--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We begin to change the dynamic of our…" description: "\"We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them responsible for causing our fe..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg" --- # We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we… ![“We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them responsible for causing our feelings, and without blaming ourselves for the reactions that other people have in response to our choices & actions. We are responsible for our own…” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg) > “We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them responsible for causing our feelings, and without blaming ourselves for the reactions that other people have in response to our choices & actions. We are responsible for our own behavior and we are not responsible for other people's reactions; nor are they responsible for ours.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Responsibility for emotions lies with the individual, not with others; relationships improve when we own our feelings and actions. **In simple terms:** Own your feelings, don’t blame others. Key Takeaway Take responsibility for your reactions. Themes emotional intelligence relationships personal growth Mood reflective calm Type advice psychology When to use this quote - marriage counseling - parenting - teamwork - conflict resolution Key Concepts accountability self-awareness boundary setting Questions to Reflect On - How can you practice owning your feelings in a heated argument? - What boundaries help keep responsibility clear? A Different Perspective People may resist taking ownership, leading to friction. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Action](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/action/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Choices](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choices/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Our relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our-relationship/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) ## Related quotes > [Owning your own feelings, rather than blaming them on someone else, is the mark of a person who has moved from contracted to expanded…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/owning-your-own-feelings-rather-than-blaming-them-on-someone-else-is/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [I just like that dynamic in relationships in movies where they're kind of lovers as rivals, you know?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marc-webb/i-just-like-that-dynamic-in-relationships-in-movies-where-they-re/) [Marc Webb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marc-webb/) > [I have to tell people that they are not responsible for their behavior. They're not creating it; they're not initiating anything. It's all found…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/b-f-skinner/i-have-to-tell-people-that-they-are-not-responsible-for-their/) [B. F. Skinner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/b-f-skinner/) > [As sensors and networks continue to expand around the world, we'll see violence drop even further. After all, when there's a danger that your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-diamandis/as-sensors-and-networks-continue-to-expand-around-the-world-we-ll-see/) [Peter Diamandis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-diamandis/) > [“I am not responsible for my behavior when under the influence of ice cream.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-a-reeves/i-am-not-responsible-for-my-behavior-when-under-the-influence-of-ice/) [Elizabeth A. Reeves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-a-reeves/) > [“A leader is responsible for those under his authority. That is the first rule of command. He is responsible for their safety, their provisions,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/timothy-zahn-star-wars-thrawn/a-leader-is-responsible-for-those-under-his-authority-that-is-the/) [Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Thrawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/timothy-zahn-star-wars-thrawn/) > [But the only possible guarantee of the future is responsible behavior in the present.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wendell-berry/but-the-only-possible-guarantee-of-the-future-is-responsible-behavior/) [Wendell Berry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wendell-berry/) > [“We don’t have to take other people’s behaviors as reflections of our self-worth. We don’t have to be embarrassed if someone we love chooses…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/we-don-t-have-to-take-other-people-s-behaviors-as-reflections-of-our/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Why have we had such a decline in moral climate? I submit to you that a major factor has been a change in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-friedman/why-have-we-had-such-a-decline-in-moral-climate-i-submit-to-you-that/) [Milton Friedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-friedman/) > [I will say to China what needs to be said, including on its effort to unilaterally change the status quo by force in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fumio-kishida/i-will-say-to-china-what-needs-to-be-said-including-on-its-effort-to/) [Fumio Kishida](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fumio-kishida/) > [Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/don-t-go-overboard-in-praising-required-behavior-we-have-only-done/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“This is another basis for my frequent claim, “You are an architect of your experience.” You are indeed partly responsible for your actions, even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-feldman-barrett/this-is-another-basis-for-my-frequent-claim-you-are-an-architect-of/) [Lisa Feldman Barrett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-feldman-barrett/) > [I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/i-reckon-responsible-behavior-is-something-to-get-when-you-grow-older/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) > [Ethical and responsible behavior needs to become the cornerstone of corporate behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/manmohan-singh/ethical-and-responsible-behavior-needs-to-become-the-cornerstone-of/) [Manmohan Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/manmohan-singh/) > [What kind of nation we will be, what kind of world we will live in, whether we shape the future in the image of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-m-nixon/what-kind-of-nation-we-will-be-what-kind-of-world-we-will-live-in/) [Richard M. Nixon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-m-nixon/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Able quotes > [I am certain that children always know more than they are able to tell, and that makes the big difference between them and adults,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-lusseyran/i-am-certain-that-children-always-know-more-than-they-are-able-to/) [Jacques Lusseyran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-lusseyran/) > [I have observed this in my experience of slavery, - that whenever my condition was improved, instead of its increasing my contentment, it only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-douglass/i-have-observed-this-in-my-experience-of-slavery-that-whenever-my/) [Frederick Douglass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-douglass/) > [There is something about the South that accepts the supernatural. If you don't accept it and you're having a conversation with someone who does,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-englert/there-is-something-about-the-south-that-accepts-the-supernatural-if/) [Alice Englert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-englert/) > [In the '80s, the way radio was programmed, if you didn't have a hit record you weren't going to be able to make any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/huey-lewis/in-the-80s-the-way-radio-was-programmed-if-you-didn-t-have-a-hit/) [Huey Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/huey-lewis/) > [I think I've had the longest career of strength, focus, and still being able to sell records. I think I'm that guy. I'm still…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nas/i-think-i-ve-had-the-longest-career-of-strength-focus-and-still-being/) [Nas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nas/) > [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/) [Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/) > [Thinking about the things that happened, I don't know any other ball player would could have done what he (Jackie Robinson) did. To be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pee-wee-reese/thinking-about-the-things-that-happened-i-don-t-know-any-other-ball/) [Pee Wee Reese](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pee-wee-reese/) > [I wanted to remember in order to be able to return.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-wanted-to-remember-in-order-to-be-able-to-return/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [Government schools, with your tax money, now discourage the teaching of multiplication tables by rote memorization but teach reading by the 'look-and-say' method which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-perry/government-schools-with-your-tax-money-now-discourage-the-teaching-of/) Greg Perry > [I don't know if I would qualify as mainstream. I think I have managed to function pretty successfully on the fringes of the music…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-metheny/i-don-t-know-if-i-would-qualify-as-mainstream-i-think-i-have-managed/) [Pat Metheny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-metheny/) > [What we're supposed to do as actors is be able to portray real human beings and emotions. And if you grow up in this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emily-browning/what-we-re-supposed-to-do-as-actors-is-be-able-to-portray-real-human/) [Emily Browning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emily-browning/) > [The reason that Apple is able to create products like iPad is because we always try to be at the intersection of technology and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-jobs/the-reason-that-apple-is-able-to-create-products-like-ipad-is-because/) [Steve Jobs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-jobs/) > [It was an important period for us, because even though we weren't a "punk band", and what became a model for a punk band,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-mallinder/it-was-an-important-period-for-us-because-even-though-we-weren-t-a/) [Stephen Mallinder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-mallinder/) > [- You look fine. - Right. I look fine. Except I don't, said Zora, tugging sadly at her man's nightshirt. This was why Kiki…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zadie-smith/you-look-fine-right-i-look-fine-except-i-don-t-said-zora-tugging/) [Zadie Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zadie-smith/) > [There is a way to be a woman, ask for what we deserve and be able to negotiate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracee-ellis-ross/there-is-a-way-to-be-a-woman-ask-for-what-we-deserve-and-be-able-to/) [Tracee Ellis Ross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracee-ellis-ross/) Browse all 17,257 Able quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without holding them responsible for causing our feelings, and without blaming ourselves for the reactions that other people have in response to our choices & actions. We are responsible for our own behavior and we are not responsible for other people's reactions; nor are they responsible for ours.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-relationships-as-we-are-able-to/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Able" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-relationships-as-we-are-able-to/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/harriet-lerner-4248_able_we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-re_1212777.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We begin to change the dynamic of our relationships as we are able to share our reactions to others without…” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "We begin to change the dynamic...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-relationships-as-we-are-able-to/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-begin-to-change-the-dynamic-of-our-relationships-as-we-are-able-to/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```