--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We really don't know how to love each…" description: "\"We really don't know how to love each other because we haven't really learned to love ourselves. In many instances, not all, it's not malicious. We've ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png" --- # We really don't know how to love each other because we… ![“We really don't know how to love each other because we haven't really learned to love ourselves. In many instances, not all, it's not malicious. We've just been conditioned to such bad behavior.” quote by Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png) > “We really don't know how to love each other because we haven't really learned to love ourselves. In many instances, not all, it's not malicious. We've just been conditioned to such bad behavior.” [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Self‑love is prerequisite for loving others; without it, harmful patterns repeat. **In simple terms:** Love yourself before loving others. Key Takeaway Practice self‑compassion to improve relationships. Themes self‑love relationships conditioning Mood reflective hopeful Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - therapy - relationship coaching - personal growth workshops Key Concepts psychology spirituality Questions to Reflect On - What does self‑love look like for you? - How can you break conditioned negative behaviors? A Different Perspective Changing deep‑seated habits can be extremely challenging. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bad behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-behavior/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) ## Related quotes > [People sometimes ask when I learned to love myself. But that was not the issue.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winnie-harlow/people-sometimes-ask-when-i-learned-to-love-myself-but-that-was-not/) [Winnie Harlow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winnie-harlow/) > [I learned to love bluegrass, but my first love stayed hard country.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keith-whitley/i-learned-to-love-bluegrass-but-my-first-love-stayed-hard-country/) [Keith Whitley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keith-whitley/) > [I have discovered that my interest in my dear pupil, Mabel, has ripened into a far deeper feeling than that of mere friendship. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-graham-bell/i-have-discovered-that-my-interest-in-my-dear-pupil-mabel-has-ripened/) [Alexander Graham Bell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-graham-bell/) > [I've learned to love my hometown all over again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bridget-everett/i-ve-learned-to-love-my-hometown-all-over-again/) [Bridget Everett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bridget-everett/) > [I've learned to love my body, inside and out, quietly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-buteau/i-ve-learned-to-love-my-body-inside-and-out-quietly/) [Michelle Buteau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-buteau/) > [It wasn't until I owned my body and really learned to love it - all of it - that my career just went to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/denise-bidot/it-wasn-t-until-i-owned-my-body-and-really-learned-to-love-it-all-of/) [Denise Bidot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/denise-bidot/) > [I've learned to love myself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brittney-griner/i-ve-learned-to-love-myself/) [Brittney Griner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brittney-griner/) > [Take a look at all of them: Marichal, Jenkins, Spahn - what do you think made them successful? They conditioned their arms by pitching…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-seaver/take-a-look-at-all-of-them-marichal-jenkins-spahn-what-do-you-think/) [Tom Seaver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-seaver/) > [Actors are conditioned to develop a system for expressing as much as they can in the shortest amount of time because you're going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/campbell-scott/actors-are-conditioned-to-develop-a-system-for-expressing-as-much-as/) [Campbell Scott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/campbell-scott/) > [In deciding among theological views, one should be something of a consequentialist: the choice of one theological position over another should be, if not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-novak/in-deciding-among-theological-views-one-should-be-something-of-a/) [David Novak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-novak/) > [I want to convince you that humans are, to some extent, natural born essentialists. What I mean by this is we don't just respond…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-bloom/i-want-to-convince-you-that-humans-are-to-some-extent-natural-born/) [Paul Bloom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-bloom/) > [If a company is second rate, the logo will eventually be perceived as second rate. It is foolhardy to believe that a logo will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-rand/if-a-company-is-second-rate-the-logo-will-eventually-be-perceived-as/) [Paul Rand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-rand/) > [I think for some reason we're conditioned in movies that the protagonist must be heroic or redeemable in some way, whereas in theater, that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-isaac/i-think-for-some-reason-we-re-conditioned-in-movies-that-the/) [Oscar Isaac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-isaac/) > [In general, we are sort of conditioned to see a different body type as acceptable and maybe look away when the other body type…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leonard-nimoy/in-general-we-are-sort-of-conditioned-to-see-a-different-body-type-as/) [Leonard Nimoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leonard-nimoy/) > [“Jabir listened but was not convinced.  “Iraq and Iran haven’t gotten along for many centuries. Why should we now?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karl-braungart/jabir-listened-but-was-not-convinced-iraq-and-iran-haven-t-gotten/) [Karl Braungart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karl-braungart/) ## More by Iyanla Vanzant > [For some reason,we keep forgetting some of our experience. We look back but don't bring the value forward. We bring the anger, the upset.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/for-some-reason-we-keep-forgetting-some-of-our-experience-we-look/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [All things are lessons that God would have us learn.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/all-things-are-lessons-that-god-would-have-us-learn/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [“Life would be so much easier if, when we hit a snag in a relationship, any relationship, we would stop, address it, and move…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/life-would-be-so-much-easier-if-when-we-hit-a-snag-in-a-relationship/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [How do you spell peace? P-R-A-Y-E-R! Anything you believe you need is available to you through prayer. We are not talking here about a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/how-do-you-spell-peace-p-r-a-y-e-r-anything-you-believe-you-need-is/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [We are distracted from our greatness because are greatness is what scares us. Right where you are…God is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-are-distracted-from-our-greatness-because-are-greatness-is-what/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [Some children do what they’re told to do; some children do what they’re told not to do; all children do what they’re parents have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/some-children-do-what-they-re-told-to-do-some-children-do-what-they/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [Life doesn't have to be hard, life is on your side.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/life-doesn-t-have-to-be-hard-life-is-on-your-side/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/you-can-accept-or-reject-the-way-you-are-treated-by-other-people-but/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [We must each learn to feel comfortable in our own uniqueness by rising above the fear of being wrong and the aversion to being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-must-each-learn-to-feel-comfortable-in-our-own-uniqueness-by/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [I am not seeking anything but service to my creator. I do not need a house, I do not need a car, I do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/i-am-not-seeking-anything-but-service-to-my-creator-i-do-not-need-a/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [The remedy for life's broken pieces is not classes, workshops or books. Don't try to heal the broken pieces. Just forgive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/the-remedy-for-life-s-broken-pieces-is-not-classes-workshops-or-books/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [When someone entrusts their heart to you they are giving you a piece of their soul. You cannot treat the soul casually. You must…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/when-someone-entrusts-their-heart-to-you-they-are-giving-you-a-piece/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [When you have something to do life will not allow you to ove foward until you do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/when-you-have-something-to-do-life-will-not-allow-you-to-ove-foward/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [Have you doubted your progress, regretted your choices, put yourself down? Remember that you are doing just fine. Remind yourself right now that no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/have-you-doubted-your-progress-regretted-your-choices-put-yourself/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [The only relationship we can have in this life is the relationship we have with ourselves. We cannot love anybody more than we love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/the-only-relationship-we-can-have-in-this-life-is-the-relationship-we/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) [Explore all 476 Iyanla Vanzant quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) ## More Bad quotes > [If I am going to be phased out by whatever powers, then I want people to know that it is not because I am…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/parvathy/if-i-am-going-to-be-phased-out-by-whatever-powers-then-i-want-people/) [Parvathy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/parvathy/) > [Sometimes I'm in a bad mood, sometimes I'm in a good mood. It's like everyone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tricky/sometimes-i-m-in-a-bad-mood-sometimes-i-m-in-a-good-mood-it-s-like/) [Tricky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tricky/) > [Unfortunately, we all go through bad phases.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sushmita-sen/unfortunately-we-all-go-through-bad-phases/) [Sushmita Sen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sushmita-sen/) > [The Derby experience had not been good for me and the way it finished left a very bad taste in my mouth so I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nigel-pearson/the-derby-experience-had-not-been-good-for-me-and-the-way-it-finished/) [Nigel Pearson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nigel-pearson/) > [What people tend to forget is the journey that I had getting to Formula One. There were plenty of years where I had to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-hamilton/what-people-tend-to-forget-is-the-journey-that-i-had-getting-to/) [Lewis Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-hamilton/) > [Television, radio, social media. The 24/7 news cycle plows forward mercilessly on our desks, in our cars and in our pockets. Thousands and thousands…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-prince/television-radio-social-media-the-24-7-news-cycle-plows-forward/) [Joseph Prince](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-prince/) > [I listen to heavy metal thanks to my son. When I argue with him on the kind of music he is listening to, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zeenat-aman/i-listen-to-heavy-metal-thanks-to-my-son-when-i-argue-with-him-on-the/) [Zeenat Aman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zeenat-aman/) > [I've said it before, good people are forced to do bad things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angus-cloud/i-ve-said-it-before-good-people-are-forced-to-do-bad-things/) [Angus Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angus-cloud/) > [“If any woman opens her legs for you, don't feel so lucky to be fed with nonsense, she has been a bitch for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-bassey-johnson/if-any-woman-opens-her-legs-for-you-don-t-feel-so-lucky-to-be-fed/) [Michael Bassey Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-bassey-johnson/) > [One thing I always tell players is that there are three bad things: Nothing good happens after midnight, nothing good happens when you're around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-saban/one-thing-i-always-tell-players-is-that-there-are-three-bad-things/) [Nick Saban](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-saban/) > [Everybody has bad days, but how you respond to it is a testament to whether you are a winner or a loser.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aaron-gordon/everybody-has-bad-days-but-how-you-respond-to-it-is-a-testament-to/) [Aaron Gordon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aaron-gordon/) > [Obviously I'm very grateful 'Bad Guy' is doing so well - it's shocking and surprising and gratifying - but I do think it's important…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/finneas/obviously-i-m-very-grateful-bad-guy-is-doing-so-well-it-s-shocking/) [Finneas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/finneas/) > [I felt pretty good growing up. I didnt feel a lot of prejudice or racism. But I do remember, if there was going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-henry-hwang/i-felt-pretty-good-growing-up-i-didnt-feel-a-lot-of-prejudice-or/) [David Henry Hwang](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-henry-hwang/) > [If you read 'Lord of the Rings' and dismiss it as a lie because it has orcs and elves, you're missing the whole point…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doug-tennapel/if-you-read-lord-of-the-rings-and-dismiss-it-as-a-lie-because-it-has/) [Doug TenNapel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doug-tennapel/) > [My conscience is really active. So I feel bad about spending excess amount of money on things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/syd/my-conscience-is-really-active-so-i-feel-bad-about-spending-excess/) [Syd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/syd/) Browse all 7,973 Bad quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We really don't know how to love each other because we haven't really learned to love ourselves. In many instances, not all, it's not malicious. We've just been conditioned to such bad behavior.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Iyanla Vanzant" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-other-because-we-haven-t-really/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Bad" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-other-because-we-haven-t-really/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/iyanla-vanzant-557_bad_we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-ot_2502165.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We really don't know how to love each other because we haven't really learned to love ourselves. In many…” — Iyanla Vanzant", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Iyanla Vanzant", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "We really don't know how to...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-other-because-we-haven-t-really/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/we-really-don-t-know-how-to-love-each-other-because-we-haven-t-really/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```