-tracy/) ## More by Jess Lair > [Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit, we cannot flower and grow without it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/praise-is-like-sunlight-to-the-human-spirit-we-cannot-flower-and-grow/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) > [Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/children-are-not-things-to-be-molded-but-people-to-be-unfolded/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) > [“Children are not tings to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/children-are-not-tings-to-be-molded-but-are-people-to-be-unfolded/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) > [You don't raise kids. You raise carrots. You sponsor kids.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/you-don-t-raise-kids-you-raise-carrots-you-sponsor-kids/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) > [“children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/children-are-not-things-to-be-molded-but-are-people-to-be-unfolded/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) > [It's like the little rat in the Skinner box who says, "I've got this psychologist under my control. Every time I press the bar,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/it-s-like-the-little-rat-in-the-skinner-box-who-says-i-ve-got-this/) [Jess Lair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) [Explore all 7 Jess Lair quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/) ## More Child quotes > [The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-thing-about-hitting-kids-is-think-about-if-you-were-doing-the/) [Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/) > [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/) [Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/) > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [I want to make my music and be a happy woman, a good wife, a good mom and one day hopefully have a child…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leann-rimes/i-want-to-make-my-music-and-be-a-happy-woman-a-good-wife-a-good-mom/) [LeAnn Rimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leann-rimes/) > [I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natasha-lyonne/i-would-have-done-well-as-a-gypsy-child-i-think-a-circus-baby-i/) [Natasha Lyonne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natasha-lyonne/) > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I'm a weirdo and an only child. That comes together to create one-woman shows.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amanda-seales/i-m-a-weirdo-and-an-only-child-that-comes-together-to-create-one/) [Amanda Seales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amanda-seales/) > [“Every child is born as angel.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/every-child-is-born-as-angel/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [To assist a child we must provide him with an environment which will enable him to develop freely.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-montessori/to-assist-a-child-we-must-provide-him-with-an-environment-which-will/) [Maria Montessori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-montessori/) > [Almost everywhere we find . . . the use of various coercive measures, to rid ourselves as quickly as possible of the child withinus--i.e.,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-miller/almost-everywhere-we-find-the-use-of-various-coercive-measures-to-rid/) [Alice Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-miller/) > [Since I was a little child, my nose - I think it's too big.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/celine-dion/since-i-was-a-little-child-my-nose-i-think-it-s-too-big/) [Celine Dion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/celine-dion/) > [if we center our lives on BMWs, RVs, VCRs, PCs and the other acronyms of consumerism, we cannot expect our children to do otherwise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnnetta-b-cole/if-we-center-our-lives-on-bmws-rvs-vcrs-pcs-and-the-other-acronyms-of/) [Johnnetta B. Cole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnnetta-b-cole/) > [Bring up your children in the way you think other peoples children should go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vikrant-parsai/bring-up-your-children-in-the-way-you-think-other-peoples-children/) [Vikrant Parsai](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vikrant-parsai/) > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) Sheila Kamerman > [My first three manuscripts were epic fantasy - like high fantasy - and then the fourth one was a historical fantasy about Mozart as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marie-lu/my-first-three-manuscripts-were-epic-fantasy-like-high-fantasy-and/) [Marie Lu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marie-lu/) [Browse all 10,700 Child quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration when we try to set their goals for them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jess Lair" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failure-and-frustration-when-we/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Child" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failure-and-frustration-when-we/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e4d/jess-lair-52949_children_we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failu_1652838.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We inevitably doom our children to failure and frustration when we try to set their goals for them.” — Jess Lair", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Jess Lair", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-lair/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "We inevitably doom our children to...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failure-and-frustration-when-we/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-lair/we-inevitably-doom-our-children-to-failure-and-frustration-when-we/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```