--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Good-bad problems are major destroyers…" description: "\"“Good-bad problems are major destroyers. People who can’t reconcile either their own or anyone else’s faults suffer tremendous isolation because they a..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/henry-cloud-1322_good-and-bad_good-bad-problems-are-major-destroyers-p_1891483.jpg" --- # Good-bad problems are major destroyers. People who can’t… ![“Good-bad problems are major destroyers. People who can’t reconcile either their own or anyone else’s faults suffer tremendous isolation because they are unable to attach to real, whole people who are both good and bad. The ideals of what “should” be get in the way. Perfectionists demand that their…” quote by Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/henry-cloud-1322_good-and-bad_good-bad-problems-are-major-destroyers-p_1891483.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/henry-cloud-1322_good-and-bad_good-bad-problems-are-major-destroyers-p_1891483.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/henry-cloud-1322_good-and-bad_good-bad-problems-are-major-destroyers-p_1891483.jpg) > ““Good-bad problems are major destroyers. People who can’t reconcile either their own or anyone else’s faults suffer tremendous isolation because they are unable to attach to real, whole people who are both good and bad. The ideals of what “should” be get in the way. Perfectionists demand that their friends be perfect. Initially, when they click with someone, they will experience a wonderful honeymoon period, full of discoveries about “all the things we have in common” and how “compatible” they are. Then a conflict will arise. They will start to see the other person’s faults: they’re always late; they don’t listen well; they are too controlling. Suddenly the perfectionists are confused and disappointed. Someone they’d believed in, hoped for, expected more from has seriously let them down. And they tend to leave and reenter the fruitless, futile search for the ideal. Since safe people aren’t perfect people, they are disqualified, and the perfectionist goes on alone.”” [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Perfectionists seek flawless relationships, but real people have both strengths and flaws, leading to isolation when expectations clash. **In simple terms:** People are imperfect; expecting perfection harms connections. Key Takeaway Accept imperfections in yourself and others. Themes relationships perfectionism selfawareness isolation expectations Mood reflective empathetic Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - friendship - romantic partnership - teamwork - family dynamics - personal growth Key Concepts psychology human nature idealism Questions to Reflect On - How can you balance ideal standards with realistic expectations? - What steps help you appreciate whole people? A Different Perspective Perfectionist expectations can be unrealistic and cause unnecessary loneliness. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Good and bad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/good-and-bad/) [Perfect people](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfect-people/) [Perfectionist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfectionist/) [Perfectionists](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfectionists/) [Perfectionists Confused](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfectionists-confused-2735376/) [Perfectionists Demand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfectionists-demand-2648305/) [Suddenly Perfectionists](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suddenly-perfectionists-2735377/) ## Related quotes > [“Perfection is an illusion. Yet perfectionists demand it from others while being far from flawless themselves. The margin of error of the human condition…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stewart-stafford/perfection-is-an-illusion-yet-perfectionists-demand-it-from-others/) [Stewart Stafford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stewart-stafford/) > [Perfectionists demand perfection from themselves first and foremost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-meyer/perfectionists-demand-perfection-from-themselves-first-and-foremost/) [Joyce Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joyce-meyer/) > [I'm not a perfectionist at all. I find perfectionists boring because the real creative heart is in the mess somewhere.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-morrissey/i-m-not-a-perfectionist-at-all-i-find-perfectionists-boring-because/) [David Morrissey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-morrissey/) > [“Perfectionists are not all negative, miserable, unhappy and over controlling individuals”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/asa-don-brown/perfectionists-are-not-all-negative-miserable-unhappy-and-over/) [Asa Don Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/asa-don-brown/) > [Perfectionists are their own devils.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kirby/perfectionists-are-their-own-devils/) [Jack Kirby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kirby/) > [My fine friends who are perfectionists, each in their own world where they are petty dictators, could write a perfect bill. Those of us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/newt-gingrich/my-fine-friends-who-are-perfectionists-each-in-their-own-world-where/) [Newt Gingrich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/newt-gingrich/) > [We don't think of ourselves as being perfectionists, really. To us it's more about desperately trying to have it sound more or less OK.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-fagen/we-don-t-think-of-ourselves-as-being-perfectionists-really-to-us-it-s/) [Donald Fagen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-fagen/) > [Workaholics don't actually accomplish more than nonworkaholics. They may claim to be perfectionists, but that just mean they're wasting time fixating on inconsequential details…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/workaholics-don-t-actually-accomplish-more-than-nonworkaholics-they/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Don't be a perfectionist, because perfectionists often spend too much time on little differences at the margins at the expense of other big, important…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-dalio/don-t-be-a-perfectionist-because-perfectionists-often-spend-too-much/) [Ray Dalio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-dalio/) > [We are perfectionists. We are hungry to work all the time. We are entertained by every aspect of business and we never want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzy-welch/we-are-perfectionists-we-are-hungry-to-work-all-the-time-we-are/) [Suzy Welch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzy-welch/) > [I reckon there's always a bit of pressure. We put it on ourselves, I think we always feel a bit of pressure because people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-cheney/i-reckon-there-s-always-a-bit-of-pressure-we-put-it-on-ourselves-i/) [Chris Cheney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-cheney/) > [Reaching for the stars, perfectionists may end up clutching at air.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-d-burns/reaching-for-the-stars-perfectionists-may-end-up-clutching-at-air/) [David D. Burns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-d-burns/) > [A lot of actors are perfectionists, besides merely being egotists.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-mabius/a-lot-of-actors-are-perfectionists-besides-merely-being-egotists/) [Eric Mabius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-mabius/) > [I had no idea what I was walking into, and the years and years of hard work it would take. I felt like an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/misty-copeland/i-had-no-idea-what-i-was-walking-into-and-the-years-and-years-of-hard/) [Misty Copeland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/misty-copeland/) > [Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heywood-hale-broun/golf-is-not-on-the-whole-a-game-for-realists-by-its-exactitudes-of/) [Heywood Hale Broun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heywood-hale-broun/) ## More by Henry Cloud > [The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-amount-of-truth-a-relationship-can-handle-is-proportional-to-the/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Are we paying attention to what is important, inhibiting the things that will not help or will hurt us, and keeping current?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/are-we-paying-attention-to-what-is-important-inhibiting-the-things/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Neglecting them leads to spiritual and emotional problems; having them met, however, frees us to meet the needs of others cheerfully and without resentment.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/neglecting-them-leads-to-spiritual-and-emotional-problems-having-them/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“we need people to whom we can talk and who will understand without invalidating our feelings by saying the following: You shouldn’t feel that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/we-need-people-to-whom-we-can-talk-and-who-will-understand-without/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Leadership is not taken, it is given. 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But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/faith-goes-beyond-reason-it-goes-beyond-what-you-can-see-but-it-is-as/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [Boundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/boundaries-are-basically-about-providing-structure-and-structure-is/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Forgiveness and opening up to more abuse are not the same thing. Forgiveness has to do with the past. Reconciliation and boundaries have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/forgiveness-and-opening-up-to-more-abuse-are-not-the-same-thing/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“The old saying, “Don’t get mad. Just get even” isn’t accurate. It’s far better to say, “Don’t get mad. Set a limit!” Myth”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/the-old-saying-don-t-get-mad-just-get-even-isn-t-accurate-it-s-far/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“When we fail to express our needs, we remain islands unto ourselves—detached, alone, arrogant, and proud. But when we expose our needs, we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/when-we-fail-to-express-our-needs-we-remain-islands-unto-ourselves/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) > [“Receiving forgiveness when we know we’ve truly blown it is a humbling and growth-producing experience. It’s the only thing better than forgiving someone else.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-cloud/receiving-forgiveness-when-we-know-we-ve-truly-blown-it-is-a-humbling/) [Henry Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) [Explore all 251 Henry Cloud quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-cloud/) ## More Good and bad quotes > [“Here, need blurs the line between good and bad, and a constant promise of random violence sticks like humidity down your back.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-syjuco/here-need-blurs-the-line-between-good-and-bad-and-a-constant-promise/) [Miguel Syjuco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-syjuco/) > [“Life was made up of moments, big ones and little, the good and bad, dark and light. 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And that's for good and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samantha-ponder/tv-and-social-media-has-such-as-huge-impact-for-what-we-think-is/) [Samantha Ponder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samantha-ponder/) > [Now, with social media, it's a whole different world, which is good and bad. Back when I was in college, when there was no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christian-siriano/now-with-social-media-it-s-a-whole-different-world-which-is-good-and/) [Christian Siriano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christian-siriano/) > [“Men can be brilliant and strong, they whispered to one another. But men can be mad, as well. 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They will start to see the other person’s faults: they’re always late; they don’t listen well; they are too controlling. Suddenly the perfectionists are confused and disappointed. Someone they’d believed in, hoped for, expected more from has seriously let them down. And they tend to leave and reenter the fruitless, futile search for the ideal. 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