--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: To anyone who will take the trouble to…" description: "\"“To anyone who will take the trouble to become attached to her she will immediately give a devoted, generous, imaginative and completely uncapricious a..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fe/iris-murdoch-993_betrayal_to-anyone-who-will-take-the-trouble-to-b_2124717.png" --- # To anyone who will take the trouble to become attached to… ![“To anyone who will take the trouble to become attached to her she will immediately give a devoted, generous, imaginative and completely uncapricious attention, which is still a calculated avoidance of self-surrender. This is no doubt another reason why she never went into films; her private life…” quote by Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fe/iris-murdoch-993_betrayal_to-anyone-who-will-take-the-trouble-to-b_2124717.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fe/iris-murdoch-993_betrayal_to-anyone-who-will-take-the-trouble-to-b_2124717.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fe/iris-murdoch-993_betrayal_to-anyone-who-will-take-the-trouble-to-b_2124717.png) > ““To anyone who will take the trouble to become attached to her she will immediately give a devoted, generous, imaginative and completely uncapricious attention, which is still a calculated avoidance of self-surrender. This is no doubt another reason why she never went into films; her private life must be an almost full-time activity. This has the sad result too that her existence is one long act of disloyalty; and when I knew her she was constantly involved in secrecy and lying in order to conceal from each of her friends the fact that she was so closely bound to all the others.”” [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. She offers intense devotion while deliberately avoiding true intimacy, leading to a life of secrecy and disloyalty. **In simple terms:** She gives love but avoids genuine connection. Key Takeaway Seek authentic relationships, not calculated affection. Themes love deception identity loyalty Mood melancholic introspective Type literary philosophical When to use this quote - marriage - friendships - creative careers Key Concepts calculated affection self‑preservation Questions to Reflect On - What drives the need to hide true feelings? - Can you practice vulnerability safely? A Different Perspective Such avoidance can cause isolation and erode trust over time. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Betrayal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) [Disloyalty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disloyalty/) [Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/) [Private life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/private-life/) ## Related quotes > [Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-henry/should-i-keep-back-my-opinions-at-such-a-time-through-fear-of-giving/) [Patrick Henry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-henry/) > [I like going off and making films in private, where the hassles of everyday life aren't there. And also, selfishly, you're taking your crew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-reichardt/i-like-going-off-and-making-films-in-private-where-the-hassles-of/) [Kelly Reichardt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelly-reichardt/) > [We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-r-murrow/we-must-not-confuse-dissent-with-disloyalty/) [Edward R. Murrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-r-murrow/) > [No, the secret is that there's no reward and we have to endure our characters and our natures as best we can, because no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-ndor-m-rai/no-the-secret-is-that-there-s-no-reward-and-we-have-to-endure-our/) [Sándor Márai](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-ndor-m-rai/) > [“Men were notorious for their acts of disloyalty.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-way/men-were-notorious-for-their-acts-of-disloyalty/) [Margaret Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-way/) > [“How many of us, having cried bitter, rancid tears over a failed love, are actually disappointed when we discover, seeing the adored one again,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-fellowes/how-many-of-us-having-cried-bitter-rancid-tears-over-a-failed-love/) [Julian Fellowes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-fellowes/) > [“If one is seeking reasons for disloyalty, it is useful to find something one can resent.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-christopher/if-one-is-seeking-reasons-for-disloyalty-it-is-useful-to-find/) [John Christopher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-christopher/) > [If all we've got to look forward to is disloyalty and treachery, why do we even make friends?" "Again, human nature. Hoping for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gena-showalter/if-all-we-ve-got-to-look-forward-to-is-disloyalty-and-treachery-why/) [Gena Showalter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gena-showalter/) > [“money make the world and your family turn”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/omar-hickman/money-make-the-world-and-your-family-turn/) [Omar Hickman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/omar-hickman/) > [Self-censorship, the most important and most successful form of censorship, is rampant. Debate is identified with dissent, which is in turn identified with disloyalty.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-sontag/self-censorship-the-most-important-and-most-successful-form-of/) [Susan Sontag](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-sontag/) > [“Sometimes your dearest friend whom you reveal most of your secrets to becomes so deadly and unfriendly without knowing that they were not really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-bassey-johnson/sometimes-your-dearest-friend-whom-you-reveal-most-of-your-secrets-to/) [Michael Bassey Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-bassey-johnson/) > [When the facts of history are written Haile Selassie of Abyssinia will go down as a great coward who ran away from his country…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcus-garvey/when-the-facts-of-history-are-written-haile-selassie-of-abyssinia/) [Marcus Garvey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcus-garvey/) > [Perhaps, indeed, there are no truly universal ethics: or to put it more precisely, the ways in which ethical principles are interpreted will inevitably…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-gardner/perhaps-indeed-there-are-no-truly-universal-ethics-or-to-put-it-more/) [Howard Gardner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-gardner/) > [One who was born in the house of a warrior, regardless of his rank or class, first acquaints himself with a man of military…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/takeda-shingen/one-who-was-born-in-the-house-of-a-warrior-regardless-of-his-rank-or/) [Takeda Shingen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/takeda-shingen/) > [Invariably, micromanaging results in four problems: deceit, disloyalty, conflict, and communication problems.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-rosemond/invariably-micromanaging-results-in-four-problems-deceit-disloyalty/) [John Rosemond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-rosemond/) ## More by Iris Murdoch > [Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [One doesn't have to get anywhere in a marriage. It's not a public conveyance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/one-doesn-t-have-to-get-anywhere-in-a-marriage-it-s-not-a-public/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“I think being a woman is like being Irish... Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the time.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-think-being-a-woman-is-like-being-irish-everyone-says-you-re/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Art is the final cunning of the human soul which would rather do anything than face the gods.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/art-is-the-final-cunning-of-the-human-soul-which-would-rather-do/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [The sending of a letter constitutes a magical grasp upon the future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/the-sending-of-a-letter-constitutes-a-magical-grasp-upon-the-future/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [emotions really exist at the bottom of the personality or at the top. in the middle they are acted. this is why all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/emotions-really-exist-at-the-bottom-of-the-personality-or-at-the-top/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [I have used the word "attention," which I borrow from Simone Weil, to express the idea of a just and loving gaze directed upon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-have-used-the-word-attention-which-i-borrow-from-simone-weil-to/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Starting a novel is opening a door on a misty landscape; you can still see very little but you can smell the earth and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/starting-a-novel-is-opening-a-door-on-a-misty-landscape-you-can-still/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Art and morality are, with certain provisos…one. Their essence is the same. The essence of both of them is love. Love is the perception…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/art-and-morality-are-with-certain-provisos-one-their-essence-is-the/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [being homosexual doesn't determine a man's whole character any more than being heterosexual does.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/being-homosexual-doesn-t-determine-a-man-s-whole-character-any-more/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [All artists dream of a silence which they must enter, as some creatures return to the sea to spawn.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/all-artists-dream-of-a-silence-which-they-must-enter-as-some/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“Oh if only I could take my mother away and never know of these things again. But it was impossible, the machine would go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/oh-if-only-i-could-take-my-mother-away-and-never-know-of-these-things/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [We defend ourselves by descriptions and tame the world by generalizing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/we-defend-ourselves-by-descriptions-and-tame-the-world-by-generalizing/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“I'm sorry I was awful. I'm so full of terrors.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-m-sorry-i-was-awful-i-m-so-full-of-terrors/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [I live, I live, with an absolutely continuous sense of failure. I am always defeated, always. Every book is the wreck of a perfect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-live-i-live-with-an-absolutely-continuous-sense-of-failure-i-am/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) [Explore all 306 Iris Murdoch quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) ## More Betrayal quotes > [“That's the catch about betrayal, of course: that it feels good, that there's something immensely pleasurable about moving from a complicated relationship which involves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-ephron/that-s-the-catch-about-betrayal-of-course-that-it-feels-good-that/) [Nora Ephron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-ephron/) > [God’s faithfulness is stronger than our unfaithfulness and our infidelities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/god-s-faithfulness-is-stronger-than-our-unfaithfulness-and-our/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) > [“Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-auliq-ice/flattery-looks-like-friendship-just-like-a-wolf-looks-like-a-dog/) [Oscar Auliq-Ice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-auliq-ice/) > [There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/there-is-no-deceit-in-death-it-delivers-precisely-what-it-has/) [KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/) > [If you leave someone for another person, don't be surprised if that person leaves you for someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-leave-someone-for-another-person-don-t-be-surprised-if-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“As they say in New York, Get over it and, if you can't get over it, Get over talking about it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marian-keyes/as-they-say-in-new-york-get-over-it-and-if-you-can-t-get-over-it-get/) [Marian Keyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marian-keyes/) > [“He returned her gaze, yearning for sentimental solace; love which emanated from a familiar source, mattered little how bedevilling. They shared an intimate moment,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-h-septimius/he-returned-her-gaze-yearning-for-sentimental-solace-love-which/) [A. H. Septimius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-h-septimius/) > [I was always here for you,you knew you could count on me and trust me blindly, and you knew that I would never tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-hayssus/i-was-always-here-for-you-you-knew-you-could-count-on-me-and-trust-me/) [Michael Hayssus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-hayssus/) > [Joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated and isolated, joy is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-solnit/joy-doesn-t-betray-but-sustains-activism-and-when-you-face-a-politics/) [Rebecca Solnit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-solnit/) > [“Betrayal and love are not mutually exclusive." (Mordred)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aldous-mercer/betrayal-and-love-are-not-mutually-exclusive-mordred/) [Aldous Mercer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aldous-mercer/) > [Love comes exactly... To those who still hope, even though they've been disappointed. To those who still believe, even though they've been betrayed and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mizhan/love-comes-exactly-to-those-who-still-hope-even-though-they-ve-been/) [Mizhan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mizhan/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Betrayal is a serious thing in this world,you know what else is serious? Being lied to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabrina/betrayal-is-a-serious-thing-in-this-world-you-know-what-else-is/) [Sabrina](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabrina/) > [The greatest temptation for the like of us is: to renounce violence, to repent, to make peace with oneself. Most revolutionaries fell before this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-koestler/the-greatest-temptation-for-the-like-of-us-is-to-renounce-violence-to/) [Arthur Koestler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-koestler/) > [“Sarai, you never know who might betray you until it’s too late.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-a-redmerski/sarai-you-never-know-who-might-betray-you-until-it-s-too-late/) [J.A. Redmerski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-a-redmerski/) [Browse all 2,050 Betrayal quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“To anyone who will take the trouble to become attached to her she will immediately give a devoted, generous, imaginative and completely uncapricious attention, which is still a calculated avoidance of self-surrender. This is no doubt another reason why she never went into films; her private life must be an almost full-time activity. 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