--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Every time you open the paper now, there…" description: "\"Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Mic..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/gilbert-gottfried-7822_crime_every-time-you-open-the-paper-now-there_1090768.jpg" --- # Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be… ![“Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.” quote by Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/gilbert-gottfried-7822_crime_every-time-you-open-the-paper-now-there_1090768.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/gilbert-gottfried-7822_crime_every-time-you-open-the-paper-now-there_1090768.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/gilbert-gottfried-7822_crime_every-time-you-open-the-paper-now-there_1090768.jpg) > “Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.” [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Celebrity scandals are sensationalized, but criminalizing personal behavior is absurd. **In simple terms:** Celebrity arrests are overblown; personal acts shouldn't be crimes. Key Takeaway Question absurdity of moral panic. Themes satire media criticism freedom of expression Mood playful irreverent Type comedic critical When to use this quote - news commentary - social media - legal reform - personal boundaries Key Concepts Censorship privacy public morality Questions to Reflect On - When does satire cross into harmful mockery? - How should media balance reporting and sensationalism? A Different Perspective Humor may downplay serious issues like privacy rights. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Crime](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crime/) [Death row](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death-row/) [Masturbation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbation/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-piven/if-masturbation-is-a-crime-then-i-should-be-on-death-row/) [Jeremy Piven](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-piven/) > [People are slowly realizing that they're looking at drag all the time. 'Mrs. Doubtfire.' 'Real Housewives.' Peewee Herman. Don't let calling it drag make…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/trixie-mattel/people-are-slowly-realizing-that-they-re-looking-at-drag-all-the-time/) [Trixie Mattel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/trixie-mattel/) > [“One wrong move, one bad rumor, one mistake, and it's social death row. I'm the latest to be sentenced. Move out of the way,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dawn-klehr/one-wrong-move-one-bad-rumor-one-mistake-and-it-s-social-death-row-i/) Dawn Klehr > [“People who are detained (held in prison) are locked up by their past, and because you are locked up by your past you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rev-earl-smith/people-who-are-detained-held-in-prison-are-locked-up-by-their-past/) Rev. Earl Smith > [On average, a prisoner in the U.S. spends around ten years on Death Row before execution.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susanna-reid/on-average-a-prisoner-in-the-u-s-spends-around-ten-years-on-death-row/) [Susanna Reid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susanna-reid/) > [ “\[T\]here are some human rights that are so deep that we can't negotiate them away. I mean people do heinous, terrible things. But there… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sister-helen-prejean/t-here-are-some-human-rights-that-are-so-deep-that-we-can-t-negotiate/) Sister Helen Prejean > [I'm afraid of sudden death. I'd like to know I'm going to die. That's why death row wouldn't be so bad, although it's not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kevorkian/i-m-afraid-of-sudden-death-i-d-like-to-know-i-m-going-to-die-that-s/) [Jack Kevorkian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kevorkian/) > [“To accept the environmentalist argument that the suffering of individual animals is inconsequential compared to the ozone layer, we must be willing to admit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-davis/to-accept-the-environmentalist-argument-that-the-suffering-of/) [Karen Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-davis/) > [I shouldn't have sat on death row 30 years. All they had to do was test the gun. But when you think you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-ray-hinton/i-shouldn-t-have-sat-on-death-row-30-years-all-they-had-to-do-was/) [Anthony Ray Hinton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-ray-hinton/) > [In death row every rule in society is flipped.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-yarris/in-death-row-every-rule-in-society-is-flipped/) [Nick Yarris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-yarris/) > [“That was me. I was The Fixer. Everything was fixed. Well, other than what was important. I walked down the hallway of the hospital…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-j-shen/that-was-me-i-was-the-fixer-everything-was-fixed-well-other-than-what/) [L.J. Shen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/l-j-shen/) > [Joe Biden cannot leave the lives of those on death row in the hands of future presidents. If he truly opposes the death penalty,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cori-bush/joe-biden-cannot-leave-the-lives-of-those-on-death-row-in-the-hands/) [Cori Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cori-bush/) > [I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-j-grasso/i-did-not-get-my-spaghetti-o-s-i-got-spaghetti-i-want-the-press-to/) Thomas J. Grasso > [The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-gascoigne/the-drink-yes-i-ve-had-tough-times-in-my-life-especially-the-last/) [Paul Gascoigne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-gascoigne/) > [“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-wilson-watts/advice-i-don-t-have-advice-stop-aspiring-and-start-writing-if-you-re/) [Alan Wilson Watts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-wilson-watts/) ## More by Gilbert Gottfried > [I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-can-t-even-find-someone-for-a-platonic-relationship-much-less-the/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/with-katrina-it-s-almost-like-the-sequel-that-doesn-t-live-up-to-the/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-ve-never-been-one-of-those-who-wanted-to-fill-my-calendar-up-90/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-predict-one-of-these-two-teams-will-win-the-super-bowl/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-think-of-alan-thicke-as-perry-como-without-the-excitement/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-always-wish-the-hotels-were-like-they-are-in-movies-and-tv-shows/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/if-the-police-ever-try-to-pick-me-up-michael-jackson-told-me-i-can/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-remember-being-at-the-premiere-of-beverly-hills-cop-ii-and-the/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/unfortunately-i-ve-never-been-mistaken-as-johnny-depp/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/if-someone-else-is-paying-for-it-food-just-tastes-a-lot-better/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-just-don-t-accept-midgets-as-human-beings-there-s-only-so-much/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/people-have-many-theories-about-comedy-but-being-just-plain-funny-is/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/i-found-out-about-jonathan-winters-death-a-day-after-it-happened-that/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/there-are-certain-things-i-don-t-want-to-joke-about-if-it-s-about/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) > [If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-gottfried/if-you-have-the-old-testament-at-home-if-you-flip-the-corner-pages/) [Gilbert Gottfried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) [Explore all 87 Gilbert Gottfried quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-gottfried/) ## More Crime quotes > [Joking about violence is not funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/perez-hilton/joking-about-violence-is-not-funny/) [Perez Hilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/perez-hilton/) > [“Crime and punishment can be summed up in two classifications: there are bad people and there are people who get into bad situations. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnnie-dent-jr/crime-and-punishment-can-be-summed-up-in-two-classifications-there/) [Johnnie Dent Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnnie-dent-jr/) > [With 'Pretty Girls,' I saw the opportunity to talk not just about crime but what crime leaves behind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karin-slaughter/with-pretty-girls-i-saw-the-opportunity-to-talk-not-just-about-crime/) [Karin Slaughter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karin-slaughter/) > [“The jailers, the Court, everyone in that building – it wasn’t about justice; it was about obedience and intimidation…about maintaining order. Fear accomplished that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-allan/the-jailers-the-court-everyone-in-that-building-it-wasn-t-about/) [Jay Allan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-allan/) > [Taking notes while watching Forensic Files and Snapped. I don't want to make the same mistakes the criminals do! ;)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/taking-notes-while-watching-forensic-files-and-snapped-i-don-t-want/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [A man could be a lover and defender of the wilderness without ever in his lifetime leaving the boundaries of asphalt, powerlines, and right-angled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-abbey/a-man-could-be-a-lover-and-defender-of-the-wilderness-without-ever-in/) [Edward Abbey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-abbey/) > [Nations sometimes flourish by denying the crimes that brought them into being. Only when the original invasion, occupation, extermination or usurpation has been safely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-eagleton/nations-sometimes-flourish-by-denying-the-crimes-that-brought-them/) [Terry Eagleton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-eagleton/) > [The danger that may really threaten (crime fiction) is that soon there will be more writers than readers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-barzun/the-danger-that-may-really-threaten-crime-fiction-is-that-soon-there/) [Jacques Barzun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-barzun/) > [“a crime to fell a tree and light it on fire, where coals of hardened shit warmed and stunk up homes,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hugh-howey/a-crime-to-fell-a-tree-and-light-it-on-fire-where-coals-of-hardened/) [Hugh Howey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hugh-howey/) > [A great read; an exciting, frightening account of organized crime today. But like all important works of nonfiction, it goes further… This book is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/le-ly-hayslip/a-great-read-an-exciting-frightening-account-of-organized-crime-today/) [Le Ly Hayslip](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/le-ly-hayslip/) > [History is the study of the world's crime](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/voltaire/history-is-the-study-of-the-world-s-crime/) [Voltaire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/voltaire/) > [If it comes to a question of law, the charges they brought against me - the Espionage Act - is called the quintessential political…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-snowden/if-it-comes-to-a-question-of-law-the-charges-they-brought-against-me/) [Edward Snowden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-snowden/) > [Too much virtue can be criminal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-racine/too-much-virtue-can-be-criminal/) [Jean Racine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-racine/) > [The federal prison population increased by almost 800 percent between 1980 and 2013, often at a far faster rate than the Bureau of Prisons…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sally-yates/the-federal-prison-population-increased-by-almost-800-percent-between/) [Sally Yates](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sally-yates/) > [ \[P\]rogress, however, has not sufficiently infiltrated the Interior Ministry, affording protection to those who participated in the Bytyqi murders and other egregious Milosevic-era crimes. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/avis-bohlen/p-rogress-however-has-not-sufficiently-infiltrated-the-interior/) Avis Bohlen [Browse all 8,359 Crime quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crime/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. 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