--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: If you want a recipe for relationship…" description: "\"If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.\" — Harriet Lerner" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg" --- # If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait… ![“If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg) > “If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Expecting others to change before you act leads to disappointment and relationship breakdown. **In simple terms:** Changing others first guarantees failure. Key Takeaway Focus on your own growth. Themes relationships change expectations Mood reflective cautious Type advice psychological When to use this quote - marriage - friendship - family - workplace Key Concepts psychology interpersonal dynamics Questions to Reflect On - What can you change within yourself? - How do you react when others resist change? A Different Perspective People cannot control others’ choices. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) [Failure](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failure/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) ## Related quotes > [The end of a relationship is not always a failure. Sometimes all the love in the world is not enough to save something. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-end-of-a-relationship-is-not-always-a-failure-sometimes-all-the/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Don't be discouraged - every relationship you have is a failure, until you find the right one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gillian-flynn/don-t-be-discouraged-every-relationship-you-have-is-a-failure-until/) [Gillian Flynn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gillian-flynn/) > [“I had no illusions that now, in some final and dramatic flash of revelation, we would understand one another. We were done. It was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dani-shapiro/i-had-no-illusions-that-now-in-some-final-and-dramatic-flash-of/) [Dani Shapiro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dani-shapiro/) > [“I remember watching a very sensible love expert on TV once. The advice: “Don’t be discouraged—every relationship you have is a failure, until you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gillian-flynn/i-remember-watching-a-very-sensible-love-expert-on-tv-once-the-advice/) [Gillian Flynn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gillian-flynn/) > [Relationship Failure. Most relationships tend to fail, however it's not because of the absence of love, because love is always present. It's just that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/relationship-failure-most-relationships-tend-to-fail-however-it-s-not/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [A lack of trust can doom a perfectly good relationship to failure!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glen-rambharack/a-lack-of-trust-can-doom-a-perfectly-good-relationship-to-failure/) [Glen Rambharack](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glen-rambharack/) > [“Just because two people don’t wind up spending their entire lives together doesn’t mean their relationship was a failure.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-michael/just-because-two-people-don-t-wind-up-spending-their-entire-lives/) [Ted Michael](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-michael/) > [I just have a way about me where people know that they don't tell me what to do, they kind of just wait for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/estelle/i-just-have-a-way-about-me-where-people-know-that-they-don-t-tell-me/) [Estelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/estelle/) > [If I'm not back in five minutes ... just wait longer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikhil-saluja/if-i-m-not-back-in-five-minutes-just-wait-longer/) [Nikhil Saluja](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikhil-saluja/) > [We are just going to keep putting the work in and just wait until it pays off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julio-jones/we-are-just-going-to-keep-putting-the-work-in-and-just-wait-until-it/) [Julio Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julio-jones/) > [I've wanted to go out with you from the first moment I saw you. I just had to wait until you were ready.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicholas-sparks/i-ve-wanted-to-go-out-with-you-from-the-first-moment-i-saw-you-i-just/) [Nicholas Sparks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicholas-sparks/) > [Just you wait, all your hard work will pay off and happy won't even begin to describe it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/just-you-wait-all-your-hard-work-will-pay-off-and-happy-won-t-even/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You just wait. I'm going to be the biggest Chinese Star in the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-lee/you-just-wait-i-m-going-to-be-the-biggest-chinese-star-in-the-world/) [Bruce Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-lee/) > [Just wait for the day we both come to our senses :)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/just-wait-for-the-day-we-both-come-to-our-senses/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [If you really want something, you've gotta just do it and not wait for other people to hand it to you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/krysten-ritter/if-you-really-want-something-you-ve-gotta-just-do-it-and-not-wait-for/) [Krysten Ritter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/krysten-ritter/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Change quotes > [Only within yourself exists the other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermann-hesse/only-within-yourself-exists-the-other-reality-for-which-you-long-i/) [Hermann Hesse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermann-hesse/) > [Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-full-of-change-that-s-how-we-learn-and-grow/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I can't believe that I'm sitting in meetings with Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and Annette Bening. I want to take on that responsibility to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-ross-williams/i-can-t-believe-that-i-m-sitting-in-meetings-with-steven-spielberg/) [Roger Ross Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-ross-williams/) > [“…progress isn't necessarily about change but about things turning out as we want them to”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-hogan/progress-isn-t-necessarily-about-change-but-about-things-turning-out/) Phil Hogan > [Nobody can tell me that no changes are necessary in Washington.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-weld/nobody-can-tell-me-that-no-changes-are-necessary-in-washington/) [William Weld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-weld/) > [If my campaign is not in the debate, we will not be talking about how we really fix this problem of endless and expanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jill-stein/if-my-campaign-is-not-in-the-debate-we-will-not-be-talking-about-how/) [Jill Stein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jill-stein/) > [When you walk down the street of Kabul your values for life changes, they do change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marco-pierre-white/when-you-walk-down-the-street-of-kabul-your-values-for-life-changes/) [Marco Pierre White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marco-pierre-white/) > [Your world will change whether or not you choose to change, but you have the power to choose it's direction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/napoleon-hill/your-world-will-change-whether-or-not-you-choose-to-change-but-you/) [Napoleon Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/napoleon-hill/) > [I hope I continue to evolve.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-flair/i-hope-i-continue-to-evolve/) [Charlotte Flair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-flair/) > [“Stay focused on bringing people together and more on positive messaging so that you can be the change you wish to see in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germany-kent/stay-focused-on-bringing-people-together-and-more-on-positive/) [Germany Kent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germany-kent/) > [The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-alexis/the-biggest-change-for-me-as-a-mom-was-realizing-i-needed-to-put/) [Kim Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-alexis/) > [“After the funeral, my life changed. I felt as if time were suddenly precious, water going down an open drain, and I could not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/after-the-funeral-my-life-changed-i-felt-as-if-time-were-suddenly/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [You practice mindfulness, on the one hand, to be calm and peaceful. On the other hand, as you practice mindfulness and live a life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-practice-mindfulness-on-the-one-hand-to-be-calm-and-peaceful-on/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Irish research will contribute to global progress and have the potential to help all countries realise the potential of their land sectors in addressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/enda-kenny/irish-research-will-contribute-to-global-progress-and-have-the/) [Enda Kenny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/enda-kenny/) > [No man can change himself into anything from sheer reason; he can only change into what he potentially is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-jung/no-man-can-change-himself-into-anything-from-sheer-reason-he-can-only/) [Carl Jung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-jung/) [Browse all 33,920 Change quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-failure-just-wait-for-the-other/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Change" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-failure-just-wait-for-the-other/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/harriet-lerner-4248_failure_if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-fa_1425348.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "If you want a recipe for...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-failure-just-wait-for-the-other/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-want-a-recipe-for-relationship-failure-just-wait-for-the-other/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```