--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The two things I look for in a guy is how…" description: "\"“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/harvard-lampoon-34249_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1330121.jpg" --- # The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and… ![“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.” quote by Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/harvard-lampoon-34249_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1330121.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/harvard-lampoon-34249_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1330121.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f87/harvard-lampoon-34249_quote_the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-ho_1330121.jpg) > ““The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.”” [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. He jokes about superficial criteria for attraction, mixing humor with absurdity **In simple terms:** He makes a funny comment about weird dating preferences Key Takeaway Don’t take superficial preferences seriously Themes humor dating absurdity Mood playful ironic Type satire humorous When to use this quote - online dating - first dates - social gatherings Key Concepts social expectations personal quirks Questions to Reflect On - What does this say about societal standards of attraction? - How does humor reveal personal anxieties? A Different Perspective Humor may mask deeper insecurities ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Vampire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vampire/) ## Related quotes > [“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-harvard-lampoon/the-two-things-i-look-for-in-a-guy-is-how-tall-he-is-and-whether-or-2/) [The Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-harvard-lampoon/) > [“What's the matter? Scared? Need your big vampire brother to go down first.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-kagawa/what-s-the-matter-scared-need-your-big-vampire-brother-to-go-down/) [Julie Kagawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-kagawa/) > [“She hesitaded. "The guy with you...the tall Moroi with dark hair...is that your boyfriend?" "Er,yeah." It took a long time and great effort for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richelle-mead/she-hesitaded-the-guy-with-you-the-tall-moroi-with-dark-hair-is-that/) [Richelle Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richelle-mead/) > [If a guy is tall, that's a plus, and he has to have a great personality. He needs to keep up with me because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meagan-tandy/if-a-guy-is-tall-that-s-a-plus-and-he-has-to-have-a-great-personality/) [Meagan Tandy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meagan-tandy/) > [I'm over being single. I will now be accepting applications for a good guy. Must be tall, have a killer personality & not be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-m-over-being-single-i-will-now-be-accepting-applications-for-a-good/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Stephen King is a big Ramones fan... He's a great guy, very tall, very intense-looking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marky-ramone/stephen-king-is-a-big-ramones-fan-he-s-a-great-guy-very-tall-very/) [Marky Ramone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marky-ramone/) > [“Merv was a take-no-shit kind of guy. He was tall, built like a block of concrete, and had three basic settings: angry, brooding, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-resnick/merv-was-a-take-no-shit-kind-of-guy-he-was-tall-built-like-a-block-of/) [Adam Resnick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-resnick/) > [Some of my fondest and most impressionable movie memories are from those early sci-fi and horror films. I've always been a Dracula/vampire aficionado, being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-wise/some-of-my-fondest-and-most-impressionable-movie-memories-are-from/) [Ray Wise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-wise/) > [Or for the gorgeously bare vampire to give her a sensual massage while feeding her peeled grapes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeaniene-frost/or-for-the-gorgeously-bare-vampire-to-give-her-a-sensual-massage/) [Jeaniene Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeaniene-frost/) > [“Carol, a swing-shift cocktail waitress in the Bird of Paradise's show lounge had gotten home (guesswork, here) around 2:15 - 2:30, poured herself a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-rice/carol-a-swing-shift-cocktail-waitress-in-the-bird-of-paradise-s-show/) [Jeff Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-rice/) > [When they took me to do the camera test for the vampire make up, after they put the prosthetic on, I went though the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-benz/when-they-took-me-to-do-the-camera-test-for-the-vampire-make-up-after/) [Julie Benz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-benz/) > [“Jessica: If we only have daughters? Lucius: If we have only daughters, I will be the happiest vampire alive. For I have come to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-fantaskey/jessica-if-we-only-have-daughters-lucius-if-we-have-only-daughters-i/) [Beth Fantaskey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-fantaskey/) > [Clarissa," he said, "here with the vampire, I see. When things have settled a bit, we really must discuss you choice in pets..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/clarissa-he-said-here-with-the-vampire-i-see-when-things-have-settled/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [“Women want to be bitten and swept away by a sparkling, 100-year-old, handsome vampire.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chrissy-peebles/women-want-to-be-bitten-and-swept-away-by-a-sparkling-100-year-old/) [Chrissy Peebles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chrissy-peebles/) > [But just remember, life without me would be even more unbearable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rice/but-just-remember-life-without-me-would-be-even-more-unbearable/) [Anne Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rice/) ## More by Harvard Lampoon > [“So, Belle, what's new today?" Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/so-belle-what-s-new-today-dad-i-said-grasping-his-hands-and-looking/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“Muurp," muurped Edwart.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/muurp-muurped-edwart/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“I'll have AB positive', I told Josh when he returned from the dance floor, 'What's it made of? Apples and Bananas?' -Belle Goose”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/i-ll-have-ab-positive-i-told-josh-when-he-returned-from-the-dance/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/he-made-small-talk-on-the-way-about-how-he-was-abandoned-as-a-child/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/i-typed-in-a-single-word-vampre-google-asked-did-you-mean-vampire-i/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like that in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/i-was-so-attracted-to-him-i-could-have-peed-myself-right-there-on-the/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“And don't trouble yourself too much if you don't laugh at what you are about to read, for if you perk up your pink…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/and-don-t-trouble-yourself-too-much-if-you-don-t-laugh-at-what-you/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/about-three-things-i-was-absolutely-certain-first-edwart-was-most/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“Germs contagious, contagious alert! But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/germs-contagious-contagious-alert-but-edwart-and-purell-are-stronger/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man... he was trying to sell you a Sega product.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/you-re-lucky-i-was-on-that-roof-all-day-that-old-man-he-was-trying-to/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“Suddenly I blurted out. "I love you more than everything in the entire galaxy combined into one potent, delicious piece of gum!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/suddenly-i-blurted-out-i-love-you-more-than-everything-in-the-entire/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/we-began-to-butterfly-kiss-which-is-when-you-touch-your-eyelashes-to/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) > [“I had to admit, I did look stunning for a caterpillar's pupal casing. Lucy and Laura would say I looked more "hAwWt and jUiCaYyY…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvard-lampoon/i-had-to-admit-i-did-look-stunning-for-a-caterpillar-s-pupal-casing/) [Harvard Lampoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) [Explore all 14 Harvard Lampoon quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvard-lampoon/) ## More Vampire quotes > [But just remember, life without me would be even more unbearable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rice/but-just-remember-life-without-me-would-be-even-more-unbearable/) [Anne Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rice/) > [“Women want to be bitten and swept away by a sparkling, 100-year-old, handsome vampire.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chrissy-peebles/women-want-to-be-bitten-and-swept-away-by-a-sparkling-100-year-old/) [Chrissy Peebles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chrissy-peebles/) > [Clarissa," he said, "here with the vampire, I see. When things have settled a bit, we really must discuss you choice in pets..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/clarissa-he-said-here-with-the-vampire-i-see-when-things-have-settled/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [“Jessica: If we only have daughters? Lucius: If we have only daughters, I will be the happiest vampire alive. For I have come to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-fantaskey/jessica-if-we-only-have-daughters-lucius-if-we-have-only-daughters-i/) [Beth Fantaskey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-fantaskey/) > [When they took me to do the camera test for the vampire make up, after they put the prosthetic on, I went though the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-benz/when-they-took-me-to-do-the-camera-test-for-the-vampire-make-up-after/) [Julie Benz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-benz/) > [“Carol, a swing-shift cocktail waitress in the Bird of Paradise's show lounge had gotten home (guesswork, here) around 2:15 - 2:30, poured herself a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-rice/carol-a-swing-shift-cocktail-waitress-in-the-bird-of-paradise-s-show/) [Jeff Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-rice/) > [Or for the gorgeously bare vampire to give her a sensual massage while feeding her peeled grapes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeaniene-frost/or-for-the-gorgeously-bare-vampire-to-give-her-a-sensual-massage/) [Jeaniene Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeaniene-frost/) > [Some of my fondest and most impressionable movie memories are from those early sci-fi and horror films. I've always been a Dracula/vampire aficionado, being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-wise/some-of-my-fondest-and-most-impressionable-movie-memories-are-from/) [Ray Wise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-wise/) > [He was obviously dead. But since he was a vampire that wasn't as hopless a thing as it might have been.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-briggs/he-was-obviously-dead-but-since-he-was-a-vampire-that-wasn-t-as/) [Patricia Briggs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-briggs/) > [“You're in the beginning stages of a transition." "Into what?" "You're transforming into a beautiful and powerful vampire.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stacy-claflin/you-re-in-the-beginning-stages-of-a-transition-into-what-you-re/) [Stacy Claflin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stacy-claflin/) > [I've always had a fascination with vampires. It's not that I'm exactly fascinated with the dark side. It's the human struggle with it. How…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheryl-lee/i-ve-always-had-a-fascination-with-vampires-it-s-not-that-i-m-exactly/) [Sheryl Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheryl-lee/) > [I stay away from negative relationships. They are energy-sapping vampires. I can't handle them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/preity-zinta/i-stay-away-from-negative-relationships-they-are-energy-sapping/) [Preity Zinta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/preity-zinta/) > [“How you, a weak boy caught in the middle of a storm, both in reality and metaphorically, would risk your life to save some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-x-burros/how-you-a-weak-boy-caught-in-the-middle-of-a-storm-both-in-reality/) [J.X. Burros](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-x-burros/) > [Every vampire fiction reinvents vampires to its own needs. You take what you want.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joss-whedon/every-vampire-fiction-reinvents-vampires-to-its-own-needs-you-take/) [Joss Whedon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joss-whedon/) > [“Finally... you did turned out to be a true Vampire..!!!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijeet-sawant/finally-you-did-turned-out-to-be-a-true-vampire/) [Abhijeet Sawant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijeet-sawant/) [Browse all 2,291 Vampire quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vampire/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. 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