--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The person who experiences disruption of…" description: "\"“The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. He does not experience his need, the hunger for love. Instead, he ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png" --- # The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils… ![“The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. He does not experience his need, the hunger for love. Instead, he buries his needs deep inside, so he can no longer be hurt. This withdrawal is called defensive devaluation. Defensive devaluation is a protective…” quote by Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png) > ““The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. He does not experience his need, the hunger for love. Instead, he buries his needs deep inside, so he can no longer be hurt. This withdrawal is called defensive devaluation. Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant, and people “no darn good” anyway. People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn’t hurt so much. And they often become resigned to never loving again. People who are unbonded do funny things in relationships: They don’t look for safe people: there’s no hunger. They don’t recognize safe people: no one is safe. They don’t reach out to safe people: why get hurt again? Although unbonded people often have friends and families, their isolation is deep and can cause many serious problems. A person who cannot bond may suffer from addictions, depression, emptiness, excessive caretaking, fear of being treated like an object, fears of closeness, feelings of guilt, feelings of unreality, idealism, lack of joy, loss of meaning, negative bonds, outbursts of anger, panic, shallow relationships, or thought problems such as confusion, distorted thinking, and irrational fears.”” [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Describing how deep relational hurt leads to defensive devaluation, causing emotional withdrawal and negative self‑views, which can manifest in various psychological issues. **In simple terms:** Trauma can cause people to devalue love and withdraw, leading to many mental health problems. Key Takeaway Recognize and address defensive devaluation to heal relationships. Themes attachment defensive mechanisms trauma Mood somber insightful Type psychological therapeutic When to use this quote - therapy - support groups - self‑reflection - relationship building Key Concepts psychology emotional health relationship dynamics Questions to Reflect On - What protective beliefs keep you from seeking love? - How can you safely explore vulnerability? A Different Perspective Healing may require confronting painful memories. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Addiction](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/addiction/) [Hunger for love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hunger-for-love/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) ## Related quotes > [“Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant and people "no darn good any way". People who have been deeply…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/defensive-devaluation-is-a-protective-device-that-makes-love-bad/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove then the hunger for bread SRK](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/srk/the-hunger-for-love-is-much-more-difficult-to-remove-then-the-hunger/) SRK > [There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives--the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/there-is-a-terrible-hunger-for-love-we-all-experience-that-in-our/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [It was always about love. Always, always about love. Lost love, love denied, the obsessive hunger for love. Parental or romantic. Whether it was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-w-hall/it-was-always-about-love-always-always-about-love-lost-love-love/) James W. Hall > [Speak tenderly; let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting. Always have a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/speak-tenderly-let-there-be-kindness-in-your-face-in-your-eyes-in/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty—it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There’s a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/the-poverty-in-the-west-is-a-different-kind-of-poverty-it-is-not-only/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [à The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/the-hunger-for-love-is-much-more-difficult-to-remove-than-the-hunger/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/the-greatest-disease-in-the-west-today-is-not-tb-or-leprosy-it-is/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [There are many ways to be hungry. One can hunger for love, or fame or social justice, but hunger for food seems to curb…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hamza-yusuf/there-are-many-ways-to-be-hungry-one-can-hunger-for-love-or-fame-or/) [Hamza Yusuf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hamza-yusuf/) > [Food can fill our stomachs but never our souls. Posessions can fill our houses but never our hearts. Sex can fill our nights but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lysa-terkeurst/food-can-fill-our-stomachs-but-never-our-souls-posessions-can-fill/) [Lysa TerKeurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lysa-terkeurst/) > [Make us worthy Lord to serve our fellow men throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/make-us-worthy-lord-to-serve-our-fellow-men-throughout-the-world-who/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/there-is-more-hunger-for-love-and-appreciation-in-this-world-than-for/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [There is hunger for ordinary bread, and there is hunger for love, for kindness, for thoughtfulness, and this is the great poverty that makes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/there-is-hunger-for-ordinary-bread-and-there-is-hunger-for-love-for/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/before-you-speak-it-is-necessary-for-you-to-listen-for-god-speaks-in/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [“Mother Teresa once said: When Jesus came into the world, He loved it so much that He gave His life for it. He wanted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heidi-baker/mother-teresa-once-said-when-jesus-came-into-the-world-he-loved-it-so/) [Heidi Baker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heidi-baker/) ## More by Henry Cloud > [The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-amount-of-truth-a-relationship-can-handle-is-proportional-to-the/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Are we paying attention to what is important, inhibiting the things that will not help or will hurt us, and keeping current?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/are-we-paying-attention-to-what-is-important-inhibiting-the-things/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Neglecting them leads to spiritual and emotional problems; having them met, however, frees us to meet the needs of others cheerfully and without resentment.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/neglecting-them-leads-to-spiritual-and-emotional-problems-having-them/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“we need people to whom we can talk and who will understand without invalidating our feelings by saying the following: You shouldn’t feel that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/we-need-people-to-whom-we-can-talk-and-who-will-understand-without/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/leadership-is-not-taken-it-is-given-people-give-leadership-to-those/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“What appear to be dangerous and even bad periods in some lives can actually bring them closer to the Lord, because these individuals honestly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/what-appear-to-be-dangerous-and-even-bad-periods-in-some-lives-can/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“We are drawn to Jesus because “he learned obedience from what he suffered” (Heb. 5:8). People who are growing up are also drawn to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/we-are-drawn-to-jesus-because-he-learned-obedience-from-what-he/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy, and you have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/if-you-want-to-become-healthy-you-have-to-surround-yourself-with-a/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Dont use all-or-nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day, and dont worry about it if you mess up one day. The most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/dont-use-all-or-nothing-thinking-take-each-day-as-its-own-day-and/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/faith-goes-beyond-reason-it-goes-beyond-what-you-can-see-but-it-is-as/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Boundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/boundaries-are-basically-about-providing-structure-and-structure-is/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Forgiveness and opening up to more abuse are not the same thing. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Reconciliation and boundaries have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/forgiveness-and-opening-up-to-more-abuse-are-not-the-same-thing/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“The old saying, “Don’t get mad. Just get even” isn’t accurate. It’s far better to say, “Don’t get mad. Set a limit!” Myth”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-old-saying-don-t-get-mad-just-get-even-isn-t-accurate-it-s-far/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“When we fail to express our needs, we remain islands unto ourselves—detached, alone, arrogant, and proud. But when we expose our needs, we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/when-we-fail-to-express-our-needs-we-remain-islands-unto-ourselves/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Receiving forgiveness when we know we’ve truly blown it is a humbling and growth-producing experience. It’s the only thing better than forgiving someone else.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/receiving-forgiveness-when-we-know-we-ve-truly-blown-it-is-a-humbling/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) [Explore all 251 Henry Cloud quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) ## More Addiction quotes > [What has drug addiction done for me? It's cost me my career, my fortune and basically my sex life when I found out I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robbin-crosby/what-has-drug-addiction-done-for-me-it-s-cost-me-my-career-my-fortune/) Robbin Crosby > [“The idea that creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time... Creative people probably do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/the-idea-that-creative-endeavor-and-mind-altering-substances-are/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [I really think the disease aspect gets lost when you're talking about alcoholism and addiction; it's not like you're battling leukemia or a heart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-irsay/i-really-think-the-disease-aspect-gets-lost-when-you-re-talking-about/) [Jim Irsay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-irsay/) > [I had an addiction to artificial points of success. Like being able to run for this or run for that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ruben-gallego/i-had-an-addiction-to-artificial-points-of-success-like-being-able-to/) [Ruben Gallego](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ruben-gallego/) > [“Addictions are just symptoms of underlying issues, and in my view Nikki self-medicated the emotional pain of his childhood, and being away from his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikki-sixx/addictions-are-just-symptoms-of-underlying-issues-and-in-my-view/) [Nikki Sixx](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikki-sixx/) > [“Oil. The great addiction of the civilized world”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-warren/oil-the-great-addiction-of-the-civilized-world/) [Andrew Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-warren/) > [“They say when you fall in love in love with someone that person becomes like a drug,an addiction you don't want to live without.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/they-say-when-you-fall-in-love-in-love-with-someone-that-person/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Addictions - Run to Jesus instead of running to your addiction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-meyer/addictions-run-to-jesus-instead-of-running-to-your-addiction/) [Joyce Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joyce-meyer/) > [Music is my personal addiction. So much of everything I've done has only been to open more doors for the music itself. It all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dolly-parton/music-is-my-personal-addiction-so-much-of-everything-i-ve-done-has/) [Dolly Parton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dolly-parton/) > [“I am made of a thousand ghosts. Only you can shoot me down.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bella-james/i-am-made-of-a-thousand-ghosts-only-you-can-shoot-me-down/) Bella James > [Religious work is one of the best ways to keep from facing your reality if you are Christian, if you are using it to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keith-miller/religious-work-is-one-of-the-best-ways-to-keep-from-facing-your/) [Keith Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keith-miller/) > [Cold sweats, hallucinations I wanna speed to stop. The hell I'm going through The addiction's taking you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bullet-for-my-valentine/cold-sweats-hallucinations-i-wanna-speed-to-stop-the-hell-i-m-going/) [Bullet For My Valentine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bullet-for-my-valentine/) > [As addictions go, reading is among the cleanest, easiest to feed, happiest.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-addison/as-addictions-go-reading-is-among-the-cleanest-easiest-to-feed/) [Joseph Addison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-addison/) > [“Alcoholism is a choice... not a life sentence.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-norman/alcoholism-is-a-choice-not-a-life-sentence/) David Norman > [“Suckers think that you cure greed with money, addiction with substances, expert problems with experts, banking with bankers, economics with economists, and debt crises…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nassim-nicholas-taleb/suckers-think-that-you-cure-greed-with-money-addiction-with/) [Nassim Nicholas Taleb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nassim-nicholas-taleb/) [Browse all 2,134 Addiction quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/addiction/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. He does not experience his need, the hunger for love. Instead, he buries his needs deep inside, so he can no longer be hurt. This withdrawal is called defensive devaluation. Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant, and people “no darn good” anyway. People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn’t hurt so much. And they often become resigned to never loving again. People who are unbonded do funny things in relationships: They don’t look for safe people: there’s no hunger. They don’t recognize safe people: no one is safe. They don’t reach out to safe people: why get hurt again? Although unbonded people often have friends and families, their isolation is deep and can cause many serious problems. A person who cannot bond may suffer from addictions, depression, emptiness, excessive caretaking, fear of being treated like an object, fears of closeness, feelings of guilt, feelings of unreality, idealism, lack of joy, loss of meaning, negative bonds, outbursts of anger, panic, shallow relationships, or thought problems such as confusion, distorted thinking, and irrational fears.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Henry Cloud" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of-bonding-recoils-and/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Addiction" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of-bonding-recoils-and/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1db/henry-cloud-1322_addiction_the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of_1647984.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The person who experiences disruption of bonding recoils and withdraws emotionally. He does not experience…” — Henry Cloud", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Henry Cloud", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“The person who experiences disruption of...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of-bonding-recoils-and/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-person-who-experiences-disruption-of-bonding-recoils-and/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```