--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: If you pursue a distancer, he or she will…" description: "\"If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.\" — Harriet Lerner" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/harriet-lerner-4248_distance_if-you-pursue-a-distancer-he-or-she-will_2184560.jpg" --- # If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more… ![“If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/harriet-lerner-4248_distance_if-you-pursue-a-distancer-he-or-she-will_2184560.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/harriet-lerner-4248_distance_if-you-pursue-a-distancer-he-or-she-will_2184560.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4fd/harriet-lerner-4248_distance_if-you-pursue-a-distancer-he-or-she-will_2184560.jpg) > “If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Chasing someone who distances themselves only increases the gap; it's a natural law of relational dynamics. **In simple terms:** Pursuing distance creates more distance. Key Takeaway Respect boundaries to maintain healthy relationships. Themes relationships boundaries psychology Mood thoughtful analytical Type advice psychological When to use this quote - dating - family conflict - friendship negotiations Key Concepts attachment theory human behavior Questions to Reflect On - Why do we chase what pulls away? - What boundaries can you set to protect yourself? A Different Perspective Sometimes distance is necessary for growth, not a law to be defied. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Consider Fundamental](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/consider-fundamental-4734357/) [Distance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/distance/) [Distance Consider](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/distance-consider-4734355/) [Distancer Distance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/distancer-distance-4734356/) [Fundamental Law](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fundamental-law-289846/) [Fundamentals](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fundamentals/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Law](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/law/) [Laws of physics](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/laws-of-physics/) [Physics](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/physics/) [Pursue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pursue/) [Pursue Distancer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pursue-distancer-4734354/) ## Related quotes > [The fundamental law of the militia is, that it be created, directed and commanded by the laws, and ever for the support of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-adams/the-fundamental-law-of-the-militia-is-that-it-be-created-directed-and/) [John Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-adams/) > [Thus the law of nature stands as an eternal rule to all men, legislators as well as others. The rules that they make for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-locke/thus-the-law-of-nature-stands-as-an-eternal-rule-to-all-men/) [John Locke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-locke/) > [Every fundamental law has exceptions. But you still need the law or else all you have is observations that don't make sense. And that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geoffrey-west/every-fundamental-law-has-exceptions-but-you-still-need-the-law-or/) [Geoffrey West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geoffrey-west/) > [The fundamental law of human beings is interdependence. A person is a person through other persons.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/desmond-tutu/the-fundamental-law-of-human-beings-is-interdependence-a-person-is-a/) [Desmond Tutu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/desmond-tutu/) > [The fundamental law of truth is that it penetrates through all darkness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harbhajan-singh-yogi/the-fundamental-law-of-truth-is-that-it-penetrates-through-all/) [Harbhajan Singh Yogi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harbhajan-singh-yogi/) > [The fundamental law of the market is: the customer is always right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-von-mises/the-fundamental-law-of-the-market-is-the-customer-is-always-right/) [Ludwig von Mises](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-von-mises/) > [“The fundamental Law of The Universe states that all human beings are fundamentally the same and therefore have an equal right to live in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-pan/the-fundamental-law-of-the-universe-states-that-all-human-beings-are/) [Anthony Pan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-pan/) > [“Remember one fundamental law: that which can exist just for a moment can also become eternal –”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/osho/remember-one-fundamental-law-that-which-can-exist-just-for-a-moment/) [Osho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/osho/) > [“It is a fundamental law of nature that you get stronger only by doing difficult things.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-dalio/it-is-a-fundamental-law-of-nature-that-you-get-stronger-only-by-doing/) [Ray Dalio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-dalio/) > [“There's one fundamental law that all of nature obeys that mankind breaks every day. Now this is a law that has evolved over billions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-shadyac/there-s-one-fundamental-law-that-all-of-nature-obeys-that-mankind-2/) [Tom Shadyac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-shadyac/) > [Even a superficial glance is sufficient to show that all the innumerable forms in which the life-urge of Nature manifests itself are subject to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adolf-hitler/even-a-superficial-glance-is-sufficient-to-show-that-all-the/) [Adolf Hitler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adolf-hitler/) > [The first fundamental law of the universe is the law of three forces, of three principles, or , as it is often called, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/g-i-gurdjieff/the-first-fundamental-law-of-the-universe-is-the-law-of-three-forces/) [G. I. Gurdjieff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/g-i-gurdjieff/) > [There's one fundamental law that all of nature obeys that mankind breaks every day. Now, this is a law that's evolved over billions of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-shadyac/there-s-one-fundamental-law-that-all-of-nature-obeys-that-mankind/) [Tom Shadyac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-shadyac/) > [The fundamental law of nature is to not know too much about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/damon-lindelof/the-fundamental-law-of-nature-is-to-not-know-too-much-about-yourself/) [Damon Lindelof](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/damon-lindelof/) > [The first and fundamental law of Nature, which is, to seek peace and follow it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-hobbes/the-first-and-fundamental-law-of-nature-which-is-to-seek-peace-and/) [Thomas Hobbes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-hobbes/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Distance quotes > [Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/distance-is-a-test-of-love-many-will-fail-for-those-who-can-t/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I raised another shot. "That sound you hear is the heads of moral conservatives spontaneously exploding in the distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-thurman/i-raised-another-shot-that-sound-you-hear-is-the-heads-of-moral/) [Rob Thurman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-thurman/) > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Distance sometimes endears friendship, and absence sweeteneth it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-howell/distance-sometimes-endears-friendship-and-absence-sweeteneth-it/) [James Howell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-howell/) > [Prison experience puts distance between me and any person who hasn't been there, done that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-mcconnell/prison-experience-puts-distance-between-me-and-any-person-who-hasn-t/) [Patricia McConnell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-mcconnell/) > [At a distance, we cannot conceive of the authority of a despot who knows all his subjects on sight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stendhal/at-a-distance-we-cannot-conceive-of-the-authority-of-a-despot-who/) [Stendhal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stendhal/) > [When somebody mentions that I did a play with George C. Scott, I'm like, it can't have happened. What was I doing on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-dano/when-somebody-mentions-that-i-did-a-play-with-george-c-scott-i-m-like/) [Paul Dano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-dano/) > [She watched the prairies the rivers, the towns slipping past at an untouchable distance below - and she noted that the sense of detachment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ayn-rand/she-watched-the-prairies-the-rivers-the-towns-slipping-past-at-an/) [Ayn Rand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ayn-rand/) > [Memories seem to surface in no particular order, with no time attached. Yesterday can seem as distant as last year. My life now consists…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-olsson/memories-seem-to-surface-in-no-particular-order-with-no-time-attached/) [Linda Olsson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-olsson/) > [I've never bought this idea of taking a therapeutic distance. If I see a student or house staff cry, I take great faith in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abraham-verghese/i-ve-never-bought-this-idea-of-taking-a-therapeutic-distance-if-i-see/) [Abraham Verghese](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abraham-verghese/) > [Combining the experience of a seasoned university president with the analysis of a respected legal scholar, Derek Bok explores what he concludes are 'signs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-h-t-rhodes/combining-the-experience-of-a-seasoned-university-president-with-the/) [Frank H. T. Rhodes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-h-t-rhodes/) > [To be a champion long-distance runner you have to run on the edge of death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toshihiko-seko/to-be-a-champion-long-distance-runner-you-have-to-run-on-the-edge-of/) [Toshihiko Seko](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toshihiko-seko/) > [The sectaries of a persecuted religion, depressed by fear, animated with resentment, and perhaps heated by enthusiasm, are seldom in a proper temper of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-gibbon/the-sectaries-of-a-persecuted-religion-depressed-by-fear-animated/) [Edward Gibbon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-gibbon/) > [Within walking distance of any spot on Earth there's probably more than enough mystery to investigate in a lifetime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alix-kates-shulman/within-walking-distance-of-any-spot-on-earth-there-s-probably-more/) [Alix Kates Shulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alix-kates-shulman/) > [It takes a little more time to get into the role, but not very much more. In making a record you don't have the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-callas/it-takes-a-little-more-time-to-get-into-the-role-but-not-very-much/) [Maria Callas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-callas/) [Browse all 3,296 Distance quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/distance/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. 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