--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I'm a good example of wanting to…" description: "\"I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apolo..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg" --- # I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my… ![“I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg) > “I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often try to quantify blame, turning conflict into a cold calculation that can feel absurd. **In simple terms:** Blame is reduced to math, making arguments feel ridiculous. Key Takeaway Avoid turning emotions into equations. Themes relationships communication conflict emotional intelligence Mood frustrated reflective ironic Type advice psychology relationship When to use this quote - marriage counseling - family meetings - workplace disputes - friendship arguments Key Concepts blame allocation calculation absurdity Questions to Reflect On - How does turning blame into numbers affect empathy? - Can you see the issue beyond the math? A Different Perspective Quantifying blame can ignore underlying feelings and empathy. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Absurd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/absurd/) [Apology](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/apology/) [Husband](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/husband/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Math](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/math/) [Mind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mind/) [Precise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/precise/) [Problem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/problem/) [Theater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/theater/) ## Related quotes > [Over the last couple of years, the photos of me when I was a kid... well, they've started to give me a little pang…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/over-the-last-couple-of-years-the-photos-of-me-when-i-was-a-kid-well/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [The technologies which have had the most profound effects on human life are usually simple. A good example of a simple technology with profound…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/freeman-dyson/the-technologies-which-have-had-the-most-profound-effects-on-human/) [Freeman Dyson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/freeman-dyson/) > [Before I go out on the field every day, I tell myself, 'You are having fun, and you want to set a good example…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/before-i-go-out-on-the-field-every-day-i-tell-myself-you-are-having/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The best way to understanding is a few good examples.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isaac-newton/the-best-way-to-understanding-is-a-few-good-examples/) [Isaac Newton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isaac-newton/) > [There are good examples of companies - Coca-Cola is one - that invested before there was a huge market in countries, and I think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-zuckerberg/there-are-good-examples-of-companies-coca-cola-is-one-that-invested/) [Mark Zuckerberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-zuckerberg/) > [You can make almost anything a learning or positive experience. I think I offer a good example of how to make the most out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/augusten-burroughs/you-can-make-almost-anything-a-learning-or-positive-experience-i/) [Augusten Burroughs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/augusten-burroughs/) > [“Many are the lives of men unwritten, which have nevertheless as powerfully influenced civilization and progress as the more fortunate Great whose names are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-smiles/many-are-the-lives-of-men-unwritten-which-have-nevertheless-as/) [Samuel Smiles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-smiles/) > [I think Christians should be leaders in art, science, philanthropy, charity, and all kinds of good works. We should be good examples for everyone.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-smith/i-think-christians-should-be-leaders-in-art-science-philanthropy/) [Matt Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-smith/) > [Salvation is not some felicitous state to which we can lift ourselves by our own bootstraps after the contemplation of sufficiently good examples. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-farrar-capon/salvation-is-not-some-felicitous-state-to-which-we-can-lift-ourselves/) [Robert Farrar Capon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-farrar-capon/) > [If a harmonious relationship is established amongst societies and religious beliefs in today's multi-ethnic, multi-religious and multi-cultural world, then it will surely set a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/if-a-harmonious-relationship-is-established-amongst-societies-and/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [Share the way by being a good example.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/share-the-way-by-being-a-good-example/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [No morn ever dawned more favorable than ours did; and no day was every more clouded than the present! Wisdom, and good examples are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-washington/no-morn-ever-dawned-more-favorable-than-ours-did-and-no-day-was-every/) [George Washington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-washington/) > [The Romans have provided a lot of writers with a model for various interstellar empires, of course, and no wonder. The Roman Empire is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-leckie/the-romans-have-provided-a-lot-of-writers-with-a-model-for-various/) [Ann Leckie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-leckie/) > [The parent who tries to train without setting a good example is building with one hand, and pulling down with the other.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-c-ryle/the-parent-who-tries-to-train-without-setting-a-good-example-is/) [J. C. Ryle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-c-ryle/) > [The road by precepts is tedious, by example, short and efficacious.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seneca-the-younger/the-road-by-precepts-is-tedious-by-example-short-and-efficacious/) [Seneca the Younger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seneca-the-younger/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Absurd quotes > [“It seem absurd to me that they don't know, haven't felt any change or tremor, even as my life has been completely turned upside…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-oliver/it-seem-absurd-to-me-that-they-don-t-know-haven-t-felt-any-change-or/) [Lauren Oliver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-oliver/) > [When a person’s tongue is extensively wrong, it is absurd, no less than unscriptural, to say that their heart is right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-c-ryle/when-a-person-s-tongue-is-extensively-wrong-it-is-absurd-no-less-than/) [J. C. Ryle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-c-ryle/) > [Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold the Christian sect in horror." "Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/voltaire/every-sensible-man-every-honorable-man-must-hold-the-christian-sect/) [Voltaire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/voltaire/) > [It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anatole-france/it-is-human-nature-to-think-wisely-and-to-act-in-an-absurd-fashion/) [Anatole France](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anatole-france/) > [It is a dangerous and fateful presumption, besides the absurd temerity that it implies, to disdain what we do not comprehend. For after you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-is-a-dangerous-and-fateful-presumption-besides-the-absurd-temerity/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I thought to myself: if it’s true that every person has a star in the sky, mine must be distant, dim, and absurd. Perhaps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sadegh-hedayat/i-thought-to-myself-if-it-s-true-that-every-person-has-a-star-in-the/) [Sadegh Hedayat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sadegh-hedayat/) > [If, indeed, a firearm were more dangerous to its possessors than to potential aggressors, would it not make sense for the government to arm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-mamet/if-indeed-a-firearm-were-more-dangerous-to-its-possessors-than-to/) [David Mamet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-mamet/) > [“You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod." "A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-saunders/you-were-torturing-a-cat-she-says-with-a-freaking-prod-a-prod-i-built/) [George Saunders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-saunders/) > [I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/i-have-never-heard-enough-classical-music-to-be-able-to-enjoy-it-the/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [To deprecate human reason by saying that none of us is or can be omniscient is absurd, for it takes an impossible standard as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/murray-rothbard/to-deprecate-human-reason-by-saying-that-none-of-us-is-or-can-be/) [Murray Rothbard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/murray-rothbard/) > [“Rachel got up and did this happy little shuffle, like she was some cheerful farmer chick who'd just stepped outside to find the hick…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-saunders/rachel-got-up-and-did-this-happy-little-shuffle-like-she-was-some/) [George Saunders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-saunders/) > [The absurd duty, too often inculcated, of obeying a parent only on account of his being a parent, shackles the mind, and prepares it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-wollstonecraft/the-absurd-duty-too-often-inculcated-of-obeying-a-parent-only-on/) [Mary Wollstonecraft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-wollstonecraft/) > [The workman of today works every day in his life at the same tasks, and this fate is no less absurd. But it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-camus/the-workman-of-today-works-every-day-in-his-life-at-the-same-tasks/) [Albert Camus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-camus/) > [I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-dinklage/i-was-once-part-of-a-christmas-cabaret-i-sang-i-saw-mommy-kissing/) [Peter Dinklage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-dinklage/) > [Solitude produces originality, bold and astonishing beauty, poetry. But solitude also produces perverseness, the disproportianate, the absurd and the forbidden.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-mann/solitude-produces-originality-bold-and-astonishing-beauty-poetry-but/) [Thomas Mann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-mann/) [Browse all 1,644 Absurd quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/absurd/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologize-only-for-my-precise-share/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Absurd" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologize-only-for-my-precise-share/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/harriet-lerner-4248_absurd_i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologi_1258390.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of…” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "I'm a good example of wanting...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologize-only-for-my-precise-share/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/i-m-a-good-example-of-wanting-to-apologize-only-for-my-precise-share/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```