--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Often when someone apologizes - like a…" description: "\"Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, \"I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid\" - they also ask, \"Do you forgiv..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg" --- # Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to… ![“Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, "I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid" - they also ask, "Do you forgive me?," because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the…” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg) > “Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, "I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid" - they also ask, "Do you forgive me?," because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Apologies often include a request for forgiveness, but true healing takes time; rushing forgiveness can hinder the process. **In simple terms:** Forgiveness should not be rushed. Key Takeaway Allow healing time before forgiving. Themes relationships emotional health forgiveness Mood empathetic cautious Type self‑help psychology When to use this quote - marriage - family conflict - friendship - therapy - personal growth Key Concepts psychology communication Questions to Reflect On - What does genuine healing look like? - How can you support someone needing time? A Different Perspective Pressure to forgive quickly can cause resentment. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiving/) [Healing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing/) [Kids](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kids/) [Parent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parent/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [I ask you to forgive me for not fulfilling some hopes of those people who believed that we would be able to jump from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/boris-yeltsin/i-ask-you-to-forgive-me-for-not-fulfilling-some-hopes-of-those-people/) [Boris Yeltsin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/boris-yeltsin/) > [~Where is he? he left leaving me how could he do such a thing? we were happy sometimes sad. but we were together whats…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/she-s-gone/where-is-he-he-left-leaving-me-how-could-he-do-such-a-thing-we-were/) She's\_gone > [“And for what I have done ill and for what I have done well and for what I have left undone, I ask you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-beckett/and-for-what-i-have-done-ill-and-for-what-i-have-done-well-and-for/) [Samuel Beckett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-beckett/) > [“I don't ask you to forgive me. I don't ask you to love me as you used to love me. But couldn't we be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-somerset-maugham/i-don-t-ask-you-to-forgive-me-i-don-t-ask-you-to-love-me-as-you-used/) [W. Somerset Maugham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-somerset-maugham/) > [Don't ask others to forgive in you a sin they're dying to commit themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mignon-mclaughlin/don-t-ask-others-to-forgive-in-you-a-sin-they-re-dying-to-commit/) [Mignon McLaughlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mignon-mclaughlin/) > [So many people ask, 'How could you forgive your mother for the way you were raised?' It's really not forgiveness, in my opinion. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeannette-walls/so-many-people-ask-how-could-you-forgive-your-mother-for-the-way-you/) [Jeannette Walls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeannette-walls/) > [“Do you want in? Into the heart of God? Into His unending provisions, His boundless love, and His eternal mercy and grace? It’s only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rosemary-hines/do-you-want-in-into-the-heart-of-god-into-his-unending-provisions-his/) Rosemary Hines > [...here also forgiving does not mean excusing. Many people seem to think it does. They think that if you ask them to forgive someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/here-also-forgiving-does-not-mean-excusing-many-people-seem-to-think/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“I was about to tell him he was wrong to dwell on it, because it really didn't matter. But he cut me off and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-camus/i-was-about-to-tell-him-he-was-wrong-to-dwell-on-it-because-it-really/) [Albert Camus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-camus/) > [When you get up in the morning, before you suffer yourselves to eat one mouthful of food, call your wife and children together, bow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brigham-young/when-you-get-up-in-the-morning-before-you-suffer-yourselves-to-eat/) [Brigham Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brigham-young/) > [We ask God to forgive us for our evil thoughts and evil temper, but rarely, if ever ask Him to forgive us for our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/we-ask-god-to-forgive-us-for-our-evil-thoughts-and-evil-temper-but/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Forgiveness is praised by the Christian and the Vaishnava, but for me, I ask, "What have I to forgive and whom?"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sri-aurobindo/forgiveness-is-praised-by-the-christian-and-the-vaishnava-but-for-me/) [Sri Aurobindo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sri-aurobindo/) > [“You ask me to forgive you? I’m thanking you. You finally loved me in that moment, and that love set me free, released me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leland-dirks/you-ask-me-to-forgive-you-i-m-thanking-you-you-finally-loved-me-in/) [Leland Dirks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leland-dirks/) > [The only thing left to do is forgive and forget. I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-only-thing-left-to-do-is-forgive-and-forget-i-want-to-forgive-you/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive. If you want to see the heroic, look at those who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bhagavad-gita/if-you-want-to-see-the-brave-look-at-those-who-can-forgive-if-you/) [Bhagavad Gita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bhagavad-gita/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Apologizing quotes > [“There were probably many factors that kept the relationship going and kept your love alive. There were all his promises. "I promise this will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-kennedy-dugan/there-were-probably-many-factors-that-kept-the-relationship-going-and/) Meg Kennedy Dugan > [“A lady need never apologize. ~ Joseph de Bonaparte (Brother of Napoleon)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/allison-pataki/a-lady-need-never-apologize-joseph-de-bonaparte-brother-of-napoleon/) Allison Pataki > [A jerk will keep hurting you then apologize to keep you from leaving them, and then do it all over again](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/a-jerk-will-keep-hurting-you-then-apologize-to-keep-you-from-leaving/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [To apologize for what you most wanted to do, to concede that it was obnoxious, boring, 'vulgar and unsafe' --- that was the worst…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-hollinghurst/to-apologize-for-what-you-most-wanted-to-do-to-concede-that-it-was/) [Alan Hollinghurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-hollinghurst/) > [I have some friends who are actors. I've watched them work. And I would say that of all the arts, acting is the most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-stewart/i-have-some-friends-who-are-actors-i-ve-watched-them-work-and-i-would/) [Kristen Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-stewart/) > [President Bush deliberately did not apologize for things and that’s because advisers around him, including those there, felt that the press corps would jump…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-gregory/president-bush-deliberately-did-not-apologize-for-things-and-that-s/) [David Gregory](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-gregory/) > [Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong, it just means that value your relationships more than your ego.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chinier-bennett/apologizing-does-not-always-mean-you-are-wrong-it-just-means-that/) [Chinier Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chinier-bennett/) > [I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended¦I will get to you shortly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-would-like-to-publicly-apologize-to-anyone-i-have-not-offended-i/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I have a responsibility, and it's something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-richie/i-have-a-responsibility-and-it-s-something-that-i-did-wrong-and-if-i/) [Nicole Richie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-richie/) > [To the millions of Americans whove attempted to use HealthCare.gov to shop and enroll in health-care coverage, I want to apologize to you that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-tavenner/to-the-millions-of-americans-whove-attempted-to-use-healthcare-gov-to/) Marilyn Tavenner > [My overall point is that 'one and dones' are not healthy for college basketball. I should not have made it personal to Kentucky and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bobby-knight/my-overall-point-is-that-one-and-dones-are-not-healthy-for-college/) [Bobby Knight](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bobby-knight/) > [Don't apologize for being patriotic. Support the troops](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toby-keith/don-t-apologize-for-being-patriotic-support-the-troops/) [Toby Keith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toby-keith/) > [How many chefs when I was a young boy shouted at me during service? All I ever said was "Yes, chef." The customer is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marco-pierre-white/how-many-chefs-when-i-was-a-young-boy-shouted-at-me-during-service/) [Marco Pierre White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marco-pierre-white/) > [I want to use my connections with coaches, players, celebrities, whomever, and if I can take that friendship and use it to help someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-tebow/i-want-to-use-my-connections-with-coaches-players-celebrities/) [Tim Tebow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-tebow/) > [I apologize for the cruel things that I did but I don't regret one single word I said.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/five-finger-death-punch/i-apologize-for-the-cruel-things-that-i-did-but-i-don-t-regret-one/) [Five Finger Death Punch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/five-finger-death-punch/) Browse all 854 Apologizing quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, \"I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid\" - they also ask, \"Do you forgive me?,\" because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-parent-who-says-to-a-child-i-m/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Apologizing" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-parent-who-says-to-a-child-i-m/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/harriet-lerner-4248_apologizing_often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-par_2836359.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, \"I'm very sorry I neglected you when you…” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Often when someone apologizes - like...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-parent-who-says-to-a-child-i-m/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/often-when-someone-apologizes-like-a-parent-who-says-to-a-child-i-m/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```