--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: And this was perhaps the first time in my…" description: "\"“And this was perhaps the first time in my life that death occurred to me as a reality. I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the ri..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/101/james-baldwin-995_death_and-this-was-perhaps-the-first-time-in-m_2790251.jpg" --- # And this was perhaps the first time in my life that death… ![“And this was perhaps the first time in my life that death occurred to me as a reality. I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the river and gone to sleep beneath it. I wondered about them. I wondered how they had done it—it, the physical act. I had thought of suicide when I was…” quote by James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/101/james-baldwin-995_death_and-this-was-perhaps-the-first-time-in-m_2790251.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/101/james-baldwin-995_death_and-this-was-perhaps-the-first-time-in-m_2790251.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/101/james-baldwin-995_death_and-this-was-perhaps-the-first-time-in-m_2790251.jpg) > ““And this was perhaps the first time in my life that death occurred to me as a reality. I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the river and gone to sleep beneath it. I wondered about them. I wondered how they had done it—it, the physical act. I had thought of suicide when I was much younger, as, possibly, we all have, but then it would have been for revenge, it would have been my way of informing the world how awfully it had made me suffer. But the silence of the evening, as I wandered home, had nothing to do with that storm, that far off boy. I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.”” [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator confronts death as a tangible reality, reflecting on others' deaths and his own mortality, questioning how to live after such awareness. **In simple terms:** Facing death makes one think about how to live. Key Takeaway Contemplate mortality to guide present choices. Themes mortality reflection existence loneliness identity Mood melancholic introspective thoughtful Type literary philosophical reflective When to use this quote - personal loss - creative writing - therapy - philosophical discussions Key Concepts existentialism grief self‑inquiry Questions to Reflect On - How does acknowledging death change daily priorities? - What can we learn from others’ endings? A Different Perspective The narrative may romanticize suffering, overlooking practical coping strategies. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Depression](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/depression/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Suicide](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suicide/) [Thought](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thought/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [“I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/i-simply-wondered-about-the-dead-because-their-days-had-ended-and-i/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“Through the years the thought of suicide had occurred to him, not as an intention, but as one of the many possibilities among the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ayn-rand/through-the-years-the-thought-of-suicide-had-occurred-to-him-not-as/) [Ayn Rand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ayn-rand/) > [Indeed, she often wondered if she were dead, or dying from the inside out, and that was the root of her calm, the reason…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gregory-maguire/indeed-she-often-wondered-if-she-were-dead-or-dying-from-the-inside/) [Gregory Maguire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gregory-maguire/) > [I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the river and gone to sleep beneath it. I wondered about them.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-thought-of-the-people-before-me-who-had-looked-down-at-the-river/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Thought is not reality; yet it is through Thought that our realities are created.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sydney-banks/thought-is-not-reality-yet-it-is-through-thought-that-our-realities/) [Sydney Banks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sydney-banks/) > [“Persistence is a drug that delivers strength, but it also dulls our sense of reality. My last thought before falling asleep was that we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rinker-buck/persistence-is-a-drug-that-delivers-strength-but-it-also-dulls-our/) [Rinker Buck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rinker-buck/) > [To the degree to which they correspond to the given reality, thought and behavior express a false consciousness, responding to and contributing to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/herbert-marcuse/to-the-degree-to-which-they-correspond-to-the-given-reality-thought/) [Herbert Marcuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/herbert-marcuse/) > [“Reality, at first glance, is a simple thing: the television speaking to you now is real. Your body sunk into that chair in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-moore/reality-at-first-glance-is-a-simple-thing-the-television-speaking-to/) [Alan Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-moore/) > [“This was reality, she thought, this sense of clear outlines, of purpose, of lightness, of hope.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ayn-rand/this-was-reality-she-thought-this-sense-of-clear-outlines-of-purpose/) [Ayn Rand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ayn-rand/) > [“Reality is not a thought experiment.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-amerland/reality-is-not-a-thought-experiment/) [David Amerland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-amerland/) > [God is, of course, a terrifying reality. I had thought that I knew all about God, and had Him in a pigeon hole. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wyndham-lewis/god-is-of-course-a-terrifying-reality-i-had-thought-that-i-knew-all/) [Wyndham Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wyndham-lewis/) > [I take it that no man is educated who has never dallied with the thought of suicide.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-james/i-take-it-that-no-man-is-educated-who-has-never-dallied-with-the/) [William James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-james/) > [I have always thought the suicide should bump off at least one swine before taking off for parts unknown.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ezra-pound/i-have-always-thought-the-suicide-should-bump-off-at-least-one-swine/) [Ezra Pound](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ezra-pound/) > [“Later, she called him. Hopper said, "I love you, I need you." She replied, " Have you ever thought of suicide?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-biskind/later-she-called-him-hopper-said-i-love-you-i-need-you-she-replied/) [Peter Biskind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-biskind/) > [“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nietzsche/the-thought-of-suicide-is-a-great-consolation-by-means-of-it-one-gets/) [Nietzsche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nietzsche/) ## More by James Baldwin > [“In any case, white people, who had robbed black people of their liberty and who profited by this theft every hour that they lived,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/in-any-case-white-people-who-had-robbed-black-people-of-their-liberty/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“The South is very beautiful but its beauty makes one sad because the lives that people live, and have lived here, are so ugly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/the-south-is-very-beautiful-but-its-beauty-makes-one-sad-because-the/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“All cultures have, furthermore, an economic, social, and political base, and no culture can continue to live if its political destiny is not in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/all-cultures-have-furthermore-an-economic-social-and-political-base/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“I remembered that life in that room seemed to be occuring beneath the sea, time flowed past indiffrently above us, hours and days had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/i-remembered-that-life-in-that-room-seemed-to-be-occuring-beneath-the/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“No. It would help if I were able to feel guilty.But the end of innocence is also the end of guilt”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/no-it-would-help-if-i-were-able-to-feel-guilty-but-the-end-of/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“Perhaps now, though, he had hit bottom. 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Or for that matter...what kind of love affairs?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/what-kind-of-friendship-have-you-had-or-for-that-matter-what-kind-of/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“For these are all our children, we will all profit by or pay for what they become.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/for-these-are-all-our-children-we-will-all-profit-by-or-pay-for-what/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“Every society is really governed by hidden laws, by unspoken but profound assumptions on the part of the people, and ours is no exception.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/every-society-is-really-governed-by-hidden-laws-by-unspoken-but/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“In those days my mother was given to the exasperating and mysterious habit of having babies.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/in-those-days-my-mother-was-given-to-the-exasperating-and-mysterious/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“He was suggesting that all Negroes were held in a state of supreme tension between the difficult, dangerous relationship in which they stood to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/he-was-suggesting-that-all-negroes-were-held-in-a-state-of-supreme/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“In the beginning—and neither can this be overstated—a Negro just cannot believe that white people are treating him as they do; he does not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/in-the-beginning-and-neither-can-this-be-overstated-a-negro-just/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“If the world wasn't so full of dead folks maybe those of us that's trying to live wouldn't have to suffer so bad.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/if-the-world-wasn-t-so-full-of-dead-folks-maybe-those-of-us-that-s/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“I am very much concerned that American Negroes achieve their freedom here in the United States. But I am also concerned for their dignity,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/i-am-very-much-concerned-that-american-negroes-achieve-their-freedom/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [“The paradox—and a fearful paradox it is—is that the American Negro can have no future anywhere, on any continent, as long as he is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/the-paradox-and-a-fearful-paradox-it-is-is-that-the-american-negro/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) [Explore all 312 James Baldwin quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) ## More Death quotes > [“He wondered how it was fair that your dying should depend so much on when you were born.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/he-wondered-how-it-was-fair-that-your-dying-should-depend-so-much-on/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions. 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Then his eyes turned to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-anthony-torino/what-did-you-see-she-asked-gently-his-brow-furrowed-as-if-he-could/) J. Anthony Torino > [Those whose life is long still strive for gain, and for all mortals all things take second place to money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophocles/those-whose-life-is-long-still-strive-for-gain-and-for-all-mortals/) [Sophocles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophocles/) > [“I practice Dying--every night-- But have not learned to, still-- Though Talented--by Mortal bones-- For such a common Skill.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-w-powers/i-practice-dying-every-night-but-have-not-learned-to-still-though/) Alan W. Powers > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [I am not a depressive person at all, but I reflect a lot on my life, and life in general, from the perspective of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/i-am-not-a-depressive-person-at-all-but-i-reflect-a-lot-on-my-life/) [Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/) > [“Death is a reality that calls the rest of life and all of our assorted strivings into sharp relief.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-d-lounsbrough/death-is-a-reality-that-calls-the-rest-of-life-and-all-of-our/) [Craig D. Lounsbrough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-d-lounsbrough/) > [I love life. 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I had thought of suicide when I was much younger, as, possibly, we all have, but then it would have been for revenge, it would have been my way of informing the world how awfully it had made me suffer. But the silence of the evening, as I wandered home, had nothing to do with that storm, that far off boy. 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