--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Don't throw a baby at anything - even a…" description: "\"Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.\" — Eugene Mirman" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png" --- # Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar. ![“Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.” quote by Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png) > “Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.” [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Never use a baby as a weapon, even against a burglar; absurdity highlights moral limits. **In simple terms:** Don’t involve innocents in violence. Key Takeaway Choose non‑violent solutions. Themes ethics humor absurdity Mood lighthearted cautionary Type comedic ethical When to use this quote - parenting - self‑defense - conflict resolution Key Concepts Moral philosophy comedy ethics Questions to Reflect On - What non‑violent options exist? - How do jokes affect moral judgment? A Different Perspective Humor may downplay serious safety concerns. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Baby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/baby/) [Baby Burglar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/baby-burglar-2994039/) [Burglar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/burglar/) [Burglars](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/burglars/) [Throw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/throw/) [Throw Baby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/throw-baby-520564/) ## Related quotes > [Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/allen-carr/modern-man-threw-a-brick-through-his-own-window-in-order-to-sell/) [Allen Carr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/allen-carr/) > [“But he's nice," Barby objected. Tom Bishop smiled without humor. "Most pleasant and interesting man I ever knew was a burglar.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-blaine/but-he-s-nice-barby-objected-tom-bishop-smiled-without-humor-most/) [John Blaine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-blaine/) > [When the enterprising burglar isn't burgling; When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime; He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling; And listen to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-s-gilbert/when-the-enterprising-burglar-isn-t-burgling-when-the-cut-throat-isn/) [W. S. Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-s-gilbert/) > [“He smiled affably at the burglar, a burly fellow whom he continued to hold with one hand, as easily as if he had been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-peters/he-smiled-affably-at-the-burglar-a-burly-fellow-whom-he-continued-to/) [Elizabeth Peters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-peters/) > [I'd probably be a burglar, I'd burgle people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tre-cool/i-d-probably-be-a-burglar-i-d-burgle-people/) [Tre Cool](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tre-cool/) > [Morality is a burglar's tool whose merit lies in never being left behind at the scene of the crime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karl-kraus/morality-is-a-burglar-s-tool-whose-merit-lies-in-never-being-left/) [Karl Kraus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karl-kraus/) > [Your money, or your life. We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mignon-mclaughlin/your-money-or-your-life-we-know-what-to-do-when-a-burglar-makes-this/) [Mignon McLaughlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mignon-mclaughlin/) > [If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-holloway/if-you-re-a-burglar-it-s-no-good-waiting-about-outside-somebody-s/) [Ian Holloway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-holloway/) > [It is the first time the burglar has been appointed as caretaker.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gough-whitlam/it-is-the-first-time-the-burglar-has-been-appointed-as-caretaker/) [Gough Whitlam](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gough-whitlam/) > [Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-ewing/crime-in-the-cities-is-very-discouraging-apartment-house-dwellers/) [Sam Ewing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-ewing/) > [God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/herbert-beerbohm-tree/god-is-a-sort-of-burglar-as-a-young-man-you-knock-him-down-as-an-old/) [Herbert Beerbohm Tree](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/herbert-beerbohm-tree/) > [I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-c-k/i-ve-had-soccer-moms-come-up-and-tell-me-they-can-relate-when-i-say/) [Louis C. K](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-c-k/) > [ “Yet, we must never 'throw the baby out with the bathwater'". ~R. Alan Woods \[2012\]” ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-alan-woods/yet-we-must-never-throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater-r-alan-woods/) [R. Alan Woods](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-alan-woods/) > [You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but you want to get rid of the bathwater so the baby can swim the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-norman/you-don-t-throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater-but-you-want-to-get/) [Greg Norman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-norman/) > [I made a terrible mistake. I got caught up in the excitement of the moment. I would never intentionally endanger the lives of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-jackson/i-made-a-terrible-mistake-i-got-caught-up-in-the-excitement-of-the/) [Michael Jackson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-jackson/) ## More by Eugene Mirman > [The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/the-truth-is-for-however-much-my-stories-come-out-of-things-that-have/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/i-don-t-know-what-it-would-be-like-to-actually-play-guitar-i-ve/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/what-do-you-think-you-should-do-if-you-re-attacked-by-a-bear-play/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/people-used-to-make-fun-of-alternative-comedy-because-sometimes-it/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/one-of-the-best-things-i-found-out-about-detroit-is-that-bears-have/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/i-don-t-have-a-kid-but-i-think-that-i-would-be-a-good-father/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [“This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/this-book-is-a-guide-to-living-life-the-right-way-like-the-bible-is/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/in-this-time-of-recession-it-is-the-time-for-invention-did-you-know/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/of-course-to-avoid-getting-stuck-in-that-convo-with-someone-you/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/imagine-the-wars-we-would-ve-avoided-if-prior-generations-had-a/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [You can do anything you want, as long as it works.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/you-can-do-anything-you-want-as-long-as-it-works/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/for-a-short-period-of-time-i-was-like-i-have-these-jokes-and-if/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [There was one woman who had a giant sign and on it, it just said, 'America Is Better Than Abortion.' I think she meant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/there-was-one-woman-who-had-a-giant-sign-and-on-it-it-just-said/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/high-school-oh-man-this-is-where-boys-and-girls-go-from-tweens-to/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) > [Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/before-going-home-with-a-guy-give-him-a-blow-job-guys-are-always-more/) [Eugene Mirman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) [Explore all 93 Eugene Mirman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/) ## More Baby quotes > [I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natasha-lyonne/i-would-have-done-well-as-a-gypsy-child-i-think-a-circus-baby-i/) [Natasha Lyonne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natasha-lyonne/) > [“I looked down into my baby’s beautiful green eyes and ached inside. She looked up at me with wide-eyed innocence. I kissed her warm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bella-forrest/i-looked-down-into-my-baby-s-beautiful-green-eyes-and-ached-inside/) [Bella Forrest](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bella-forrest/) > [I've retired my sneakers for stilettos, baby!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vivica-a-fox/i-ve-retired-my-sneakers-for-stilettos-baby/) [Vivica A. Fox](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vivica-a-fox/) > [I didn't expect to be so comfortable handing my child off to a nanny without getting any of her information. As soon as she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ali-wong/i-didn-t-expect-to-be-so-comfortable-handing-my-child-off-to-a-nanny/) [Ali Wong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ali-wong/) > [And I gave you my all, now baby be mine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ashanti/and-i-gave-you-my-all-now-baby-be-mine/) [Ashanti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ashanti/) > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) [Sheila Kamerman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-kamerman/) > [Shhh.” He put a finger to her lips. “Hear me out. I cannot deny that I would've liked to have made babies with you.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-hoyt/shhh-he-put-a-finger-to-her-lips-hear-me-out-i-cannot-deny-that-i/) [Elizabeth Hoyt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-hoyt/) > [I'm so happy baby.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ashanti/i-m-so-happy-baby/) [Ashanti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ashanti/) > [Weezy F. Baby. F. is fo' finisha:)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lil-wayne/weezy-f-baby-f-is-fo-finisha/) [Lil Wayne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lil-wayne/) > [Baby, I love you. We argue about the stupidest shit then we turn around and laugh about it. I'm obsessed with you and you're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsay/baby-i-love-you-we-argue-about-the-stupidest-shit-then-we-turn-around/) [Lindsay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lindsay/) > [My dad's Israeli. He was born in Baghdad to Iraqi Jews. Then, at age two, his parents wanted to move to their homeland and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliott-yamin/my-dad-s-israeli-he-was-born-in-baghdad-to-iraqi-jews-then-at-age-two/) [Elliott Yamin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliott-yamin/) > [Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-leno/michael-jackson-has-a-new-baby-boy-no-word-yet-who-the-father-is/) [Jay Leno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-leno/) > [I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-orben/i-always-wondered-why-babies-spend-so-much-time-sucking-their-thumbs/) [Robert Orben](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-orben/) > [If all fooles had babies, wee should want fuell.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-herbert/if-all-fooles-had-babies-wee-should-want-fuell/) [George Herbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-herbert/) > [My baby girl Bella is growing up so fast I remember when she was soo tiny, it shows how much she has been loved…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/crystal/my-baby-girl-bella-is-growing-up-so-fast-i-remember-when-she-was-soo/) [Crystal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/crystal/) [Browse all 5,822 Baby quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/baby/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eugene Mirman" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-burglar/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Baby" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-burglar/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/969/eugene-mirman-7230_baby_don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-bu_2736505.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.” — Eugene Mirman", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Eugene Mirman", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugene-mirman/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Don't throw a baby at anything...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-burglar/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugene-mirman/don-t-throw-a-baby-at-anything-even-a-burglar/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```