--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Sometimes it has to do with other…" description: "\"Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are wi..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14a/esther-perel-3265_elsewhere_sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longin_7823.png" --- # Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much… ![“Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with; you are not liking the person you have become.” quote by Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14a/esther-perel-3265_elsewhere_sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longin_7823.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14a/esther-perel-3265_elsewhere_sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longin_7823.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14a/esther-perel-3265_elsewhere_sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longin_7823.png) > “Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with; you are not liking the person you have become.” [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. It highlights that dissatisfaction often stems from deeper, unmet existential needs and a sense of personal disconnection, not merely relational issues. **In simple terms:** Discontent can arise from inner longings, not just partner flaws. Key Takeaway Identify internal growth gaps. Themes existential longing self-identity relationship dynamics personal fulfillment growth vs stagnation Mood reflective melancholic hopeful Type philosophical psychological relationship When to use this quote - career transition - midlife crisis - relationship stagnation - creative block - spiritual seeking Key Concepts self-awareness authenticity values alignment psychological needs Practical Applications - coaching for self-discovery - therapy focusing on identity work Questions to Reflect On - What inner needs are you neglecting? - How does your self-perception affect your relationships? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Elsewhere](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/elsewhere/) [Existential](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/existential/) [Existential Liking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/existential-liking-333581/) [Liking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/liking/) [Longing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/longing/) [Longings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/longings/) [Longings Existential](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/longings-existential-333580/) [Nostalgia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nostalgia/) [Persons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/persons/) [Sometimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/) ## Related quotes > [The country in which I live is not my native country, that lies elsewhere, and it must always be the center of my longings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/therese-of-lisieux/the-country-in-which-i-live-is-not-my-native-country-that-lies/) [Therese of Lisieux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/therese-of-lisieux/) > [Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another self. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/very-often-we-don-t-go-elsewhere-because-we-are-looking-for-another/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Modern infidelity is different than traditional infidelity and sits on top of the romantic ideal that you find "the one" and that if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/modern-infidelity-is-different-than-traditional-infidelity-and-sits/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [How terrible it is to have no cares, no longings. I do not fit. I feel too deeply and want too much. As cages…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/libba-bray/how-terrible-it-is-to-have-no-cares-no-longings-i-do-not-fit-i-feel/) [Libba Bray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/libba-bray/) > [One of the greatest human longings is to be close to someone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathleen-r-fischer/one-of-the-greatest-human-longings-is-to-be-close-to-someone/) [Kathleen R Fischer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathleen-r-fischer/) > [Never cut loose from your longings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amos-oz/never-cut-loose-from-your-longings/) [Amos Oz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amos-oz/) > [...all his longings came out as a kind of disdain for what he longed for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-hollinghurst/all-his-longings-came-out-as-a-kind-of-disdain-for-what-he-longed-for/) [Alan Hollinghurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-hollinghurst/) > [It is a time when one’s spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/it-is-a-time-when-one-s-spirit-is-subdued-and-sad-one-knows-not-why/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [“You can learn a lot about the longings and generalized gender anxieties of an era by the kinds of fake women it dreams up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carina-chocano/you-can-learn-a-lot-about-the-longings-and-generalized-gender/) [Carina Chocano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carina-chocano/) > [The life of woman is full of woe, Toiling on and on and on, With breaking heart, and tearful eyes, The secret longings that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-wadsworth-longfellow/the-life-of-woman-is-full-of-woe-toiling-on-and-on-and-on-with/) [Henry Wadsworth Longfellow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-wadsworth-longfellow/) > [“Lonely Balcony The deterioration brought by weariness was visible. Its burden of abandonment can be perceived at a glance. The balcony ache with longings.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iqra-iqbal/lonely-balcony-the-deterioration-brought-by-weariness-was-visible-its/) [iqra iqbal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iqra-iqbal/) > [“Trifles cannot satisfy our longings. Sensual pleasures, power over our fellow man, the acquisition of things, these are babbles, toys, trifles. Our spirits yearn…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vaughn-heppner/trifles-cannot-satisfy-our-longings-sensual-pleasures-power-over-our/) [Vaughn Heppner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vaughn-heppner/) > [“This is what we do with books: we put our longings and our questions and our angst onto trading ships and send them out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-darius/this-is-what-we-do-with-books-we-put-our-longings-and-our-questions/) [Julian Darius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-darius/) > [ “\[She was\] a creature full of eager, passionate longings for all that was beautiful and glad; thirsty for all knowledge; with an ear straining… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-eliot/she-was-a-creature-full-of-eager-passionate-longings-for-all-that-was/) [George Eliot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-eliot/) > [“Out of infinite longings rise finite deeds like weak fountains, falling back just in time and trembling. And yet, what otherwise remains silent, our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rainer-maria-rilke/out-of-infinite-longings-rise-finite-deeds-like-weak-fountains/) [Rainer Maria Rilke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rainer-maria-rilke/) ## More by Esther Perel > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/it-s-hard-to-feel-attracted-to-someone-who-has-abandoned-her-sense-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-want-to-engage-people-in-an-honest-enlightened-and-provocative/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-quality-of-your-life-ultimately-depends-on-the-quality-of-your/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-you-start-to-feel-that-you-have-given-up-too-many-parts-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-regret-to-say-that-we-of-the-fbi-are-powerless-to-act-in-cases-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [You never know your partner as well as you think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/you-never-know-your-partner-as-well-as-you-think/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/on-some-level-we-trade-passion-for-security-that-s-trading-one/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is acknowledged and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/when-the-impulse-to-share-becomes-obligatory-when-personal-boundaries/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex—purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression—is antithetical to erotic desire for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-do-believe-that-the-emphasis-on-egalitarian-and-respectful-sex/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-intimacy-grows-through-repetition-and-familiarity-eroticism-is/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“She’s beautiful, too, did I mention that? She lives the life I didn’t live. I feel middle-age and middle-class around her. Nothing wrong with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/she-s-beautiful-too-did-i-mention-that-she-lives-the-life-i-didn-t/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/in-dating-if-you-say-no-your-lover-goes-on-to-the-next-person-in/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“The French psychologist Jacques Salomé talks about the need to develop a personal intimacy with one’s own self as a counterbalance to the couple.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-french-psychologist-jacques-salom-talks-about-the-need-to-develop/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) [Explore all 135 Esther Perel quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## More Elsewhere quotes > [In the past 40 years, the United States lost more than a million farmers and ranchers. Many of our farmers are aging. 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I like to understand them... To play alcoholics, fetishists, strange girls, you have to dig deep within yourself. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marie-trintignant/i-like-characters-with-problems-i-like-to-understand-them-to-play/) [Marie Trintignant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marie-trintignant/) > [Language would have evolved first as an internal object, a kind of "language of thought" (LOT), with externalisation (hence communication) an ancillary process. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noam-chomsky/language-would-have-evolved-first-as-an-internal-object-a-kind-of/) [Noam Chomsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noam-chomsky/) > [I'm just concerned that as long as this caliphate exists, it provides this magnet for radicalization, and we're likely to see more attacks like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-schiff/i-m-just-concerned-that-as-long-as-this-caliphate-exists-it-provides/) [Adam Schiff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-schiff/) > [I know it's not clothes that make women beautiful or otherwise, nor beauty care, nor expensive creams, nor the distinction of costliness of their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marguerite-duras/i-know-it-s-not-clothes-that-make-women-beautiful-or-otherwise-nor/) [Marguerite Duras](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marguerite-duras/) > [As George Bernard Shaw observed: "All great truths begin as blasphemies." 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