--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: One of the first things a relationship…" description: "\"One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, argumen..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/gay-hendricks-15128_argue_one-of-the-first-things-a-relationship-t_2177426.png" --- # One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is… ![“One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear…” quote by Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/gay-hendricks-15128_argue_one-of-the-first-things-a-relationship-t_2177426.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/gay-hendricks-15128_argue_one-of-the-first-things-a-relationship-t_2177426.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/gay-hendricks-15128_argue_one-of-the-first-things-a-relationship-t_2177426.png) > “One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough.” [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often argue to expend emotional energy, avoiding the risk of creative breakthroughs. **In simple terms:** Arguments waste energy that could fuel growth. Key Takeaway Channel conflict into constructive action. Themes relationships conflict growth creativity Mood reflective hopeful Type advice psychological When to use this quote - marriage counseling - team projects - personal development - creative collaborations Key Concepts psychology energy dynamics fear avoidance Questions to Reflect On - How can couples transform disputes into growth opportunities? - What fears underlie your avoidance of change? A Different Perspective Arguments may also damage trust if not resolved health. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Argue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/argue/) [Argue Burn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/argue-burn-4688411/) [Arguing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/arguing/) [Argument](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/argument/) [Breakthrough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/breakthrough/) [Couple](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couple/) [Courageous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/courageous/) [Creative](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/creative/) [Doe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doe/) [Energy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/energy/) [Facts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/facts/) [Familiarity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/familiarity/) [Fear Arguing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear-arguing-4688410/) [First things](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-things/) [Firsts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/firsts/) [Function](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/function/) [Leap](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/leap/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Purpose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/purpose/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Relationship Therapist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship-therapist-1210634/) [Retreat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/retreat/) [Therapists](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapists/) [Used](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/used/) [Zone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/zone/) ## Related quotes > [“A great many of our patients have conflicts in the realm of intimacy, and obtain help in therapy sheerly through experiencing an intimate relationship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irvin-d-yalom/a-great-many-of-our-patients-have-conflicts-in-the-realm-of-intimacy/) [Irvin D. 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In doing so, they're more likely to take anactive approach to solving problems.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rohit-baloria/happy-people-tend-to-believethey-re-more-in-control-of-their-lives-in/) [Rohit Baloria](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rohit-baloria/) > [The word priority was singular for 500 years—what does priorities mean—'many many first things.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-mckeown/the-word-priority-was-singular-for-500-years-what-does-priorities/) [Greg McKeown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-mckeown/) > [I was always under the impression that acting is an innate gift. One of the first things I heard them say at Koothu-P-Pattarai was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vijay-sethupathi/i-was-always-under-the-impression-that-acting-is-an-innate-gift-one/) [Vijay Sethupathi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vijay-sethupathi/) > [“And this is one of the first things one learns from Musk’s example—he is relentless in his pursuit of the bold and, the bigger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-h-diamandis/and-this-is-one-of-the-first-things-one-learns-from-musk-s-example-he/) [Peter H. Diamandis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-h-diamandis/) > [Best start putting first things first.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-chesney/best-start-putting-first-things-first/) [Kenny Chesney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-chesney/) > [“People who live at subsistence level want first things to be put first. They are not particularly interested in freedom of religion, freedom of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sebastian-marshall/people-who-live-at-subsistence-level-want-first-things-to-be-put/) [Sebastian Marshall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sebastian-marshall/) > [The older I get, the more wisdom I find in the ancient rule of taking first things first - a process which often reduces…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dwight-david-eisenhower/the-older-i-get-the-more-wisdom-i-find-in-the-ancient-rule-of-taking/) [Dwight David Eisenhower](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dwight-david-eisenhower/) > [One of the first things we did was to find role models or mentors at companies that had achieved what we wanted to do.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-harper/one-of-the-first-things-we-did-was-to-find-role-models-or-mentors-at/) [Mitch Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-harper/) > [One of the first things one notices in a backward country is that children are still obeying their parents.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/one-of-the-first-things-one-notices-in-a-backward-country-is-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I don't fall in love easily. It's odd; one of the first things I think about when I go out with a woman is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-dillon/i-don-t-fall-in-love-easily-it-s-odd-one-of-the-first-things-i-think/) [Matt Dillon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-dillon/) ## More by Gay Hendricks > [“like my body—I may not control the expiration date, but I can certainly influence the quality of the shelf life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/like-my-body-i-may-not-control-the-expiration-date-but-i-can/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [The highest goal of spirituality is Self-realization, but what does that mean? It means to feel your Self as a living reality in this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/the-highest-goal-of-spirituality-is-self-realization-but-what-does/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [I expand in abundance, success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/i-expand-in-abundance-success-and-love-every-day-as-i-inspire-those/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [The beauty of the human mind is that any decision that is made can be unmade.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/the-beauty-of-the-human-mind-is-that-any-decision-that-is-made-can-be/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [Are you willing to increase the amount of time every day that you feel good inside?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/are-you-willing-to-increase-the-amount-of-time-every-day-that-you/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [“Entanglement begins the moment you step out of an equal relationship with your partner and become an advocate for your victimhood.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/entanglement-begins-the-moment-you-step-out-of-an-equal-relationship/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [There's no such thing as a minor lapse of awareness. You're either present with what is--right here, right now--or you're someplace else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/there-s-no-such-thing-as-a-minor-lapse-of-awareness-you-re-either/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [“Wherever I go, may I learn and love as much as I can in every moment. Wherever I am, may I be open to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/wherever-i-go-may-i-learn-and-love-as-much-as-i-can-in-every-moment/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [Welcome the back talk, because it's completely natural and normal. It's actually a sign that the new idea you've planted in your mind is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/welcome-the-back-talk-because-it-s-completely-natural-and-normal-it-s/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [“pausing even for lunch, they turned the car around and headed”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/pausing-even-for-lunch-they-turned-the-car-around-and-headed/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [Genuine love is between two people who know they are already complete. Genuine love is based on a new paradigm in which both partners…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/genuine-love-is-between-two-people-who-know-they-are-already-complete/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [A successful life is an authentic life. Happiness and creativity rest on a foundation of transparency to yourself and others. Knowing your own heart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/a-successful-life-is-an-authentic-life-happiness-and-creativity-rest/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [As we free our breath through diaphragmatic breathing, we relax our emotions and let go our body tensions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/as-we-free-our-breath-through-diaphragmatic-breathing-we-relax-our/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [Nobody knows but you what it is that’s sacred to you as far as what you want to manifest in your life. You need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/nobody-knows-but-you-what-it-is-that-s-sacred-to-you-as-far-as-what/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) > [Many healings of other physical troubles have occurred in my clients after they started to integrate breathing practices into their lives. There is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gay-hendricks/many-healings-of-other-physical-troubles-have-occurred-in-my-clients/) [Gay Hendricks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) [Explore all 44 Gay Hendricks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gay-hendricks/) ## More Argue quotes > [I'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fad-ibra/i-d-rather-argue-with-you-than-kiss-someone-else/) [Fad Ibra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fad-ibra/) > [I do wish you wouldn't argue with me when I'm knitting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-durrell/i-do-wish-you-wouldn-t-argue-with-me-when-i-m-knitting/) [Gerald Durrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-durrell/) > [“But that is not true for all folk. Some folk are meant to argue with fate. And win.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-hobb/but-that-is-not-true-for-all-folk-some-folk-are-meant-to-argue-with/) [Robin Hobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-hobb/) > [To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-paine/to-argue-with-a-person-who-has-renounced-the-use-of-reason-is-like/) [Thomas Paine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-paine/) > [Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-bach/argue-for-your-limitations-and-sure-enough-they-re-yours/) [Richard Bach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-bach/) > [I like the fact that we argue but in the end we come together again realising how much we each need the other](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josephine/i-like-the-fact-that-we-argue-but-in-the-end-we-come-together-again/) [Josephine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josephine/) > [The surest sign that you haven't any sense is to argue with one who hasn't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurence-j-peter/the-surest-sign-that-you-haven-t-any-sense-is-to-argue-with-one-who/) [Laurence J. Peter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurence-j-peter/) > [Has learned that sometimes it is just easier to agree with someone, than to argue a stupid point they think they have.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hussein-nishah/has-learned-that-sometimes-it-is-just-easier-to-agree-with-someone/) [Hussein Nishah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hussein-nishah/) > [If you dont know, please ask. If you dont agree, argue. If you dont like it, please say it. But don't sit there quiet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-dont-know-please-ask-if-you-dont-agree-argue-if-you-dont-like/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [America gave the world the notion of the melting pot - an alchemical cooking device wherein diverse ethnic and religious groups voluntarily mix together,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ivan-krastev/america-gave-the-world-the-notion-of-the-melting-pot-an-alchemical/) [Ivan Krastev](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ivan-krastev/) > [Don't worry when I argue with you. Worry when I stop because it means there's nothing left to fight for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/don-t-worry-when-i-argue-with-you-worry-when-i-stop-because-it-means/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [“Be quick to resolve conflicts before they mature to become wars. The energetic crocodile was once a delicate egg!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/israelmore-ayivor/be-quick-to-resolve-conflicts-before-they-mature-to-become-wars-the/) [Israelmore Ayivor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/israelmore-ayivor/) > [I taught my executive team how to argue.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-mulally/i-taught-my-executive-team-how-to-argue/) [Alan Mulally](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-mulally/) > [“People argue between Pele or Maradona. Di Stéfano is the best, much more complete.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pel/people-argue-between-pele-or-maradona-di-st-fano-is-the-best-much/) [Pelé](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pel/) > [“The more women argue, loudly, against feminism, the more they both prove it exists and that they enjoy its hard-won privileges.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caitlin-moran/the-more-women-argue-loudly-against-feminism-the-more-they-both-prove/) [Caitlin Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caitlin-moran/) [Browse all 642 Argue quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/argue/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple does not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. 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