--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: ...they knew each other as much as they…" description: "\"“...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves, and their intimacy, rather like too many suitcases, was a matter of perpetual concern; togeth..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg" --- # ...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves… ![“...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves, and their intimacy, rather like too many suitcases, was a matter of perpetual concern; together they moved slowly, clumsily, effecting lugubrious compromises, attending to delicate shifts of mood, repairing breaches. As individuals they…” quote by Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg) > ““...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves, and their intimacy, rather like too many suitcases, was a matter of perpetual concern; together they moved slowly, clumsily, effecting lugubrious compromises, attending to delicate shifts of mood, repairing breaches. As individuals they didn't easily take offense; but together they managed to offend each other in surprising, unexpected ways; then the offender - it had happened twice since their arrival - became irritated by the cloying susceptibilities of the other, and they would continue to explore the twisting alleyways and sudden squares in silence, and with each step the city would recede as they locked tighter into each other's presence.”” [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Two characters navigate a fragile, evolving relationship, constantly negotiating intimacy and conflict, leading to unexpected offenses and deeper entanglement. **In simple terms:** Their bond is complex, full of misunderstandings and growing closeness. Key Takeaway Recognize and address subtle tensions early. Themes relationships communication intimacy conflict psychology Mood reflective melancholic intimate Type literary psychological When to use this quote - Couples therapy - team collaboration - family mediation - friendship building Key Concepts Interpersonal dynamics emotional intelligence conflict resolution Questions to Reflect On - What small signs indicate growing tension? - How can open dialogue prevent misunderstandings? A Different Perspective Ignoring minor grievances can amplify into major rifts. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Intimacy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimacy/) [Romance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/romance/) ## Related quotes > [“The windows had been thrown open to the summer breezes, and as Brisbane pressed me down onto the bed, I smelled the roses at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deanna-raybourn/the-windows-had-been-thrown-open-to-the-summer-breezes-and-as/) [Deanna Raybourn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deanna-raybourn/) > [Before we can leave our parents, they stuff our heads like the suitcases which they jam-pack with homemade underwear.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maxine-hong-kingston/before-we-can-leave-our-parents-they-stuff-our-heads-like-the/) [Maxine Hong Kingston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maxine-hong-kingston/) > [Five hundred souls. I carried them in my fingers, like suitcases. Or I'd throw them over my shoulder. It was only the the children…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/markus-zusak/five-hundred-souls-i-carried-them-in-my-fingers-like-suitcases-or-i-d/) [Markus Zusak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/markus-zusak/) > [“Jocelyn: 'I've dated a few nice boys. Though if things got serious, I ended it. I didn't want to involve some poor guy in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-kae-myers/jocelyn-i-ve-dated-a-few-nice-boys-though-if-things-got-serious-i/) [Kate Kae Myers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-kae-myers/) > [“She couldn't decide if he was a bit mad or if the world moved too slowly for him. Perhaps a little of both.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-mayne/she-couldn-t-decide-if-he-was-a-bit-mad-or-if-the-world-moved-too/) [Andrew Mayne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-mayne/) > [As my men could profitably employ themselves on these streams, I moved slowly along, averaging not more than five or six miles per day…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-henry-ashley/as-my-men-could-profitably-employ-themselves-on-these-streams-i-moved/) [William Henry Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-henry-ashley/) > [Between the ages of 8 and 12 it was difficult to know what my father was saying, and he moved very slowly, and then he died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colm-toibin/between-the-ages-of-8-and-12-it-was-difficult-to-know-what-my-father/) [Colm Toibin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colm-toibin/) > [“It is time,' he said, 'to collect on my wager.' He moved slowly. First, his hands sliding round me and cool light-colored hair drifting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherwood-smith/it-is-time-he-said-to-collect-on-my-wager-he-moved-slowly-first-his/) [Sherwood Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherwood-smith/) > [We moved together very slowly toward the house, trying to understand its ugliness and ruin and shame.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shirley-jackson/we-moved-together-very-slowly-toward-the-house-trying-to-understand/) [Shirley Jackson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shirley-jackson/) > [Huge and mighty forms that do not live like living men, moved slowly through the mind by day and were trouble to my dreams.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-wordsworth/huge-and-mighty-forms-that-do-not-live-like-living-men-moved-slowly/) [William Wordsworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-wordsworth/) > [By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-hoff/by-the-time-it-came-to-the-edge-of-the-forest-the-stream-had-grown-up/) [Benjamin Hoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-hoff/) > [“Then again, maybe you couldn't have killed me," he said, crawling out of the stairway. He moved very slowly, like a lizard who had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-briggs/then-again-maybe-you-couldn-t-have-killed-me-he-said-crawling-out-of/) [Patricia Briggs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-briggs/) > [“Still, he moved slowly, taking his time as much to prolong this moment as to gauge her reaction. He laid his hands on her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-roberts/still-he-moved-slowly-taking-his-time-as-much-to-prolong-this-moment/) [Nora Roberts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-roberts/) > [“Thoughts always moved slowly through Brutha’s mind, like icebergs. They arrived slowly and left slowly and when they were there they occupied a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/thoughts-always-moved-slowly-through-brutha-s-mind-like-icebergs-they/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) > [“After the meal was done, the brothers moved slowly, as if drugged or sleepy, which made me wonder if it was similar to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colleen-houck/after-the-meal-was-done-the-brothers-moved-slowly-as-if-drugged-or/) [Colleen Houck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colleen-houck/) ## More by Ian McEwan > [“As you will see, we do not believe that artists have an obligation to strike up attitudes to the war. Indeed, they are wise…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/as-you-will-see-we-do-not-believe-that-artists-have-an-obligation-to/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [You could say that all novels are spy novels and all novelists are spy masters.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/you-could-say-that-all-novels-are-spy-novels-and-all-novelists-are/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [I've never had a moment's doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/i-ve-never-had-a-moment-s-doubt-i-love-you-i-believe-in-you/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“It is shaming sometimes, how the body will not, or cannot, lie about emotions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/it-is-shaming-sometimes-how-the-body-will-not-or-cannot-lie-about/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“While my friends struggled and calculated, I reached a solution by a set of floating steps that were partly visual, partly just a feeling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/while-my-friends-struggled-and-calculated-i-reached-a-solution-by-a/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“Once, on a walk by a river- Eskdale in low reddish sunlight, with a dusting of snow- his daughter quoted to him an opening…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/once-on-a-walk-by-a-river-eskdale-in-low-reddish-sunlight-with-a/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“Perhaps it's one of those cases of a microcosm giving you the whole world. Like a spode dinner plate. Or a single cell. Or,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/perhaps-it-s-one-of-those-cases-of-a-microcosm-giving-you-the-whole/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [Who you get, and how it works out- there's so much luck involved, as well as the million branching consequences of your conscious choice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/who-you-get-and-how-it-works-out-there-s-so-much-luck-involved-as/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“On Chesil Beach he could have called out to Florence, he could have gone after her. 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And it is a terrifying prospect and actually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/i-would-rather-be-physically-disabled-obviously-than-mentally-i-would/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [“Words, as I'm beginning to appreciate, can make things true.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/words-as-i-m-beginning-to-appreciate-can-make-things-true/) [Ian McEwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [I couldn't think about novels at all. It seemed the only writing that was appropriate to that horrendous event was journalism, reportage. And, in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/i-couldn-t-think-about-novels-at-all-it-seemed-the-only-writing-that/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [I did not kill my father, but I sometimes felt I had helped him on his way. And but for the fact that it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/i-did-not-kill-my-father-but-i-sometimes-felt-i-had-helped-him-on-his/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) [Explore all 496 Ian McEwan quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) ## More Intimacy quotes > [“It's morning now, and I miss the soft rasp of her voice already. Ugh. I'm in trouble, aren't I?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-shand/it-s-morning-now-and-i-miss-the-soft-rasp-of-her-voice-already-ugh-i/) [Pat Shand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-shand/) > [“One single syllable of intimacy and the world is put to rights.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-boyne/one-single-syllable-of-intimacy-and-the-world-is-put-to-rights/) [John Boyne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-boyne/) > [Intimacy requires an ability to both merge and be separate, to come together and be apart, like oscillating on a giant swing from oneness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-sophia-kasl/intimacy-requires-an-ability-to-both-merge-and-be-separate-to-come/) [Charlotte Sophia Kasl](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-sophia-kasl/) > [When you write something by hand, there's a sort of intimacy that is just intrinsic to that act. You don't get to delete something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-han/when-you-write-something-by-hand-there-s-a-sort-of-intimacy-that-is/) [Jenny Han](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-han/) > [“Intercourse is one thing, Intimacy is everything. Be encouraged”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-e-wagner/intercourse-is-one-thing-intimacy-is-everything-be-encouraged/) [Kerry E. Wagner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-e-wagner/) > [Is it any wonder that for millions of men the only intimacy is physical, silent, and predictable?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-donahue/is-it-any-wonder-that-for-millions-of-men-the-only-intimacy-is/) [Phil Donahue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phil-donahue/) > [The lasting value of our public service for God is measured by the depth of the intimacy of our private times of fellowship and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oswald-chambers/the-lasting-value-of-our-public-service-for-god-is-measured-by-the/) [Oswald Chambers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oswald-chambers/) > [“You thought I was answering "As you wish" but that's only because you were hearing wrong. "I love you" was what it was, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-goldman/you-thought-i-was-answering-as-you-wish-but-that-s-only-because-you/) [William Goldman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-goldman/) > [Awe combined with intimacy is the essence of Christian worship.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/awe-combined-with-intimacy-is-the-essence-of-christian-worship/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-want-to-engage-people-in-an-honest-enlightened-and-provocative/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/communication-is-a-continual-balancing-act-juggling-the-conflicting/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Physical love is total intimacy. It is the sign that the lovers have nothing to refuse each other, that they belong wholly to each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-leclercq/physical-love-is-total-intimacy-it-is-the-sign-that-the-lovers-have/) Jacques Leclercq > [True intimacy is the experience of real acceptance and authentic vulnerability without feeling the need to apologize or fear rejection. The freedom to just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jordan-blake-michiels/true-intimacy-is-the-experience-of-real-acceptance-and-authentic/) [Jordan Blake Michiels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jordan-blake-michiels/) > [“Eschew evil and it's machinations.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jaachynma-n-e-agu/eschew-evil-and-it-s-machinations/) [Jaachynma N.E. Agu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jaachynma-n-e-agu/) > [“Lack of intimacy among friends is a mistake that cannot be censured without becoming irreparable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nietzsche-friedrich-wilhelm/lack-of-intimacy-among-friends-is-a-mistake-that-cannot-be-censured/) [NIETZSCHE FRIEDRICH WILHELM](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nietzsche-friedrich-wilhelm/) [Browse all 1,461 Intimacy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimacy/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves, and their intimacy, rather like too many suitcases, was a matter of perpetual concern; together they moved slowly, clumsily, effecting lugubrious compromises, attending to delicate shifts of mood, repairing breaches. As individuals they didn't easily take offense; but together they managed to offend each other in surprising, unexpected ways; then the offender - it had happened twice since their arrival - became irritated by the cloying susceptibilities of the other, and they would continue to explore the twisting alleyways and sudden squares in silence, and with each step the city would recede as they locked tighter into each other's presence.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Ian McEwan" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-knew-themselves-and-their/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Intimacy" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-knew-themselves-and-their/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/802/ian-mcewan-494_intimacy_they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-kne_797354.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“...they knew each other as much as they knew themselves, and their intimacy, rather like too many suitcases…” — Ian McEwan", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Ian McEwan", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“...they knew each other as much...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-knew-themselves-and-their/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/they-knew-each-other-as-much-as-they-knew-themselves-and-their/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```