--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Parenting, in short, is a dance of the…" description: "\"“Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations. Whatever affected one generation but has not been fully resolved will be passed on to the next. La..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf0/gabor-mat-1410_family-history_parenting-in-short-is-a-dance-of-the-gen_1250915.jpg" --- # Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations… ![“Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations. Whatever affected one generation but has not been fully resolved will be passed on to the next. Lance Morrow, a journalist and writer, succinctly expressed the multigenerational nature of stress in his book Heart, a wrenching and beautiful…” quote by Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf0/gabor-mat-1410_family-history_parenting-in-short-is-a-dance-of-the-gen_1250915.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf0/gabor-mat-1410_family-history_parenting-in-short-is-a-dance-of-the-gen_1250915.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cf0/gabor-mat-1410_family-history_parenting-in-short-is-a-dance-of-the-gen_1250915.jpg) > ““Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations. Whatever affected one generation but has not been fully resolved will be passed on to the next. Lance Morrow, a journalist and writer, succinctly expressed the multigenerational nature of stress in his book Heart, a wrenching and beautiful account of his encounters with mortality, thrust upon him by near-fatal heart disease: “The generations are boxes within boxes: Inside my mother’s violence you find another box, which contains my grandfather’s violence, and inside that box (I suspect but do not know), you would find another box with some such black, secret energy — stories within stories, receding in time.” Blame becomes a meaningless concept if one understands how family history stretches back through the generations. “Recognition of this quickly dispels any disposition to see the parent as villain,” wrote John Bowlby, the British psychiatrist whose work threw scientific light on the decisive importance of attachment in infancy and childhood. Whom do we accuse?”” [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Family patterns of stress are passed down, so understanding them reduces blame and shifts perspective to systemic roots. **In simple terms:** Stress repeats across generations; recognizing it changes blame. Key Takeaway See patterns, reduce blame. Themes family dynamics generational trauma attachment blame understanding Mood reflective empathetic Type psychological insightful When to use this quote - family therapy - parenting - personal reflection - generational counseling Key Concepts systems theory psychology attachment theory Questions to Reflect On - How can you identify inherited stress patterns? - What steps reduce break the cycle? A Different Perspective Individual responsibility may be overstated without systemic view. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Childhood Accuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childhood-accuse-3941768/) [Disease Generations](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disease-generations-3941767/) [Family history](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-history/) [Generations Affected](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/generations-affected-3941766/) [Heart disease](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heart-disease/) [Multigenerational Nature](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/multigenerational-nature-3941765/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Stretches Generations](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stretches-generations-3941769/) ## Related quotes > [“We have seen that the individual’s brain circuits are decisively influenced by the emotional states of the parents, in the context of the multigenerational…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/we-have-seen-that-the-individual-s-brain-circuits-are-decisively/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [No matter your situation, you can make family history a part of your life right now. Primary children can draw a family tree. Youth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/russell-m-nelson/no-matter-your-situation-you-can-make-family-history-a-part-of-your/) [Russell M. Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/russell-m-nelson/) > [For my entire life, I have held the cards of my complicated family history very close to my chest.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shaun-king/for-my-entire-life-i-have-held-the-cards-of-my-complicated-family/) [Shaun King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shaun-king/) > [I think Compton is definitely a part of my, my family history - a part of me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aja-brown/i-think-compton-is-definitely-a-part-of-my-my-family-history-a-part/) [Aja Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aja-brown/) > [“My blissful childhood was shattered without warning when I was about ten years old. One day, my father told me that he had spent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/my-blissful-childhood-was-shattered-without-warning-when-i-was-about/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The kitchen is the heart of every home, for the most part. It evokes memories of your family history.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debi-mazar/the-kitchen-is-the-heart-of-every-home-for-the-most-part-it-evokes/) [Debi Mazar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debi-mazar/) > [I personally believe that the writing of personal and family histories will do more to turn the hearts of the children to the fathers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hartman-rector-jr/i-personally-believe-that-the-writing-of-personal-and-family/) [Hartman Rector, Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hartman-rector-jr/) > [“To have deep roots in a place means having dead buried there. It is almost that literal, the dead forming your bond to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julene-bair/to-have-deep-roots-in-a-place-means-having-dead-buried-there-it-is/) [Julene Bair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julene-bair/) > [I think at the start of writing it was less intense topics, and then once I broke the seal I was more comfortable writing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luke-hemmings/i-think-at-the-start-of-writing-it-was-less-intense-topics-and-then/) [Luke Hemmings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luke-hemmings/) > [“it was weird. Would you believe it if some supermodel called you up and told you she was your sister?’ Strike thought of his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-galbraith/it-was-weird-would-you-believe-it-if-some-supermodel-called-you-up/) [Robert Galbraith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-galbraith/) > [I think that one of the ways that Americans will come to want to look at history is by looking at their own families'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adele-logan-alexander/i-think-that-one-of-the-ways-that-americans-will-come-to-want-to-look/) [Adele Logan Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adele-logan-alexander/) > [A writer represents his family history. My grandfather was a senator and my father served in the Roosevelt administration. In other words, I grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gore-vidal/a-writer-represents-his-family-history-my-grandfather-was-a-senator/) [Gore Vidal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gore-vidal/) > [“Our family history was erased and rewritten a thousand times.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/our-family-history-was-erased-and-rewritten-a-thousand-times/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“The United States is a conceited nation with shallow roots, and what happened before living memory doesn't seem to interest most people I know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katharine-weber/the-united-states-is-a-conceited-nation-with-shallow-roots-and-what/) [Katharine Weber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katharine-weber/) > [My father describes himself as a Pole of Lithuanian descent. At Southampton University, he read aeronautical engineering and then the family moved to Hong…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mel-giedroyc/my-father-describes-himself-as-a-pole-of-lithuanian-descent-at/) [Mel Giedroyc](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mel-giedroyc/) ## More by Gabor Maté > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-fact-is-we-in-this-society-are-often-quite-removed-from-our-own/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/shame-is-the-deepest-of-the-negative-emotions-a-feeling-we-will-do/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Many adults have not attained maturity — have not mastered being independent, self-motivated individuals capable of tending their own emotional needs and of respecting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/many-adults-have-not-attained-maturity-have-not-mastered-being/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [Autonomy is impossible as long as one is driven by anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/autonomy-is-impossible-as-long-as-one-is-driven-by-anything/) [Gabor Mate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was different in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/if-a-mother-has-eight-children-there-are-eight-mothers-this-is-not/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship and to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/without-attachment-the-parent-succeeds-at-most-in-cowing-a-child-into/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Attachment is our connection with the world. In the earliest attachment relationships, we gain or lose the ability to stay open, self-nurturing and healthy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/attachment-is-our-connection-with-the-world-in-the-earliest/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply ashamed because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/so-what-you-ve-actually-got-is-traumatized-children-when-children-are/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately, brothers and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/even-without-world-wars-revolutions-and-emigration-siblings-growing/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/we-think-that-there-are-people-who-are-normal-over-here-and-then/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. To share oneself with another and then be misunderstood or rejected is, for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/one-cannot-get-much-more-vulnerable-than-to-expose-oneself/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The areas of the cortex responsible for attention and self-regulation develop in response to the emotional interaction with the person whom we may call…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-areas-of-the-cortex-responsible-for-attention-and-self-regulation/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Peer-oriented children live in a universe of severely limited and superficial attachments. The quest for sameness being the least vulnerable way of attaching, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/peer-oriented-children-live-in-a-universe-of-severely-limited-and/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The United States contains less than 5 percent of the world’s population but houses nearly a quarter of the world’s prisoners.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-united-states-contains-less-than-5-percent-of-the-world-s/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) [Explore all 244 Gabor Maté quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## More Family history quotes > [My father describes himself as a Pole of Lithuanian descent. At Southampton University, he read aeronautical engineering and then the family moved to Hong…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mel-giedroyc/my-father-describes-himself-as-a-pole-of-lithuanian-descent-at/) [Mel Giedroyc](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mel-giedroyc/) > [“The United States is a conceited nation with shallow roots, and what happened before living memory doesn't seem to interest most people I know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katharine-weber/the-united-states-is-a-conceited-nation-with-shallow-roots-and-what/) [Katharine Weber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katharine-weber/) > [“Our family history was erased and rewritten a thousand times.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/our-family-history-was-erased-and-rewritten-a-thousand-times/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [A writer represents his family history. My grandfather was a senator and my father served in the Roosevelt administration. In other words, I grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gore-vidal/a-writer-represents-his-family-history-my-grandfather-was-a-senator/) [Gore Vidal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gore-vidal/) > [I think that one of the ways that Americans will come to want to look at history is by looking at their own families'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adele-logan-alexander/i-think-that-one-of-the-ways-that-americans-will-come-to-want-to-look/) [Adele Logan Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adele-logan-alexander/) > [“it was weird. Would you believe it if some supermodel called you up and told you she was your sister?’ Strike thought of his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-galbraith/it-was-weird-would-you-believe-it-if-some-supermodel-called-you-up/) [Robert Galbraith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-galbraith/) > [I think at the start of writing it was less intense topics, and then once I broke the seal I was more comfortable writing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luke-hemmings/i-think-at-the-start-of-writing-it-was-less-intense-topics-and-then/) [Luke Hemmings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luke-hemmings/) > [“To have deep roots in a place means having dead buried there. It is almost that literal, the dead forming your bond to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julene-bair/to-have-deep-roots-in-a-place-means-having-dead-buried-there-it-is/) [Julene Bair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julene-bair/) > [I personally believe that the writing of personal and family histories will do more to turn the hearts of the children to the fathers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hartman-rector-jr/i-personally-believe-that-the-writing-of-personal-and-family/) [Hartman Rector, Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hartman-rector-jr/) > [The kitchen is the heart of every home, for the most part. It evokes memories of your family history.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debi-mazar/the-kitchen-is-the-heart-of-every-home-for-the-most-part-it-evokes/) [Debi Mazar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debi-mazar/) > [“My blissful childhood was shattered without warning when I was about ten years old. One day, my father told me that he had spent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/my-blissful-childhood-was-shattered-without-warning-when-i-was-about/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I think Compton is definitely a part of my, my family history - a part of me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aja-brown/i-think-compton-is-definitely-a-part-of-my-my-family-history-a-part/) [Aja Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aja-brown/) > [For my entire life, I have held the cards of my complicated family history very close to my chest.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shaun-king/for-my-entire-life-i-have-held-the-cards-of-my-complicated-family/) [Shaun King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shaun-king/) > [No matter your situation, you can make family history a part of your life right now. Primary children can draw a family tree. Youth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/russell-m-nelson/no-matter-your-situation-you-can-make-family-history-a-part-of-your/) [Russell M. Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/russell-m-nelson/) > [Knowing more about family history is the single biggest predictor of a child's emotional well-being. Grandparents can play a special role in this process,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-feiler/knowing-more-about-family-history-is-the-single-biggest-predictor-of/) [Bruce Feiler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-feiler/) [Browse all 175 Family history quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-history/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Parenting, in short, is a dance of the generations. Whatever affected one generation but has not been fully resolved will be passed on to the next. Lance Morrow, a journalist and writer, succinctly expressed the multigenerational nature of stress in his book Heart, a wrenching and beautiful account of his encounters with mortality, thrust upon him by near-fatal heart disease: “The generations are boxes within boxes: Inside my mother’s violence you find another box, which contains my grandfather’s violence, and inside that box (I suspect but do not know), you would find another box with some such black, secret energy — stories within stories, receding in time.” Blame becomes a meaningless concept if one understands how family history stretches back through the generations. “Recognition of this quickly dispels any disposition to see the parent as villain,” wrote John Bowlby, the British psychiatrist whose work threw scientific light on the decisive importance of attachment in infancy and childhood. 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