--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: attachment is the first priority of…" description: "\"“attachment is the first priority of living things. It is only when there is some release from this preoccupation that maturation can occur. In plants,..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/555/gabor-mat-1410_bearing-fruit_attachment-is-the-first-priority-of-livi_1797905.jpg" --- # attachment is the first priority of living things. It is… ![“attachment is the first priority of living things. It is only when there is some release from this preoccupation that maturation can occur. In plants, the roots must first take hold for growth to commence and bearing fruit to become a possibility. For children, the ultimate agenda of becoming…” quote by Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/555/gabor-mat-1410_bearing-fruit_attachment-is-the-first-priority-of-livi_1797905.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/555/gabor-mat-1410_bearing-fruit_attachment-is-the-first-priority-of-livi_1797905.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/555/gabor-mat-1410_bearing-fruit_attachment-is-the-first-priority-of-livi_1797905.jpg) > ““attachment is the first priority of living things. It is only when there is some release from this preoccupation that maturation can occur. In plants, the roots must first take hold for growth to commence and bearing fruit to become a possibility. For children, the ultimate agenda of becoming viable as a separate being can take over only when their needs are met for attachment, for nurturing contact, and for being able to depend on the relationship unconditionally. Few parents, and even fewer experts, understand this intuitively. “When I became a parent,” one thoughtful father who did understand said to me, “I saw that the world seemed absolutely convinced that you must form your children — actively form their characters rather than simply create an environment in which they can develop and thrive. Nobody seemed to get that if you give them the loving connection they need, they will flourish.” The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child. To foster independence we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer one than he is giving us. We liberate children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness. Thus the story of maturation is one of paradox: dependence and attachment foster independence and genuine separation. Attachment is the womb of maturation. Just as the biological womb gives birth to a separate being in the physical sense, attachment gives birth to a separate being in the psychological sense. Following physical birth, the developmental agenda is to form an emotional attachment wombfor the child from which he can be born once again as an autonomous individual, capable of functioning without being dominated by attachment drives.”” [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Attachment provides the secure base needed for children to develop autonomy; without it, maturation stalls. **In simple terms:** Secure bonds enable growth and independence. Key Takeaway Prioritize nurturing attachment before encouraging independence. Themes development attachment independence parenting psychology Mood reflective empathetic insightful Type advice psychological parenting When to use this quote - parenting - early childhood education - therapy - family counseling Key Concepts attachment theory psychological development paradox of dependence Questions to Reflect On - How can caregivers balance nurturing attachment with fostering autonomy? - What signs indicate a child’s attachment needs are unmet? 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I wonder when i see…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karthikeyan-v/one-day-is-not-enough-to-watch-a-tree-one-life-is-not-enough-to-love/) Karthikeyan V > [“If we choose to be distracted by the scores of things around us we may find ourselves either backsliding in our walks, or remaining…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-houge/if-we-choose-to-be-distracted-by-the-scores-of-things-around-us-we/) [Adam Houge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-houge/) ## More by Gabor Maté > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-fact-is-we-in-this-society-are-often-quite-removed-from-our-own/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. 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More accurately, brothers and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/even-without-world-wars-revolutions-and-emigration-siblings-growing/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/we-think-that-there-are-people-who-are-normal-over-here-and-then/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. 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The quest for sameness being the least vulnerable way of attaching, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/peer-oriented-children-live-in-a-universe-of-severely-limited-and/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The United States contains less than 5 percent of the world’s population but houses nearly a quarter of the world’s prisoners.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-united-states-contains-less-than-5-percent-of-the-world-s/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) [Explore all 244 Gabor Maté quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## More Bearing fruit quotes > [“If we choose to be distracted by the scores of things around us we may find ourselves either backsliding in our walks, or remaining…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-houge/if-we-choose-to-be-distracted-by-the-scores-of-things-around-us-we/) [Adam Houge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-houge/) > [“ One day is not enough to watch a tree, one life is not enough to love a tree. 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Lichtenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/georg-c-lichtenberg/) > [“Who am I trying to fool? I'm well aware that at every stage of history there have been crimes against humanity, and they couldn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mahmoud-dowlatabadi/who-am-i-trying-to-fool-i-m-well-aware-that-at-every-stage-of-history/) [Mahmoud Dowlatabadi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mahmoud-dowlatabadi/) > [ “The doctrine of the carnal Christian\[32\] has destroyed more lives and sent more people to hell than you can imagine! Do Christians struggle with… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-washer/the-doctrine-of-the-carnal-christian-32-has-destroyed-more-lives-and/) [Paul Washer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-washer/) > [Intelligence is the flower of discrimination. There are many examples of the flower blooming but not bearing fruit. 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The bearing of fruit is always shown…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oswald-chambers/it-is-a-joy-to-jesus-when-a-person-takes-time-to-walk-more-intimately/) [Oswald Chambers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oswald-chambers/) [Browse all 35 Bearing fruit quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bearing-fruit/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“attachment is the first priority of living things. It is only when there is some release from this preoccupation that maturation can occur. In plants, the roots must first take hold for growth to commence and bearing fruit to become a possibility. For children, the ultimate agenda of becoming viable as a separate being can take over only when their needs are met for attachment, for nurturing contact, and for being able to depend on the relationship unconditionally. Few parents, and even fewer experts, understand this intuitively. “When I became a parent,” one thoughtful father who did understand said to me, “I saw that the world seemed absolutely convinced that you must form your children — actively form their characters rather than simply create an environment in which they can develop and thrive. Nobody seemed to get that if you give them the loving connection they need, they will flourish.” The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child. To foster independence we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer one than he is giving us. We liberate children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. 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