--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t…" description: "\"“Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands around the coffee cup or hear my own laments without feeling appalled, wanting desperately to..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png" --- # Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands… ![“Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands around the coffee cup or hear my own laments without feeling appalled, wanting desperately to fall silent, grow smaller. More than that, I was uncomfortably conscious of my whole body, from the awkward way that the shafts of my hair were…” quote by Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png) > ““Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands around the coffee cup or hear my own laments without feeling appalled, wanting desperately to fall silent, grow smaller. More than that, I was uncomfortably conscious of my whole body, from the awkward way that the shafts of my hair were thrusting out of my scalp to my feet, which felt dirty as well as cold. Everywhere, I seemed to feel my skin from the inside, as if it now stood away from my flesh, separated by a millimeter of mortified space.”” [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker describes shame as an all‑encompassing, bodily sensation that makes them feel detached from their own skin, as if a thin barrier separates them from themselves. **In simple terms:** Shame feels like a physical barrier separating you from your own body. Key Takeaway Shame can manifest as a visceral, bodily alienation. Themes emotion self‑awareness embodiment psychology Mood introspective somatic Type reflective philosophical When to use this quote - public speaking anxiety - social embarrassment after a mistake - feeling exposed in a vulnerable situation Key Concepts embodied cognition self‑objectification Practical Applications - Practice grounding techniques to reconnect with bodily sensations. Questions to Reflect On - How does bodily awareness change the experience of shame? - Can shame ever be constructive? A Different Perspective Shame may also motivate corrective action, not only withdrawal. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame/) ## Related quotes > [“The truth was, she was becoming more and more uncomfortably conscious not only that the things she said, and a good many of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/the-truth-was-she-was-becoming-more-and-more-uncomfortably-conscious/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [“uncomfortably conscious that women of her age did not generally hide in cupboards drinking whisky”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/clara-benson/uncomfortably-conscious-that-women-of-her-age-did-not-generally-hide/) [Clara Benson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/clara-benson/) > [“Watching her walk away, Emily felt as dirty as if she’d been watching porn. The craving came on like a fever, as if a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-j-ford/watching-her-walk-away-emily-felt-as-dirty-as-if-she-d-been-watching/) Kelly J. Ford > [“She felt dirty, ugly and tired. She felt like a marshmallow heading into a house fire armed with chocolate and graham crackers.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-r-smith/she-felt-dirty-ugly-and-tired-she-felt-like-a-marshmallow-heading/) [Benjamin R. Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-r-smith/) > [I felt like a piece of trash. I felt dirty and I felt used and I was disappointed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/monica-lewinsky/i-felt-like-a-piece-of-trash-i-felt-dirty-and-i-felt-used-and-i-was/) [Monica Lewinsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/monica-lewinsky/) > [She felt dirty all over and looking over Sebastian, sweat on his brow and his naked torso barely covered by the sheets, she had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/she-felt-dirty-all-over-and-looking-over-sebastian-sweat-on-his-brow/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [You have no idea how humiliating it was, as a boy, to suddenly have all your clothes, your toys, snatched by the bailiff. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-le-carre/you-have-no-idea-how-humiliating-it-was-as-a-boy-to-suddenly-have-all/) [John le Carre](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-le-carre/) > [“He felt dirty, contaminated, as though he were carrying some deadly germ, unworthy to sit on the underground train back from the hospital with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-k-rowling/he-felt-dirty-contaminated-as-though-he-were-carrying-some-deadly/) [J.K. Rowling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-k-rowling/) > [“Oddly enough, it was Prudence he studied beneath his lashes, not MacKay. The words he spoke came straight from his heart. “No. Because she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teresa-medeiros/oddly-enough-it-was-prudence-he-studied-beneath-his-lashes-not-mackay/) [Teresa Medeiros](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teresa-medeiros/) > [“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graham-parke/i-shouted-the-perfect-words-to-scare-him-off-it-was-just-the-delivery/) [Graham Parke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graham-parke/) > [I was eleven and I wanted to play it because it was in my blood. It was a feeling I couldn't deny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lita-ford/i-was-eleven-and-i-wanted-to-play-it-because-it-was-in-my-blood-it/) [Lita Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lita-ford/) > [There were only so many ways a man‟s heart could break, and he had a feeling his couldn‟t survive another puncture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-quinn/there-were-only-so-many-ways-a-man-s-heart-could-break-and-he-had-a/) [Julia Quinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-quinn/) > [“It was a feeling that I couldn't explain, one that both fell over me heavily and seemed to creep down my body, making me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-r-banks/it-was-a-feeling-that-i-couldn-t-explain-one-that-both-fell-over-me/) R.R. Banks > [I thought of something in mind; a feeling that I couldn't define, the past that I left behind, the problems that are falling in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/romeo-huerbana/i-thought-of-something-in-mind-a-feeling-that-i-couldn-t-define-the/) [Romeo Huerbana](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/romeo-huerbana/) > [When I'm at the greatest odds with my body, it's usually because I feel my body's betraying me, whether that's been in the past,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demi-moore/when-i-m-at-the-greatest-odds-with-my-body-it-s-usually-because-i/) [Demi Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demi-moore/) ## More by Jane Smiley > [Some novelists are luckier than others in the eras of their formative intellectual years, but all Weltanschauungs return, which means that most novelists have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/some-novelists-are-luckier-than-others-in-the-eras-of-their-formative/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [There can never be such a thing as a free market, because it is human nature to cheat, monopolize, and buy off others so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/there-can-never-be-such-a-thing-as-a-free-market-because-it-is-human/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [The only siblings I have are half-siblings. My nuclear family would have been an extra-suffocating threesome. Instead, I have an interesting brother and sister,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/the-only-siblings-i-have-are-half-siblings-my-nuclear-family-would/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [How will you know a good farmer when you meet him? He will not ask you for any favors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/how-will-you-know-a-good-farmer-when-you-meet-him-he-will-not-ask-you/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [You know what getting married is? It's agreeing to taking this person who right now is at the top of his form, full of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/you-know-what-getting-married-is-it-s-agreeing-to-taking-this-person/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [Every first draft is perfect, because all a first draft has to do is exist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/every-first-draft-is-perfect-because-all-a-first-draft-has-to-do-is/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [“We watched the swimmers and sunbathers and I thought about this. Had I faced all the facts? It seemed like I had, but actually,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/we-watched-the-swimmers-and-sunbathers-and-i-thought-about-this-had-i/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [“They throw themselves on the waters of the world, and they know they will be borne up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/they-throw-themselves-on-the-waters-of-the-world-and-they-know-they/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [everything is toxic. That's the point. You can't avoid toxins. Thinking you can is just another symptom of the toxic overload stage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/everything-is-toxic-that-s-the-point-you-can-t-avoid-toxins-thinking/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [“She could not have created this moment, these lovely faces, these candles flickering, the flash of the silverware, the fragrances of the food hanging…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/she-could-not-have-created-this-moment-these-lovely-faces-these/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [Horse racing is really much more intimidating than anything having to do with literature. When I had horses at the racetrack, I would wake…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/horse-racing-is-really-much-more-intimidating-than-anything-having-to/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [“Had I faced all the facts It seemed like I had but actually you never know just by remembering how many there were to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/had-i-faced-all-the-facts-it-seemed-like-i-had-but-actually-you-never/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [A theory of creativity is actually just a metaphor. A pool of ideas, a well of memories, a voice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/a-theory-of-creativity-is-actually-just-a-metaphor-a-pool-of-ideas-a/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [There are hundreds of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings around the United States and in other countries, too. Wright lived into his 90s, and one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/there-are-hundreds-of-frank-lloyd-wright-buildings-around-the-united/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) > [One of the things that Ivar knew about Mrs. Walker was that she would only tell him what she knew if he asked the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/one-of-the-things-that-ivar-knew-about-mrs-walker-was-that-she-would/) [Jane Smiley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) [Explore all 185 Jane Smiley quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/) ## More Coffee cup quotes > [If you think of people as making decisions actively, every time we think about the cup of coffee, we say, "How much will I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-ariely/if-you-think-of-people-as-making-decisions-actively-every-time-we/) [Dan Ariely](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-ariely/) > [“Eventually, Edgard said, “She doesn’t know anything about me. Not even that we were roping partners. Not that we were…” He looked at Trevor…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lorelei-james/eventually-edgard-said-she-doesn-t-know-anything-about-me-not-even/) [Lorelei James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lorelei-james/) > [We put suffocation warnings on all the - on every piece of plastic film manufactured in the United States or for sale with an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gever-tulley/we-put-suffocation-warnings-on-all-the-on-every-piece-of-plastic-film/) [Gever Tulley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gever-tulley/) > [I'm at my most productive before I even have my first cup of coffee. I only get slower and stupider as the day progresses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-bourdain/i-m-at-my-most-productive-before-i-even-have-my-first-cup-of-coffee-i/) [Anthony Bourdain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-bourdain/) > [Eating plain toast will detonate her. "I'll have some honey." When the bread is done I scrape on a microscopic layer of it and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-halse-anderson/eating-plain-toast-will-detonate-her-i-ll-have-some-honey-when-the/) [Laurie Halse Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-halse-anderson/) > [ \[On living in New York City:\] I'm oblivious to everything. I just don't notice anything. I sat in a coffee shop, drank half a… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-kightlinger/on-living-in-new-york-city-i-m-oblivious-to-everything-i-just-don-t/) [Laura Kightlinger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-kightlinger/) > [“Must I carry this?" he asked, indicating his empty coffee cup. "No, you can just throw it away." Bad choice of words. Ax threw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/k-a-applegate-2/must-i-carry-this-he-asked-indicating-his-empty-coffee-cup-no-you-can/) [K.A. Applegate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/k-a-applegate-2/) > [“Coffee Cups Every two minutes, people in the United Kingdom go through 10,000 coffee cups. However, what most do not realize is that these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-o-neill/coffee-cups-every-two-minutes-people-in-the-united-kingdom-go-through/) [Bill O'Neill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-o-neill/) > [Karma is experience, and experience creates memory, and memory creates imagination and desire, and desire creates karma again. If I buy a cup of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/karma-is-experience-and-experience-creates-memory-and-memory-creates/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [A sandwich and a cup of coffee, and then off to violin-land, where all is sweetness and delicacy and harmony.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-conan-doyle/a-sandwich-and-a-cup-of-coffee-and-then-off-to-violin-land-where-all/) [Arthur Conan Doyle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-conan-doyle/) > [Language and words for psychopaths are only word deep; there is no emotional colouring behind it. A psychopath can use a word like, ‘I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-d-hare/language-and-words-for-psychopaths-are-only-word-deep-there-is-no/) [Robert D. Hare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-d-hare/) > [You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-ferrell/you-did-it-congratulations-world-s-best-cup-of-coffee-great-job/) [Will Ferrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-ferrell/) > [“This is what Sweden is - quiet people leaning over the newspapers and coffee cups, each one with his own thoughts and destiny.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henning-mankell/this-is-what-sweden-is-quiet-people-leaning-over-the-newspapers-and/) [Henning Mankell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henning-mankell/) > [Usually she ordered a cup of coffee and a cup of tea, as well as a brownie, propping up her sadness with chocolate and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lorrie-moore/usually-she-ordered-a-cup-of-coffee-and-a-cup-of-tea-as-well-as-a/) [Lorrie Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lorrie-moore/) > [Don't keep excessive amounts of anything. Those glass vases that come from florists. Those ketchup packets that come with take-out food. A house with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gretchen-rubin/don-t-keep-excessive-amounts-of-anything-those-glass-vases-that-come/) [Gretchen Rubin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gretchen-rubin/) Browse all 290 Coffee cup quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands around the coffee cup or hear my own laments without feeling appalled, wanting desperately to fall silent, grow smaller. More than that, I was uncomfortably conscious of my whole body, from the awkward way that the shafts of my hair were thrusting out of my scalp to my feet, which felt dirty as well as cold. Everywhere, I seemed to feel my skin from the inside, as if it now stood away from my flesh, separated by a millimeter of mortified space.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jane Smiley" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-look-at-my-hands-around-the/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Coffee cup" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-look-at-my-hands-around-the/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e7/jane-smiley-2120_coffee-cup_shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-l_105884.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Shame is a distinct feeling. I couldn’t look at my hands around the coffee cup or hear my own laments…” — Jane Smiley", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Jane Smiley", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-smiley/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“Shame is a distinct feeling. I...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-look-at-my-hands-around-the/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-smiley/shame-is-a-distinct-feeling-i-couldn-t-look-at-my-hands-around-the/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```