--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: She is told all the things she shouldn’t…" description: "\"“She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the police. She shouldn’t have gotten rid of the..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg" --- # She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She… ![“She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the police. She shouldn’t have gotten rid of the clothes she was wearing. Shouldn’t have showered. Shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. Shouldn’t have put herself in that situation. Shouldn’t have gone…” quote by Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg) > ““She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the police. She shouldn’t have gotten rid of the clothes she was wearing. Shouldn’t have showered. Shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. Shouldn’t have put herself in that situation. Shouldn’t have gone into the room, up the stairs, given him the impression. If only she hadn’t existed, then none of this would have happened, why didn’t she think of that?”” [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A narrator reflects on victim-blaming, highlighting how society often blames survivors for the violence they endure rather than the perpetrator. **In simple terms:** Society blames victims instead of perpetrators. Key Takeaway Challenge victim-blaming narratives. Themes victim blaming justice empathy gender violence Mood critical empathetic Type social commentary reflective When to use this quote - legal testimony - support services - public discourse - education campaigns Key Concepts psychology social responsibility accountability Questions to Reflect On - How can we shift focus from victim actions to perpetrator responsibility? - What systemic changes reduce victim blaming? A Different Perspective It oversimplifies complex trauma and ignores systemic factors. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Rape](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rape/) ## Related quotes > [In this era of mass incarceration, the police shouldn't be trusted any more than any other witness, perhaps less so.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-alexander/in-this-era-of-mass-incarceration-the-police-shouldn-t-be-trusted-any/) [Michelle Alexander](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-alexander/) > [“No, Sky. You didn't tell her everything…you told you everything. Those things happened to you, not to someone else. They happened to Hope. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colleen-hoover/no-sky-you-didn-t-tell-her-everything-you-told-you-everything-those/) [Colleen Hoover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colleen-hoover/) > [“For the perpetrator, rape lasts just a matter of minutes. For the victim, it never stops.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/for-the-perpetrator-rape-lasts-just-a-matter-of-minutes-for-the/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“She’s fifteen, above the age of consent, and he’s seventeen, but he’s still “the boy” in every conversation. She’s “the young woman”. Words are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/she-s-fifteen-above-the-age-of-consent-and-he-s-seventeen-but-he-s/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [I was in your spot once, he looked at me and told me all the same things you hear now. I think its funny…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/latest/i-was-in-your-spot-once-he-looked-at-me-and-told-me-all-the-same/) Latest > [As a kid you're always going to be told you can't do things for certain reasons, and to an extent that's okay.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ruel/as-a-kid-you-re-always-going-to-be-told-you-can-t-do-things-for/) Ruel > [“What do you mean I didn’t answer your question? I told you everything about me. I told you something personal.” My jaw was slack…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nash-summers/what-do-you-mean-i-didn-t-answer-your-question-i-told-you-everything/) [Nash Summers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nash-summers/) > [“This is was what their mothers would say if she and her cousins ever told them the things they folded inside their hearts. Twice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-marie-mclemore/this-is-was-what-their-mothers-would-say-if-she-and-her-cousins-ever/) [Anna-Marie McLemore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-marie-mclemore/) > [I think about my education sometimes. I went to the University of Chicago for awhile after the Second World War. I was a student…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kurt-vonnegut/i-think-about-my-education-sometimes-i-went-to-the-university-of/) [Kurt Vonnegut](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kurt-vonnegut/) > [“The good story lay in half-told things which must be filled in out of the hearer’s own experience.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-steinbeck/the-good-story-lay-in-half-told-things-which-must-be-filled-in-out-of/) [John Steinbeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-steinbeck/) > [Yeah how many times have we told you not to put things in your mouth! Especially me!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tweety-bird/yeah-how-many-times-have-we-told-you-not-to-put-things-in-your-mouth/) [Tweety Bird](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tweety-bird/) > [“Maybe I . . . shouldn’t tell him what I thought I’d heard. Not until I knew more. How exactly would I put the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kresley-cole/maybe-i-shouldn-t-tell-him-what-i-thought-i-d-heard-not-until-i-knew/) [Kresley Cole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kresley-cole/) > [“We are not told of things that happened to specific people exactly as they happened; but the beginning is when there are good things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/murasaki-shikibu/we-are-not-told-of-things-that-happened-to-specific-people-exactly-as/) [Murasaki Shikibu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/murasaki-shikibu/) > [“They were all fitting into place, the jig-saw pieces. The odd strained shapes that I had tried to piece together with my fumbling fingers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daphne-du-maurier/they-were-all-fitting-into-place-the-jig-saw-pieces-the-odd-strained/) [Daphne Du Maurier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daphne-du-maurier/) > [I've asked about you, and they've told me things. my mind didn't change, girl I still feel the same.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drake/i-ve-asked-about-you-and-they-ve-told-me-things-my-mind-didn-t-change/) [Drake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drake/) ## More by Fredrik Backman > [“So she bowed her head and devoted herself to Beartown’s real traditional sports: shame and silence.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/so-she-bowed-her-head-and-devoted-herself-to-beartown-s-real/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“If Peter has learned one thing about human nature during all his years in hockey, it’s that almost everyone regards themselves as a good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/if-peter-has-learned-one-thing-about-human-nature-during-all-his/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“That’s what parents often do, I think, we persuade ourselves we’re doing everything for the sake of the child. It’s too painful to us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/that-s-what-parents-often-do-i-think-we-persuade-ourselves-we-re/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Uve je dobro znao da njeni prijatelji nisu shvatali zbog čega se onda svakog jutra budila sa odlukom da provede dan sa njim. Nije…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/uve-je-dobro-znao-da-njeni-prijatelji-nisu-shvatali-zbog-ega-se-onda/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Somebody has one of the worst hairstyles Britt-Marie has ever laid eyes on, as if she’s combed her hair with a terrified animal.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/somebody-has-one-of-the-worst-hairstyles-britt-marie-has-ever-laid/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Hate can be a deeply stimulating emotion. The world becomes easier to understand and much less terrifying if you divide everything and everyone into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/hate-can-be-a-deeply-stimulating-emotion-the-world-becomes-easier-to/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Another morning comes. It always does. Time always moves at the same rate, only feelings have different speeds. Every day can mark a whole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/another-morning-comes-it-always-does-time-always-moves-at-the-same/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“The girl glances at the surface of the desk, which looks as if toddlers have been trying to eat potatoes off it. With pitchforks.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/the-girl-glances-at-the-surface-of-the-desk-which-looks-as-if/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Mnogim ljudima je teško da žive sa nekim ko ceni samoću. To neprijatno žulja one koji nisu i sami takvi.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/mnogim-ljudima-je-te-ko-da-ive-sa-nekim-ko-ceni-samo-u-to-neprijatno/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“But his taste buds are as dysfunctional as the volume control on his voice.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/but-his-taste-buds-are-as-dysfunctional-as-the-volume-control-on-his/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Throughout their childhood Maya loved her best friend because she wasn’t like any other girl she had met, but life as a teenager seems…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/throughout-their-childhood-maya-loved-her-best-friend-because-she/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“For more than half a century they belonged to one another. She detested the same characteristics in him that last day as she had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/for-more-than-half-a-century-they-belonged-to-one-another-she/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“His heart is too big.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/his-heart-is-too-big/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“Back in the days when there were still things to boast about, the city council erected a sign beside the road at the entrance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/back-in-the-days-when-there-were-still-things-to-boast-about-the-city/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) > [“And after all those hours in the locker room, all those nights on the team bus, all the conversations and all the jokes and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/and-after-all-those-hours-in-the-locker-room-all-those-nights-on-the/) [Fredrik Backman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) [Explore all 320 Fredrik Backman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/) ## More Rape quotes > [All women love semi-rape. They love to be taken.It was his sweet brutality against my bruised body that made his act of love so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-fleming/all-women-love-semi-rape-they-love-to-be-taken-it-was-his-sweet/) [Ian Fleming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-fleming/) > [“SHOW THE WORLD YOUR STRONG COMPASSION: GIVE YOUR VOICE TO VOICELESS YAZIDI GIRLS!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/widad-akrawi/show-the-world-your-strong-compassion-give-your-voice-to-voiceless/) [Widad Akrawi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/widad-akrawi/) > [“Silence does not mean yes. No can be thought and felt but never said. It can be screamed silently on the inside. It can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-reed/silence-does-not-mean-yes-no-can-be-thought-and-felt-but-never-said/) [Amy Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-reed/) > [All men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-french/all-men-are-rapists-and-that-s-all-they-are-they-rape-us-with-their/) [Marilyn French](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-french/) > [“The true answer held my chest like an unwanted hand’s sudden touch, uncomfortable and unfeeling.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aspen-matis/the-true-answer-held-my-chest-like-an-unwanted-hand-s-sudden-touch/) [Aspen Matis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aspen-matis/) > [“In all the interviews I have done, I cannot remember one offender who did not admit privately to more victims than those for whom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/in-all-the-interviews-i-have-done-i-cannot-remember-one-offender-who/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“I lived through this horror, and no one can tell me I have to stay quiet. "I have been silenced long enough, and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-merryn/i-lived-through-this-horror-and-no-one-can-tell-me-i-have-to-stay/) [Erin Merryn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-merryn/) > [“No. I made that choice. I let all that anger and pain get twisted up in my thoughts for you.” He leaned in. “It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/no-i-made-that-choice-i-let-all-that-anger-and-pain-get-twisted-up-in/) [Nenia Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nenia-campbell/) > [“The woman had gasped beneath his heavy body. He rubbed against her, lubricated by the warm, sticky liquid, but as her body gradually grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natsuo-kirino/the-woman-had-gasped-beneath-his-heavy-body-he-rubbed-against-her/) [Natsuo Kirino](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natsuo-kirino/) > [“Andrea Dworkin famously commented that “Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice.” In”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-traister/andrea-dworkin-famously-commented-that-marriage-as-an-institution/) [Rebecca Traister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-traister/) > [“Survivors are damaged to different degrees by their experiences. This does not depend on what happened physically. A Survivor who has been raped will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-ainscough/survivors-are-damaged-to-different-degrees-by-their-experiences-this/) [Carolyn Ainscough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-ainscough/) > [“God the horror of watching yourself from the outside as everything you know about yourself gets stripped away and demolished. Not just the loss…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/god-the-horror-of-watching-yourself-from-the-outside-as-everything/) [Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/) > [“there are things you can't foresee, like the fog a familiar song slips its tongue under the door of the dairy it's him, Kuka…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rene-karabash/there-are-things-you-can-t-foresee-like-the-fog-a-familiar-song-slips/) Rene Karabash > [How does it feel now? Don't worry you're not another rape victim. It's just me destroying your beauty.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suicide-silence/how-does-it-feel-now-don-t-worry-you-re-not-another-rape-victim-it-s/) [Suicide Silence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suicide-silence/) > [“You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christy-leigh-stewart/you-keep-the-title-of-president-even-if-you-served-only-one-term-the/) [Christy Leigh Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christy-leigh-stewart/) [Browse all 495 Rape quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rape/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the police. She shouldn’t have gotten rid of the clothes she was wearing. Shouldn’t have showered. Shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. Shouldn’t have put herself in that situation. Shouldn’t have gone into the room, up the stairs, given him the impression. If only she hadn’t existed, then none of this would have happened, why didn’t she think of that?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Fredrik Backman" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t-have-done-she-shouldn-t-have/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Rape" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t-have-done-she-shouldn-t-have/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e87/fredrik-backman-857_rape_she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t_1241892.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“She is told all the things she shouldn’t have done: She shouldn’t have waited so long before going to the…” — Fredrik Backman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Fredrik Backman", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredrik-backman/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“She is told all the things...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t-have-done-she-shouldn-t-have/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredrik-backman/she-is-told-all-the-things-she-shouldn-t-have-done-she-shouldn-t-have/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```