--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Where did we ever get the crazy idea that…" description: "\"“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/jane-nelsen-50140_children_where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-tha_1867432.jpg" --- # Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make… ![“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” quote by Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/jane-nelsen-50140_children_where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-tha_1867432.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/jane-nelsen-50140_children_where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-tha_1867432.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b14/jane-nelsen-50140_children_where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-tha_1867432.jpg) > ““Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?”” [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. She challenges the belief that making children feel worse improves performance, urging empathy over humiliation. **In simple terms:** Treat kids with respect, not shame. Key Takeaway Foster growth through support. Themes education empathy motivation Mood thoughtful reflective Type educational philosophical When to use this quote - classroom management - parenting - coaching Key Concepts psychology behavioral theory Questions to Reflect On - When does discipline become harmful? - How can empathy improve outcomes? A Different Perspective Some may argue strictness builds resilience. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Children Better](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children-better/) [Discipline](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/discipline/) [Doing better](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doing-better/) [Feel Worse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-worse/) [Felt Humiliated](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/felt-humiliated-1181235/) [Last time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/last-time/) [Motivation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/motivation/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Punishment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punishment/) [Treated unfairly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/treated-unfairly/) [Worse Think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/worse-think-1500961/) ## Related quotes > [Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-that-in-order-to-make-children/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [Children do better when they feel better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/children-do-better-when-they-feel-better/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [In the past when I was in Hollywood, I was like a dog. I felt humiliated. My English was not good. People would even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jackie-chan/in-the-past-when-i-was-in-hollywood-i-was-like-a-dog-i-felt/) [Jackie Chan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jackie-chan/) > [I remember one day, Ekta Kapoor came to the set and scolded me that you don't know how to act, why did we cast…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madhura-naik/i-remember-one-day-ekta-kapoor-came-to-the-set-and-scolded-me-that/) [Madhura Naik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madhura-naik/) > [Jason felt humiliated and frustrated. Rejected by a rock.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cinda-williams-chima/jason-felt-humiliated-and-frustrated-rejected-by-a-rock/) [Cinda Williams Chima](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cinda-williams-chima/) > [At times, here at Milan, I have felt humiliated.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rivaldo/at-times-here-at-milan-i-have-felt-humiliated/) [Rivaldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rivaldo/) > [For many people, the family is portrayed as the settled place of reasonable safety, but as anyone who has read 'The God of Small…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arundhati-roy/for-many-people-the-family-is-portrayed-as-the-settled-place-of/) [Arundhati Roy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arundhati-roy/) > [I don't think I've got a thick skin, but I've not felt particularly humiliated by the things which people think I would have felt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-portillo/i-don-t-think-i-ve-got-a-thick-skin-but-i-ve-not-felt-particularly/) [Michael Portillo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-portillo/) > [When you fully understand the situation, it is worse than you think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-commoner/when-you-fully-understand-the-situation-it-is-worse-than-you-think/) [Barry Commoner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-commoner/) > [“But before you start pointing fingers, let me ask you: is what I did really so bad? So bad I deserved to die? So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-oliver/but-before-you-start-pointing-fingers-let-me-ask-you-is-what-i-did/) [Lauren Oliver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-oliver/) > [“You know, that's the thing that made me cry the hardest last night, even after what you did to me? Even with how mad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-york/you-know-that-s-the-thing-that-made-me-cry-the-hardest-last-night/) [Robin York](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-york/) > [You are worse than you think you are, but also far more loved than you feel you are.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/timothy-keller/you-are-worse-than-you-think-you-are-but-also-far-more-loved-than-you/) [Timothy Keller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/timothy-keller/) > [As far as fan perception, it's probably worse than it should be. I think it's getting better, but I think I still get perceived…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kyle-busch/as-far-as-fan-perception-it-s-probably-worse-than-it-should-be-i/) [Kyle Busch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kyle-busch/) > [When you think your life cant get any worse think why](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brooklyn-lancaster/when-you-think-your-life-cant-get-any-worse-think-why/) [Brooklyn Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brooklyn-lancaster/) > [Because the bad news is worse than you think it is, the good news is better than you think it is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-williams/because-the-bad-news-is-worse-than-you-think-it-is-the-good-news-is/) [Craig Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-williams/) ## More by Jane Nelsen > [Children do better when they feel better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/children-do-better-when-they-feel-better/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/where-did-we-ever-get-the-crazy-idea-that-in-order-to-make-children/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [When we really understand the fact of separate realities, we will stop spending so much time and energy trying to change the reality of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/when-we-really-understand-the-fact-of-separate-realities-we-will-stop/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [“If you are tempted to “teach” your child by guilt, shame, or punishment, you will be creating discouraging beliefs that are difficult to reverse…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/if-you-are-tempted-to-teach-your-child-by-guilt-shame-or-punishment/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [What we do is never as important as how we do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/what-we-do-is-never-as-important-as-how-we-do-it/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) > [One of the best ways of becoming an effective parent—or, for that matter, an effective human being—is to understand the perceptions of other people,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-nelsen/one-of-the-best-ways-of-becoming-an-effective-parent-or-for-that/) [Jane Nelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) [Explore all 7 Jane Nelsen quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-nelsen/) ## More Child quotes > [The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-thing-about-hitting-kids-is-think-about-if-you-were-doing-the/) [Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/) > [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/) [Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/) > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [I want to make my music and be a happy woman, a good wife, a good mom and one day hopefully have a child…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leann-rimes/i-want-to-make-my-music-and-be-a-happy-woman-a-good-wife-a-good-mom/) [LeAnn Rimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leann-rimes/) > [I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natasha-lyonne/i-would-have-done-well-as-a-gypsy-child-i-think-a-circus-baby-i/) [Natasha Lyonne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natasha-lyonne/) > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I'm a weirdo and an only child. 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Cole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnnetta-b-cole/) > [Bring up your children in the way you think other peoples children should go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vikrant-parsai/bring-up-your-children-in-the-way-you-think-other-peoples-children/) [Vikrant Parsai](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vikrant-parsai/) > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) [Sheila Kamerman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-kamerman/) > [My first three manuscripts were epic fantasy - like high fantasy - and then the fourth one was a historical fantasy about Mozart as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marie-lu/my-first-three-manuscripts-were-epic-fantasy-like-high-fantasy-and/) [Marie Lu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marie-lu/) [Browse all 10,700 Child quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. 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