--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: One of my earliest memories is from…" description: "\"“One of my earliest memories is from around age three or four—sitting in a dress by myself playing with a doll. I was fine playing, but the sense was t..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff4/gabor-mat-1410_healing-process_one-of-my-earliest-memories-is-from-arou_2887038.jpg" --- # One of my earliest memories is from around age three or… ![“One of my earliest memories is from around age three or four—sitting in a dress by myself playing with a doll. I was fine playing, but the sense was that there was no connection. There was nobody around; I was completely isolated. This was safe, but there wasn’t a sense of happiness, only that I…” quote by Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff4/gabor-mat-1410_healing-process_one-of-my-earliest-memories-is-from-arou_2887038.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff4/gabor-mat-1410_healing-process_one-of-my-earliest-memories-is-from-arou_2887038.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff4/gabor-mat-1410_healing-process_one-of-my-earliest-memories-is-from-arou_2887038.jpg) > ““One of my earliest memories is from around age three or four—sitting in a dress by myself playing with a doll. I was fine playing, but the sense was that there was no connection. There was nobody around; I was completely isolated. This was safe, but there wasn’t a sense of happiness, only that I had figured out how to protect myself.” “By being alone.” “By being alone and yes … without feeling contact. “There are other fragments that come up. For a long time I’ve had this image of lying in what felt like clouds; I was on a bed of clouds with a grey and colourless sky above me and this one ray of sun hitting me, but it was cold. The sense of really being completely alone, that even this ray, which might be love, wasn’t. I saw that learning not to feel was what I had to do in order to survive.” Such experiences — or the conclusions Harriette drew from them—left her isolated in life, or in relationships that, she felt, depleted her more than they nurtured her. Her intensive therapy was aimed at developing emotional competence. Emotional competence is the capacity that enables us to stand in a responsible, non-victimized, and non-self-harming relationship with our environment.\* It is the required internal ground for facing life’s inevitable stresses, for avoiding the creation of unnecessary ones and for furthering the healing process. Few of us reach adult age with anything close to full emotional competence. Recognizing our lack of it is not cause for self-judgment, only a call for further development and transformation.”” [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Early isolation can lead to emotional numbness, where self‑protection replaces connection, hindering healthy relationships. **In simple terms:** Isolation can numb feelings and block connection. Key Takeaway Develop emotional competence to engage responsibly with others. Themes emotional health attachment self‑protection healing Mood reflective hopeful empathetic Type philosophical inspirational therapeutic When to use this quote - therapy - relationship building - self‑awareness - mindfulness practice Key Concepts psychology trauma resilience Questions to Reflect On - How can you safely explore feelings without feeling threatened? - What small steps can you take to reconnect with others? A Different Perspective Emotional competence requires confronting painful memories, which can be overwhelming. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Healing process](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing-process/) [Mental health](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mental-health/) ## Related quotes > [“Emotional competence requires the capacity to feel our emotions, so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress; the ability to express our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/emotional-competence-requires-the-capacity-to-feel-our-emotions-so/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The result may be important but it’s not the actual measure. The measure is the feeling you have made contact with something.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-maisel/the-result-may-be-important-but-it-s-not-the-actual-measure-the/) [Eric Maisel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-maisel/) > [“Developing your emotional intelligence will allow you to explore new depths of understanding in yourself and others.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-c-young/developing-your-emotional-intelligence-will-allow-you-to-explore-new/) [Susan C. Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-c-young/) > [Developing emotional intelligence is one way to protect yourself from damaging relationships. Emotional intelligence is a science that has been studied and researched for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liz-miller/developing-emotional-intelligence-is-one-way-to-protect-yourself-from/) [Liz Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liz-miller/) > [Emotional self-control is NOT the same as overcontrol, the stifling of all feeling and spontaneity…when such emotional suppression is chronic, it can impair thinking,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-goleman/emotional-self-control-is-not-the-same-as-overcontrol-the-stifling-of/) [Daniel Goleman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-goleman/) > [“I could sense the slightest abridgment of my freedom like a princess who can feel the impression of a pea under forty featherbeds. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ken-ilgunas/i-could-sense-the-slightest-abridgment-of-my-freedom-like-a-princess/) [Ken Ilgunas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ken-ilgunas/) > [“jeong refers to “feelings of fondness, caring, bonding, and attachment that develop within interpersonal relationships.” It is not felt purely within the heart or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-tudor/jeong-refers-to-feelings-of-fondness-caring-bonding-and-attachment/) [Daniel Tudor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-tudor/) > [Whenever I visited China in the past, the relationships always felt superficial; there was no time where I felt those moments of conflict and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abigail-washburn/whenever-i-visited-china-in-the-past-the-relationships-always-felt/) [Abigail Washburn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abigail-washburn/) > [“I sensed he may have occasionally strayed in some of his past relationships. It was something I felt but ignored, a rent in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-finnamore/i-sensed-he-may-have-occasionally-strayed-in-some-of-his-past/) [Suzanne Finnamore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-finnamore/) > [I have been in relationships, and I felt that I was in love, but I don't know if love lasts forever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aditya-roy-kapur/i-have-been-in-relationships-and-i-felt-that-i-was-in-love-but-i-don/) [Aditya Roy Kapur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aditya-roy-kapur/) > [“In any disease, say smoking-induced lung or heart disease, organs and tissues are damaged and function in pathological ways. When the brain is diseased,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/in-any-disease-say-smoking-induced-lung-or-heart-disease-organs-and/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [Emotional healing is almost always a process. It takes time. There is a very important reason for this. Our heavenly Father is not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/floyd-mcclung/emotional-healing-is-almost-always-a-process-it-takes-time-there-is-a/) [Floyd McClung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/floyd-mcclung/) > [“Manipulating or controlling others through the use of one's illness or suffering,for example,was-and remains-extremely effective for people who find they cannot be direct in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caroline-myss/manipulating-or-controlling-others-through-the-use-of-one-s-illness/) [Caroline Myss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caroline-myss/) > [Spiritual awareness is not only one of the keys to the healing process. Spiritual awareness is the only way that healing can occur.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/spiritual-awareness-is-not-only-one-of-the-keys-to-the-healing/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [I am told many children block out the memory of trauma. In fact, the healing process can only truly begin when we are willing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phoebe-stone/i-am-told-many-children-block-out-the-memory-of-trauma-in-fact-the/) [Phoebe Stone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phoebe-stone/) ## More by Gabor Maté > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-fact-is-we-in-this-society-are-often-quite-removed-from-our-own/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. 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This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was different in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/if-a-mother-has-eight-children-there-are-eight-mothers-this-is-not/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship and to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/without-attachment-the-parent-succeeds-at-most-in-cowing-a-child-into/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Attachment is our connection with the world. In the earliest attachment relationships, we gain or lose the ability to stay open, self-nurturing and healthy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/attachment-is-our-connection-with-the-world-in-the-earliest/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply ashamed because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/so-what-you-ve-actually-got-is-traumatized-children-when-children-are/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately, brothers and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/even-without-world-wars-revolutions-and-emigration-siblings-growing/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/we-think-that-there-are-people-who-are-normal-over-here-and-then/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. To share oneself with another and then be misunderstood or rejected is, for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/one-cannot-get-much-more-vulnerable-than-to-expose-oneself/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The areas of the cortex responsible for attention and self-regulation develop in response to the emotional interaction with the person whom we may call…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-areas-of-the-cortex-responsible-for-attention-and-self-regulation/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Peer-oriented children live in a universe of severely limited and superficial attachments. The quest for sameness being the least vulnerable way of attaching, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/peer-oriented-children-live-in-a-universe-of-severely-limited-and/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The United States contains less than 5 percent of the world’s population but houses nearly a quarter of the world’s prisoners.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-united-states-contains-less-than-5-percent-of-the-world-s/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) [Explore all 244 Gabor Maté quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## More Healing process quotes > [I am told many children block out the memory of trauma. 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There is a very important reason for this. Our heavenly Father is not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/floyd-mcclung/emotional-healing-is-almost-always-a-process-it-takes-time-there-is-a/) [Floyd McClung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/floyd-mcclung/) > [“We are committed to our belief that loss is at the heart of growth. We recognize that many forms of loss are not about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-ambler-walter/we-are-committed-to-our-belief-that-loss-is-at-the-heart-of-growth-we/) Carolyn Ambler Walter > [I love the ocean, and I love surfing. It's something so special and unique, and surfing is unlike any other sport. Skateboarding is amazing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bethany-hamilton/i-love-the-ocean-and-i-love-surfing-it-s-something-so-special-and/) [Bethany Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bethany-hamilton/) > [Healing is the process of reestablishing the integration between body, mind, and spirit, creating opportunities for the return of the memory of wholeness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-simon/healing-is-the-process-of-reestablishing-the-integration-between-body/) [David Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-simon/) > [It's time to start thinking differently about money and debt and start the healing process - and the process toward wealth and freedom. 'Freedom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-kiyosaki/it-s-time-to-start-thinking-differently-about-money-and-debt-and/) [Robert Kiyosaki](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-kiyosaki/) > [Grief is neither a disorder nor a healing process; it is a sign of health itself, a whole and natural gesture of love. Nor…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-may/grief-is-neither-a-disorder-nor-a-healing-process-it-is-a-sign-of/) [Gerald May](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-may/) > [Your own transformation will enable you to withdraw so completely from evil that you contribute to it by not one word, one thought, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/your-own-transformation-will-enable-you-to-withdraw-so-completely/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [Then again, he supposed the healing process, in contrast to trauma, was gentle and slow... The soft closing of a door, rather than a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/then-again-he-supposed-the-healing-process-in-contrast-to-trauma-was/) [J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/) > [“Once you decide to forgive, you initiate the healing process. Forgiveness gives your soul permission to move on to the higher and healthier ground…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-davis-jr/once-you-decide-to-forgive-you-initiate-the-healing-process/) [Will Davis Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-davis-jr/) > [“Chronic     Your body’s initial, short-term response to damage. Think of acute inflammation as the cleanup before the rebuilding. It decreases quickly as your body…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dallas-hartwig/chronic-your-body-s-initial-short-term-response-to-damage-think-of/) Dallas Hartwig > [I have come to the conclusion that human beings are born with an innate capacity to triumph over trauma. I believe not only that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-a-levine/i-have-come-to-the-conclusion-that-human-beings-are-born-with-an/) [Peter A. Levine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-a-levine/) > [My feeling is that poetry is also a healing process, and then when a person tries to write poetry with depth or beauty, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-bly/my-feeling-is-that-poetry-is-also-a-healing-process-and-then-when-a/) [Robert Bly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-bly/) [Browse all 133 Healing process quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing-process/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“One of my earliest memories is from around age three or four—sitting in a dress by myself playing with a doll. I was fine playing, but the sense was that there was no connection. There was nobody around; I was completely isolated. This was safe, but there wasn’t a sense of happiness, only that I had figured out how to protect myself.” “By being alone.” “By being alone and yes … without feeling contact. “There are other fragments that come up. For a long time I’ve had this image of lying in what felt like clouds; I was on a bed of clouds with a grey and colourless sky above me and this one ray of sun hitting me, but it was cold. The sense of really being completely alone, that even this ray, which might be love, wasn’t. I saw that learning not to feel was what I had to do in order to survive.” Such experiences — or the conclusions Harriette drew from them—left her isolated in life, or in relationships that, she felt, depleted her more than they nurtured her. Her intensive therapy was aimed at developing emotional competence. Emotional competence is the capacity that enables us to stand in a responsible, non-victimized, and non-self-harming relationship with our environment.* It is the required internal ground for facing life’s inevitable stresses, for avoiding the creation of unnecessary ones and for furthering the healing process. Few of us reach adult age with anything close to full emotional competence. 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