--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go…" description: "\"“Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit wit..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jenny-downham-3127_before-i-die_instructions-for-dad-i-don-t-want-to-go_2053458.jpg" --- # Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go into a fridge at… ![“Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit with me in case I got lonely? I promise not to scare you. I want to be buried in my butterfly dress, my lilac bra and knicker set and my black zip…” quote by Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jenny-downham-3127_before-i-die_instructions-for-dad-i-don-t-want-to-go_2053458.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jenny-downham-3127_before-i-die_instructions-for-dad-i-don-t-want-to-go_2053458.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jenny-downham-3127_before-i-die_instructions-for-dad-i-don-t-want-to-go_2053458.jpg) > ““Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit with me in case I got lonely? I promise not to scare you. I want to be buried in my butterfly dress, my lilac bra and knicker set and my black zip boots (all still in the suitcase that I packed for Sicily). I also want to wear the bracelet Adam gave me. Don't put make-up on me. It looks stupid on dead people. I do NOT want to be cremated. Cremations pollute the atmosphere with dioxins,k hydrochloric acid, hydrofluoric acid, sulphur dioxide and carbon dioxide. They also have those spooky curtains in crematoriums. I want a biodegradable willow coffin and a woodland burial. The people at the Natural Death Centre helped me pick a site not for from where we live, and they'll help you with all the arrangements. I want a native tree planted on or near my grave. I'd like an oak, but I don't mind a sweet chestnut or even a willow. I want a wooden plaque with my name on. I want wild plants and flowers growing on my grave. I want the service to be simple. Tell Zoey to bring Lauren (if she's born by then). Invite Philippa and her husband Andy (if he wants to come), also James from the hospital (though he might be busy). I don't want anyone who doesn't know my saying anything about me. THe Natural Death Centre people will stay with you, but should also stay out of it. I want the people I love to get up and speak about me, and even if you cry it'll be OK. I want you to say honest things. Say I was a monster if you like, say how I made you all run around after me. If you can think of anything good, say that too! Write it down first, because apparently people often forget what they mean to say at funerals. Don't under any circumstances read that poem by Auden. It's been done to death (ha, ha) and it's too sad. Get someone to read Sonnet 12 by Shakespeare. Music- "Blackbird" by the Beatles. "Plainsong" by The Cure. "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. "All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands" by Sufian Stevens. There may not be time for all of them, but make sure you play the last one. Zoey helped me choose them and she's got them all on her iPod (it's got speakers if you need to borrow it). Afterwards, go to a pub for lunch. I've got £260 in my savings account and I really want you to use it for that. Really, I mean it-lunch is on me. Make sure you have pudding-sticky toffee, chocolate fudge cake, ice-cream sundae, something really bad for you. Get drunk too if you like (but don't scare Cal). Spend all the money. And after that, when days have gone by, keep an eye out for me. I might write on the steam in the mirror when you're having a bath, or play with the leaves on the apple tree when you're out in the garden. I might slip into a dream. Visit my grave when you can, but don't kick yourself if you can't, or if you move house and it's suddenly too far away. It looks pretty there in the summer (check out the website). You could bring a picnic and sit with me. I'd like that. OK. That's it. I love you. Tessa xxx”” [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A detailed request for a natural, personalized burial and funeral, specifying clothing, music, plantings, and emotional tone, while rejecting cremation and certain poems. **In simple terms:** A wish for a simple, eco‑friendly funeral with personal touches. Key Takeaway Plan a natural burial respecting the deceased’s specific wishes. Themes death environment family personalization grief Mood somber reflective hopeful Type directive personal memorial When to use this quote - family planning - funeral services - environmental activism - personal expression Key Concepts eco‑burial ritual design memory preservation Questions to Reflect On - How can families balance personal funeral wishes with practical constraints? - What steps ensure the deceased’s environmental concerns are honored? A Different Perspective The request may be emotionally overwhelming for loved ones and difficult to fulfill logistically. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Before i die](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/before-i-die/) [Carbon dioxide](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/carbon-dioxide/) [Dad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dad/) [Dead people](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dead-people/) [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Plants and flowers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/plants-and-flowers/) [Savings account](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/savings-account/) ## Related quotes > [I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/i-don-t-want-to-go-into-a-fridge-at-an-undertaker-s-i-want-you-to/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [I don't want to be cremated, I want to be buried. I don't believe in wasting wood and I feel that one should give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khushwant-singh/i-don-t-want-to-be-cremated-i-want-to-be-buried-i-don-t-believe-in/) [Khushwant Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khushwant-singh/) > [“He called me an asshole and said, “I'll bury you!” like some comic book villain. I wanted to fucking scream my head off—I'm not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tiffanie-debartolo/he-called-me-an-asshole-and-said-i-ll-bury-you-like-some-comic-book/) [Tiffanie DeBartolo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tiffanie-debartolo/) > [They say funerals are not for the dead but for the living. Those rites are what permit you to move on, so if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-aguirre/they-say-funerals-are-not-for-the-dead-but-for-the-living-those-rites/) [Ann Aguirre](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-aguirre/) > [I've changed my mind. I've decided that at the end I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered over someone I don't like.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-michael-straczynski/i-ve-changed-my-mind-i-ve-decided-that-at-the-end-i-want-to-be/) [J. Michael Straczynski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-michael-straczynski/) > [I want to be cremated so people won't come to worship at my bones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-einstein/i-want-to-be-cremated-so-people-won-t-come-to-worship-at-my-bones/) [Albert Einstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-einstein/) > [“I want to be cremated. And I want my ashes spread over the lake, so I’m always with you, hangin’ around, silently judgin’ you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-harper/i-want-to-be-cremated-and-i-want-my-ashes-spread-over-the-lake-so-i-m/) [Molly Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-harper/) > [My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/buddy-hackett/my-wife-said-to-me-i-want-to-be-cremated-i-said-how-about-tuesday/) [Buddy Hackett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/buddy-hackett/) > [We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to be cremated."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-spikey/we-were-having-tea-with-my-mother-in-law-the-other-day-and-out-of-the/) Dave Spikey > [When I die, I want them to play The Black and Crazy Blues, I want to be cremated, put in a bag of pot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rahsaan-roland-kirk/when-i-die-i-want-them-to-play-the-black-and-crazy-blues-i-want-to-be/) [Rahsaan Roland Kirk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rahsaan-roland-kirk/) > [When I die, nieces, I want to be cremated, my ashes taken up in a bush plane and sprinkled onto the people in town…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-boyden/when-i-die-nieces-i-want-to-be-cremated-my-ashes-taken-up-in-a-bush/) [Joseph Boyden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-boyden/) > [When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-die-i-want-to-be-cremated-with-everybody/) [Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/) > [I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes blown in Uri Geller's eyes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-randi/i-want-to-be-cremated-and-i-want-my-ashes-blown-in-uri-geller-s-eyes/) [James Randi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-randi/) > [Hawaii is the best form of comfort for me. When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want half my ashes spread…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-pryor/hawaii-is-the-best-form-of-comfort-for-me-when-i-die-i-want-to-be/) [Richard Pryor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-pryor/) > [“The sight of other people's prosperity seems to kill their appreciation and the enjoyment of their possessions. To be happy, we must approve of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orison-swett-marden/the-sight-of-other-people-s-prosperity-seems-to-kill-their/) [Orison Swett Marden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orison-swett-marden/) ## More by Jenny Downham > [“We'll kill him on the green with a five iron.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/we-ll-kill-him-on-the-green-with-a-five-iron/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [“Sklupčam se u podnožju stubišta. To je mjesto gdje mačka sjedi kad hoće da se ljudi spotaknu preko nje. Uvijek sam htjela biti mačka.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/sklup-am-se-u-podno-ju-stubi-ta-to-je-mjesto-gdje-ma-ka-sjedi-kad-ho/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [It's as if a child with a brush and too much enthusiasm has been set free with a tin of black paint inside me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/it-s-as-if-a-child-with-a-brush-and-too-much-enthusiasm-has-been-set/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [It was strange how words meant something when they came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/it-was-strange-how-words-meant-something-when-they-came-out-of-your/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [“I sit up in bed and watch her fiddle about in the back of my wardrobe. I think she's got a plan. That's what's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/i-sit-up-in-bed-and-watch-her-fiddle-about-in-the-back-of-my-wardrobe/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [“I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish he lived in the wardrobe on a coat hanger. Whenever I wanted, I could get him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/i-wish-i-had-a-boyfriend-i-wish-he-lived-in-the-wardrobe-on-a-coat/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [Life is made up of a series of moments, each one a journey to the end.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/life-is-made-up-of-a-series-of-moments-each-one-a-journey-to-the-end/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [All I know is that I have two choices – stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/all-i-know-is-that-i-have-two-choices-stay-wrapped-in-blankets-and/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [We make patterns, we share moments.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/we-make-patterns-we-share-moments/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [Are you afraid, Tessa?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/are-you-afraid-tessa/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [“Hey, listen,' I say. " Fascinating as this is, we've got to go now. I have to collect the invites for my funeral." That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/hey-listen-i-say-fascinating-as-this-is-we-ve-got-to-go-now-i-have-to/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [“Zatvaram oči i zamišljam da sam drvo okupano sunčevim svjetlom, da ne želim ništa osim kiše.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/zatvaram-o-i-i-zami-ljam-da-sam-drvo-okupano-sun-evim-svjetlom-da-ne/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [It hurts and hurts to have him this close. I feel sick with it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/it-hurts-and-hurts-to-have-him-this-close-i-feel-sick-with-it/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [Every breath, every heartbeat, was one less until maybe things stopped hurting this much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/every-breath-every-heartbeat-was-one-less-until-maybe-things-stopped/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [Keep breathing. Just keep doing it. It's easy. In and out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/keep-breathing-just-keep-doing-it-it-s-easy-in-and-out/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) [Explore all 133 Jenny Downham quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) ## More Before i die quotes > [You smile upon your friend to-day, To-day his ills are over; You hearken to the lover's say, And happy is the lover. 'Tis late…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-smile-upon-your-friend-to-day-to-day-his-ills-are-over-you/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [If I had to choose a song to listen to before I died, it would be Simone singing Começar de novo.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simone-bittencourt-de-oliveira/if-i-had-to-choose-a-song-to-listen-to-before-i-died-it-would-be/) Simone Bittencourt de Oliveira > [“I sit up in bed and watch her fiddle about in the back of my wardrobe. I think she's got a plan. That's what's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/i-sit-up-in-bed-and-watch-her-fiddle-about-in-the-back-of-my-wardrobe/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [Long ago, when I was a very young girl, I said that I wanted to go everywhere, see everything, taste everything. hear everything, touch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madalyn-murray-o-hair/long-ago-when-i-was-a-very-young-girl-i-said-that-i-wanted-to-go/) [Madalyn Murray O'Hair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madalyn-murray-o-hair/) > [ \[...\] "I recall what you said to me once," Will went on. "That words have the power to change us. Your words have changed… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/i-recall-what-you-said-to-me-once-will-went-on-that-words-have-the/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [I would still like to go to the moon before I die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-e-grant/i-would-still-like-to-go-to-the-moon-before-i-die/) [Richard E. Grant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-e-grant/) > [I must, before I die, find some way to say the essential thing that is in me, that I have never said yet --…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bertrand-russell/i-must-before-i-die-find-some-way-to-say-the-essential-thing-that-is/) [Bertrand Russell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bertrand-russell/) > [They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mel-gibson/they-may-take-our-lives-but-they-ll-never-take-our-freedom/) [Mel Gibson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mel-gibson/) > [If you shoot, I will kill her before I die." Yes," Kitai said in a patient tone. "Which is why I have not shot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-butcher/if-you-shoot-i-will-kill-her-before-i-die-yes-kitai-said-in-a-patient/) [Jim Butcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-butcher/) > [If I had only one more sermon to preach before I died, it would be about my Lord Jesus Christ. And I think that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-spurgeon/if-i-had-only-one-more-sermon-to-preach-before-i-died-it-would-be/) [Charles Spurgeon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-spurgeon/) > [“He falls asleep quickly. I lie awake and listen to lights being switched off all over the town. Whispered goodnights. The drowsy creak of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-downham/he-falls-asleep-quickly-i-lie-awake-and-listen-to-lights-being/) [Jenny Downham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-downham/) > [I smoke pot because I want to go to heaven before I die](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-warhol/i-smoke-pot-because-i-want-to-go-to-heaven-before-i-die/) [Andy Warhol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-warhol/) > [Most of us are tiptoeing through life so we can reach death safely. We should be praying, "If I should wake before I die.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-campolo/most-of-us-are-tiptoeing-through-life-so-we-can-reach-death-safely-we/) [Tony Campolo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-campolo/) > [And though the years before I die Stretch out interminably, I Shall only count my life in truth As that brief hour of happy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ibn-hazm/and-though-the-years-before-i-die-stretch-out-interminably-i-shall/) [Ibn Hazm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ibn-hazm/) > [Before I die, I want to fight for life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/before-i-die-i-want-to-fight-for-life/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) [Browse all 68 Before i die quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/before-i-die/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Instructions for Dad. I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit with me in case I got lonely? I promise not to scare you. I want to be buried in my butterfly dress, my lilac bra and knicker set and my black zip boots (all still in the suitcase that I packed for Sicily). I also want to wear the bracelet Adam gave me. Don't put make-up on me. It looks stupid on dead people. I do NOT want to be cremated. Cremations pollute the atmosphere with dioxins,k hydrochloric acid, hydrofluoric acid, sulphur dioxide and carbon dioxide. They also have those spooky curtains in crematoriums. I want a biodegradable willow coffin and a woodland burial. The people at the Natural Death Centre helped me pick a site not for from where we live, and they'll help you with all the arrangements. I want a native tree planted on or near my grave. I'd like an oak, but I don't mind a sweet chestnut or even a willow. I want a wooden plaque with my name on. I want wild plants and flowers growing on my grave. I want the service to be simple. Tell Zoey to bring Lauren (if she's born by then). Invite Philippa and her husband Andy (if he wants to come), also James from the hospital (though he might be busy). I don't want anyone who doesn't know my saying anything about me. THe Natural Death Centre people will stay with you, but should also stay out of it. I want the people I love to get up and speak about me, and even if you cry it'll be OK. I want you to say honest things. Say I was a monster if you like, say how I made you all run around after me. If you can think of anything good, say that too! Write it down first, because apparently people often forget what they mean to say at funerals. Don't under any circumstances read that poem by Auden. It's been done to death (ha, ha) and it's too sad. Get someone to read Sonnet 12 by Shakespeare. Music- \"Blackbird\" by the Beatles. \"Plainsong\" by The Cure. \"Live Like You Were Dying\" by Tim McGraw. \"All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands\" by Sufian Stevens. There may not be time for all of them, but make sure you play the last one. Zoey helped me choose them and she's got them all on her iPod (it's got speakers if you need to borrow it). Afterwards, go to a pub for lunch. I've got £260 in my savings account and I really want you to use it for that. Really, I mean it-lunch is on me. Make sure you have pudding-sticky toffee, chocolate fudge cake, ice-cream sundae, something really bad for you. Get drunk too if you like (but don't scare Cal). Spend all the money. And after that, when days have gone by, keep an eye out for me. I might write on the steam in the mirror when you're having a bath, or play with the leaves on the apple tree when you're out in the garden. I might slip into a dream. Visit my grave when you can, but don't kick yourself if you can't, or if you move house and it's suddenly too far away. It looks pretty there in the summer (check out the website). You could bring a picnic and sit with me. I'd like that. OK. That's it. I love you. 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