--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I'd been making desicions for days. I…" description: "\"“I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress Bailey would wear forever- a black slinky one- innapropriate- that she loved. I chose a swe..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/jandy-nelson-1913_obituary_i-d-been-making-desicions-for-days-i-pic_343735.png" --- # I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress… ![“I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress Bailey would wear forever- a black slinky one- innapropriate- that she loved. I chose a sweater to go over it, earrings, bracelet, necklace, her most beloved strappy sandals. I collected her makeup to give to the funeral director with a…” quote by Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/jandy-nelson-1913_obituary_i-d-been-making-desicions-for-days-i-pic_343735.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/jandy-nelson-1913_obituary_i-d-been-making-desicions-for-days-i-pic_343735.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/jandy-nelson-1913_obituary_i-d-been-making-desicions-for-days-i-pic_343735.png) > ““I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress Bailey would wear forever- a black slinky one- innapropriate- that she loved. I chose a sweater to go over it, earrings, bracelet, necklace, her most beloved strappy sandals. I collected her makeup to give to the funeral director with a recent photo- I thought it would be me that would dress her; I didn't think a strange man should see her naked touch her body shave her legs apply her lipstick but that's what happened all the same. I helped Gram pick out the casket, the plot at the cemetery. I changed a few lines in the obituary that Big composed. I wrote on a piece of paper what I thought should go on the headstone. I did all this without uttering a word. Not one word, for days, until I saw Bailey before the funeral and lost my mind. I hadn't realized that when people say so-and-so snapped that's what actually happens- I started shaking her- I thought I could wake her up and get her the hell out of that box. When she didn't wake, I screamed: Talk to me. Big swooped me up in his arms, carried me out of the room, the church, into the slamming rain, and down to the creek where we sobbed together under the black coat he held over our heads to protect us from the weather.”” [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A grieving narrator silently handles funeral preparations, then collapses emotionally when confronted with the loss, highlighting the tension between duty and overwhelming sorrow. **In simple terms:** Grief can be managed outwardly but erupts inwardly when faced directly. Key Takeaway Allow yourself to feel grief instead of suppressing it. Themes grief family rituals emotional suppression loss Mood sad intense reflective Type narrative emotional personal When to use this quote - funeral planning - supporting loved ones - personal emotional breakdown - seeking comfort Key Concepts mourning psychological coping family dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How do you balance responsibilities with personal grief? - What rituals help you express sorrow? A Different Perspective The narrator’s silence may hinder processing grief healthily. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Sad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sad/) ## Related quotes > [“Every morning I sit at the kitchen table over a tall glass of water swallowing pills. (So my hands won’t shake.) (So my heart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanann-verlee/every-morning-i-sit-at-the-kitchen-table-over-a-tall-glass-of-water/) Jeanann Verlee > [“Don’t you think I’ve had enough excitement for one evening, without the additional thrill of a strange man making love to me? (Helen Grosvenor…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-l-balderston/don-t-you-think-i-ve-had-enough-excitement-for-one-evening-without/) [John L. Balderston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-l-balderston/) > [“First things first. “What are you doing here?” she whispered after shutting the door behind them. 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And apparently, the entire world was in danger.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/we-were-alone-in-a-strange-mansion-with-a-baboon-a-crocodile-and-a/) [Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/) > [Strange is the man who practices his religion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/strange-is-the-man-who-practices-his-religion/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > ['Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-makepeace-thackeray/tis-strange-what-a-man-may-do-and-a-woman-yet-think-him-an-angel/) [William Makepeace Thackeray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-makepeace-thackeray/) > [As we sit here and idly chat, there are woman, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men, and we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-winkler/as-we-sit-here-and-idly-chat-there-are-woman-female-human-beings/) [Henry Winkler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-winkler/) > [“Matt had his back to the house and his hands braced against a black Lexus. 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The material nature of man, upon which philosophers tell us that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/victor-hugo/night-time-regarded-as-a-separate-sphere-of-creation-is-a-universe-in/) [Victor Hugo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/victor-hugo/) > [“Sarah drew a deep breath and released it slowly, waiting for her voice to steady before she spoke. “It’s a ve ry good story.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bonnie-dee/sarah-drew-a-deep-breath-and-released-it-slowly-waiting-for-her-voice/) [Bonnie Dee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bonnie-dee/) > [“Strange that one man's actions could touch so many other people, like a single, thoughtless breath of wind coming in an open window and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karleen-koen/strange-that-one-man-s-actions-could-touch-so-many-other-people-like/) [Karleen Koen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karleen-koen/) ## More by Jandy Nelson > [And then he smiles, and in all the places around the globe where it's night, day breaks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/and-then-he-smiles-and-in-all-the-places-around-the-globe-where-it-s/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) > [Or maybe a person is just made up of a lot of peopleMaybe we’re accumulating these new selves all the time. 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Then he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/he-murmers-into-my-hair-forget-what-i-said-earlier-let-s-stick-with/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) > [“Listen to me. It takes a lot of courage to be true to yourself, true to your heart. You always have been very brave…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/listen-to-me-it-takes-a-lot-of-courage-to-be-true-to-yourself-true-to/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) > [Sometimes you think you know things, know things very deeply, only to realize you don't know a damn thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/sometimes-you-think-you-know-things-know-things-very-deeply-only-to/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) > [I have an impulse to write all over the orange walls- I need an alphabet of endings ripped out of books, of hands pulled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/i-have-an-impulse-to-write-all-over-the-orange-walls-i-need-an/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) > [This is the secret I kept from you, Bails, from myself too: I think I liked that Mom was gone, that she could be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jandy-nelson/this-is-the-secret-i-kept-from-you-bails-from-myself-too-i-think-i/) [Jandy Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) [Explore all 183 Jandy Nelson quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jandy-nelson/) ## More Obituary quotes > [Hang onto your sense of humor. 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Bob…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/captain-hank-bracker-the-exciting-story-of-cuba/eight-bells-robert-j-kane-55d-died-june-3-2017-in-palm-harbor-florida/) [Captain Hank Bracker, The Exciting Story of Cuba](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/captain-hank-bracker-the-exciting-story-of-cuba/) > [I was studying the impacts of fishing on ocean life, while the places that I loved so much continued to decline: less and smaller…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/enric-sala/i-was-studying-the-impacts-of-fishing-on-ocean-life-while-the-places/) [Enric Sala](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/enric-sala/) > [A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-jean-nathan/a-life-spent-in-constant-labor-is-a-life-wasted-save-a-man-be-such-a/) [George Jean Nathan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-jean-nathan/) > [Everybody is a potential murderer. I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/clarence-darrow/everybody-is-a-potential-murderer-i-ve-never-killed-anyone-but-i/) [Clarence Darrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/clarence-darrow/) > [“Do something you would be proud to have in your obituary, but not something that will haunt you until that day. 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Unless I'm completely forgotten, and then it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-kushner/i-m-fairly-certain-when-i-die-that-the-obituary-will-say-author-of/) [Tony Kushner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-kushner/) > [“In less than three years he would be the most celebrated American battle captain of the twentieth century, a man whose name—like those of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-atkinson/in-less-than-three-years-he-would-be-the-most-celebrated-american/) [Rick Atkinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-atkinson/) > [There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brendan-behan/there-is-no-such-thing-as-bad-publicity-except-your-own-obituary/) [Brendan Behan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brendan-behan/) > [There's no bad publicity except an obituary.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brendan-behan/there-s-no-bad-publicity-except-an-obituary/) [Brendan Behan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brendan-behan/) Browse all 137 Obituary quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I'd been making desicions for days. I picked out the dress Bailey would wear forever- a black slinky one- innapropriate- that she loved. I chose a sweater to go over it, earrings, bracelet, necklace, her most beloved strappy sandals. I collected her makeup to give to the funeral director with a recent photo- I thought it would be me that would dress her; I didn't think a strange man should see her naked touch her body shave her legs apply her lipstick but that's what happened all the same. I helped Gram pick out the casket, the plot at the cemetery. I changed a few lines in the obituary that Big composed. I wrote on a piece of paper what I thought should go on the headstone. I did all this without uttering a word. Not one word, for days, until I saw Bailey before the funeral and lost my mind. I hadn't realized that when people say so-and-so snapped that's what actually happens- I started shaking her- I thought I could wake her up and get her the hell out of that box. When she didn't wake, I screamed: Talk to me. 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