--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands…" description: "\"“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.”\" — Jarod Kintz" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13f/jarod-kintz-2_two-hands_i-bowl-like-i-masturbate-with-two-hands_1921714.jpg" --- # I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for… ![“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.” quote by Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13f/jarod-kintz-2_two-hands_i-bowl-like-i-masturbate-with-two-hands_1921714.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13f/jarod-kintz-2_two-hands_i-bowl-like-i-masturbate-with-two-hands_1921714.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/13f/jarod-kintz-2_two-hands_i-bowl-like-i-masturbate-with-two-hands_1921714.jpg) > ““I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.”” [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Comparing bowling to masturbation humorously suggests a two‑handed approach, implying political ambition. **In simple terms:** Bowling with two hands is like a bold political run. Key Takeaway Embrace boldness. Themes humor politics skill Mood witty irreverent Type satirical motivational When to use this quote - sports - political campaigns - public speaking Key Concepts satire performance Questions to Reflect On - What bold moves have you avoided? - How does humor affect political perception? A Different Perspective Humor may obscure seriousness. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet ## Related quotes > [Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil, my brother like to masturbate with baby oil.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-sandler/wrap-the-turkey-up-in-aluminum-foil-my-brother-like-to-masturbate/) [Adam Sandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-sandler/) > [I started watching videos of Shane Warne sir, and that's where I realized what leg-spin is. He was my idol, and I wanted to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yuzvendra-chahal/i-started-watching-videos-of-shane-warne-sir-and-that-s-where-i/) [Yuzvendra Chahal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yuzvendra-chahal/) > [You can't beat the Cotton Bowl. There's nothing like that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baker-mayfield/you-can-t-beat-the-cotton-bowl-there-s-nothing-like-that/) [Baker Mayfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baker-mayfield/) > [“Handcuffs barely wrap around the girth of my penis. I should run for Congress.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/handcuffs-barely-wrap-around-the-girth-of-my-penis-i-should-run-for/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“My advice is to never masturbate in Cockburn Town.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-advice-is-to-never-masturbate-in-cockburn-town/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“My watch has two hands. So do I. I’d better watch my watch to see if it also masturbates.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-watch-has-two-hands-so-do-i-i-d-better-watch-my-watch-to-see-if-it/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“What is art? Art is tar, rearranged. Art is tar on canvas or tar on tarp or tar on a naked body. 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Zep > [When I was 27, having never run for office before, I decided to run for Congress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/krystal-ball/when-i-was-27-having-never-run-for-office-before-i-decided-to-run-for/) [Krystal Ball](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/krystal-ball/) > [I was in the Minnesota state Senate from 2000 until 2006. In 2006, I was urged to run for Congress, I did. And I've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michele-bachmann/i-was-in-the-minnesota-state-senate-from-2000-until-2006-in-2006-i/) [Michele Bachmann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michele-bachmann/) > [The Tea Party movement went off on a more extreme agenda that I did not support at all, and was very frustrated by it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-murphy/the-tea-party-movement-went-off-on-a-more-extreme-agenda-that-i-did/) [Patrick Murphy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-murphy/) > [When I decided to run for Congress, I saw it as an opportunity to serve the South Jersey community that had become my home…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-runyan/when-i-decided-to-run-for-congress-i-saw-it-as-an-opportunity-to/) [Jon Runyan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-runyan/) > [While I've been asked to run for Congress, I really believe we need to defend freedom locally. And by doing that, by just standing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-shea/while-i-ve-been-asked-to-run-for-congress-i-really-believe-we-need-to/) [Matt Shea](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-shea/) > [I decided to run for Congress to get and keep people in the middle class.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raja-krishnamoorthi/i-decided-to-run-for-congress-to-get-and-keep-people-in-the-middle/) [Raja Krishnamoorthi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raja-krishnamoorthi/) ## More by Jarod Kintz > [“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-notice-when-you-re-gone-or-do-i-how-can-i-observe-something-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-love-you-if-you-were-the-last-sodomite-in-gomorrah/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-blanket-could-be-used-to-make-sweet-sweet-music-with-the-love-of/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-slow-down-time-sort-of-like-a-camel-in-a/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/we-have-a-love-so-pure-that-it-makes-snow-seem-yellow-don-t-eat-it/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-hid-mrs-frozenwater-s-body-in-the-ice-cube-trays-in-my-freezer/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/two-similar-words-might-lead-to-two-similar-ideas-they-might-also/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-itself-is-and-at/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/embossed-letters-represent-the-topography-of-typography/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-only-one-piece-of-clothing-i-could-eat-fast-and-that-s-a-scarf/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/dora-j-arod-is-to-jarod-ora-as-yes-is-to-yes-yes-is-also-the-correct/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-best-part-about-being-kidnapped-is-being-blindfolded-and-getting/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/orafoura-once-told-me-that-if-i-were-a-car-i-d-be-a-ferrari-one-that/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/what-makes-a-good-leader-i-ask-myself-this-every-day-and-then-as-i/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-like-to-file-a-missing-person-s-report-on-my-clone-it-s-nearly/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) [Explore all 6,921 Jarod Kintz quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) ## More Masturbate quotes > [Motivation is bullshit, what you need to do is masturbate that is doing something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-limn/motivation-is-bullshit-what-you-need-to-do-is-masturbate-that-is/) [Jeremy Limn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-limn/) > [I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-keep-doing-it-i-m-gonna-win/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Never try to be funny right before people are about to masturbate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-walloch/never-try-to-be-funny-right-before-people-are-about-to-masturbate/) [Greg Walloch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-walloch/) > [“My advice is to never masturbate in Cockburn Town.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-advice-is-to-never-masturbate-in-cockburn-town/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“The spirits of your dead ancestors are watching you masturbate.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/whiskey-britches/the-spirits-of-your-dead-ancestors-are-watching-you-masturbate/) [Whiskey Britches](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/whiskey-britches/) > [If you must masturbate, you have already failed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josh-becker/if-you-must-masturbate-you-have-already-failed/) [Josh Becker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josh-becker/) > [It was one of those days when every time I went to go out the door, something grabbed me in the back of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-ames/it-was-one-of-those-days-when-every-time-i-went-to-go-out-the-door/) [Jonathan Ames](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-ames/) > [Statistics say that 95% of the men masturbate. The rest 5% are liars.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/statistics-say-that-95-of-the-men-masturbate-the-rest-5-are-liars/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-dangerfield/i-know-i-m-not-sexy-in-high-school-i-was-voted-most-likely-to/) [Rodney Dangerfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-dangerfield/) > [I would cook it, and look at the pictures and masturbate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-dahmer/i-would-cook-it-and-look-at-the-pictures-and-masturbate/) [Jeffrey Dahmer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-dahmer/) > [Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-self/regard-yourself-as-a-small-corporation-of-one-take-yourself-off-on/) [Will Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-self/) > [I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bo-burnham/i-masturbate-cause-i-m-the-only-one-whose-standards-are-low-enough-to/) [Bo Burnham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bo-burnham/) > [Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-kendrick/every-time-i-talk-to-a-fancy-journalist-and-they-ask-what-i-do-in-my/) [Anna Kendrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-kendrick/) > [I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/i-was-stuck-in-traffic-one-day-and-just-kinda-thought-it-would-be/) [Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/) > [“There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colin-nissan/there-will-be-others-many-others-you-ll-try-desperately-to-digest-a/) [Colin Nissan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colin-nissan/) Browse all 60 Masturbate quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. 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