--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: If you're married to an entrenched…" description: "\"If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibilit..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/harriet-lerner-4248_apologize_if-you-re-married-to-an-entrenched-non-a_2609406.jpg" --- # If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it… ![“If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes…” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/harriet-lerner-4248_apologize_if-you-re-married-to-an-entrenched-non-a_2609406.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/harriet-lerner-4248_apologize_if-you-re-married-to-an-entrenched-non-a_2609406.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/harriet-lerner-4248_apologize_if-you-re-married-to-an-entrenched-non-a_2609406.jpg) > “If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they don't have the emotional room to admit vulnerability and apologize to a partner.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Apologizing requires humility and self‑esteem; demanding it from a stubborn partner often fails. **In simple terms:** Apologies need self‑respect and vulnerability. Key Takeaway Cultivate humility before seeking apologies. Themes relationships communication self‑esteem apology Mood empathetic reflective Type self‑help psychology When to use this quote - marriage counseling - conflict resolution - personal therapy - self‑growth Key Concepts emotional intelligence responsibility vulnerability Questions to Reflect On - Are you willing to model the apology you seek? - What personal barriers prevent you from apologizing? A Different Perspective Some may never change despite effort. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Apology](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/apology/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Demand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/demand/) [Emotional](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotional/) [Esteem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/esteem/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Heartfelt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heartfelt/) [Mistake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistake/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Remorse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/remorse/) [Responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responsibility/) [Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self/) [Self esteem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-esteem/) [Taking responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/taking-responsibility/) [Vulnerability](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vulnerability/) ## Related quotes > [“There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges, Which is that people ought to be taught not to go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ogden-nash/there-is-one-thing-that-ought-to-be-taught-in-all-the-colleges-which/) [Ogden Nash](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ogden-nash/) > [Apology has three three way of expression :I am sorry, its my fault,what can I do to make it right.First two are most common…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dranil-kr-sinha/apology-has-three-three-way-of-expression-i-am-sorry-its-my-fault/) [DrAnil Kr Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dranil-kr-sinha/) > [My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-rivers/my-mother-could-make-anybody-feel-guilty-she-used-to-get-letters-of/) [Joan Rivers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-rivers/) > [Yes, God loves you this very day and always. He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dieter-f-uchtdorf/yes-god-loves-you-this-very-day-and-always-he-is-not-waiting-to-love/) [Dieter F. Uchtdorf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dieter-f-uchtdorf/) > [I will describe the choices I made, continue to take responsibility for my decisions, and express my remorse to Judge Salas and the public.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teresa-giudice/i-will-describe-the-choices-i-made-continue-to-take-responsibility/) [Teresa Giudice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teresa-giudice/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The one constant in this ever changing music business is the heartfelt and “ear to the ground” Indie Record Stores that avid music fans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-watson/the-one-constant-in-this-ever-changing-music-business-is-the/) [Dale Watson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-watson/) > [Growing in grace is a deepening realization of our nothingness; it is a heartfelt recognition that we are not worthy of the least of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-w-pink/growing-in-grace-is-a-deepening-realization-of-our-nothingness-it-is/) [Arthur W. Pink](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-w-pink/) > [“You could start a fire with the heat between you two." "You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-hodkin/you-could-start-a-fire-with-the-heat-between-you-two-you-re-mistaking/) [Michelle Hodkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-hodkin/) > [“But some stories sprout bright vines that tendril off beyond our sight, carrying the folk we love best with them, and if I knew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherynee-m-valente/but-some-stories-sprout-bright-vines-that-tendril-off-beyond-our/) Catherynee M. Valente > [Is enthusiasm important in selling? Yes, genuine, heartfelt enthusiasm is one of the most potent factors of success in almost any undertaking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-carnegie/is-enthusiasm-important-in-selling-yes-genuine-heartfelt-enthusiasm/) [Dale Carnegie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-carnegie/) > [Even the jerks earn some of our affection. We can be glad they're gone and yet still mourn the good parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shannon-hale/even-the-jerks-earn-some-of-our-affection-we-can-be-glad-they-re-gone/) [Shannon Hale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shannon-hale/) > [“FLIES IN DISGUISE Tell me, Have you Really seen Flies in a child's eyes Or heard their hungry cries In the middle Of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzy-kassem/flies-in-disguise-tell-me-have-you-really-seen-flies-in-a-child-s/) [Suzy Kassem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzy-kassem/) > [Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-weiner/divorce-isn-t-such-a-tragedy-a-tragedy-s-staying-in-an-unhappy/) [Jennifer Weiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-weiner/) > [There's no publicist, no advertisements, and no one's pushing us. If people are buying our records, it's because big brothers and sisters or friends…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/spencer-moody/there-s-no-publicist-no-advertisements-and-no-one-s-pushing-us-if/) Spencer Moody ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Apologize quotes > [Im sorry I ever tried...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/im-sorry-i-ever-tried/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“He wished he could somehow go back and find the iPhone people whom he'd jostled on the sidewalk earlier, apologize to them - I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emily-st-john-mandel/he-wished-he-could-somehow-go-back-and-find-the-iphone-people-whom-he/) [Emily St. John Mandel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emily-st-john-mandel/) > [“Why do we apologize for advocating for ourselves? Why do we apologize for taking up space that we are entitled to? Why do we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-tambascio/why-do-we-apologize-for-advocating-for-ourselves-why-do-we-apologize/) Elizabeth Tambascio > [“Sorry I wish you could apologize to something you broke and it brings it back to what it was without losing its core I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rania-naim/sorry-i-wish-you-could-apologize-to-something-you-broke-and-it-brings/) Rania Naim > [I'm sorry I want to apologize for being careless and hurting your feelings. Please forgive me ! I'm a jerk your friendship means a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/unkown/i-m-sorry-i-want-to-apologize-for-being-careless-and-hurting-your/) Unkown > [A jerk will keep hurting you then apologize to keep you from leaving them, and then do it all over again](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/a-jerk-will-keep-hurting-you-then-apologize-to-keep-you-from-leaving/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [To apologize for what you most wanted to do, to concede that it was obnoxious, boring, 'vulgar and unsafe' --- that was the worst…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-hollinghurst/to-apologize-for-what-you-most-wanted-to-do-to-concede-that-it-was/) [Alan Hollinghurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-hollinghurst/) > [To truly repent of a big thing, you have to go into it with your heart open and force yourself to deal with it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-wilkinson/to-truly-repent-of-a-big-thing-you-have-to-go-into-it-with-your-heart/) [Bruce Wilkinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-wilkinson/) > [I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended¦I will get to you shortly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-would-like-to-publicly-apologize-to-anyone-i-have-not-offended-i/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I have a responsibility, and it's something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-richie/i-have-a-responsibility-and-it-s-something-that-i-did-wrong-and-if-i/) [Nicole Richie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-richie/) > [To the millions of Americans whove attempted to use HealthCare.gov to shop and enroll in health-care coverage, I want to apologize to you that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-tavenner/to-the-millions-of-americans-whove-attempted-to-use-healthcare-gov-to/) Marilyn Tavenner > [“When someone says that it's too late for apologize when you have to do it anyway because it's your duty.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-teris-bit-ns/when-someone-says-that-it-s-too-late-for-apologize-when-you-have-to/) [Pēteris Bitāns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-teris-bit-ns/) > [Life is short so, kiss slowly, forgive quickly, and love deeply.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney/life-is-short-so-kiss-slowly-forgive-quickly-and-love-deeply/) [Courtney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney/) > [Life is too short to worry about stupid things. Have fun, fall in love, and regret nothing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/life-is-too-short-to-worry-about-stupid-things-have-fun-fall-in-love/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [I ain't never going to apologize for a 21-point win over a state rival, ever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dabo-swinney/i-ain-t-never-going-to-apologize-for-a-21-point-win-over-a-state/) [Dabo Swinney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dabo-swinney/) Browse all 900 Apologize quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. 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