---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we believe we won't get through to…"
description: "\"“When we believe we won't get through to the offending party, we often increase the intensity and lengthen our arguments. This does not help---and usua..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/155/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_tone-of-voice_when-we-believe-we-won-t-get-through-to_2652357.jpg"
---

#  When we believe we won't get through to the offending…

![“When we believe we won't get through to the offending party, we often increase the intensity and lengthen our arguments. This does not help---and usually hurts. We may not recognize that our tone of voice or the sheer number of sentences may be the culprit.” quote by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/155/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_tone-of-voice_when-we-believe-we-won-t-get-through-to_2652357.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/155/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_tone-of-voice_when-we-believe-we-won-t-get-through-to_2652357.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/155/harriet-lerner-ph-d-87610_tone-of-voice_when-we-believe-we-won-t-get-through-to_2652357.jpg)

> ““When we believe we won't get through to the offending party, we often increase the intensity and lengthen our arguments. This does not help---and usually hurts. We may not recognize that our tone of voice or the sheer number of sentences may be the culprit.””

[Harriet Lerner, Ph.D](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner-ph-d/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Intensifying arguments when feeling unheard often worsens conflict; tone and volume can be the real problem, not just content.

**In simple terms:** Escalating arguments rarely solves issues; tone matters.

Key Takeaway

Listen and stay calm to de‑escalate.

Themes

communication conflict resolution emotional intelligence relationships assertiveness

Mood

reflective calm thoughtful

Type

advice psychological relationship

When to use this quote

- marriage counseling
- team meetings
- family disputes
- customer service

Key Concepts

active listening tone management argumentation style psychology

Questions to Reflect On

- What can you do to keep your tone constructive?
- How might you recognize when to pause a conversation?

A Different Perspective

If the other party is hostile, calmness may be ignored.

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[Increase Intensity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/increase-intensity-2360163/) [Intensity Lengthen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intensity-lengthen-2360166/) [Lengthen Arguments](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lengthen-arguments-2360164/) [Sentences Culprit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sentences-culprit-2360165/) [Tone Of Voice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tone-of-voice/) [Usually Hurts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/usually-hurts-1179797/)

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