--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we take rejection as proof of our…" description: "\"“When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it's hard to allow ourselves to risk being truly seen again. How can we open ourselves to another..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3c/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_anxiety_when-we-take-rejection-as-proof-of-our-i_3105792.jpg" --- # When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it's… ![“When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it's hard to allow ourselves to risk being truly seen again. How can we open ourselves to another person if we fear that he or she will discover what we're trying desperately to hide—that we are stupid, boring, incompetent, needy, or in some way…” quote by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3c/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_anxiety_when-we-take-rejection-as-proof-of-our-i_3105792.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3c/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_anxiety_when-we-take-rejection-as-proof-of-our-i_3105792.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e3c/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_anxiety_when-we-take-rejection-as-proof-of-our-i_3105792.jpg) > ““When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it's hard to allow ourselves to risk being truly seen again. How can we open ourselves to another person if we fear that he or she will discover what we're trying desperately to hide—that we are stupid, boring, incompetent, needy, or in some way deeply inadequate? Obviously we won't meet many people's standards or win their affection, respect, or approval. So what? The problem arises when shame kicks in and we aren't able to view our flaws, limitations, and vulnerabilities in a patient, self-loving way. The fear of rejection becomes understandably intense when it taps into our own belief that we are lesser than others—or lesser than the image we feel compelled to project.”” Harriet Lerner, Ph.D ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. It describes how fear of rejection fuels shame, making self‑acceptance and authentic connection difficult. **In simple terms:** Shame from rejection blocks authentic connection. Key Takeaway Practice self‑compassion to reduce shame. Themes self‑esteem shame vulnerability relationships Mood anxious hopeful Type self‑help psychological When to use this quote - therapy sessions - dating - public speaking - team collaboration Key Concepts psychology self‑acceptance social anxiety Questions to Reflect On - How can you nurture self‑love? - What steps help you face rejection? A Different Perspective Self‑compassion may be hard to sustain without support. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anxiety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety/) [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Fear of rejection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear-of-rejection/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Psychology](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/psychology/) [Rejection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rejection/) [Self esteem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-esteem/) [Self help](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-help/) [Self improvement](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-improvement/) [Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame/) [Worthiness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/worthiness/) ## Related quotes > [“Not Taking NO Personally Here’s my take on the fear of rejection: It’s a sign that you’re placing a higher value on your fear…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-fenton/not-taking-no-personally-here-s-my-take-on-the-fear-of-rejection-it-s/) [Richard Fenton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-fenton/) > [As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carol-leifer/as-a-writer-the-worst-thing-you-can-do-is-work-in-an-environment-of/) [Carol Leifer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carol-leifer/) > [Refuse to let the fear of rejection hold you back. Remember, rejection is never personal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-tracy/refuse-to-let-the-fear-of-rejection-hold-you-back-remember-rejection/) [Brian Tracy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-tracy/) > [I do think it imperative that you recover from fear of rejection. Forgive me, but that is the sin of pride, and you must…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-farrar/i-do-think-it-imperative-that-you-recover-from-fear-of-rejection/) John Farrar > [Every rejection, every phone call from my agent to say, 'It didn't go your way,' I felt the layers of my skin growing. 'OK,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-corrin/every-rejection-every-phone-call-from-my-agent-to-say-it-didn-t-go/) [Emma Corrin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-corrin/) > [Fear is a natural occurrence. We often fear confessing our feelings because we have a greater fear-the fear of rejection. But, if we feel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/krystal-osheanna-julien/fear-is-a-natural-occurrence-we-often-fear-confessing-our-feelings/) Krystal Osheanna Julien > [The fear of rejection really kind of stunts your growth as a person. I mean, it's like a friend of mine says, who cares…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-rzeznik/the-fear-of-rejection-really-kind-of-stunts-your-growth-as-a-person-i/) [John Rzeznik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-rzeznik/) > [“All upset is a fear of rejection.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bryant-mcgill/all-upset-is-a-fear-of-rejection/) [Bryant McGill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bryant-mcgill/) > [The force one need to propose is directly proportional to fear of rejection but one step in propotion decreases fear. alwys don't be afraid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nyakallo-lets-ela/the-force-one-need-to-propose-is-directly-proportional-to-fear-of/) [Nyakallo Lets'ela](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nyakallo-lets-ela/) > [I started doing impressions of Steve Urkel and Ed Grimley as my way of getting through the fear of rejection.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-breaker/i-started-doing-impressions-of-steve-urkel-and-ed-grimley-as-my-way/) [Daniel Breaker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-breaker/) > [The fear of not getting the reward becomes the fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough... is what makes us try…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-angel-ruiz/the-fear-of-not-getting-the-reward-becomes-the-fear-of-rejection-the/) [Miguel Angel Ruiz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-angel-ruiz/) > [“REJECTION SUCKS: So, BUILD a relationship with Christ, which will take precedence in your life, leaving no room for the unwarranted fear of rejection.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-johnson/rejection-sucks-so-build-a-relationship-with-christ-which-will-take/) Jennifer Johnson > [“The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is the reference manual used by mental health professionals to diagnose psychological problems, defines the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-berent/the-diagnostic-and-statistical-manual-of-mental-disorders-which-is/) [Jonathan Berent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-berent/) > [“The psyche is built upon avoiding this pain, and as a result, it has fear of pain as its foundation. That is what caused…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-a-singer/the-psyche-is-built-upon-avoiding-this-pain-and-as-a-result-it-has/) [Michael A. Singer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-a-singer/) > [“No, you’re in love, douchebag. And sometimes the fear of rejection blinds you to what’s really important.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-edwards/no-you-re-in-love-douchebag-and-sometimes-the-fear-of-rejection/) [Nicole Edwards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-edwards/) ## More by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D > [“To guard against the intolerable feeling of shame, we may fold ourselves up and hide in the darkest corner. We may apologize for taking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner-ph-d/to-guard-against-the-intolerable-feeling-of-shame-we-may-fold/) Harriet Lerner, Ph.D > [“When we believe we won't get through to the offending party, we often increase the intensity and lengthen our arguments. This does not help---and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner-ph-d/when-we-believe-we-won-t-get-through-to-the-offending-party-we-often/) Harriet Lerner, Ph.D Explore all 3 Harriet Lerner, Ph.D quotes ## More Anxiety quotes > [“Anything that you find yourself worrying about regularly may find you suddenly wanting unrealistic changes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nagisa-tatsumi/anything-that-you-find-yourself-worrying-about-regularly-may-find-you/) Nagisa Tatsumi > [Bein Crazy is the least of my worries.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/bein-crazy-is-the-least-of-my-worries/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [The answer to deep anxiety is the deep adoration of God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-voskamp/the-answer-to-deep-anxiety-is-the-deep-adoration-of-god/) [Ann Voskamp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-voskamp/) > [“Fear of seeing a police car pull into the drive. Fear of falling asleep at night. 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