--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: You can't evaluate a prospective partner…" description: "\"You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.\" — Harriet Lerner" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg" --- # You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate… ![“You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg) > “You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Evaluating a partner requires input from trusted close and friends; isolation skews perception. **In simple terms:** Friends help see partner clearly. Key Takeaway Seek family and friends' perspectives. Themes relationships family social support Mood reflective concerned Type advice relationship When to use this quote - dating - marriage counseling - family gatherings - friendship circles - conflict resolution Key Concepts boundary setting interpersonal insight Questions to Reflect On - Who can you trust to give honest feedback? - How does family input change your view? A Different Perspective Isolation can cause bias and missed red flags. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Evaluate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/evaluate/) [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Family and friends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-and-friends/) [Family friends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-friends/) [Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Insulate Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/insulate-relationship-5993364/) [Our family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our-family/) [Our relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our-relationship/) [Partner Insulate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/partner-insulate-5993365/) [Partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/partners/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Relationship Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship-family-672317/) ## Related quotes > [However self-sufficient we may fancy ourselves, we exist only in relation -- to our friend, family, and life partners; to those we teach and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derrick-bell/however-self-sufficient-we-may-fancy-ourselves-we-exist-only-in/) [Derrick Bell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derrick-bell/) > [By viewing our relationships with friends, family, and co-workers as mirrors, as teachers - we see that they are reflecting back to us exactly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shakti-gawain/by-viewing-our-relationships-with-friends-family-and-co-workers-as/) [Shakti Gawain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shakti-gawain/) > [However self-sufficient we may fancy ourselves, we exist only in relation - to our friend, family, and life partners; to those we teach and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/derrick-bell/however-self-sufficient-we-may-fancy-ourselves-we-exist-only-in-2/) [Derrick Bell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/derrick-bell/) > [Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/women-are-raised-to-be-the-nurturers-and-steadiers-of-rocked-boats-to/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them responsible for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-relationships-as-we-are-able-to/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It's pretty easy for me to say that the most important thing in my life is my relationship with Jesus Christ, followed by my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-tebow/it-s-pretty-easy-for-me-to-say-that-the-most-important-thing-in-my/) [Tim Tebow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-tebow/) > [My brother is what got me into the show business. 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You may want a relationship with someone, which your family may not approve of but they don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dutee-chand/every-family-goes-through-ups-and-downs-you-may-want-a-relationship/) [Dutee Chand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dutee-chand/) > [“Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. ~Margaret Mead”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-mead/sisters-is-probably-the-most-competitive-relationship-within-the/) [Margaret Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-mead/) > [We all have dreams, whether it be about success in our careers, improving our relationship with family and friends, or sorting out our finances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-mcvey/we-all-have-dreams-whether-it-be-about-success-in-our-careers/) [Esther McVey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-mcvey/) > [Even if you're in a committed relationship or have a full family, there are parts of ourselves that we carry alone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fred-hechinger/even-if-you-re-in-a-committed-relationship-or-have-a-full-family/) [Fred Hechinger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fred-hechinger/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. 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Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Evaluate quotes > [An actor has to evaluate his own abilities and be honest with himself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-newman/an-actor-has-to-evaluate-his-own-abilities-and-be-honest-with-himself/) [Paul Newman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-newman/) > [I think the way you become a good storyteller is to read a lot of stories and evaluate them in your own mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stan-lee/i-think-the-way-you-become-a-good-storyteller-is-to-read-a-lot-of/) [Stan Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stan-lee/) > [I - it's simply not for me to evaluate an independent rating agency's processes. But I will say that there was reason to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-carney/i-it-s-simply-not-for-me-to-evaluate-an-independent-rating-agency-s/) [Jay Carney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-carney/) > [It is almost always impossible to evaluate at the time events which you have already experienced, and to understand their meaning with the guidance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aleksandr-solzhenitsyn/it-is-almost-always-impossible-to-evaluate-at-the-time-events-which/) [Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aleksandr-solzhenitsyn/) > [“To assess the quality of thoughts of people, don't listen to their words, but watch their actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amit-kalantri/to-assess-the-quality-of-thoughts-of-people-don-t-listen-to-their/) [Amit Kalantri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amit-kalantri/) > [Some coaches believed they could judge a player's performance simply by watching it. In this they were deeply mistaken. The naked eye was an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lewis/some-coaches-believed-they-could-judge-a-player-s-performance-simply/) [Michael Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lewis/) > [If these restrictions were necessary, the FDA would have promulgated them in the first place, ... The FDA knows how to evaluate scientific information.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gloria-feldt/if-these-restrictions-were-necessary-the-fda-would-have-promulgated/) [Gloria Feldt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gloria-feldt/) > [Evaluate every act by whether it brings you greater life, or deadens you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cohen/evaluate-every-act-by-whether-it-brings-you-greater-life-or-deadens/) [Alan Cohen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cohen/) > [I'll bring in outsiders to evaluate state agencies. They can sometimes see what we can't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-osborne/i-ll-bring-in-outsiders-to-evaluate-state-agencies-they-can-sometimes/) [Tom Osborne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-osborne/) > [Document, evaluate, focus, test.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-d-anthony/document-evaluate-focus-test/) [Scott D. Anthony](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-d-anthony/) > [The genuinely significant creation, whether an idea, or a work of art, or a scientific discovery, is most likely to be seen at first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-rogers/the-genuinely-significant-creation-whether-an-idea-or-a-work-of-art/) [Carl Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-rogers/) > [Throughout history, humankind has been resistant to change and to the acceptance of new ideas... When Galileo discovered the moons of Jupiter, the astronomers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-weiss/throughout-history-humankind-has-been-resistant-to-change-and-to-the/) [Brian Weiss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-weiss/) > [There comes a time when everyone wants to re-evaluate their life and what they want out of it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mutya-buena/there-comes-a-time-when-everyone-wants-to-re-evaluate-their-life-and/) [Mutya Buena](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mutya-buena/) > [Latter-day Saints are not asked to blindly accept everything they hear. We are encouraged to think and discover truth for ourselves. We are expected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dieter-f-uchtdorf/latter-day-saints-are-not-asked-to-blindly-accept-everything-they/) [Dieter F. Uchtdorf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dieter-f-uchtdorf/) > [Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/delaware-senate-candidate-christine-o-donnell-said-recently-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Browse all 293 Evaluate quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/evaluate/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner-if-you-insulate-your/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Evaluate" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner-if-you-insulate-your/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/harriet-lerner-4248_evaluate_you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner_1584750.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and…” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "You can't evaluate a prospective partner...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner-if-you-insulate-your/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/you-can-t-evaluate-a-prospective-partner-if-you-insulate-your/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```