--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a…" description: "\"“Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a special status in the hierarchy of marital misdemeanors, we risk allowing it to overshadow the egregious beha..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bc/esther-perel-3265_betrayal_infidelity-hurts-but-when-we-grant-it-a_2401964.png" --- # Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a special status in… ![“Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a special status in the hierarchy of marital misdemeanors, we risk allowing it to overshadow the egregious behaviors that may have preceded it or even led to it.” quote by Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bc/esther-perel-3265_betrayal_infidelity-hurts-but-when-we-grant-it-a_2401964.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bc/esther-perel-3265_betrayal_infidelity-hurts-but-when-we-grant-it-a_2401964.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bc/esther-perel-3265_betrayal_infidelity-hurts-but-when-we-grant-it-a_2401964.png) > ““Infidelity hurts. But when we grant it a special status in the hierarchy of marital misdemeanors, we risk allowing it to overshadow the egregious behaviors that may have preceded it or even led to it.”” [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Infidelity’s impact is magnified when it’s prioritized, potentially eclipsing other serious marital issues. **In simple terms:** Giving infidelity special status can hide worse problems. Key Takeaway Address all marital issues equally. Themes marriage infidelity hierarchy Mood analytical cautious Type therapeutic inspirational When to use this quote - marriage counseling - personal reflection Key Concepts psychology relationship dynamics trust Questions to Reflect On - What other issues are being overlooked? - How can couples balance attention to all problems? A Different Perspective Focusing solely on infidelity may ignore deeper problems. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Betrayal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Infidelity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/infidelity/) [Misdemeanors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/misdemeanors/) ## Related quotes > [ “\[I\]nfidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.” ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-nfidelity-has-a-tenacity-that-marriage-can-only-envy/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“Q: Are there any secrets to long-lasting relationships?     A: Infidelity. Not the act itself, but the threat of it. For Proust, an injection of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/q-are-there-any-secrets-to-long-lasting-relationships-a-infidelity/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that the commandment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/to-look-at-infidelity-from-the-point-of-view-of-sex-is-a-complete/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Modern infidelity is different than traditional infidelity and sits on top of the romantic ideal that you find "the one" and that if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/modern-infidelity-is-different-than-traditional-infidelity-and-sits/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“despite its widespread denunciation, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/despite-its-widespread-denunciation-infidelity-has-a-tenacity-that/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [The vast majority of unfaithful people are experiencing a conflict between their values and their behavior, and that is the mess of infidelity. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-vast-majority-of-unfaithful-people-are-experiencing-a-conflict/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [For most couples who come to me - especially in the aftermath of the revelation of an affair, when they are in a state…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-most-couples-who-come-to-me-especially-in-the-aftermath-of-the/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“If you think that your partner has been cheating, then take a look at their will. If a past lover is in there, then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-magee/if-you-think-that-your-partner-has-been-cheating-then-take-a-look-at/) [Steven Magee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-magee/) > [Relationships can survive infidelity, but only if the cheating partner feels as badly about it as the one he or she cheated on. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-springer/relationships-can-survive-infidelity-but-only-if-the-cheating-partner/) [Jerry Springer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-springer/) > [In my judgment, a great mistake has been made by well meaning and zealous men, through treating error and infidelity with altogether too much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-g-holland/in-my-judgment-a-great-mistake-has-been-made-by-well-meaning-and/) [J. G. Holland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-g-holland/) > [Each husband gets the infidelity he deserves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zelda-popkin/each-husband-gets-the-infidelity-he-deserves/) [Zelda Popkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zelda-popkin/) > [A society in which conjugal infidelity is tolerated must always be in the long run a society adverse to women.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-s-lewis/a-society-in-which-conjugal-infidelity-is-tolerated-must-always-be-in/) [C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-s-lewis/) > [I don't want to sell myself short. You hurt your spouse, not so much by the infidelity, but by the negative feelings about yourself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-zaslow/i-don-t-want-to-sell-myself-short-you-hurt-your-spouse-not-so-much-by/) [Michael Zaslow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-zaslow/) > [If you leave someone for another person, don't be surprised if that person leaves you for someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-leave-someone-for-another-person-don-t-be-surprised-if-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [God’s faithfulness is stronger than our unfaithfulness and our infidelities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/god-s-faithfulness-is-stronger-than-our-unfaithfulness-and-our/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) ## More by Esther Perel > [Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longings-that-are-much-more/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/it-s-hard-to-feel-attracted-to-someone-who-has-abandoned-her-sense-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-want-to-engage-people-in-an-honest-enlightened-and-provocative/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-quality-of-your-life-ultimately-depends-on-the-quality-of-your/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-you-start-to-feel-that-you-have-given-up-too-many-parts-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-regret-to-say-that-we-of-the-fbi-are-powerless-to-act-in-cases-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [You never know your partner as well as you think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/you-never-know-your-partner-as-well-as-you-think/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/on-some-level-we-trade-passion-for-security-that-s-trading-one/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is acknowledged and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/when-the-impulse-to-share-becomes-obligatory-when-personal-boundaries/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex—purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression—is antithetical to erotic desire for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-do-believe-that-the-emphasis-on-egalitarian-and-respectful-sex/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-intimacy-grows-through-repetition-and-familiarity-eroticism-is/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“She’s beautiful, too, did I mention that? She lives the life I didn’t live. I feel middle-age and middle-class around her. Nothing wrong with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/she-s-beautiful-too-did-i-mention-that-she-lives-the-life-i-didn-t/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/in-dating-if-you-say-no-your-lover-goes-on-to-the-next-person-in/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) [Explore all 135 Esther Perel quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## More Betrayal quotes > [“That's the catch about betrayal, of course: that it feels good, that there's something immensely pleasurable about moving from a complicated relationship which involves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-ephron/that-s-the-catch-about-betrayal-of-course-that-it-feels-good-that/) [Nora Ephron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-ephron/) > [God’s faithfulness is stronger than our unfaithfulness and our infidelities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/god-s-faithfulness-is-stronger-than-our-unfaithfulness-and-our/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) > [“Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-auliq-ice/flattery-looks-like-friendship-just-like-a-wolf-looks-like-a-dog/) [Oscar Auliq-Ice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-auliq-ice/) > [There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/there-is-no-deceit-in-death-it-delivers-precisely-what-it-has/) [KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/) > [If you leave someone for another person, don't be surprised if that person leaves you for someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-leave-someone-for-another-person-don-t-be-surprised-if-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“As they say in New York, Get over it and, if you can't get over it, Get over talking about it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marian-keyes/as-they-say-in-new-york-get-over-it-and-if-you-can-t-get-over-it-get/) [Marian Keyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marian-keyes/) > [“He returned her gaze, yearning for sentimental solace; love which emanated from a familiar source, mattered little how bedevilling. They shared an intimate moment,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-h-septimius/he-returned-her-gaze-yearning-for-sentimental-solace-love-which/) [A. H. Septimius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-h-septimius/) > [I was always here for you,you knew you could count on me and trust me blindly, and you knew that I would never tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-hayssus/i-was-always-here-for-you-you-knew-you-could-count-on-me-and-trust-me/) [Michael Hayssus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-hayssus/) > [Joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated and isolated, joy is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-solnit/joy-doesn-t-betray-but-sustains-activism-and-when-you-face-a-politics/) [Rebecca Solnit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-solnit/) > [“Betrayal and love are not mutually exclusive." (Mordred)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aldous-mercer/betrayal-and-love-are-not-mutually-exclusive-mordred/) [Aldous Mercer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aldous-mercer/) > [Love comes exactly... To those who still hope, even though they've been disappointed. To those who still believe, even though they've been betrayed and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mizhan/love-comes-exactly-to-those-who-still-hope-even-though-they-ve-been/) [Mizhan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mizhan/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Betrayal is a serious thing in this world,you know what else is serious? Being lied to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabrina/betrayal-is-a-serious-thing-in-this-world-you-know-what-else-is/) [Sabrina](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabrina/) > [The greatest temptation for the like of us is: to renounce violence, to repent, to make peace with oneself. Most revolutionaries fell before this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-koestler/the-greatest-temptation-for-the-like-of-us-is-to-renounce-violence-to/) [Arthur Koestler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-koestler/) > [“Sarai, you never know who might betray you until it’s too late.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-a-redmerski/sarai-you-never-know-who-might-betray-you-until-it-s-too-late/) [J.A. Redmerski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-a-redmerski/) [Browse all 2,050 Betrayal quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Infidelity hurts. 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