--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Falling out of love is chiefly a matter…" description: "\"Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.\" — Iris Murdoch" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png" --- # Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how… ![“Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.” quote by Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png) > “Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.” [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. When love fades, it often stems from losing the perception of the other's appeal, not just emotional detachment. **In simple terms:** Love wanes as charm fades. Key Takeaway Charm sustains love. Themes love memory perception charm relationships Mood nostalgic reflective Type aphor observation When to use this quote - long-term partnership - marriage - dating - friendship - reconciliation Key Concepts emotional dynamics cognitive bias Practical Applications - relationship counseling - personal reflection Questions to Reflect On - What aspects of a partner sustain love beyond charm? - How does memory shape romantic attraction? A Different Perspective Love can persist despite diminished charm if deeper bonds exist. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Charming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/charming/) [Falling love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/falling-love/) [Falling out of love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/falling-out-of-love/) [Forgetting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgetting/) [Forgetting Charming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgetting-charming-350747/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love is](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-is/) [Matter Forgetting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/matter-forgetting-350748/) ## Related quotes > [Falling out of love is primarily a matter of forgetting how charming someone is](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/falling-out-of-love-is-primarily-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“the author claimed that blacking out wasn’t simply a matter of forgetting what had happened, but having no memories to forget in the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paula-hawkins/the-author-claimed-that-blacking-out-wasn-t-simply-a-matter-of/) [Paula Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paula-hawkins/) > [We will paste upon the curled pages words Like charming and romantic and sentimental Forgetting that charming is witchcraft Romantic is love And sentiment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emilie-autumn/we-will-paste-upon-the-curled-pages-words-like-charming-and-romantic/) [Emilie Autumn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emilie-autumn/) > [Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the world with new eyes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-very-enlightening-for-a-short-while-you-see/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“The only thing harder than falling out of love is being in love and watching someone fall out of love with you. Knowing you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thought-catalogue/the-only-thing-harder-than-falling-out-of-love-is-being-in-love-and/) [Thought Catalogue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thought-catalogue/) > [“Thereafter he gave up on a career in the arts and filled a succession of unsuitable vacancies and equally unsuitable women, falling in love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-jacobson-the-finkler-question/thereafter-he-gave-up-on-a-career-in-the-arts-and-filled-a-succession/) [Howard Jacobson, The Finkler Question](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-jacobson-the-finkler-question/) > [No one is more conventional than a woman who is falling out of love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francoise-sagan/no-one-is-more-conventional-than-a-woman-who-is-falling-out-of-love/) [Francoise Sagan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francoise-sagan/) > [Falling in love with you was the hardest thing to do. Falling out of love with you seems impossible.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/falling-in-love-with-you-was-the-hardest-thing-to-do-falling-out-of/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/falling-in-love-is-awfully-simple-but-falling-out-of-love-is-simply/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Falling in love is easy, falling out of love is hard, that's why we must guard our hearts diligently.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/falling-in-love-is-easy-falling-out-of-love-is-hard-that-s-why-we/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Falling in love is easy. Its the falling out of love part that hurts sometimes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dawn-marie/falling-in-love-is-easy-its-the-falling-out-of-love-part-that-hurts/) [Dawn Marie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dawn-marie/) > [Falling in love makes the unknown known. Falling out of love reverses the process.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glen-duncan/falling-in-love-makes-the-unknown-known-falling-out-of-love-reverses/) [Glen Duncan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glen-duncan/) > [That feeling when you feel yourself falling out of love with someone that you used to be crazy about..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/that-feeling-when-you-feel-yourself-falling-out-of-love-with-someone/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Falling in love is the easiest thing youre going to do, its the most exciting, the most powerful thing, thats what makes falling out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/falling-in-love-is-the-easiest-thing-youre-going-to-do-its-the-most/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Everyone says love is easy, but falling out of love with someone who doesn't love is what makes it hard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathryn-ann/everyone-says-love-is-easy-but-falling-out-of-love-with-someone-who/) [Kathryn Ann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathryn-ann/) ## More by Iris Murdoch > [One doesn't have to get anywhere in a marriage. It's not a public conveyance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/one-doesn-t-have-to-get-anywhere-in-a-marriage-it-s-not-a-public/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“I think being a woman is like being Irish... Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the time.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-think-being-a-woman-is-like-being-irish-everyone-says-you-re/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Art is the final cunning of the human soul which would rather do anything than face the gods.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/art-is-the-final-cunning-of-the-human-soul-which-would-rather-do/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [The sending of a letter constitutes a magical grasp upon the future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/the-sending-of-a-letter-constitutes-a-magical-grasp-upon-the-future/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [emotions really exist at the bottom of the personality or at the top. in the middle they are acted. this is why all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/emotions-really-exist-at-the-bottom-of-the-personality-or-at-the-top/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [I have used the word "attention," which I borrow from Simone Weil, to express the idea of a just and loving gaze directed upon…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-have-used-the-word-attention-which-i-borrow-from-simone-weil-to/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Starting a novel is opening a door on a misty landscape; you can still see very little but you can smell the earth and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/starting-a-novel-is-opening-a-door-on-a-misty-landscape-you-can-still/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Art and morality are, with certain provisos…one. Their essence is the same. The essence of both of them is love. Love is the perception…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/art-and-morality-are-with-certain-provisos-one-their-essence-is-the/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [being homosexual doesn't determine a man's whole character any more than being heterosexual does.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/being-homosexual-doesn-t-determine-a-man-s-whole-character-any-more/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [All artists dream of a silence which they must enter, as some creatures return to the sea to spawn.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/all-artists-dream-of-a-silence-which-they-must-enter-as-some/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“Oh if only I could take my mother away and never know of these things again. But it was impossible, the machine would go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/oh-if-only-i-could-take-my-mother-away-and-never-know-of-these-things/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [We defend ourselves by descriptions and tame the world by generalizing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/we-defend-ourselves-by-descriptions-and-tame-the-world-by-generalizing/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [“I'm sorry I was awful. I'm so full of terrors.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-m-sorry-i-was-awful-i-m-so-full-of-terrors/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [I live, I live, with an absolutely continuous sense of failure. I am always defeated, always. Every book is the wreck of a perfect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/i-live-i-live-with-an-absolutely-continuous-sense-of-failure-i-am/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) > [Love is the perception of individuals. Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/love-is-the-perception-of-individuals-love-is-the-extremely-difficult/) [Iris Murdoch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) [Explore all 306 Iris Murdoch quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/) ## More Charming quotes > [In some circles where very heavy people think they have very heavy brains, words like "charming" and "clever" and "pretty" are all put-downs; all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-warhol/in-some-circles-where-very-heavy-people-think-they-have-very-heavy/) [Andy Warhol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-warhol/) > [Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year, with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryan-howard/anybody-can-be-prince-charming-one-day-a-year-with-the-dinner-and-the/) [Ryan Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryan-howard/) > [Ninety-eight percent of the things that come out of my mouth are intended to be harmless or even charming. They're not ever intended to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/megan-fox/ninety-eight-percent-of-the-things-that-come-out-of-my-mouth-are/) [Megan Fox](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/megan-fox/) > [You have to be nicer to me," I said. Again he laughed. "What? I'm the King of nice. What are you talking about?" "You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-myracle/you-have-to-be-nicer-to-me-i-said-again-he-laughed-what-i-m-the-king/) [Lauren Myracle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-myracle/) > [Everything was so designed by Hannibal to break down Will in the first season, until Will's sanity became questionable. It's so much easier to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bryan-fuller/everything-was-so-designed-by-hannibal-to-break-down-will-in-the/) [Bryan Fuller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bryan-fuller/) > [Old Etonians are the most charming people in the world. It's not just the analytic ability and the great education; there is a really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-wade/old-etonians-are-the-most-charming-people-in-the-world-it-s-not-just/) [Laura Wade](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-wade/) > [My beloved friend - one of the most unique and charming personalities of our time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-carroll/my-beloved-friend-one-of-the-most-unique-and-charming-personalities/) [Lewis Carroll](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-carroll/) > [Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not by fang, but Ferragamos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeaniene-frost/wouldn-t-that-make-a-charming-epitaph-here-lies-cat-killed-not-by/) [Jeaniene Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeaniene-frost/) > [Sir, money, money, the most charming of all things; money, which will say more in one moment than the most elegant lover can in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-fielding/sir-money-money-the-most-charming-of-all-things-money-which-will-say/) [Henry Fielding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-fielding/) > [Charming Alnaschar visions! it is the happy privilege of youth to construct you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-makepeace-thackeray/charming-alnaschar-visions-it-is-the-happy-privilege-of-youth-to/) [William Makepeace Thackeray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-makepeace-thackeray/) > [I wasn‘t—" I began. I didn‘t—" He began. How charming," V‘lane cut us off. His voice arrived before he did. "The very portrait of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/i-wasn-t-i-began-i-didn-t-he-began-how-charming-v-lane-cut-us-off-his/) [Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/) > [Lillian Gish may be a charming person, but she is not Ophelia. She comes on stage as if she had been sent for to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mrs-patrick-campbell/lillian-gish-may-be-a-charming-person-but-she-is-not-ophelia-she/) [Mrs. Patrick Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mrs-patrick-campbell/) > [There are likable characters in prison. Sometimes the worst criminals are also some of the most charming people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/taryn-manning/there-are-likable-characters-in-prison-sometimes-the-worst-criminals/) [Taryn Manning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/taryn-manning/) > [The secular mind and heart, however gifted and personally charming, has no place in the leadership of the church.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-oswald-sanders/the-secular-mind-and-heart-however-gifted-and-personally-charming-has/) [J. Oswald Sanders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-oswald-sanders/) > [My goal is to create a metaphor that changes our reality by charming people into considering their world in a different way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/my-goal-is-to-create-a-metaphor-that-changes-our-reality-by-charming/) [Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/) [Browse all 808 Charming quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/charming/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Iris Murdoch" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Charming" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43f/iris-murdoch-993_charming_falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter_9261.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.” — Iris Murdoch", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Iris Murdoch", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iris-murdoch/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Falling out of love is chiefly...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iris-murdoch/falling-out-of-love-is-chiefly-a-matter-of-forgetting-how-charming/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```