--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best…" description: "\"“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually it sub..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e20/harriet-lerner-4248_anxiety_everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-w_194091.jpg" --- # Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with… ![“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually it subsides. It will return. The real culprits are our knee jerk responses to fear and the way we try to avoid feeling fear, anxiety and shame. Don't get…” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e20/harriet-lerner-4248_anxiety_everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-w_194091.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e20/harriet-lerner-4248_anxiety_everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-w_194091.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e20/harriet-lerner-4248_anxiety_everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-w_194091.jpg) > ““Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually it subsides. It will return. The real culprits are our knee jerk responses to fear and the way we try to avoid feeling fear, anxiety and shame. Don't get me wrong, wanting to feel better fast is a perfectly natural human impulse. It is healthy to seek relief when you feel hopelessly mired in the emotional soup. Calming down is an essential first step to accurately perceiving a problem and deciding what to do about it but the last thing you need to do is shut yourself off from fear and pain - either your own or the worlds. If there is one over riding reason why our world and relationships are in such a mess, is that we try to get rid of our anxiety, fear and shame as fast as possible, regardless of the long term consequences. In doing so, we blame and shame others and in countless ways, we unwittingly act against ourselves. We confuse our fear driven thoughts with what is right, best, necessary or true.”” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Fear is inevitable; befriending it, rather than suppressing it, allows healthier responses and reduces harmful avoidance patterns. **In simple terms:** Face fear instead of avoiding it. Key Takeaway Practice mindful acceptance of fear. Themes fear emotional health self‑awareness Mood empathetic calm Type psychological self‑help When to use this quote - therapy sessions - conflict resolution - personal growth - stress management Key Concepts psychology mindfulness Questions to Reflect On - What small step can you take to acknowledge fear today? - How does avoidance affect your relationships? A Different Perspective Avoiding fear can lead to repression and relational harm. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anxiety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety/) [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [First step](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-step/) [Long term](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long-term/) ## Related quotes > [“When we think of fear, we think of a 'fear of' something. Far more daunting is the challenge of how to conduct ourselves in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/when-we-think-of-fear-we-think-of-a-fear-of-something-far-more/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are two ways to get rid of an anxiety monster,my friend-you either have a bath or a nap.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-kaufman/there-are-two-ways-to-get-rid-of-an-anxiety-monster-my-friend-you/) [Andrew Kaufman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-kaufman/) > [You always worry and you always fear what's next. But you eventually just push forward knowing you can't really do much about getting rid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drew-magary/you-always-worry-and-you-always-fear-what-s-next-but-you-eventually/) [Drew Magary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drew-magary/) > [I know our feelings can be so unbearable that we employ ingenious strategies – unconscious strategies – to keep those feelings away. We do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-winterson/i-know-our-feelings-can-be-so-unbearable-that-we-employ-ingenious/) [Jeanette Winterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-winterson/) > [Inherent in the impulse to be free, is insecurity. The impulse to be free comes from outside of the mind, and because of this,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adyashanti/inherent-in-the-impulse-to-be-free-is-insecurity-the-impulse-to-be/) [Adyashanti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adyashanti/) > [“Living with life is very hard. Mostly we do our best to stifle life--to be tame or to be wanton. To be tranquillised or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-winterson/living-with-life-is-very-hard-mostly-we-do-our-best-to-stifle-life-to/) [Jeanette Winterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-winterson/) > [A Gemini needs to strike out on a fresh path from time to time in order to avoid feeling trapped and bored.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-gemini-needs-to-strike-out-on-a-fresh-path-from-time-to-time-in/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“We may believe that anxiety and fear don't concern us because we avoid experiencing them. We may keep the scope of our lives narrow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/we-may-believe-that-anxiety-and-fear-don-t-concern-us-because-we/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Throughout evolutionary history, anxiety and fear have helped every species to be wary and to survive. Fear can signal us to act, or, alternatively,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/throughout-evolutionary-history-anxiety-and-fear-have-helped-every/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There is no shame in confusion or fear. "There was only shame in the silence fear had produced. . . . It was the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barack-obama/there-is-no-shame-in-confusion-or-fear-there-was-only-shame-in-the/) [Barack Obama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barack-obama/) > [I think if you have any fear or shame, it's really hard to want to express yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rumer-willis/i-think-if-you-have-any-fear-or-shame-it-s-really-hard-to-want-to/) [Rumer Willis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rumer-willis/) > [“Two people well connected to themselves will have a genuine lasting relationship. Not the one that lasts because of the fact that both people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mohamadi-tapsoba/two-people-well-connected-to-themselves-will-have-a-genuine-lasting/) [Mohamadi Tapsoba](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mohamadi-tapsoba/) > [“St. Ephrem being solicited to sin by a woman of evil life, professed his readiness, provided the scene of their transgression should be the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/st-ephrem-being-solicited-to-sin-by-a-woman-of-evil-life-professed/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They help me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/allie-brosh/fear-and-shame-are-the-backbone-of-my-self-control-they-are-my-source/) [Allie Brosh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/allie-brosh/) > [“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/shame-is-the-deepest-of-the-negative-emotions-a-feeling-we-will-do/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Telling a true story about personal experience is not just a matter of being oneself, or even or finding oneself. It is also a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/telling-a-true-story-about-personal-experience-is-not-just-a-matter/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Anxiety quotes > [“Anything that you find yourself worrying about regularly may find you suddenly wanting unrealistic changes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nagisa-tatsumi/anything-that-you-find-yourself-worrying-about-regularly-may-find-you/) Nagisa Tatsumi > [Bein Crazy is the least of my worries.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/bein-crazy-is-the-least-of-my-worries/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [The answer to deep anxiety is the deep adoration of God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-voskamp/the-answer-to-deep-anxiety-is-the-deep-adoration-of-god/) [Ann Voskamp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-voskamp/) > [“Fear of seeing a police car pull into the drive. Fear of falling asleep at night. Fear of not falling asleep. Fear of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raymond-carver/fear-of-seeing-a-police-car-pull-into-the-drive-fear-of-falling/) [Raymond Carver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raymond-carver/) > [I get nervous when I don't get nervous. If I'm nervous I know I'm going to have a good show.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beyonce-knowles/i-get-nervous-when-i-don-t-get-nervous-if-i-m-nervous-i-know-i-m/) [Beyonce Knowles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beyonce-knowles/) > [“Every invention comes through anxiousness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rakesh-wadhwani/every-invention-comes-through-anxiousness/) [Rakesh Wadhwani](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rakesh-wadhwani/) > [“Do Not Be Anxious 25 e “Therefore I tell you,  f do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/do-not-be-anxious-25-e-therefore-i-tell-you-f-do-not-be-anxious-about/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Nothing happens on its own, you have to make things happen. If you really want to come out of your stressful situation than you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/subodh-gupta/nothing-happens-on-its-own-you-have-to-make-things-happen-if-you/) [Subodh Gupta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/subodh-gupta/) > [“I guess if we're talking about my anxiety, the even truthier truth is it started way before that.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-winfrey/i-guess-if-we-re-talking-about-my-anxiety-the-even-truthier-truth-is/) [Kerry Winfrey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-winfrey/) > [I was a very good student. Procrastinating gives me anxiety, and getting a B really ticked me off. Sure, I didn't always want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josie-loren/i-was-a-very-good-student-procrastinating-gives-me-anxiety-and/) [Josie Loren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josie-loren/) > [“The suspense: the fearful, acute suspense: of standing idly by while the life of one we dearly love, is trembling in the balance; the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-dickens/the-suspense-the-fearful-acute-suspense-of-standing-idly-by-while-the/) [Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-dickens/) > [The party in Alobar’s head, which agitation and anxiety were throwing, now was crashed by a notion: existence can be rearranged.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-robbins/the-party-in-alobar-s-head-which-agitation-and-anxiety-were-throwing/) [Tom Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-robbins/) > [As you know, I have been very open about my struggle with social anxiety.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/summer-walker/as-you-know-i-have-been-very-open-about-my-struggle-with-social/) [Summer Walker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/summer-walker/) > [Anxiety is not to be managed it is a sin that needs to be repented of](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-driscoll/anxiety-is-not-to-be-managed-it-is-a-sin-that-needs-to-be-repented-of/) [Mark Driscoll](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-driscoll/) > [“I’ve always seen this in you, ever since you were a little girl — this hunger to love other people into their highest selves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-elisabeth/i-ve-always-seen-this-in-you-ever-since-you-were-a-little-girl-this/) [Jennifer Elisabeth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-elisabeth/) [Browse all 4,944 Anxiety quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Everyone freaks out. 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