--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Over the long haul, many of those people…" description: "\"Over the long haul, many of those people [in a difficult marriage] will begin to reciprocate, because you are meeting a basic need in their life, the n..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/gary-chapman-1325_basic-needs_over-the-long-haul-many-of-those-people_2162059.jpg" --- # Over the long haul, many of those people \[in a difficult… ![“Over the long haul, many of those people [in a difficult marriage] will begin to reciprocate, because you are meeting a basic need in their life, the need for love, and they know they don't deserve love many times.” quote by Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/gary-chapman-1325_basic-needs_over-the-long-haul-many-of-those-people_2162059.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/gary-chapman-1325_basic-needs_over-the-long-haul-many-of-those-people_2162059.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e6/gary-chapman-1325_basic-needs_over-the-long-haul-many-of-those-people_2162059.jpg) > “Over the long haul, many of those people \[in a difficult marriage\] will begin to reciprocate, because you are meeting a basic need in their life, the need for love, and they know they don't deserve love many times.” [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Meeting a partner’s need for love can inspire them to give love back, even if they feel unworthy. **In simple terms:** Give love to receive love. Key Takeaway Offer unconditional love. Themes relationships love self-worth Mood encouraging empathetic Type advice psychology When to use this quote - marriage counseling - friendship - family dynamics Key Concepts reciprocity emotional needs attachment theory Questions to Reflect On - How can you support someone who feels unlovable? - What actions demonstrate love without expectation? A Different Perspective People may resist love if deeply insecure. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Basic needs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/basic-needs/) [Deserve](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deserve/) [Deserve love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deserve-love/) [Difficult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/difficult/) [Difficult Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/difficult-marriage-502904/) [Haul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/haul/) [Knows](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knows/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Long](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long/) [Long haul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long-haul/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Meetings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/meetings/) [Need love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/need-love/) [Needs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/needs/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [People Difficult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people-difficult/) [Reciprocate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reciprocate/) ## Related quotes > [ This book \[Desperate Marriages \] is really a book on how to be a positive change agent in a very, very difficult marriage. I… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/this-book-desperate-marriages-is-really-a-book-on-how-to-be-a/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other. Even though one may be the major problem,you also have failed often in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/in-a-difficult-marriage-both-of-us-have-failed-each-other-even-though/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [What is emotional intimacy? It is that depp sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected and appreciated, while at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/what-is-emotional-intimacy-it-is-that-depp-sense-of-being-connected/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-object-of-love-is-not-getting-something-you-want-but-doing/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [I think infidelity is difficult, monogamy is difficult, and marriage is difficult.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maura-tierney/i-think-infidelity-is-difficult-monogamy-is-difficult-and-marriage-is/) [Maura Tierney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maura-tierney/) > [It will be very difficult for whoever will be with me, not even in marriage, whoever goes out with me seriously. Even if she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ii-prince-of-monaco/it-will-be-very-difficult-for-whoever-will-be-with-me-not-even-in/) [Albert II, Prince of Monaco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ii-prince-of-monaco/) > [The easiest part of marriage is falling in love and walking down the aisle. The most difficult part of marriage is 10 years later…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jas-rob/the-easiest-part-of-marriage-is-falling-in-love-and-walking-down-the/) [Jas&rob](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jas-rob/) > [Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cathy-ladman/marriage-is-very-difficult-marriage-is-like-a-five-thousand-piece/) [Cathy Ladman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cathy-ladman/) > [As he paid the hansom and followed his wife's long train into the house he took refuge in the comforting platitude that the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edith-wharton/as-he-paid-the-hansom-and-followed-his-wife-s-long-train-into-the/) [Edith Wharton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edith-wharton/) > [I nod, thinking of how difficult marriage can be, how much effort is required to sustain a feeling between two people - a feeling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emily-giffin/i-nod-thinking-of-how-difficult-marriage-can-be-how-much-effort-is/) [Emily Giffin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emily-giffin/) > [I enjoy people even when they're being difficult.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-walloch/i-enjoy-people-even-when-they-re-being-difficult/) [Greg Walloch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-walloch/) > [Because of that she had never had enough energy to be herself, a person who, like everyone else in the world, needed other people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/because-of-that-she-had-never-had-enough-energy-to-be-herself-a/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“people are more difficult to work withthan machines.And when you break a person ,he can't be fixed -Hephaestus”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/people-are-more-difficult-to-work-withthan-machines-and-when-you/) [Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/) > [The tremendous population increase has made meditation and psychic perception, things that come naturally to spiritually evolved people, difficult to practice and participate in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/the-tremendous-population-increase-has-made-meditation-and-psychic/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) ## More by Gary Chapman > [Marriages are always moving from one season to another. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter--discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/marriages-are-always-moving-from-one-season-to-another-sometimes-we/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/something-in-our-nature-cries-out-to-be-loved-by-another-isolation-is/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/most-of-us-have-more-potential-than-we-will-ever-develop-what-holds/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [On the other hand, if I walk in the house, I don't even bother to find her, I just walk in the den and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/on-the-other-hand-if-i-walk-in-the-house-i-don-t-even-bother-to-find/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“I look for three things in hiring people. The first is personal integrity, the second is intelligence, and the third is a high energy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-look-for-three-things-in-hiring-people-the-first-is-personal/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/love-is-always-freely-given-love-cannot-be-demanded-we-can-request/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/psychologist-william-james-said-that-possibly-the-deepest-human-need/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [I think that in today's world, by nature, we are all self-centered. And that often leads to selfishness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-think-that-in-today-s-world-by-nature-we-are-all-self-centered-and/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [Sometimes when the spouse is really the culprit, it is hard to admit what you consider your little failures, but if you are going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/sometimes-when-the-spouse-is-really-the-culprit-it-is-hard-to-admit/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“There is a third truth, which only the mature lover will be able to hear. My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide me with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/there-is-a-third-truth-which-only-the-mature-lover-will-be-able-to/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [ The getting out part \[of advise\] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [ I wrote this book \[ Desperate Marriages\] because of my own marriage. My wife and I struggled greatly in the early years of marriage.… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/i-wrote-this-book-desperate-marriages-because-of-my-own-marriage-my/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [As a senior in high school, I had a strong sense that God wanted me in some kind of ministry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/as-a-senior-in-high-school-i-had-a-strong-sense-that-god-wanted-me-in/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/we-all-desperately-need-love-if-a-spouse-in-a-difficult-marriage-will/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“If acts of service do not come naturally for you, it is still a love language worth acquiring. It is a way of expressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/if-acts-of-service-do-not-come-naturally-for-you-it-is-still-a-love/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) [Explore all 254 Gary Chapman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) ## More Basic needs quotes > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) [Sheila Kamerman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-kamerman/) > [Well the real concept of basic needs if you cut it right down are simply the physical needs that are unavoidable for all of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-singer/well-the-real-concept-of-basic-needs-if-you-cut-it-right-down-are/) [Peter Singer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-singer/) > [I have always believed that the ultimate purpose of economic policies and development policy is to meet the basic needs of our people. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/manmohan-singh/i-have-always-believed-that-the-ultimate-purpose-of-economic-policies/) [Manmohan Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/manmohan-singh/) > [One of the concepts I was having trouble illustrating was the concept that administrative systems create narrow categories of gender and force people into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dean-spade/one-of-the-concepts-i-was-having-trouble-illustrating-was-the-concept/) [Dean Spade](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dean-spade/) > [“Technology doesn’t change people’s basic needs or their natures.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/priya-ardis/technology-doesn-t-change-people-s-basic-needs-or-their-natures/) [Priya Ardis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/priya-ardis/) > [I hope that if you are employed full-time, you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gordon-b-hinckley/i-hope-that-if-you-are-employed-full-time-you-are-doing-it-to-ensure/) [Gordon B. 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Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lester-r-brown/) > [“Life and Abundance (The Sonnet) A person to take refuge in, a purpose to be driven by, that's all you need to lead a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/life-and-abundance-the-sonnet-a-person-to-take-refuge-in-a-purpose-to/) [Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/) > [Advanced industrialised economies like ourselves cannot afford to go on growing, particularly if we want to give people in poorer countries a chance of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caroline-lucas/advanced-industrialised-economies-like-ourselves-cannot-afford-to-go/) [Caroline Lucas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caroline-lucas/) > [He who has got more than that is required to fulfill his basic need spends his resources, more often than not, on the people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anuj/he-who-has-got-more-than-that-is-required-to-fulfill-his-basic-need/) [Anuj](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anuj/) > [The change in economic values created by the new markets for global public goods will reorient our global economy and under the right conditions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/graciela-chichilnisky/the-change-in-economic-values-created-by-the-new-markets-for-global/) [Graciela Chichilnisky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/graciela-chichilnisky/) > [Pay your utilities, gas and other basic needs before paying on your debts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-ramsey/pay-your-utilities-gas-and-other-basic-needs-before-paying-on-your/) [Dave Ramsey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-ramsey/) > [Your business should be defined, not in terms of the product or service you offer, but in terms of what customer need your product…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ken-blanchard/your-business-should-be-defined-not-in-terms-of-the-product-or/) [Ken Blanchard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ken-blanchard/) > [Secrecy, censorship, dishonesty, and blocking of communication threaten all the basic needs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abraham-maslow/secrecy-censorship-dishonesty-and-blocking-of-communication-threaten/) [Abraham Maslow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abraham-maslow/) > [The religious urge in man is not a mere passing phase in the history of his spiritual development, but the ultimate source of all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/muhammad-asad/the-religious-urge-in-man-is-not-a-mere-passing-phase-in-the-history/) [Muhammad Asad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/muhammad-asad/) [Browse all 109 Basic needs quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/basic-needs/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Over the long haul, many of those people [in a difficult marriage] will begin to reciprocate, because you are meeting a basic need in their life, the need for love, and they know they don't deserve love many times.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Gary Chapman" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": 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