--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: An awful realization that I have been…" description: "\"An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going and actually I'm just a s..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg" --- # An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all… ![“An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going and actually I'm just a sick clown and so is everybody else” quote by Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg) > “An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going and actually I'm just a sick clown and so is everybody else” [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker discovers they have been deceiving themselves, believing a future solution would sustain their performance, but realize they are merely a sick clown like everyone else. **In simple terms:** Self‑deception hides true emptiness. Key Takeaway Acknowledge reality, stop self‑delusion. Themes self‑awareness illusion existential angst Mood melancholic reflective Type philosophical existential When to use this quote - personal crisis - creative burnout - relationship conflict - mental health - spiritual searching Key Concepts identity authenticity masochism Questions to Reflect On - What illusion are you clinging to? - How does recognizing your own clownhood change your actions? A Different Perspective Self‑deception can be a coping mechanism that delays necessary change. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Clown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/clown/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Life quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life-quotes/) [Realization](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/realization/) [Things to do](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/things-to-do/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) ## Related quotes > [“And that was when she had one single, awful realization. It’s not a doll. And against all her best intentions, she began to scream…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-caine/and-that-was-when-she-had-one-single-awful-realization-it-s-not-a/) [Rachel Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-caine/) > [Is that love? It seems like a pale word, too easily tossed about by people who don’t know the meaning of it, who twist…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-aguirre/is-that-love-it-seems-like-a-pale-word-too-easily-tossed-about-by/) [Ann Aguirre](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-aguirre/) > [I had a dream that a clown named dimples keep leaving the radio on in my room](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-had-a-dream-that-a-clown-named-dimples-keep-leaving-the-radio-on-in/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“If i'm gonna be described as a clown for my actions, I might aswell be a whole circus”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bee/if-i-m-gonna-be-described-as-a-clown-for-my-actions-i-might-aswell-be/) [Bee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bee/) > [Writing is for men who can think and feel, not mindless sensation seekers out of nightclubs and bars. But these are bad times. We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/naguib-mahfouz/writing-is-for-men-who-can-think-and-feel-not-mindless-sensation/) [Naguib Mahfouz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/naguib-mahfouz/) > [When I first started getting into acting, I was doing improv in acting class, and I had done a serious monologue and everyone was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miles-teller/when-i-first-started-getting-into-acting-i-was-doing-improv-in-acting/) [Miles Teller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miles-teller/) > [Circus clown. That's a new one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/circus-clown-that-s-a-new-one/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You see, this heart, won't settle down; just like a child, running, scared, from a clown. 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MacHale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/d-j-machale-2/) > [“October 3, 2017 The clown, Hagarty said, looked like a cross between Ronald McDonald and that old TV clown, Bozo—or so he thought at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/october-3-2017-the-clown-hagarty-said-looked-like-a-cross-between/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) ## More by Jack Kerouac > [Bein Crazy is the least of my worries.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/bein-crazy-is-the-least-of-my-worries/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/i-m-catholic-and-i-can-t-commit-suicide-but-i-plan-to-drink-myself-to/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [The Beat Generation, that was a vision that we had, John Clellon Holmes and I, and Allen Ginsberg in an even wilder way, in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/the-beat-generation-that-was-a-vision-that-we-had-john-clellon-holmes/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [But, outside of being a sweet little girl, she was awfully dumb and capable of doing horrible things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/but-outside-of-being-a-sweet-little-girl-she-was-awfully-dumb-and/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [“For when you realized that God is Everything you know that you've got to love everything no matter how bad it is, in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/for-when-you-realized-that-god-is-everything-you-know-that-you-ve-got/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [“I'm an idealist who has outgrown my idealism I have nothing to do the rest of my life but do it and the rest…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/i-m-an-idealist-who-has-outgrown-my-idealism-i-have-nothing-to-do-the/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [“Most of them were running away from something―usually the law.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/most-of-them-were-running-away-from-something-usually-the-law/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [“Non lo so, non importa e non fa nessuna differenza.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/non-lo-so-non-importa-e-non-fa-nessuna-differenza/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [“And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently tell myself (not expecting what I'll do in three weeks only)…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/and-in-the-flush-of-the-first-few-days-of-joy-i-confidently-tell/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [I want a blaze of light to flame in me forever in a timeless, dear love of everything. 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It was very painful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pamela-stephenson/there-was-a-special-challenge-in-describing-the-awful-childhood-of-a/) [Pamela Stephenson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pamela-stephenson/) > [On balance the moral influence of religion has been awful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-weinberg/on-balance-the-moral-influence-of-religion-has-been-awful/) [Steven Weinberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-weinberg/) > [When you finish a poem, it clicks shut like the top of a jewel box, but prose is endless. I haven't experienced an awful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenneth-koch/when-you-finish-a-poem-it-clicks-shut-like-the-top-of-a-jewel-box-but/) [Kenneth Koch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenneth-koch/) > [Fascism: awful stench of saw and axe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michel-leiris/fascism-awful-stench-of-saw-and-axe/) [Michel Leiris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michel-leiris/) > [No one with a bad tie is getting my vote. Some Lib Dems wear the most shockingly awful ties.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/freddie-fox/no-one-with-a-bad-tie-is-getting-my-vote-some-lib-dems-wear-the-most/) [Freddie Fox](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/freddie-fox/) > [“Here she was back in the brightly lit world she had been avoiding for twenty years, and it was exactly as awful as she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-charles-wilson/here-she-was-back-in-the-brightly-lit-world-she-had-been-avoiding-for/) [Robert Charles Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-charles-wilson/) > [I'm pretty indiscriminating, and I have awful taste, generally.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nellie-mckay/i-m-pretty-indiscriminating-and-i-have-awful-taste-generally/) [Nellie McKay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nellie-mckay/) > [The blessed Religion revealed in the word of God will remain an eternal and awful monument to prove that the best Institution may be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-washington/the-blessed-religion-revealed-in-the-word-of-god-will-remain-an/) [George Washington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-washington/) > [“I am awful. I am heartless. I am scared that these things are actually true.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-am-awful-i-am-heartless-i-am-scared-that-these-things-are-actually/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winston-churchill/democracy-is-an-awful-way-to-run-a-country-but-it-s-the-best-system/) [Winston Churchill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winston-churchill/) Browse all 1,826 Awful quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life thinking there was a next thing to do to keep the show going and actually I'm just a sick clown and so is everybody else", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jack Kerouac" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fooling-myself-all-my-life/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Awful" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fooling-myself-all-my-life/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc9/jack-kerouac-182_awful_an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fo_1622282.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“An awful realization that I have been fooling myself all my life thinking there was a next thing to do to…” — Jack Kerouac", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Jack Kerouac", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "An awful realization that I have...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fooling-myself-all-my-life/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/an-awful-realization-that-i-have-been-fooling-myself-all-my-life/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```