--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: There’s a thing they’ve figured out about…" description: "\"“There’s a thing they’ve figured out about love. Scientifically. They’ve done studies to find out what keeps couples together. Do you know what it is? ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03e/jeffrey-eugenides-462_couples_there-s-a-thing-they-ve-figured-out-abou_552484.jpg" --- # There’s a thing they’ve figured out about love… ![“There’s a thing they’ve figured out about love. Scientifically. They’ve done studies to find out what keeps couples together. Do you know what it is? It isn’t getting along. Isn’t having money, or children, or a similar outlook on life. It’s just checking in with each other. Doing little…” quote by Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03e/jeffrey-eugenides-462_couples_there-s-a-thing-they-ve-figured-out-abou_552484.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03e/jeffrey-eugenides-462_couples_there-s-a-thing-they-ve-figured-out-abou_552484.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03e/jeffrey-eugenides-462_couples_there-s-a-thing-they-ve-figured-out-abou_552484.jpg) > ““There’s a thing they’ve figured out about love. Scientifically. They’ve done studies to find out what keeps couples together. Do you know what it is? It isn’t getting along. Isn’t having money, or children, or a similar outlook on life. It’s just checking in with each other. Doing little kindnesses for each other. At breakfast, you pass the jam. Or, on a trip to New York City, you hold hands for a second in a smelly subway elevator. You ask “How was your day?” and pretend to care. Stuff like that really works.”” [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Healthy relationships thrive on daily small acts of care rather than grand compatibility factors. **In simple terms:** Small kindnesses keep couples together. Key Takeaway Practice daily small gestures of care. Themes relationships kindness daily habits communication Mood warm intimate reflective Type advice observational conversational When to use this quote - morning routines - commuting - family meals - long-distance calls Key Concepts attachment theory social reciprocity emotional labor Questions to Reflect On - How can you incorporate small kindnesses into a busy day? - What barriers prevent you from checking in regularly? A Different Perspective These gestures may feel trivial and can be overlooked in stressful times. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Couples](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couples/) [Getting along](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/getting-along/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [New york city](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/new-york-city/) [Outlook on life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/outlook-on-life/) [Pretend To Care](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pretend-to-care/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) ## Related quotes > [“What if I told you I could get you to fall in love with me scientifically?" "I would scoff," I say. "A Lot”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicola-yoon/what-if-i-told-you-i-could-get-you-to-fall-in-love-with-me/) [Nicola Yoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicola-yoon/) > [I can't tell you how many couples I know where the husband and the wife are both in the military and have deployed together,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanya-biank/i-can-t-tell-you-how-many-couples-i-know-where-the-husband-and-the/) [Tanya Biank](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanya-biank/) > [I see those couples...you know, the ones that are so in love. Makes me wonder if I would ever be like that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-see-those-couples-you-know-the-ones-that-are-so-in-love-makes-me/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [How many married couples do you know who met over accounting books in a Starbucks?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-schweikert/how-many-married-couples-do-you-know-who-met-over-accounting-books-in/) [David Schweikert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-schweikert/) > [“If you pretend to care and understand only to get inside the person's pants, then you may succeed temporarily to achieve penetration, but you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/if-you-pretend-to-care-and-understand-only-to-get-inside-the-person-s/) [Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/) > [Companies that pretend to care about music and really care about other things - whether it be hardware, whether it be advertising - and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-z/companies-that-pretend-to-care-about-music-and-really-care-about/) [Jay-Z](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-z/) > [Some people will pretend to care just so they can get a better seat to watch your struggle. Every helping hand isn't always there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/some-people-will-pretend-to-care-just-so-they-can-get-a-better-seat/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Three things I hate about life. Fakes, people that pretend to care, and just people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/three-things-i-hate-about-life-fakes-people-that-pretend-to-care-and/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Why shouldn't Mom trust me, Dad" Why are you so determined to make me out to be the bad guy all the time?" I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-brown/why-shouldn-t-mom-trust-me-dad-why-are-you-so-determined-to-make-me/) [Jennifer Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-brown/) > [Everytime I see my girlfriends tits they remind me why I pretend to care about what she has to say](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/green-monk/everytime-i-see-my-girlfriends-tits-they-remind-me-why-i-pretend-to/) [Green Monk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/green-monk/) > [The tougher the times, the more clarity you gain about the difference between what really matters and what you only pretend to care about.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/po-bronson/the-tougher-the-times-the-more-clarity-you-gain-about-the-difference/) [Po Bronson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/po-bronson/) > [“People didn't like having to come up with something smart or helpful or sensitive to say, and they weren't intelligent enough to realize that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-corey-whaley/people-didn-t-like-having-to-come-up-with-something-smart-or-helpful/) [John Corey Whaley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-corey-whaley/) > [“Lady Kingsley, when you read this, do attempt to keep an open mind.” “I will if you will,” she retorted hotly. To her surprise,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabrina-jeffries/lady-kingsley-when-you-read-this-do-attempt-to-keep-an-open-mind-i/) [Sabrina Jeffries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabrina-jeffries/) > [“If you personally advocate that I be caged if I don't pay for whatever "government" things YOU want, please don't pretend to be tolerant,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/larken-rose/if-you-personally-advocate-that-i-be-caged-if-i-don-t-pay-for/) [Larken Rose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/larken-rose/) > [“We’re used to the film versions of psychopaths. The clearly crazies. But most psychopaths are clever. They have to be. They know how to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-penny/we-re-used-to-the-film-versions-of-psychopaths-the-clearly-crazies/) [Louise Penny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-penny/) ## More by Jeffrey Eugenides > [“Only the Lisbon house remained dark, a tunnel, an emptiness, past our smoke and flames.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/only-the-lisbon-house-remained-dark-a-tunnel-an-emptiness-past-our/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“She had just started living like a grown-up and she'd never felt more vulnerable, frightened or confused in her life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/she-had-just-started-living-like-a-grown-up-and-she-d-never-felt-more/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [It's often said that a traumatic experience early in life marks a person forever, pulls her out of line, saying, "Stay there. Don't move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/it-s-often-said-that-a-traumatic-experience-early-in-life-marks-a/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/adolescents-tend-to-seek-love-where-they-can-find-it/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“The window was still open,” Mr Lisbon said. “I don’t think we’d ever remembered to shut it. It was all clear to me. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/the-window-was-still-open-mr-lisbon-said-i-don-t-think-we-d-ever/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [I was aware that you weren't supposed to write about suburbia, that it was undignified in some way, the subject matter not momentous enough.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/i-was-aware-that-you-weren-t-supposed-to-write-about-suburbia-that-it/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“Dr. Armonson stitched up her wrist wounds. Within five minutes of the transfusion he declared her out of danger. Chucking her under the chin,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/dr-armonson-stitched-up-her-wrist-wounds-within-five-minutes-of-the/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“I don't approve of women driving, mind you. And now they get to vote!" He grumbled to himself. "Remember that play we saw ("The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/i-don-t-approve-of-women-driving-mind-you-and-now-they-get-to-vote-he/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [“Her face was calm, but inside she was tense.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/her-face-was-calm-but-inside-she-was-tense/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [I know that attaching memories to books may be going out of the world, but while it lasts, it's a strong record of your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/i-know-that-attaching-memories-to-books-may-be-going-out-of-the-world/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [I spend most of every day writing. I like to write every day if I can. I don't start extremely early.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/i-spend-most-of-every-day-writing-i-like-to-write-every-day-if-i-can/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/maybe-the-best-proof-that-the-language-is-patriarchal-is-that-it/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [We knew that Cecilia had killed herself because she was a misfit, because the beyond called to her, and we knew that her sisters,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/we-knew-that-cecilia-had-killed-herself-because-she-was-a-misfit/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [You can tell when something's not moving forward anymore. When the doubts you have about it don't go away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/you-can-tell-when-something-s-not-moving-forward-anymore-when-the/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) > [Normality wasn't normal. It couldn't be. If normality were normal, everybody could leave it alone. They could sit back and let normality manifest itself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-eugenides/normality-wasn-t-normal-it-couldn-t-be-if-normality-were-normal/) [Jeffrey Eugenides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) [Explore all 516 Jeffrey Eugenides quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-eugenides/) ## More Couples quotes > [Unmarried couples should get married - that's an excellent tax avoidance measure, if a bit drastic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-whiting/unmarried-couples-should-get-married-that-s-an-excellent-tax/) John Whiting > [Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-mclaughlin/valentine-s-day-rubbing-singles-noses-in-their-lack-of-a-mate-and-the/) [Emma McLaughlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-mclaughlin/) > [“To lovers out there… Pregnancy is the main reason why most couples are married today. Yet every day they ask themselves why they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/de-philosopher-dj-kyos/to-lovers-out-there-pregnancy-is-the-main-reason-why-most-couples-are/) De philosopher DJ Kyos > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“Admire and appreciate your man and he will be happy on your side”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-alfiori/admire-and-appreciate-your-man-and-he-will-be-happy-on-your-side/) [Linda Alfiori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-alfiori/) > [“Successful friendships are established on both giving and receiving. Develop a heart to give not only to receive.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-arthur/successful-friendships-are-established-on-both-giving-and-receiving/) [John Arthur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-arthur/) > [“ misgivings , n . Last night, I got up the courage to ask you if you regretted us. "There are things I miss,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/misgivings-n-last-night-i-got-up-the-courage-to-ask-you-if-you/) [David Levithan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-levithan/) > [Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/couples-who-rarely-or-never-have-sex-can-know-lifelong-love/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Like so many couples, my husband and I had a hard time trying to conceive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-buteau/like-so-many-couples-my-husband-and-i-had-a-hard-time-trying-to/) [Michelle Buteau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-buteau/) > [All couples have ups and downs but how you handle it is what defines true love. arguments are simply a test to see if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keesling-moraiji-tatenda/all-couples-have-ups-and-downs-but-how-you-handle-it-is-what-defines/) [Keesling Moraiji Tatenda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keesling-moraiji-tatenda/) > [Couples without kids have each other, their friends, families, and Siri to talk to. 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There's a deep irony here.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tucker-carlson/rich-people-making-their-houses-bigger-in-order-to-make-their-lives/) [Tucker Carlson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tucker-carlson/) > [The way we think may be completely different, but you and I are an ancient, archetypal couple, the original man and woman. We are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/banana-yoshimoto/the-way-we-think-may-be-completely-different-but-you-and-i-are-an/) [Banana Yoshimoto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/banana-yoshimoto/) [Browse all 542 Couples quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couples/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“There’s a thing they’ve figured out about love. Scientifically. They’ve done studies to find out what keeps couples together. Do you know what it is? It isn’t getting along. Isn’t having money, or children, or a similar outlook on life. It’s just checking in with each other. 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