--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Anger is a tool for change when it…" description: "\"Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others. . . .If, however, we do not u..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg" --- # Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become… ![“Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others. . . .If, however, we do not use our anger to define ourselves clearly in every important relationship we are in--and manage our feelings as they arise--no one else will assume…” quote by Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg) > “Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others. . . .If, however, we do not use our anger to define ourselves clearly in every important relationship we are in--and manage our feelings as they arise--no one else will assume this responsibility for us.” [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Anger can be a catalyst for self‑knowledge if we use it to examine ourselves rather than blame others. **In simple terms:** Anger helps us learn about ourselves. Key Takeaway Reflect on anger, use it for growth. Themes self‑awareness emotional intelligence responsibility Mood introspective motivational Type advice psychology When to use this quote - relationship counseling - personal therapy - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology personal development Questions to Reflect On - How can you turn anger into self‑insight? - What habits keep you from examining yourself? A Different Perspective Anger can also damage relationships if not managed. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/) [Challenges](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/challenges/) [Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) [Experts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/experts/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Important relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/important-relationships/) [Responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responsibility/) [Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self/) [Tools](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tools/) ## Related quotes > [Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-challenges-us-to-become-more-of-an/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“We all have varying degrees of these feelings, but I think when you have them really acutely, one of the things you're aware of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-segel/we-all-have-varying-degrees-of-these-feelings-but-i-think-when-you/) [Jason Segel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-segel/) > [“And what do you do when you can't use anger to fall back on? You admit the truth.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/and-what-do-you-do-when-you-can-t-use-anger-to-fall-back-on-you-admit/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [Nobody makes you angry, you decide to use anger as a response.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/nobody-makes-you-angry-you-decide-to-use-anger-as-a-response/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“The language I learned was pretty, full of passivity and silence. I had no proper language for the issues of blood and anger, yet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-bagley/the-language-i-learned-was-pretty-full-of-passivity-and-silence-i-had/) Beth Bagley > [Use anger to emotionalize whatever thing you intend to do in life - being a painter, a poet or a photographer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gordon-parks/use-anger-to-emotionalize-whatever-thing-you-intend-to-do-in-life/) [Gordon Parks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gordon-parks/) > [Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dov-davidoff/please-use-anger-for-something-positive-like-hurting-people-that/) [Dov Davidoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dov-davidoff/) > [“Use your anger for good. Anger to people is like gas to the automobile - it fuels you to move forward and get to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arun-gandhi/use-your-anger-for-good-anger-to-people-is-like-gas-to-the-automobile/) [Arun Gandhi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arun-gandhi/) > [“If you’re not angry, you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. You must not be bitter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/if-you-re-not-angry-you-re-either-a-stone-or-you-re-too-sick-to-be/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) > [“We all have to escape from this thing called life sometimes. Maybe we use substances to do it. Maybe we use religion. Maybe we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-pearce/we-all-have-to-escape-from-this-thing-called-life-sometimes-maybe-we/) [Dan Pearce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-pearce/) > [“Don’t make it up!” Roy said. “Use your anger to give the performance. Just don’t let it cloud your judgment. Remember our goal here.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-richan/don-t-make-it-up-roy-said-use-your-anger-to-give-the-performance-just/) Michael Richan > [Pride in what and who you are is a strong foundation, but don't be defined by your oppression; use your anger, don't let it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-mckean/pride-in-what-and-who-you-are-is-a-strong-foundation-but-don-t-be/) [Dave McKean](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-mckean/) > [Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/use-anger-as-a-wake-up-call-to-unmet-needs/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Ever use anger to cover some thing that hurt you? After awhile that feelings does turn into hate. Sometimes when a love one hurt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glen-rambharack/ever-use-anger-to-cover-some-thing-that-hurt-you-after-awhile-that/) [Glen Rambharack](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glen-rambharack/) > [“All possible resources have to be used, so that you can learn to use your anger in such a way that it becomes compassion,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/osho/all-possible-resources-have-to-be-used-so-that-you-can-learn-to-use/) [Osho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/osho/) ## More by Harriet Lerner > [“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/letting-go-of-anger-and-hate-requires-us-to-give-up-the-hope-for-a/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-s-a-widespread-belief-that-if-you-have-solid-self-esteem-you/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/it-is-an-act-of-courage-to-acknowledge-our-own-uncertainty-and-sit/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/silence-can-pose-a-greater-threat-than-the-difficult-truth/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/nothing-you-say-can-ensure-that-the-other-person-will-get-it-or/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-you-exchanged-wedding-vows-tape-them-to-your-bathroom-mirror-and/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/kids-want-nothing-more-than-for-all-the-important-adults-in-their/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/people-s-sense-of-self-worth-is-pivotal-to-their-ability-to-look/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/being-able-to-make-a-sincere-apology-one-that-says-yes-i-get-it-i/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/everyone-freaks-out-sometimes-the-best-we-can-do-with-fear-is/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/the-bolder-and-more-courageous-you-are-the-more-you-will-learn-about/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/underground-issues-from-one-relationship-or-context-invariably-fuel/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/there-are-some-things-for-which-there-is-no-apology-and-on-the/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/don-t-count-on-the-power-of-your-love-or-your-nagging-to-create/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/if-we-only-listened-with-the-same-passion-that-we-feel-about-being/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) [Explore all 113 Harriet Lerner quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) ## More Anger quotes > [“If I let myself think of it the pain and anger were still fresh, adrenalin racing down my limbs to pool, hot and itchy,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kylie-ladd/if-i-let-myself-think-of-it-the-pain-and-anger-were-still-fresh/) [Kylie Ladd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kylie-ladd/) > [I receive something we might euphemistically call an 'inappropriately hostile' response - that is to say, more than fair criticism or even fair anger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-beard/i-receive-something-we-might-euphemistically-call-an-inappropriately/) [Mary Beard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-beard/) > [The vision of the left, full of envy and resentment, takes its worst toll on those at the bottom - whether black or white…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-sowell/the-vision-of-the-left-full-of-envy-and-resentment-takes-its-worst/) [Thomas Sowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-sowell/) > [Anger is a rough water; if you can canalize it into a water mill, you can benefit from it. Anything bad can be transformed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mehmet-murat-ildan/anger-is-a-rough-water-if-you-can-canalize-it-into-a-water-mill-you/) [Mehmet Murat Ildan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mehmet-murat-ildan/) > [“Some say the Earth is angry Because he wants no company; I say the Earth is angry Because he lives alone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/n-k-jemisin/some-say-the-earth-is-angry-because-he-wants-no-company-i-say-the/) [N.K. Jemisin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/n-k-jemisin/) > [“When you feel terribly angry, you're possessed by anger ghost.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toba-beta/when-you-feel-terribly-angry-you-re-possessed-by-anger-ghost/) [Toba Beta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toba-beta/) > [“Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is not healthy. It's much better to verbalize it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus-malloy/medical-studies-have-shown-that-cursing-reduces-levels-of-stress-and/) [Oliver Markus Malloy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-markus-malloy/) > [My care will be in the heart n not in words My anger will be in Words n not in the Heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/my-care-will-be-in-the-heart-n-not-in-words-my-anger-will-be-in-words/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn't do anything to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/you-should-be-angry-you-must-not-be-bitter-bitterness-is-like-cancer/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) > [To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/to-be-a-negro-in-this-country-and-to-be-relatively-conscious-is-to-be/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/god-you-had-enough-time-to-have-been-through-it-three-times-you-ve/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [The present contains nothing more than the past, and what is found in the effect was already in the cause.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henri-bergson/the-present-contains-nothing-more-than-the-past-and-what-is-found-in/) [Henri Bergson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henri-bergson/) > [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I always fight better when my opponent's angry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-haye/i-always-fight-better-when-my-opponent-s-angry/) [David Haye](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-haye/) > [ “Where there are kashays (anger-pride-deceit-greed), there is worldly life. As long as anger-pride-deceit-greed exist; one is a sansaari \[living a worldly life\] regardless of… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dada-bhagwan/where-there-are-kashays-anger-pride-deceit-greed-there-is-worldly/) [Dada Bhagwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dada-bhagwan/) [Browse all 7,469 Anger quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others. . . .If, however, we do not use our anger to define ourselves clearly in every important relationship we are in--and manage our feelings as they arise--no one else will assume this responsibility for us.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Harriet Lerner" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-challenges-us-to-become-more-of-an-2/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Anger" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-challenges-us-to-become-more-of-an-2/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad5/harriet-lerner-4248_anger_anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-chall_3015837.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an…” — Harriet Lerner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Harriet Lerner", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Anger is a tool for change...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-challenges-us-to-become-more-of-an-2/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/anger-is-a-tool-for-change-when-it-challenges-us-to-become-more-of-an-2/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```