--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: A therapist once said to me, “If you face…" description: "\"“A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ab/gabor-mat-1410_anger_a-therapist-once-said-to-me-if-you-face_2821338.jpg" --- # A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice… ![“A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul…” quote by Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ab/gabor-mat-1410_anger_a-therapist-once-said-to-me-if-you-face_2821338.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ab/gabor-mat-1410_anger_a-therapist-once-said-to-me-if-you-face_2821338.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ab/gabor-mat-1410_anger_a-therapist-once-said-to-me-if-you-face_2821338.jpg) > ““A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide. Negative thinking allows us to gaze unflinchingly on our own behalf at what does not work. We have seen in study after study that compulsive positive thinkers are more likely to develop disease and less likely to survive. Genuine positive thinking — or, more deeply, positive being — empowers us to know that we have nothing to fear from truth. “Health is not just a matter of thinking happy thoughts,” writes the molecular researcher Candace Pert. “Sometimes the biggest impetus to healing can come from jump-starting the immune system with a burst of long-suppressed anger.” Anger, or the healthy experience of it, is one of the seven A’s of healing. Each of the seven A’s addresses one of the embedded visceral beliefs that predispose to illness and undermine healing.”” [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Choosing guilt over resentment encourages honest self‑assessment, preventing self‑sabotage and fostering authentic healing. **In simple terms:** Pick guilt to face truth, not resentment. Key Takeaway Embrace guilt, avoid resentment. Themes self‑awareness healing emotions Mood reflective serious Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - therapy sessions - personal reflection - conflict resolution - health coaching Key Concepts psychology integrative medicine emotional intelligence Questions to Reflect On - How does guilt reveal hidden truths? - When might resentment be a protective response? A Different Perspective Guilt can be paralyzing if not processed constructively. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/) [Guilt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guilt/) [Happy Thought](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/happy-thought/) [Happy thoughts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/happy-thoughts/) [Immune system](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/immune-system/) [Negative thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negative-thinking/) [Regret](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/regret/) ## Related quotes > [Every time there are losses, there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henri-nouwen/every-time-there-are-losses-there-are-choices-to-be-made-you-choose/) [Henri Nouwen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henri-nouwen/) > [Saying sorry often helped people move on from what can become a festering guilt or resentment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mazher/saying-sorry-often-helped-people-move-on-from-what-can-become-a/) [Mazher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mazher/) > [“real difficulty comes when we are doing something that we don’t want to be doing. For example, if we must work when we want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rahima-baldwin-dancy/real-difficulty-comes-when-we-are-doing-something-that-we-don-t-want/) Rahima Baldwin Dancy > [Thinking happy thoughts literally creates a positive chemical change in the brain which stimulates both positive physical and psychological benefits.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/thinking-happy-thoughts-literally-creates-a-positive-chemical-change/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [The truth is that every true admirer of the novels cherishes the happy thought that he alone - reading between the lines - has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-mansfield/the-truth-is-that-every-true-admirer-of-the-novels-cherishes-the/) [Katherine Mansfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-mansfield/) > [Christ, how did you ever get this screwed up! his mind demanded of him. He knew the answer, but even that was not a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-clancy/christ-how-did-you-ever-get-this-screwed-up-his-mind-demanded-of-him/) [Tom Clancy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-clancy/) > [“There are all these books that say we create our own destiny and what we believe is what we manifest. You're supposed to walk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chevy-stevens/there-are-all-these-books-that-say-we-create-our-own-destiny-and-what/) [Chevy Stevens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chevy-stevens/) > [Even Peter Pan needed happy thoughts to fly...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/einyahs/even-peter-pan-needed-happy-thoughts-to-fly/) [Einyahs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/einyahs/) > [Think happy thoughts & your heart will fly on wings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/think-happy-thoughts-your-heart-will-fly-on-wings/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you'll fly like me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-williams/all-you-have-to-do-is-think-one-happy-thought-and-you-ll-fly-like-me/) [Robin Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-williams/) > [May the warmest wishes, happy thoughts and friendly greetings come at Christmas and stay with you all the year through.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/may-the-warmest-wishes-happy-thoughts-and-friendly-greetings-come-at/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Start thinking happy thoughts and start being happy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhonda-byrne/start-thinking-happy-thoughts-and-start-being-happy/) [Rhonda Byrne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhonda-byrne/) > [Think a happy thoughts, and live up through the air!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/think-a-happy-thoughts-and-live-up-through-the-air/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [If you move like you're happy, you'll begin to think happy thoughts. Amazing but True. Motion creates Emotion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-move-like-you-re-happy-you-ll-begin-to-think-happy-thoughts/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [ \[Hazel\] hissed in frustration. 'I hate eidolons. I thought Piper made them promise to stay away.' 'Oh...' Frank said, like he'd just had his… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/hazel-hissed-in-frustration-i-hate-eidolons-i-thought-piper-made-them/) [Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/) ## More by Gabor Maté > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-fact-is-we-in-this-society-are-often-quite-removed-from-our-own/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/shame-is-the-deepest-of-the-negative-emotions-a-feeling-we-will-do/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Many adults have not attained maturity — have not mastered being independent, self-motivated individuals capable of tending their own emotional needs and of respecting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/many-adults-have-not-attained-maturity-have-not-mastered-being/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [Autonomy is impossible as long as one is driven by anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/autonomy-is-impossible-as-long-as-one-is-driven-by-anything/) [Gabor Mate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“If a mother has eight children, there are eight mothers. This is not simply because of the fact that the mother was different in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/if-a-mother-has-eight-children-there-are-eight-mothers-this-is-not/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Without attachment, the parent succeeds at most in cowing a child into obedience, at the price of grave damage to the relationship and to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/without-attachment-the-parent-succeeds-at-most-in-cowing-a-child-into/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Attachment is our connection with the world. In the earliest attachment relationships, we gain or lose the ability to stay open, self-nurturing and healthy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/attachment-is-our-connection-with-the-world-in-the-earliest/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“So what you've actually got is traumatized children. When children are traumatized that affects how they feel about themselves, which is deeply ashamed because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/so-what-you-ve-actually-got-is-traumatized-children-when-children-are/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Even without world wars, revolutions and emigration, siblings growing up in the same home almost never share the same environment. More accurately, brothers and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/even-without-world-wars-revolutions-and-emigration-siblings-growing/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“We think that there are people who are normal over here, and then there’s the pathological ones who have depression, anxiety, addiction or schizophrenia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/we-think-that-there-are-people-who-are-normal-over-here-and-then/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“One cannot get much more vulnerable than to expose oneself psychologically. To share oneself with another and then be misunderstood or rejected is, for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/one-cannot-get-much-more-vulnerable-than-to-expose-oneself/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The areas of the cortex responsible for attention and self-regulation develop in response to the emotional interaction with the person whom we may call…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-areas-of-the-cortex-responsible-for-attention-and-self-regulation/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Peer-oriented children live in a universe of severely limited and superficial attachments. The quest for sameness being the least vulnerable way of attaching, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/peer-oriented-children-live-in-a-universe-of-severely-limited-and/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“The United States contains less than 5 percent of the world’s population but houses nearly a quarter of the world’s prisoners.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/the-united-states-contains-less-than-5-percent-of-the-world-s/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) [Explore all 244 Gabor Maté quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) ## More Anger quotes > [“If I let myself think of it the pain and anger were still fresh, adrenalin racing down my limbs to pool, hot and itchy,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kylie-ladd/if-i-let-myself-think-of-it-the-pain-and-anger-were-still-fresh/) [Kylie Ladd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kylie-ladd/) > [I receive something we might euphemistically call an 'inappropriately hostile' response - that is to say, more than fair criticism or even fair anger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-beard/i-receive-something-we-might-euphemistically-call-an-inappropriately/) [Mary Beard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-beard/) > [The vision of the left, full of envy and resentment, takes its worst toll on those at the bottom - whether black or white…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-sowell/the-vision-of-the-left-full-of-envy-and-resentment-takes-its-worst/) [Thomas Sowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-sowell/) > [Anger is a rough water; if you can canalize it into a water mill, you can benefit from it. Anything bad can be transformed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mehmet-murat-ildan/anger-is-a-rough-water-if-you-can-canalize-it-into-a-water-mill-you/) [Mehmet Murat Ildan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mehmet-murat-ildan/) > [“Some say the Earth is angry Because he wants no company; I say the Earth is angry Because he lives alone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/n-k-jemisin/some-say-the-earth-is-angry-because-he-wants-no-company-i-say-the/) [N.K. Jemisin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/n-k-jemisin/) > [“When you feel terribly angry, you're possessed by anger ghost.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toba-beta/when-you-feel-terribly-angry-you-re-possessed-by-anger-ghost/) [Toba Beta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toba-beta/) > [“Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is not healthy. It's much better to verbalize it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus-malloy/medical-studies-have-shown-that-cursing-reduces-levels-of-stress-and/) [Oliver Markus Malloy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-markus-malloy/) > [My care will be in the heart n not in words My anger will be in Words n not in the Heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/my-care-will-be-in-the-heart-n-not-in-words-my-anger-will-be-in-words/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn't do anything to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/you-should-be-angry-you-must-not-be-bitter-bitterness-is-like-cancer/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) > [To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/to-be-a-negro-in-this-country-and-to-be-relatively-conscious-is-to-be/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/god-you-had-enough-time-to-have-been-through-it-three-times-you-ve/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [The present contains nothing more than the past, and what is found in the effect was already in the cause.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henri-bergson/the-present-contains-nothing-more-than-the-past-and-what-is-found-in/) [Henri Bergson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henri-bergson/) > [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I always fight better when my opponent's angry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-haye/i-always-fight-better-when-my-opponent-s-angry/) [David Haye](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-haye/) > [ “Where there are kashays (anger-pride-deceit-greed), there is worldly life. As long as anger-pride-deceit-greed exist; one is a sansaari \[living a worldly life\] regardless of… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dada-bhagwan/where-there-are-kashays-anger-pride-deceit-greed-there-is-worldly/) [Dada Bhagwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dada-bhagwan/) [Browse all 7,469 Anger quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“A therapist once said to me, “If you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time.” It is wisdom I have passed on to many others since. If a refusal saddles you with guilt, while consent leaves resentment in its wake, opt for the guilt. Resentment is soul suicide. Negative thinking allows us to gaze unflinchingly on our own behalf at what does not work. We have seen in study after study that compulsive positive thinkers are more likely to develop disease and less likely to survive. Genuine positive thinking — or, more deeply, positive being — empowers us to know that we have nothing to fear from truth. “Health is not just a matter of thinking happy thoughts,” writes the molecular researcher Candace Pert. “Sometimes the biggest impetus to healing can come from jump-starting the immune system with a burst of long-suppressed anger.” Anger, or the healthy experience of it, is one of the seven A’s of healing. 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